Leaving School.

KindredFlame

Twisted Essayist
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Posts
350
How is this for an opening?

Hi, I call myself Eve. I am 18 with a very young look about me but I do have a little shape to me, I am not that tall about 5ft 3in.

I get challenged for ID everywhere, and to tell you the truth, it turns heads when I check into a hotel and the desk clerk says that they don’t allow the single occupancy of a minor in a room. I have to carry my passport with me always.

Why do I start my story off like this well my job is to look young but even my dates want to be on the right side of the law where age is concerned.

I left school this summer, I got kicked out of my foster home as I had aged out and had nothing, however, in less than a month I have earned £4000 after picking up a guy at the train station just so I had some place to sleep.

His name was Mark, he spoke to me as he walked down the station's platform, to be honest, I didn't hear what he said but when he returned a few minutes later sitting beside me with a coffee and a sandwich that he said was mine, I honestly thought he was an angel sent from Heaven.

Mark said he had to, wait for the next train to go back along the same line for the train to stop at his station which I thought was funny as I scoffed down the chicken sandwich and took a sip of coffee.

I told him my name was Eve, I don't know why I lied to him that evening but I did and I now work under that name. Mark asked me if I would come home with him, and for some reason I said yes, and he became my first client. The first of many.
 
Update on opening.

Hi, I call myself Eve. I am 18 with a very young look about me, but I do have a little shape to me. I am not that tall, about 5 ft 3 in.

I get challenged for ID everywhere, and to tell you the truth, it turns heads when I check into a hotel and the desk clerk says that they don’t allow the single occupancy of a minor in a room. I always have to carry my passport with me. It can be quite frustrating at times, especially when I just want to enjoy a getaway without the added complications. However, I’ve learnt to embrace my youthful appearance and often use it to my advantage in various situations.

Why do I start my story off like this? Well, my job is to look young, but even my dates want to be on the right side of the law where age is concerned. This has led to a series of amusing yet awkward situations, where I find myself having to explain my circumstances to both hotel staff and potential dates. It's a peculiar balancing act, navigating the fine line between youthful appearance and the responsibilities that came with adulthood.

I left school this summer. I got kicked out of my foster home, as I had aged out, as they call it, I had nothing; however, in less than a month I have earned £4000 after picking up a guy at the train station just so I had some place to sleep. At first he walked past me at first but to my surprise he returned with a drink and a sandwich and sat down next to handing me the food, he said he had to wait for the next train to go back along the same line for the train to stop at his station, which I thought was funny as I scoffed down the chicken sandwich and took a sip of coffee.

His name was Mark; he seemed kind enough, offering me a warm meal and a roof over my head in exchange for some help around his house. That was it I had picked up my first client and as I settled into this unexpected arrangement, I began to realise that survival often requires navigating complex relationships and making difficult choices.

His kindness caught me off guard, and for the first time in a long while, I felt a flicker of hope. Perhaps this new chapter in my life could lead to unexpected friendships and opportunities, if only I could embrace the uncertainty that lay ahead.

I told him my name was Eve. I don't know why I lied to him that evening, but I did, and I now work under that name, and I decided I would go home with him, and for some reason I just said yes, as his face lit up, little did he know he became my first client.

We got to his house on a new estate about 5 miles out of town it wasn’t massive but there was a kitchen and living room downstairs and upstairs was two bedrooms and a bathroom. I naively thought I would have my own room, but it wasn’t that long before Mark just what he expected for the roof over my head and he took me to his bed.
 
Last edited:
Second one is much better, but I wouldn’t describe his house as an estate.

The non consenting way he took you into his room. Do you want this to be about no consent? Or did you willing go?
 
No estate means a group of houses. Working on that but I think apprehensively might be the way Eve would go with him. I think she is a virgin at this time and he has never popped a girls cherry.
 
Ok, my fault. Here in the us we say subdivision or suburban house. In England it’s different. I was thinking Mark was wealthy like something from Downton Abbey! Haha.
 
Nope mark is just a guy, I am thinking he works in London as, my wife dose, and commutes up on Monday and comes back on Thursday or Friday.
Maybe he is on holiday for the week so anything could happen I think mid 40s
 
How is this for an opening?

Hi, I call myself Eve. I am 18 with a very young look about me but I do have a little shape to me, I am not that tall about 5ft 3in.

I get challenged for ID everywhere, and to tell you the truth, it turns heads when I check into a hotel and the desk clerk says that they don’t allow the single occupancy of a minor in a room. I have to carry my passport with me always.

Why do I start my story off like this well my job is to look young but even my dates want to be on the right side of the law where age is concerned.

I left school this summer, I got kicked out of my foster home as I had aged out and had nothing, however, in less than a month I have earned £4000 after picking up a guy at the train station just so I had some place to sleep.

His name was Mark, he spoke to me as he walked down the station's platform, to be honest, I didn't hear what he said but when he returned a few minutes later sitting beside me with a coffee and a sandwich that he said was mine, I honestly thought he was an angel sent from Heaven.

Mark said he had to, wait for the next train to go back along the same line for the train to stop at his station which I thought was funny as I scoffed down the chicken sandwich and took a sip of coffee.

I told him my name was Eve, I don't know why I lied to him that evening but I did and I now work under that name. Mark asked me if I would come home with him, and for some reason I said yes, and he became my first client. The first of many.

Hi KindredFlame

Sometimes you use a contraction (i.e. don't) and other times you don't (i.e. I am not tall).

Confusingly long sentence - "Mark said he had to, wait for the next train to go back along the same line for the train to stop at his station which I thought was funny as I scoffed down the chicken sandwich and took a sip of coffee."

HTH
 
Hi KindredFlame

Sometimes you use a contraction (i.e. don't) and other times you don't (i.e. I am not tall).

Confusingly long sentence - "Mark said he had to, wait for the next train to go back along the same line for the train to stop at his station which I thought was funny as I scoffed down the chicken sandwich and took a sip of coffee."

HTH
Yes I am just drafting the idea out.mark needs a proper description worked into the story and this whole sentence was just as it came out of my mind.
 
Update on opening.

Hi, I call myself Eve. I am 18 with a very young look about me, but I do have a little shape to me. I am not that tall, about 5 ft 3 in.

I get challenged for ID everywhere, and to tell you the truth, it turns heads when I check into a hotel and the desk clerk says that they don’t allow the single occupancy of a minor in a room. I always have to carry my passport with me. It can be quite frustrating at times, especially when I just want to enjoy a getaway without the added complications. However, I’ve learnt to embrace my youthful appearance and often use it to my advantage in various situations.

Why do I start my story off like this? Well, my job is to look young, but even my dates want to be on the right side of the law where age is concerned. This has led to a series of amusing yet awkward situations, where I find myself having to explain my circumstances to both hotel staff and potential dates. It's a peculiar balancing act, navigating the fine line between youthful appearance and the responsibilities that came with adulthood.

I left school this summer. I got kicked out of my foster home, as I had aged out, as they call it, I had nothing; however, in less than a month I have earned £4000 after picking up a guy at the train station just so I had some place to sleep. At first he walked past me at first but to my surprise he returned with a drink and a sandwich and sat down next to handing me the food, he said he had to wait for the next train to go back along the same line for the train to stop at his station, which I thought was funny as I scoffed down the chicken sandwich and took a sip of coffee.

His name was Mark; he seemed kind enough, offering me a warm meal and a roof over my head in exchange for some help around his house. That was it I had picked up my first client and as I settled into this unexpected arrangement, I began to realise that survival often requires navigating complex relationships and making difficult choices.

His kindness caught me off guard, and for the first time in a long while, I felt a flicker of hope. Perhaps this new chapter in my life could lead to unexpected friendships and opportunities, if only I could embrace the uncertainty that lay ahead.

I told him my name was Eve. I don't know why I lied to him that evening, but I did, and I now work under that name, and I decided I would go home with him, and for some reason I just said yes, as his face lit up, little did he know he became my first client.

We got to his house on a new estate about 5 miles out of town it wasn’t massive but there was a kitchen and living room downstairs and upstairs was two bedrooms and a bathroom. I naively thought I would have my own room, but it wasn’t that long before Mark just what he expected for the roof over my head and he took me to his bed.


Leave the chicken sandwich in to covertly tease the readers' sense of taste
 
Leave the chicken sandwich in to covertly tease the readers' sense of ta
Leave the chicken sandwich in to covertly tease the readers' sense of taste
basically it’s the first day on her own think of the song the boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. She hasn’t found anywhere to stay after ageing out of foster care, it happens. This guy picks her up gives her a bite and she is persuaded more by circumstance to go home with him
 

Latest Update on opening.​


Hi, I call myself Eve. I’m 18 with a very young look about me, but I have a little shape to me. I’m not that tall, about 5 ft 3 in.

I get challenged for ID everywhere, and to tell you the truth, it turns heads when I check into a hotel and the desk clerk says that they don’t allow the single occupancy of a minor in a room. I always have to carry my passport with me.

It can be quite frustrating at times, especially when I just want to enjoy a getaway without the added complications. However, I’ve learnt to embrace my youthful appearance and often use it to my advantage in various situations.

Why do I start my story off like this? Well, my job is to look young, but even my dates want to be on the right side of the law where age is concerned. This has led to a series of amusing yet awkward situations, where I find myself having to explain my circumstances to both hotel staff and potential dates. It's a peculiar balancing act, navigating the fine line between youthful appearance and the responsibilities that came with adulthood.

I left school this summer. I got kicked out of my foster home, as I had aged out, as they call it, I had nothing; however, in less than a month I have earned £4000 after picking up a guy at the train station just so I had some place to sleep.

He at first he walked past me but to my surprise he returned with a drink and a sandwich and sat down next to handing me the food.

He introduced himself as Mark, he said he had to wait for the next train to go back along the same line for the train to stop at his station, which I thought was funny as I scoffed down the chicken sandwich and took a sip of coffee.

He seemed kind enough, we chatted while we waited for his train, it was just as his train was pulling into the station Mark ended up offering me a warm meal and a roof over my head in exchange for some help around his house.

That was to that I knew it at the time but I had picked up my first client as I got on the train with him, and as I settled into this unexpected arrangement, I began to realise that survival often requires navigating complex relationships and making difficult choices.

His kindness caught me off guard, and for the first time in a long while, I felt a flicker of hope. Perhaps this new chapter in my life could lead to unexpected friendships and opportunities, if only I could embrace the uncertainty that lay ahead.

I told him my name was Eve. I don't know why I lied to him that evening, but I did, and I now work under that name, and I decided I would go home with him, and for some reason I just said yes, as his face lit up, little did he know he became my first client.

We got to his house, that was on a new housing state about 5 miles out of town it wasn’t massive but there was a kitchen and living room downstairs, upstairs there were two bedrooms and a bathroom.

He helped me with my batted old rucksack and I naively thought I would have my own room, but it wasn’t that long after Mark settled me in he explained to me just what he expected for the roof over my head.

Mark asked me to dance for him, I stupidly said there was not any music. He said firmly and clearly. “There was no need for music.” I took my coat of and stood and moved around the room moving my feet and arms in tune with a song I had heard earlier that day.

“I am tied.” I said. Not realising Mark was not as nice as I first thought telling me to continue dancing but to strip naked at the same time. I tried to see anyway out of this but reluctantly I moved around and took my top and skirt off standing in front of Mark in my Bra and Knickers. He told me to take the rest off saying he would put it all in the washing machine, stupidly I complied.
 

Latest Update on opening.​


Hi, I call myself Eve. I’m 18 with a very young look about me, but I have a little shape to me. I’m not that tall, about 5 ft 3 in.

I get challenged for ID everywhere, and to tell you the truth, it turns heads when I check into a hotel and the desk clerk says that they don’t allow the single occupancy of a minor in a room. I always have to carry my passport with me.

It can be quite frustrating at times, especially when I just want to enjoy a getaway without the added complications. However, I’ve learnt to embrace my youthful appearance and often use it to my advantage in various situations.

Why do I start my story off like this? Well, my job is to look young, but even my dates want to be on the right side of the law where age is concerned. This has led to a series of amusing yet awkward situations, where I find myself having to explain my circumstances to both hotel staff and potential dates. It's a peculiar balancing act, navigating the fine line between youthful appearance and the responsibilities that came with adulthood.

I left school this summer. I got kicked out of my foster home, as I had aged out, as they call it, I had nothing; however, in less than a month I have earned £4000 after picking up a guy at the train station just so I had some place to sleep.

He at first he walked past me but to my surprise he returned with a drink and a sandwich and sat down next to handing me the food.

He introduced himself as Mark, he said he had to wait for the next train to go back along the same line for the train to stop at his station, which I thought was funny as I scoffed down the chicken sandwich and took a sip of coffee.

He seemed kind enough, we chatted while we waited for his train, it was just as his train was pulling into the station Mark ended up offering me a warm meal and a roof over my head in exchange for some help around his house.

That was to that I knew it at the time but I had picked up my first client as I got on the train with him, and as I settled into this unexpected arrangement, I began to realise that survival often requires navigating complex relationships and making difficult choices.

His kindness caught me off guard, and for the first time in a long while, I felt a flicker of hope. Perhaps this new chapter in my life could lead to unexpected friendships and opportunities, if only I could embrace the uncertainty that lay ahead.

I told him my name was Eve. I don't know why I lied to him that evening, but I did, and I now work under that name, and I decided I would go home with him, and for some reason I just said yes, as his face lit up, little did he know he became my first client.

We got to his house, that was on a new housing state about 5 miles out of town it wasn’t massive but there was a kitchen and living room downstairs, upstairs there were two bedrooms and a bathroom.

He helped me with my batted old rucksack and I naively thought I would have my own room, but it wasn’t that long after Mark settled me in he explained to me just what he expected for the roof over my head.

Mark asked me to dance for him, I stupidly said there was not any music. He said firmly and clearly. “There was no need for music.” I took my coat of and stood and moved around the room moving my feet and arms in tune with a song I had heard earlier that day.

“I am tied.” I said. Not realising Mark was not as nice as I first thought telling me to continue dancing but to strip naked at the same time. I tried to see anyway out of this but reluctantly I moved around and took my top and skirt off standing in front of Mark in my Bra and Knickers. He told me to take the rest off saying he would put it all in the washing machine, stupidly I complied.

since you mention English/British pounds, perhaps using cm for your height vs feet/inches might blend better.
 
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