Let Me be Your Wife Now, Daddy. (Locked for Becaa)

[Becaa57]

after you've showered and changed you say something about baggy clothes
"Well I never liked that look either Dad, you look and smell good!!!!!"

Leaning back into your hug, feeling so nice.

"Thanks Dad!!!! "

"I missed you"

 

[Incandenza000]

"I missed you too, baby," I whisper. "And you smell good." For a moment, the two of us just lightly rock back and forth in the kitchen.

"Now. Should we get this date started?"

 

[Becaa57]

Smiling softly
"Thought we already had!!!!"

"Sit down, let me put the food on the table, you carve the chicken"
"Deal"

It's a simple dish, but one we both like and I've managed to make it very close to how mom did it

"How was your day Dad??? Are you sorry school if over????"
"Should we go somewhere, just the two of us???"
"Maybe a cruise or something?"

 

[Incandenza000]

“Good day. Easy classes and minimal paperwork. And I honestly do love my job.”

That was delicious, baby. Thank you for preparing dinner tonight. I’ll clean up and so the dishes in the morning.

Thunder followed by lightning and rain came down hard outside. I stood up, lit a few more candles, and went to look out at the rain. She always liked that.

 

[Becaa57]

I come up beside you hugging you. These always remind me of mom.
Laying my head on your shoulder.
Will we ever stop missing her?

Hey lets go out and stand in the rain!!!!!
Dragging you outside by the time I get off the deck I'm soaking wet
Twirling around screaming at the storm no words just screaming.

 

[Incandenza000]

I spin with you, laughing and dancing. My hands move to your waist as we spin, almost falling. It’s like some cliche. I pull you back up, laughing as we face each other.

 

[Becaa57]

-I think this would make mom so happy!!! We're happy and laughing. We haven't laughed in forever!!!
Laying down on the wet grass pulling you down with me. Staring up into your eyes. But not seeing my dad seeing a man one whom I want very much to kiss me

 

[Incandenza000]

We collapse to the wet grass. I’m having more fun with you than I have since she died. Maybe it’s the wine and the candles, I tell myself as I move into you. Or maybe it’s just that I’ve developed feelings for my daughter.

Softly, I press my lips to yours, delighting in their softness.

 

[Becaa57]

I reach my hand and hold you to me. Our kiss going on
as far as kisses go it's pretty tame, no tongue or groping.

But very meaningful to me. You lay on me in the pouring rain kissing me
I don't want this to end.

 

[Incandenza000]

After the kiss, we realize how cold we are from the rain. I grab us a couple towels. I reach out to pat at your damp hair. You watch me through wet lashes as I brush strands of hair away from your face, gently blotting your hair and neck.

We change into comfy sweatpants and tee shirts and collapse together on the couch.

"That was a wonderful date, kitten. Thank you."

I cradle your soft cheek in my hand and kiss you again. This one is slower. Less adrenaline, more intention. Closed-mouth, careful, but long enough to make my heart absolutely pound.

I pull back, smiling.

 

[Becaa57]

I sit back on the couch, staring at you, my fingers tracing my lips from the last kiss. I know we're reaching a point that we will have to make a decision, but I don't that we're there yet. Plus something I have to tell him, before I lose my nerve'

"It may sound strange, but I think Mom was there with us in the rain, you know she loved it"
"I felt her you remember how we would sense she was there even if we didn't see her"
"K, I'm going to cry but please listen"

"I felt her saying goodbye, that we've grieved long enough and we have our own lives to live"
"Not like her voice in my ear but in my heart"

Crying softly now

"She had the phrase she used to say, pick up the buttons and put em in the basket"
"I never knew what that meant, I mean we never had baskets of buttons"
"I know what it means now"

Sobbing into my hands can't stop

 

[Incandenza000]

I reach out and take your hands away from your face, cupping them in my own.

"Thank you for telling me that, sweetheart. That doesn't sound strange at all. In fact, it makes complete sense," I say, my voice breaking slightly. "Maybe that's her way of saying to gather up the broken pieces of once was in order to move forward with what could be."

"I've been scared of moving on, scared of failing her memory. But being here with you tonight feels... good. Whatever this is... it's ours to figure out. One day at a time," I say quietly.

I press my lips to the back of your hand, giving your fingers a squeeze.

 

[Becaa57]

Having you hold my face and tell me it makes sense. Makes me feel better
I stop crying and sitting back. you hold my hands, squeezing them.

putting what I had said into different words

"I think that's exactly what she was telling me. She knows I love her, we both do and miss her terribly"
"But she is saying we are still alive and we have to live a life"
"I feel she will always be with me in my heart, looking down from heaven"
"If anyone ever deserved to go heaven it was her!!!"

Squeezing your fingers in mine. looking in your eyes

"We can do this together Dad, gather up our lives and make a new one!!!"

 

[Incandenza000]

"Yes we can, my love. It makes me so happy to hear you say these things."

"Thanks for date night; I needed it," I say with a smile. If you want, in the morning we can go through the remaining box of mom's stuff in the closet. I lean over and place a soft kiss on your cheek. "My kitten," I whisper. I give your fingers one last squeeze. The last thing I want to do is rush... any of this.

We stand there for a moment longer in the dim hallway before parting. We retreat to our rooms, sated and drained from the emotional gauntlet of the evening.

The next morning, you sleep in. Sunlight filters through your curtains. You come downstairs to find I've made your coffee just the way you like it (heavy on the sugar and heavy on the cream.)

'He must be out on his run,' you think to yourself, glancing where my running shoes would normally be.

A little note is next to the coffee: "Good morning, baby. Back in 30. Thought you might need this."

 

[Becaa57]

"I think we both needed it Dad!!!"
"If you are up to it, maybe it is time to go through the box, determine what we want to keep, and donate the rest?"

I give you a tight hug, seeing you want to go to your room, I go to mine

I lay in bed, thinking what happened last night with me sleeping in your arms, the faint memory of your hands on my skin.

more importantly what happened tonight, the rain the being in it, bringing me closer to Mom. The feeling that she loves me, but also wants me to move on, something she'd stressed before when we knew it was terminal.

Some of the feelings that seem to be developing with Dad, Not sure why or what. but more then just dad now.

It takes me hours, I'm about ready to just crawl in bed with you, but finally doze off.

In the morning, wake up stretch realize that while I slept I got like zero rest.

Visit the bathroom, then head downstairs.

kitchen is empty, but looks like he went for a run. A cup of coffee awaits me

I take a sip and realize he went way too heavy with the cream and sugar.

I make myself a new cup, with just a touch of cream, no sugar

I't started drinking it this way while I was sitting up with mom all night long on her bad nights.

Considering if I want to go for a run today, decide not too.

I start breakfast for us, bacon, eggs and cinnamon bread toast

it's all in the microwave on the keep warm setting, when I hear you come in.

 

[Incandenza000]

The smell of bacon, toast, and eggs hits me as soon as I open the front door.

“You cooked?” I ask as I step into the kitchen, my shirt damp with sweat and clinging slightly. I pause at the sight of you standing there, sleeves pushed up, barefoot on the tile.

I notice the mug I made for you in the sink while you hold a new one. “Let me guess, too much sugar again,” I ask with a chuckle.

Your fingers tighten slightly on the handle, and you smile faintly. “No, I just… drink it differently now. Started when I was sitting up with Mom on her bad nights. No sugar, less cream. I guess I got used to it.”

The words hang in the air. I nod, my throat tight. “I see. You know… I think she’d love knowing you kept that little part of her with you.”

There’s a brief silence as I watch you pull plates from the microwave. You’re moving around the kitchen so naturally, like this has always been your place too. I went on my jog to try and clear my head about my feelings towards you. Ever since that first night when I woke up, my hands across your bared stomach, your slightly lifted shirt, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what seems to be happening. I think I have a crush on my daughter. Well, crush sounds too juvenile. This is something deeper..

“Smells amazing,” I say. “Let’s eat. What do you want to do today?”

 

[Becaa57]

"Well I was finding with the sugar and caffeine i was getting jittery, was actually Mom's idea to cut out the sugar"
"Working on cutting out the creamer too"

"Enjoy the breakfast, wasn't sure how much time I had before you'd get back"
"Did you have a good run??? Sleep good???"
not sharing that I had a terrible night

Serving you a plate and then one for me
sitting down with the coffee and juice as we eat

"I think today we can try tackling the box"
"Also was thinking and it's up to you, her clothes"
"I don't think you're going to wear them, and Mom and I had different styles, so I wont"
"We can sort through that, maybe a special outfit you want to keep???"

 

[Incandenza000]

“Breakfast is perfect,” I say, my voice softer than I intended.

You glance up with a small smile, but there’s something tired in your eyes I don’t comment on. Not yet.

“My run was… alright,” I say after a beat. “Didn’t clear my head like I hoped, but at least I didn’t collapse halfway through. That’s always a plus!”

I recognize some of that look in your eyes now. “You didn’t sleep well either, did you?” I ask.

“We can sort through that box after I clean up. Thanks again,” I say, giving you a kiss on the cheek an inch away from the corner of your lips. “I think I know exactly the outfit.

I clean up and we plop down on the couch, the tape-covered box sits on the coffee table in front of us.

After a quiet moment, I meet your gaze. “You sure you’re up for this today? We don’t have to rush.”

You tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and nod, determined.

I open the box, finding the outfit sitting at the very top.

 

[Becaa57]

I smile
"Well not collapsing is a good thing!!! Did you take your phone???"

"No I had a very rough night again"
"I was uhmmm thinking of just going to sleep with you, but didn't want to disturb you in case you were actually sleeping"

"Thinking about it, the best sleep I've gotten is when we fell asleep on the sofa"

Staring at the box from your closet. I know it's a box that mom actually put together when she got sick. I have no idea what's in it. I suspect momento's that were important to her.

Taking a breath
"Too early for a drink???" smiling

"I'm ready, let's open it up!!! Have a fresh box of kleenex here for both of us"

You open it, and I'm staring at an outfit, I don't recognize
looking at you, it's obvious you do

 

[Incandenza000]

I fight back my third yawn in as many minutes. “Yea. Rough night. My room is always open to you, kitten, no matter what.”

“All she told me was that we would understand why she put each item in there. I think it was personalized to us.”

“Tissues ready?”

I carefully lift a black dress out of the box, shaking it out gently. The black dress. The faint scent of her lavender perfume still lingers in the fabric, faint but unmistakable. Our fingers brush over the fabric together.

“It was our last anniversary dinner; the one where she managed to get on the dance floor for a few slow songs. She knew it was coming.”

I glance at you, holding the dress a little higher. I notice how naturally it would fit your frame.

“She said it made her feel young.”

“What’s next?”

 

[Becaa57]

"If you're tired we can do this another time???"

"I remember that dress, she was so beautiful!!!! A very nice dress"
"Do you want to keep it for a while?"

I pull out a box of pictures, family growing up that never made into frames for the wall, but a lot of memories

"I want to keep these for sure, maybe but some up of when I was little????"

 

[Incandenza000]

We spend time going through most of the contents of the box. You pick some favorite pics to put up. I gather a couple articles of clothing.

“How about we take a walk?” I ask after an hour or so.

The air is cool and damp from last night’s rain. We fall into step easily, our arms swinging just close enough that our fingers brush once, neither of us pulling away immediately.

“She used to love walking this path,” I smile.

A light breeze stirs, and I notice you shiver slightly. Without thinking, I slide my hoodie off and drape it around your shoulders. “Here. You’re cold.” You feel the warmth of my arm around your shoulder for the final block.

We end up back at the house.

A quick look in the hallway mirror shows how tired we both look.

“I think it’s time for a nap.”

I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I have to do something.

“You can join me, if you want, kitten.”

 

[Becaa57]

It was both nice and sad to go through mom's memory box. But both Dad and I found things that were very special to us, and decided to keep
Mom knew us well enough that we basically divided the whole box between us.

"The walk is a good idea, it's somewhat overcase which lends itself to our mood as we just walk aimlessly. the path mom used to go on, the loop I always do.
The hoodie is nice and warm, so that helps me a lot

going back to the house, in the mirror our bad nights actually showing more on our faces right now, maybe because we're not hiding them anymore

"A nap sounds good, thanks Dad"

"I think honestly if we're gong to have a good one, we can share it"
smiling a bit
"Your bed or mine?"

 

[Incandenza000]

I reach up absently, brushing a loose strand of hair from your face. “Mine’s closer to the kitchen. And I know for a fact the sheets are fresh.”

We walk in to the surprisingly clean room. You hesitate for a split second before slipping under the covers, my hoodie still draped loosely around your shoulders. I stand there for a moment, just watching you settle in. Your hair slightly tussled from the walk, your eyes softer than I’ve ever seen them.

I pull my shirt over my head before tugging on a soft T-shirt. I slide in beside you, turning in the white noise machine and closing the blinds above the bed.

“This okay?” I ask quietly.

I exhale slowly, trying to will my body into relaxation.

You roll slightly toward me, and after a long moment, I let my arm drape lightly over your shoulders. My palm rests against the curve of your upper arm, fingers tracing small, absent patterns.

“Feels nice,” I murmur, more to myself than to you. “Just resting… together.”

For a while, I think you might be drifting off. But then you tilt your head slightly, and I realize your eyes are open, watching me.

Our gazes lock. Something passes between us.

I lift my hand, brushing a loose strand of hair from your cheek.

“May I?” I whisper.

When you don’t pull away, I lean down and press my lips to yours. A soft, closed-mouth kiss at first. Familiar now. Comforting.

But you don’t pull back. Neither do I.

 

[Becaa57]

Feels strange, but not strange to slide into your bed with you. I know I used to be in a lot when I was little all 3 of us
then later when Mom was sit, I'd lay with her to keep her company while you were at work. But first time for just you and I. I get in, then pull the hoodie off and lay there you turn on the white noise machine. I'm surprised you still use it, we got it for Mom more then you. but ok

"It does feel nice, just resting. The pressures of today left in the living room"

I lay there quietly staring up at the ceiling
Thinking a nap is what we need.

realizing you're not asleep, I look over at you. Your eyes staring at me.

A moment passes, you brush a lock out of my eyes

Then you lean in to kiss me

part of me screaming this is so wrong!!!!!!!!

But I meet you lips a soft kiss just a kiss

I pull back stare at you for a moment. knowing we're at a crossroads in our life

smiling softly I lean in for more kisses
and even more