Legacies

[Guest]

Ever since I found out about the sad passing of our dear Colly I’ve been thinking about this. I’ve been wanting to write something out for days – I even began a few times, but the words ended up jumbled and incoherent. I began to kind of say some of this in the “After-life” thread, but I do think it warrants further thought on the matter.

I believe that is it through our legacy that we live on, in the hearts and minds of others.

Colly left behind a very strong and powerful legacy, and I will always be in awe of all she was and all she stood for. Hers is the kind of legacy anyone would be proud of.

She lived with almost constant pain, yet always noticed when others were in pain (emotionally or physically) and she reached out to them, giving words of comfort.

She was an incredibly talented and prolific writer, yet was humble with it.

She was artful at giving sincere compliments, yet never gushed and went over-board. And upon receiving compliments herself, she responded with embarrassed modesty.

She loved her family dearly, and that was always evident in posts where she talked about them.

She stood up for what she believed in and always spoke her mind, but in a kind and gentle way, and not in the abrasive, confrontational way some so often do.

Colly had integrity, she was loyal, she was generous, she was articulate, she was kind and gentle, she was smart, she was witty, she was funny, and damn, she could be feisty. Feisty and sexy, and she chose her moments wisely.

I realised (I think we all did) that Colly was loved by a very many people, and held in high esteem by even more, but I don’t think anyone could have imagined the vast (and very sincere) outpouring of grief there has been since her passing. She touched many people’s lives, and every single one of those people was thankful for having known her, in any shape or form.

In summary, Colly had many, many admirable qualities, and a positive aptitude, despite her circumstances. She was indeed an angel amongst us.

Her legacy is powerful and it’s true.

So, now, I want to bring this onto my next reason for bringing this up…

If you were to suddenly go, what would your legacy be like?

I’ve thought about this for myself, and to be honest, I’m not entirely sure. Yeah, I have a few dirty stories kicking about the place, but I don’t really believe that a legacy has much to do with the material (and I include in that the written word) things we leave behind. I believe it has much more to do with how our lives touched and affected others (be that in a positive, negative or neutral way). All I do know is that if I can be remembered as even half the person that Colly was, I’ll have done my husband and kids proud – not to mention my wonderful Mum and Dad. I don’t want to go on to talk about myself now, because that was not the intention of this thread.

I just wanted to encourage everyone to take a step back for a moment, and for us to think about our own legacies.

Just one example: Would you also be remembered for your generosity of spirit and selfless ability to contact people and pick them up when they are down?

Ultimately, how would you be remembered?

How would you want to be remembered?

My apologies in advance, but I won’t be around much over the next few days (work, Father’s Day, family time, etc, etc), but I will most likely read everyone’s responses, and even if I don’t post back immediately, I thank you in advance.

Lou

P.S. I'm sorry, but this needs to be said... I hope this thread doesn’t turn out to be one of those “I’ll give you a compliment, then you give me one” threads. I don’t mean that to sound harsh, but, to me, this is a serious and important matter, and one which needs great thought and consideration, on all of our parts, and shouldn’t be used as a fishing ground (yes, I speak my mind sometimes).

 

[Recidiva]

Not much, I'm afraid.

I don't have much saved, I spend it all, emotionally and physically, as soon as it becomes available. Not wisely. Just on current bills accumulated by living and breathing.

The best I will be able to manage is not being as much of a burden as I know I could have been. To do the best with what I had, at least sometimes, if not always.

The irony is to make it through a life with a main goal of not killing myself. Not particularly admirable. Not a high goal for many to reach. If I do it, it'll be winning in my grim, stubborn way.

It'll be sad to know that when I die the people closest to me will just know that's what I wanted. I made it.

 

[rgraham666]

The irony is to make it through a life with a main goal of not killing myself. Not particularly admirable. Not a high goal for many to reach. If I do it, it'll be winning in my grim, stubborn way.

I understand this one all too well.

I have no idea what my legacy will be. Like the effect and quality of my writing, that will be for other people to decide.

 

[Recidiva]

I understand this one all too well.

I have no idea what my legacy will be. Like the effect and quality of my writing, that will be for other people to decide.

I've also come to the conclusion that I'm jealous of Colly for being dead, and that's really ugly.

But it's nice to put a name to it and get it out there. I knew it was less about her and more about me, and that just was interfering with my grief and also making it shriek like nails on a chalkboard.

Just one more inextricable that's stricken.

 

[rgraham666]

I've also come to the conclusion that I'm jealous of Colly for being dead, and that's really ugly.

But it's nice to put a name to it and get it out there. I knew it was less about her and more about me, and that just was interfering with my grief and also making it shriek like nails on a chalkboard.

Just one more inextricable that's stricken.

I'm not jealous of Colleen in spite of the pain I still bear.

As I decided the moment I freed myself of the belt I was hanging from, "If the world wants me dead, it's going to have to do the job itself."

Every breath I've taken since then is a victory for me.

 

[Recidiva]

I'm not jealous of Colleen in spite of the pain I still bear.

As I decided the moment I freed myself of the belt I was hanging from, "If the world wants me dead, it's going to have to do the job itself."

Every breath I've taken since then is a victory for me.

That was my echoing guidance when I got up from my attempt. "The universe does not need your pain, don't be a coward. This isn't a noble sacrifice, it's a cheat. Get up and do something useful."

 

[rgraham666]

That was my echoing guidance when I got up from my attempt. "The universe does not need your pain, don't be a coward. This isn't a noble sacrifice, it's a cheat. Get up and do something useful."

*HUGS* I'm so pleased you came to that conclusion.

 

[Recidiva]

*HUGS* I'm so pleased you came to that conclusion.

Not sure I did. It was one of those vision thingies while in a state of hypothermia (freezing to death was my chosen way). Interesting choice in vision though. I'll take it! I do think my response in the vision was..."WHAT? You couldn't have told me BEFORE I sat down in this field? What the fuck?" I was mad.

*hugs back*

Shamanism. It works.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I believe that it was Horace Mann who said once, "Be ashamed to die until you achieved some victory for humanity." Colly achieved that many times. Oh, she wasn't famous, outside of the world of erotic fiction writers and fans. That doesn't matter. She had an impact, positive, of course, on the lives of others. Everyone here can remember something that she said or did that made us feel better and happier. Everyone here can probably also remember, now fondly, some constructive criticism or opposing argument done with conviction, intelligence, passion, and courtesy. She did her best to keep debate civil, use wit and humor, and show concern for others. She was also not afraid to learn something new from others. All of this made an impact on others for good, I strongly believe. If she ever said anything that hurt anyone, it was unintentional and she quickly made amends for it.

A "victory for humanity", as Mann put it, doesn't have to be large. It can be small. Colly won several hundred or even thousand victories, and their cumulative effect has been significant. All of this at the relatively young age of 36. But it is not the number of years that one lives that counts, but what one does with them.

I can only hope that my legacy involves even half as many such victories. And I am only 7 years younger than Colly.

 

[matriarch]

I have no wish to demean the theme of this thread, but I think for most of us, it is quite difficult, if not embarrassing, to say what we would like people to think of us after we've gone. Let's face it, unless we are in the money brackets of the Bill Gates of this world, we have very little material legacy to leave. I know I don't. My legacy would be quite small, a grain of sand in the enormity of the universe, but although it may sound silly, I'd like for people to be able to say, ' Oh, I knew her. Whenever we were together, she made me smile... or laugh...I was comfortable with her.'

I have always tried to go through this life treating others as I would be treated. I hate confrontation or anger or rage (although I have an appaling temper, ask my kids), and I have always done my level best to make sure that those around me are at ease. A small wish, but sometimes a very difficult one to achieve.

I don't go out of my way to try and make people like me, that's their decision, and one I'm not devious enough to influence. But I do try to make those same people feel.....they matter. Because they do. We all do.

That's it.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Legacies:

Way too many video games.

A novel-length account of a trip around Europe. I never did anything with it, because I wasn't particularly well-behaved on the trip and my parents would go ape if they found out the half of it. It was fun to write, though.

An envelope stuffed with £20 notes, along with a note explaining that I'd like half of my ashes scattered in Amsterdam. There's enough in there to cover two plane tickets and a couple of nights in a 5* quite easily. The other half of the ashes are to be released in the forest down my road.


How people will remember me

I have absolutely no idea. I'm never that good at working out what people think of me.


How I'd like to be remembered

As someone who said what she thought and spoke up when she saw something wrong.

 

[Guest]

Just a quickie ( ) before I go out with the mutts.

I meant the questions I posed to be rhetorical, sorry I didn't make that more clear. It's just that I've been thinking about this myself, and wondered if others had, too, and wanted to maybe spark up a discussion about (non-material) legacies, in general.

My intention wasn't to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Thanks for the input so far!

Lou

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I would just want to be remembered.


Liked or not liked.


I would like to be a memory.

 

[Liar]

How big does your legacy need to be to count? I don't want to be Bill Gates.

I want to make music, and have someone dig through a box of old CDs, (or a backup drive, these are modern times, after all) find something I made and remember some good times from when they listened to it in their youth.

I want to teach someone, one person is enough, about love.

I want kids, and I want them to remember me as an overall good dad.

If I kicked the bucket tomorrow, none of those would be my legacy, but I would be remembered by my friends and family as a not too shabby guy for as long as they live on. Maybe even star in an anedote or two passed on to a later generation. And who knows there that might end?

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I would like to be remembered as a good mother to my child(ren) Not good in the traditional sense of the word, but good in terms of providing them with a nurturing, safe, fun and wholesome, yet realistic space to grow up in. Helping them to find themselves, and be at peace with who they are.

I would like to be remembered as one who shared beauty with others - in nature, music, art, literature, friendship, even in what others might perceive as "ugly" Beauty truly does lie in the eyes of the beholder.

I would like to be remembered as someone who was true to myself - and went with my heart, rather than my head, felt more than thought, and loved wrecklessly and with abandonment.

I would like to be remembered as someone who was sensitive and gentle - with myself and with others - even under impossible circumstances.

 

[McKenna]

I would like to be remembered as someone who was true to myself - and went with my heart, rather than my head, felt more than thought, and loved wrecklessly and with abandonment.

I love this.


I hope something similar would be said about me. I would like to be remembered as a passionate individual, someone who cares deeply, is giving of herself, her time, her energy, and her emotions. I'd like my nieces to remember me as the "fun" aunt, not the disciplinarian. I'd like my best friend to remember me as the woman who taught him how to play like a kid, to laugh like it doesn't matter, and to love like there's no tomorrow.

Most of all, similar to what ABS said, I'd just like to know I've left an impression on those with whom I've come in contact. If it's a positive impression, all the better.