lesbian story
- Thread starter spicey
- Start date
Seattle Zack
Count each one
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2003
- Posts
- 1,128
Welcome to Lit, spicey.
It helps if you post a link to your story when requesting feedback, so people don't have to go searching through the stories to find yours. You can do this by copying the url address for your story directly into your post, like this.
spicey's story:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=112264
With that out of the way, I did have a look at your story and it was tough to get through it, to tell you the truth. The short one-sentence paragraph structure really breaks up the flow of the story. Try composing paragraphs of several sentences, each paragraph with a central idea, and the story will flow much better.
You also need some real work on the basic grammar and punctuation, especially with the quotes and dialogue. You might want to try enlisting one of the Volunteer Editors here at Lit to help with your next story.
Writing is difficult, as anyone who's posted a story here knows, and it takes some work to develop it as a craft. You do have a breezy, conversational style in your writing and your enthusiasm for the subject matter comes across pretty well. I'm sure you'll get lots more feedback, both here and my e-mail.
Welcome again.
--Zack
It helps if you post a link to your story when requesting feedback, so people don't have to go searching through the stories to find yours. You can do this by copying the url address for your story directly into your post, like this.
spicey's story:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=112264
With that out of the way, I did have a look at your story and it was tough to get through it, to tell you the truth. The short one-sentence paragraph structure really breaks up the flow of the story. Try composing paragraphs of several sentences, each paragraph with a central idea, and the story will flow much better.
You also need some real work on the basic grammar and punctuation, especially with the quotes and dialogue. You might want to try enlisting one of the Volunteer Editors here at Lit to help with your next story.
Writing is difficult, as anyone who's posted a story here knows, and it takes some work to develop it as a craft. You do have a breezy, conversational style in your writing and your enthusiasm for the subject matter comes across pretty well. I'm sure you'll get lots more feedback, both here and my e-mail.
Welcome again.
--Zack
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