left wing monopoly

[gauchecritic]

You've passed GO, you've collected your £200 state handout and you land on CHANCE:

INCOME TAX = £1000. Share equally between each opponent.

BANK CHARGE = Capitalist lackeys refund overcharge for sending one letter about your balance. £20

PAY SCHOOL FEES = £0 (there are no divisive class system private schools)

 

[neonlyte]

You land on Mayfair where, by good fortune, the three hotels are in the hands of the Bulgarian Workers Cooperative. Collect free Borscht voucher.

 

[oggbashan]

You land on Whitechapel Road.

You are allowed to proceed after a donation of fifty pence to the Muslim Gay Women's Disabled Action Group to buy rainbow-coloured veils.

Og

 

[Stella_Omega]

You land on Haight Street in 1969.

Collect a ten-pound sack of lentils, a Victorian dress with your Salvation Army voucher, and three strips of Owsley's Purple Haze....

Miss one turn.

 

[cantdog]

Owsley
*sigh*

 

[oggbashan]

You land on Euston Station. Since the government sold off the railways, no company can own more than one London terminus and that company only owns the station, not the trains, so you don't know where to buy a ticket, nor how much it will cost, nor whether the train will run, nor where it will run to, nor how long it will take.

You can't park your car anyway so you drive 200 miles rather than try to find out whether it is cheaper or faster by train.

Og

 

[cumallday]

You land on Class Conscious boulevard where the machinery of capitalism is oiled by the blood of the workers and a dialectical urgency is tearing down corporate personhood and neoclassical economics are withering away like the large impersonal bodies that promote its inherent injustice and the illusion of linear progress is being consumed by sustainable and fair-trade revolutionaries. We will have our clash of paradigms, we ill have our moment of truth...collect a community chest card.

 

[gauchecritic]

A thread without politics. Love it.

FREE PARKING; Yeah right, free inasmuch as I've already paid for every single inch of tarmac with my roadtax and a hefty percentage of income tax not to mention keeping the NHS afloat with the excessive and quite frankly ludicrous excise I have to pay on the cigarettes I smoke.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

You land on Class Conscious boulevard where the machinery of capitalism is oiled by the blood of the workers and a dialectical urgency is tearing down corporate personhood and neoclassical economics are withering away like the large impersonal bodies that promote its inherent injustice and the illusion of linear progress is being consumed by sustainable and fair-trade revolutionaries. We will have our clash of paradigms, we ill have our moment of truth...collect a community chest card.

Damn, that Owsley's must be some good shit!

You are a rich capitalist who didn't commit any crime, but go to jail anyway for fibbing to a government agent about the crime you didn't commit. Your prison cell is said to be very nicely decorated, but it's still a prison cell.

(Is that left wing monopoly, or Kafka monopoly?)

 

[neonlyte]

You land on the utility company and find the card you pick up is in a foreign language you cannot begin to comprehend - except for the money, which appears to a fine, for leaving a light on.

 

[cumallday]

Fat people will be shot!
...continue with greed game.

 

[oggbashan]

It's your birthday!

It's your birthday but you can't celebrate it at work because other people whose birthday it isn't might feel deprived.

Your employers and colleagues can't wish you 'Happy Birthday' because they would breach the UK's new laws against Age Discrimination and a birthday is a statement that you are another year older.

That doesn't stop a flood of junk mail reaching your home address suggesting that you might need:

A facelift.
Surgery for breast droop; penis enlargement; prostate reduction; laser treatment on your eyes.
Viagra and Cialis.
A stairlift.
Incontinence pads.
Zimmer frame.
Pavement buggy
Etc.

You wouldn't mind except that it is your 30th birthday. The advertisers aren't allowed to target their mail to the over 70s - that would be ageist.

Og

 

[R. Richard]

You land on the Sunset Strip in Los Angeles. You will act out "Hot Child In The City." The fee will depend on a lot of things, but it will be worth it!

 

[Guest]

You land on Haight Street in 1969.

You buy a pound of dope for $15. A nineteen year old waif like runaway from Des Moines follows you home for sex.

You lose a week.

If you're in your early 20's now, she could be your grandmother.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Luxury Tax: The Workers Collective determines that the amount of space in your current residence is excessive for one household, because it is unjust that you have more than less-fortunate others. They expropriate half your residence, which will be redistributed to one of two families. The Central Committee will meet tonight to determine which one. The choices are:

1. A crack mother who has five children, each of whom has a different father, none of whom can be identified. If this family is selected you will be required to make extra space available for daily visits by the mother’s “boyfriends.”

2. The 300 lb. woman you saw in the Wal-Mart checkout lane yesterday smacking her five children around, calling them “stupid,” and using food stamps to purchase a 32 oz. bag of potato chips and a gallon of ice cream for her own lunch. If this family is selected half the clothes in your closets will be expropriated, and cut up to provide material to make mumus for this mother.


At tonight’s meeting the committee will also set the execution date for Roxanne Appleby, convicted as an Enemy of the Workers for writings which display insensitive bourgeois snobbery toward members of exploited classes who have been ground into the mud by capitalist running dogs.

 

[R. Richard]

You land on the high school parking lot.

You score a kilo of Acapulco gold. However, you have to buy $200 worth of tickets to the Policeman's Ball after the scumbags catch you.

 

[Guest]

You're convicted as a juvenile of armed robbery. You hurt no one, and receive probation. Later, you're caught smoking pot, and sentenced to life.

Nearby, a rich guy kills a prostitute, and receives probation. When later caught doing cocaine, he is permitted to stay free.

Lose your freedom for life.

link

 

[R. Richard]

You're convicted as a juvenile of armed robbery. You hurt no one, and receive probation. Later, you're caught smoking pot, and sentenced to life.

Nearby, a rich guy kills a prostitute, and receives probation. When later caught doing cocaine, he is permitted to stay free.

Lose your freedom for life.

link

Land on "Justice Street." If you have a million dollars and connections on "Social Street," you go free. Otherwise you go to "Jail Street."

We are all equal, however, some of us are more equal than others.

 

[cloudy]

Land on "Justice Street." If you have a million dollars and connections on "Social Street," you go free. Otherwise you go to "Jail Street."

We are all equal, however, some of us are more equal than others.

You draw the Conditional Sentencing card. You're in luck! The judge has given you a choice: you can serve your time in jail, or you can choose to attend the church of your choice every Sunday for the next three years, including Sunday School.

Oops! You're not Christian....Too bad!

Go to Jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

 

[R. Richard]

You draw the Conditional Sentencing card. You're in luck! The judge has given you a choice: you can serve your time in jail, or you can choose to attend the church of your choice every Sunday for the next three years, including Sunday School.

Oops! You're not Christian....Too bad!

Go to Jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

Oops! You're not the right kind of Christian....Too bad!

 

[cloudy]

Oops! You're not the right kind of Christian....Too bad!

[slight threadjack] believe it or not, a judge is sentencing people that way. [/slight threadjack]