Legitimacy v. the Forbidden

[NemoAlia]

In another thread, nawtyleanni wrote, "BDSM wouldn't be nearly as much fun if it was 'legitimate.'"

I'm curious: since BDSMers eroticize, in part, 'the forbidden,' are we shooting ourselves in the foot by seeking legitimacy? What would we do if we actually succeeded?

Of course, there are those among us whose blood isn't quicked by the fear of discovery or a certain amount of outrage. However, there are those among us who do respond sexually to the fear of censure. I, for one, am curious to hear what everyone has to say on the subject.

 

[WriterDom]

I'd love it. Just think of a SuperWalmart with a fully stocked bdsm section.

 

[Vulpesvulpes]

I think you nailed it Nemo!

Many people are as excited by the taboo as they are the act.

I think that segment of the population is a minority here. Most people here seem to be knowledgeable and dedicated and would live this kind of lifestyle regardless of the social stigma (or lack thereof).

My ex-wife once said "sex isn't fun anymore now that everyone expects us to do it."

I guess that reveals more than I would like about my prowess in bed!

The fact remains that it was the forbidden quality that excited her. Not surprisingly, she also wanted to have sex in places where there was a possibility of getting caught. (saunas, public beaches, elevators, our apartment with the front door open, etc.)


I think that is the same reason many people try anal sex, age- play, role play, etc.

-Vv

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm curious: since BDSMers eroticize, in part, 'the forbidden,' are we shooting ourselves in the foot by seeking legitimacy? What would we do if we actually succeeded?

The only thing I am seeking is the natural outlet of my sexual desires with a man who is similarly compatible. It only need be legitimate in my own mind and the mind of that particular man.

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: I think you nailed Nemo!

Many people are as excited by the taboo as they are the act.

I think that segment of the population is a minority here. Most people here seem to be knowledgeable and dedicated and would live this kind of lifestyle regardless of the social stigma (or lack thereof).

My ex-wife once said "sex isn't fun anymore now that everyone expects us to do it."

I guess that reveals more than I would like about my prowess in bed!

The fact remains that it was the forbidden quality that excited her. Not surprisingly, she also wanted to have sex in places where there was a possibility of getting caught. (saunas, public beaches, elevators, our apartment with the front door open, etc.)


I think that is the same reason many people try anal sex, age- play, role play, etc.

-Vv

Vv, well put.

Perhaps that's why some prefer introducing vanilla people to the practice....

Lance

 

[Ebonyfire]

If you want to look at it that way

go ahead.

I do not care what others think. I just live my life on my own terms.

Eb

 

[NemoAlia]

Perhaps that's why some prefer introducing vanilla people to the practice....

Yeah, Lance. That's what I think. A long time ago, cymbidia started a thread based on an excerpt from one of my posts about novice subs v. experienced ones. I'm not sure that this idea of 'the forbidden' entered into our discussions, but it seems to hit the nail right on the head. Some people like the idea of corrupting innocence -- the idea of deliberately flouting society's (and an individual's) sexual mores.

 

[PlayDoe]

Why was it so much fun to sneak alcohol before you were old enough to drink? You could say it was because of the sensation it gave you, but for me just being a kid was a sensation enough.
I think (for me) it was because you weren't supposed to.
Now that I have gotten older, I drink (occasionaly) for different reasons. I appreciate the affect it has on me. Similarly, BDSM was fun in the beginning (for me) becuase it was "so different". But now I appreciate it in a different way. As I grow in it, I understand more about the pure pleasure I feel.

 

[NemoAlia]

And that, PlayDoe, has a very familiar ring to it! Although it wasn't my own, personal experience, I suspect that this sort of progression is a relatively common one.

 

[PlayDoe]

Screen name

What's the story behind the name NemoAlia?

 

[Lancecastor]

Artificial Interest Enhancement

Yeah, Lance. That's what I think. ~ Some people like the idea of corrupting innocence -- the idea of deliberately flouting society's (and an individual's) sexual mores.

For me, a few things enter into the equation when I meet a vanilla woman who I think might enjoy being kinked that can artificially increase my interest:

1. Their "first time" factor is exciting for me, too....that kind of excitement is contagious.

2. Kinking a new sub grrl out is better than having to deal with the passive direction of a topping sub. In this respect, even a pillow princess is more fun.

3. With an inexperienced woman, there is a greater feeling of power on my part and more fear to fuel orgasms with on her part....as others have written here, people's limits increase over time....it's less work to kink a vanilla grrl, but when it comes to women, anything that holds out the promise of less work is a godsend. Ha!

 

[Trainerman]

Another "vote".....

1) Totally agree with Lance's three points above.


2) For me the 'taboo' doesn't exist and has no effect on my thoughts and enjoyment whatsoever. I do what I do because I like it.

The only effect of the 'taboo' is avoiding being too public...it could affect my profession/income because of the inflexible mind set of others.


Dave

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Another "vote".....

For me the 'taboo' doesn't exist and has no effect on my thoughts and enjoyment whatsoever. I do what I do because I like it.

Dave

My point exactly, Dave. If it's legitimate in your mind, and your subs, that is all that matters.

I feel no need to make my lifestyle choices legitimate to the rest of the world. I know they are valid to me and I owe no one explanations or definations regarding who I am or how I chose to life.

Rose

 

[Soron]

Legitimacy

A number of great points being made here.

I think the reason my heart pounds is because I have her strapped to the bed and helpless though....
not because BDSM isn't seen as legitimate

 

[rosco rathbone]

I remember walking around the streets with the woman who taught me my psychosexuality....or made me concious of what had been there all along. We felt like we were the only people in the world who knew what we knew. This was before I found the internet, and although I liked the Story of O and the Marquis de Sade, as far as I knew, I was the only man in the real world who got off on beating women and fucking them until they cried. I KNEW it was wrong....I'd been raised never to hit a woman. She went to the gynecologist and they told her they were supposed to report me for the bruises all over her legs and ass. When she told me that, I was thrilled.

Keep sex evil, I always say.

I'm always heavily attracted to the kind of intellectual women who are most likely to know a lot about feminism and to have all sorts of qualms about enjoying what I have to give. Sarah Lawrence girls who hate to admit that they like being called bitches. You can't have that kind of intensely sexual shame without a sense of the forbidden , the illegitimate.

rr

 

[lovetoread]

I'd love it. Just think of a SuperWalmart with a fully stocked bdsm section.

It would make shopping a whole lot more fun at Wally World.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I just have to share this part of an email I got yesterday from my sexy bitch friend in Toronto. She is psychosexual, but has a lot of conflicts. She works in a lesbian "women's bookstore" and is very involved-in school, family, work, and life- with the kind of new left identity politics that find her psychosexuality anathema. NOthing is hotter than contrast, conflict and juxtaposition. Also, it is (to me) hilarious:

"....This morning, trying to liberate myself from myself, jilling without oppression and without a past, i lay there for hours drifting in and out of the act with thoughts of gentle kisses, strong round arms, visions of mutual gratification. And finally i imagined a figure leaning back with his hands on him self jacking with very calm and deliberate total abandon looking at something that pleased him- and then, ridiculous, except words can get me off, the words MALE SUPREMACY, and for some reason Bang! that's what did it. Getting off with a smile, no less. Very silly situation. I mean..."

MALE SUPREMACY

If you are reading this baby...go and make my breakfast bacon....

rr

 

[Sandia]

The tension between the sacred and the profane is a beautiful thing. It should be cherished and preserved.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I'm here for the profane. Let the sacred take care of itself.

 

[NemoAlia]

Sandia, what's that juxtaposition between the sacred and the profane called? "Bathos" is the word that comes to mind, but that might just be my fantasy about steamy, naked men manifesting itself in my Freudian slip.

 

[Lancecastor]

"and a lovely slip it is"

Lance "Groucho" Castor

Sandia, what's that juxtaposition between the sacred and the profane called? "Bathos" is the word that comes to mind, but that might just be my fantasy about steamy, naked men manifesting itself in my Freudian slip.

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Legitimacy

A number of great points being made here.

I think the reason my heart pounds is because I have her strapped to the bed and helpless though....
not because BDSM isn't seen as legitimate

My heart pounds when I'm strapped to the bed and helpless.... and I don't even consider what other people think at a time like that.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Legitimacy

My heart pounds when I'm strapped to the bed and helpless.... and I don't even consider what other people think at a time like that.

LOL Des.... I am peeing my pants and that Lance AV already had them wet.

Rose

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Re: Legitimacy

LOL Des.... I am peeing my pants and that Lance AV already had them wet.

Rose

Well babe, you know me. I like what I like.

 

[Sandia]

Sandia, what's that juxtaposition between the sacred and the profane called? "Bathos" is the word that comes to mind, but that might just be my fantasy about steamy, naked men manifesting itself in my Freudian slip.

You're way over my head, Nemo. If there's a word for it, I wish I knew. Bathos: "lapse in mood from the sublime to the absurd." Describes some threads I've seen on lit pretty well...