Leave a message**beep**

[Shankara20]

A real message I heard yesterday on a phone answering thingy

"You have reached xxx-xxx-xxxx. We are busy making changes in our lives right now. Please leave a message. If we don’t return this call, you are one of the changes."


So - if you could leave any message you wanted on your phone machine, what would it be?

"Hello, I busy smacking the ass of a lovely hunk of man-meat right now. Leave a message – or not, I don’t give a fuck."

http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g38/nbright1969/clip/phone3.jpg​

.

 

[D's mariposa]

"You have reached xxx-xxx-xxxx. We can't come to the phone right now. If you are representing a pol who is running in the upcoming election, congratulations! You have just awarded your opponent another fricken vote! Please be sure to leave your name, number and time you called as I have already registered my number as a "do not call" with all active political parties in my area. Please accept this lovely Can o' Whup-Ass , courtesy of the Elections comission and the National DNC registry, as your consolation prize."

No, I wouldn't really vote for someone just because their opponent bothered me at home, but the number of annoying phone calls and junkmail recieved does factor into it.

 

[Tuomas]

*notes excelent idea for future candidacy*

"Hello ..... Hello .... can't hear you, could you talk a little louder please? .... HELLO? .... Could you speak closer to the mic? ... Hello? .... Hello? .... You know what, this just isn't going to work. Leave a message... "*beep*

 

[Ebonyfire]

We are not home...

cause our life is obviously more interesting than yours.

Leave a message or bugger off!

Have a nice day. Beep!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

So - if you could leave any message you wanted on your phone machine, what would it be?

Messages I have used in the past:

My girl is at work an' I'm catchin' zee's,
At the sound of the tone leave your message please.
The ringer's turned off so that I may sleep.
Leave your name & number at the sound of the beep!
*pause about 10 seconds then...*
Damn! I gotta stop reading Dr. Seuss to the kids

Another one:
*this has rap music in the background*
Yo dude I can't get to the phone!
I might be out back, I might not be home!
At the sound of the tone you know what to do, Jack,
Leave your name & number, I'll call you back!

 

[saw_man1]

A smart ass one

This is one I had on my machine many years ago

Congratulations
This is your lucky day
I’m not home
If you want your good luck to continue
Don’t leave a message

 

[FurryFury]

If only I could remember the message I used to have. It was great, funny and somewhat challenging/insulting. Now my message has to do with my business, so it's not as provocative.

Fury

 

[ammre]

"Hey, what's up?... you can tell me after the beep..."

 

[SpectreT]

"If you don't know who you've called, or what to do, I pity you."

 

[myinnerslut]

when i was little, my younger brother and i used to write songs to sing as our answering machine.... i dont remeber any of them though

 

[the captians wench]

one I may use some day

I'm off chacing rainbows and lepruchians.
I may be back in a week or so, but I'll never leave the dream.
Leave well wishes and happy thoughts at the beep.

 

[DVS]

.....................beep.

 

[angel_girl]

My 14 yr old son has one of these:

him: "Hello?"
caller: Hey, it's .....
him: "What's up?"
caller: (starts telling him what's up)
him: "Yeah. This is my voicemail. Tell it what's up."
caller: (random swearing)

It's perfectly done and it gets me every damn time. I'm so proud.

 

[Bandit58]

This is the one that's on my daughter and ex husband's phone (in my daughter's voice, done when she was 14):

"Hi, you have reached **** and ****'s phone. We can't take your call at the moment but if you're good looking leave a message and we'll get back to you". Doesn't say what to do if they're not good looking though

I always leave a message

 

[the captians wench]

This is the one that's on my daughter and ex husband's phone (in my daughter's voice, done when she was 14):

"Hi, you have reached **** and ****'s phone. We can't take your call at the moment but if you're good looking leave a message and we'll get back to you". Doesn't say what to do if they're not good looking though

I always leave a message

my ex recorded a message from a game. The message was done in a very girly voice, kinda vally girl like.

"I can't come to the phone right now, eh obviously. But if you like leave your name and number, and sound really cute, I may get back to ya. Cia"

 

[Kailey_86]

"Hello?....(they start talking)....sorry, i'm not here right now but you can leave a message."

i love this one. i get so many nasty replies. People just don't like to look/sound stupid. Hehe. It's so funny though. Usually they leave a message that starts out by saying "You got me again.." or "I hate you..." Makes me laugh every time.

 

[Shankara20]

if I could use any message I wanted...



(in my best Dom voice) Speak, bitch!



.

 

[the captians wench]

if I could use any message I wanted...



(in my best Dom voice) Speak, bitch!



.

If that was your message then I'd get angry anytime you answered.

and you'd have a lot of purrs left on your machine.

 

[Shankara20]

If that was your message then I'd get angry anytime you answered.

and you'd have a lot of purrs left on your machine.

Angry? why?


I have a guess, but I'd like your answer first, please, wench

 

[chris9]

My best friend had a message that I didn't like in the least, so for two or three or whatever years it was on, I always started my messages by commenting on how dumb that message is. So finally they changed it

 

[coy_one]

You have reached XXX-XXX-XXX - if you leave a message, it's because you're not good enough to have my email address.

 

[jadefirefly]

My parents once composed, and made us kids perform, an answering machine message to the tune of the oscar mayer weiner song.

One of my favorites that I need to think about doing again was a spoof on stupid airplane messages...

"Hi! You've reached jade's voicemail. If your telephone plans for today did not include jade's voicemail, now would be a good time to hang up. Please make sure your name and number are in their full, clear and understandable forms while I prepare to return your call. Thank you for calling jade's voicemail today -- have a great day, and please call again soon."

Most people didn't get it.

 

[DVS]

The message I have now, I"ve had for qyite a few years. It tends to throw people off, but everybody who calls me enough knows about it. I LOVED the Rockford Files, when it was on. I mean I LOVED it. Jim Rockford was a P.I. and was just one of those guys who always got into trouble, when he was only trying to help somebody else. But, that wasn't the story, really. It was how he got into trouble, and how he got out of it that was the story. Always a well written script, and always well acted. Have I lost any of you, yet?

Anyway, before every show, his phone would ring and someone would be calling for something. I've linked a site that lists all of the messages from those calls. I don't know if you'll really get the jokes or not. Some of them you just had to know the actors and such.

Anyway, I"ve had Jim on my answering machine for close to 10 years or so. When strangers call, expecting me (my name isn't Jim Rockford), you can hear it in their voice that they aren't sure they called the right number. It's great. I love messing with people's minds.

Jim's outgoing message goes like this. "This is Jim Rockford. Leave a message. I'll get back to 'ya."

OK, maybe I'm just a Jim Rockford junkie and the rest of you are rolling your eyes, wondering what all this shit is about. If so, that's fine. But, I think you will be missing a good time, if you get a chance to see the show, and decide on something else.

Messages left on Jim's machine

 

[Shankara20]

I LOVED the Rockford Files, when it was on.

same here...

"Jimmy, it's Angel. Don't pay no attention to my other message. You're out of it. You're clean, no trouble at all. Just ignore the first message."

 

[DVS]

same here...

"Jimmy, it's Angel. Don't pay no attention to my other message. You're out of it. You're clean, no trouble at all. Just ignore the first message."

"This is the message phone company. I see you're using our unit, now how about paying for it?

"Hey, Jimbo, Dennis. Really appreciate the help on the income tax. Wanna help on the audit now?"

"Horas fantasticos. La unique opportunidad en su vida la frescia rosaria llantas realiades. Call toll free - cinco-cinco-cinco, tres-uno-dos-uno."

"It's Jack. The check is in the mail. Sorry it's two years late. Sorry I misfigured my checking account and I'm overdrawn. Sorry I stopped payment on it. So, when it comes, tear it up. Sorry."

I'm sorry, but this was just a great show. Even the messages bring back memories. "

Sorry, all. We need a Jim Rockford thread, I guess.