LDR'S-Are they really worth the pain?

[~Dream~]

I believe that a person can do anything,if they put their focus into how to do it ,instead of why they cannot.
Maintaining a long-distance relationship is alot of very hard work and takes 2 people who are thouroughly committed to putting in alot of time and effort to make it last..
Relationships recquire us to be bold,to assert,to committ..problems from not having alot of physical interaction are inevitable.There is however no such thing as a "perfect relationship"which is utterly secure ,happy and binding..By the very nature of a relationship ,let alone it be a long-distance one,this cannot be.
How can we expect that our loved one will always desire to be with us?
How do we expect to find someone who will Always find happiness in the same things in which we find happiness?
Will they care about the same people,have the same interests,want to be doing the same activities as us?

I think huge huge amounts of trust and respect is called for here,perhaps sometimes more than we are really willing to give at any given moment.
However,in order for a relationship to survive"2 people must BOTH desire to resolve the disagreements and frustrations that go along with being so far apart.
Problems can be overcome with courage,patience,trust and genuine love..
We need courage to meet what comes and know that"Whatever it is'IT WILL NOT LAST FOREVER.."..
Nothing lasts forever,not pain,not joy,not even life..People in LDR'S need to accept the fact that the only way anything will help their realtionship to last and grow stronger is ifthey BOTH put their all into it..
If a couple has enough strength to take full responsibility for their failures as well as their successes,then self-respect and love is nurtured and grows..
It is up to "US',the couple involved in the LDR togive Our relationship a chance..there is nothing greater in life than loving one another (even while actually living far apart) and being loved in return..is there pain involved?
of course there is..Is it worth the pain? as I have experienced it so far I must give a resounding YES!! YES!! nothing or noone completes my heart and fills my soul like my Master Artful..if I have to go through the pain of being seperated from Him as I am now..I only know it WILL all be worth it in the end..being apart will not last forever... no pain.. no gain and I have ALOT to gain..my very happiness..

*any thoughts from anyone involved currently in an LDR would be greatly appreciated..

 

[artful]

Dream

YES !

 

[kate8417]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

...or is it, Out of Sight, Out of Mind...? Both, at different times. My wonderful Master is states away, and we only are able to be together for a few days at a time, every few months. Is it worth it? Absolutely. But I don't think I could stand it if I didn't know we were (are) working toward being together at some definite point in the future.

As often as we touch base, we are, ultimately, still leading separate lives. It is difficult. I feel myself sliding in and out of more-sub / less-sub mode OFTEN. It is difficult to develop consistency and a full sense of security in a relationship that isn't in "real time".

People in LDR'S need to accept the fact that the only way anything will help their realtionship to last and grow stronger is ifthey BOTH put their all into it..

Dream, you couldn't be more right. This is why my Master and I have made it through some VERY difficult times, endured, and still love each other madly. I believe (and I think he does, too) that our LDR will ultimately strengthen our bond beyond what it would have been had we met in the same city, dated, yadda-yadda... It has forced us to communicate more clearly about our feelings, wants, needs, desires, etc.

Thanks for an intriguing topic.

Happy Day!

 

[MissTaken]

Yes, they are if there is the potential for a real time relationship. It is difficult to work through the distance issues, but for me, trust is important as is the planning.

If I know when I will see him again, I can manage , sometimes barely, but can manage.

 

[Lancecastor]

Rephrase?

I do not think that long-distance relationships are worth the pain.

Worth the wait? Maybe.

Pain? Nope.

JMHO based on observation & experience, YMM(hopefully)V.

Lance

 

[SlowMoe]

oh yes!

Yes, long distance relationships are worth it! Yes, there may be the pain of not seeing each other or touching each other but they are still worth it. They make you talk to each other so you have good communication skills with your partner. And when you get to see each other it is even better! Just talk to your partner everyday. Even several times for extended periods of time and you will never notice that you are not together! But when you do get together enjoy the time you have and don't dwell on being sad! Good Luck!

SlowMoe

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Rephrase?

I do not think that long-distance relationships are worth the pain.

Worth the wait? Maybe.

Pain? Nope.

JMHO based on observation & experience, YMM(hopefully)V.

Lance

Uh, I have to ditto this one big fella. But I am talking about me, myself and I.

Eb

 

[artful]

Sis, Lance, and a lot of others...

...I hear ya! Once burnt,...twice shy. It's hard to put your hand to something that has seared ones insides with indescribable PAIN. I can't say it's for everyone, but for ME,...I am sure glad I did.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Considering that we are discussing people who have met on the internet and are many miles apart, I can understand the frustration you are having, dreamdoll. However, you and Artful have a goal and a plan for your future, which makes it hard for me to consider yours a true LDR. You have met, you have experienced each other in the flesh and you both have made a committment to a future together, in real life.

It's just time between you right now, until you are both physically together once again. And I know that is still hard for you both.

 

[~Dream~]

Re: Rephrase?

I do not think that long-distance relationships are worth the pain.

Worth the wait? Maybe.

Pain? Nope.

JMHO based on observation & experience, YMM(hopefully)V.

Lance

__________________________
Care to "expand on those thoughts Lance? what KIND of pain was it babe? maybe talking about it will help?

 

[~Dream~]

Kate and Miss T..

Yes, they are if there is the potential for a real time relationship. It is difficult to work through the distance issues, but for me, trust is important as is the planning.
_____________________________________
ty for the posts Miss T and Kate also.. yes,TRUST is important in ANY relationship and most assuredly so in an LDR where You dont get to see each other every day..

 

[artful]

ADR

It's just time between you right now, until you are both physically together once again. And I know that is still hard for you both.

We are both fortunate, in having many close friends, to encourage, and help us along the way.
You are one of them, and we thank you for your support.

 

[~Dream~]

Re: Re: Rephrase?

Uh, I have to ditto this one big fella. But I am talking about me, myself and I.

Eb

__________________________________
wow!! another defector? lol sorry for any pain that You or Lance had to go through dear Eb,really I am...

* Slowmoe ty for your feelings on the matter..

 

[~Dream~]

ty Sis Rose..

Considering that we are discussing people who have met on the internet and are many miles apart, I can understand the frustration you are having, dreamdoll. However, you and Artful have a goal and a plan for your future, which makes it hard for me to consider yours a true LDR. You have met, you have experienced each other in the flesh and you both have made a committment to a future together, in real life.

It's just time between you right now, until you are both physically together once again. And I know that is still hard for you both.

_____________________
yes its so so hard not being able to "see or "feel Him and it would be alright if He just didnt have such a 'Magical touch" and such sensuous Caresses too mmmmm..

 

[A Desert Rose]

Having said what I did in my previous post, I want to talk about LDR's from a personal stand point. I know that at this forum many look at LDR's as a bit skewed, but I have an opinion and it's my own based on my previous experience.

I met my previous Dom online, although both of us at the time lived in Las Vegas. (He has since relocated, but we still maintained a relationship via the 'net and he was able to come back here frequently to visit.) We met here, carried on a dialoge and eventually felt that there was a chemistry between us. We finally met, face to face and determined that yes, we did click. We had an 18 month relationship.

Well, I got off point and I am sorry. The point is that yes, LDR's online can be difficult and frustrating but they can be mysteriously romantic, too. And knowing that the eventuality was that we would be together, made it easier for me. The anticipation of his visits were wonderful.....

 

[artful]

ADR

Well, I got off point and I am sorry. The point is that yes, LDR's online can be difficult and frustrating but they can be mysteriously romantic, too. And knowing that the eventuality was that we would be together, made it easier for me. The anticipation of his visits were wonderful.....

Just want to add,...MOST of the fear, doubt, and worry, in an online LDR is,...simply put,..."The Unknown".

One of the MAJOR unknowns to mine and Dream's LDR, is the fact I can't really predict with any accuracy, WHEN we will relocate her to Arkansas.

It's a finacial difficulty that is kind of cloudy, and should be resolved within a month or two, and THEN,...we can plan on a set date.

ANY unknown affects the relationship, and prevents an ideal situation for setting realistic goals.
(Insert Pic here of *Twiddling Thumbs*) I have a TON of patience,...Dream has little,...but it will work out. *chuckle*

 

[cymbidia]

To me, in my life: no.
No, LDR's are not really worth the pain.

In my experience they've been unbelievably frustrating and fraught with tensions, problems, worries and agonies that have always outweighed the far more transitory joys i found in such arrangements. They've left me feeling more lonely than i would have felt were i not in that "relationship".

To me, in my life, there is nothing anyone could possibly give me in an IM conversation or over the phone that could make up for my going to the movies alone, week after week, or never drinking wine while smiling into my dominant's eyes. There is something basically essential to my well-being in being able to touch my dominant on a really frequent basis. In my intimate relationships, i cannot be happy without that physicality, without the sheer animal comfort of touch.

This is just for me...and you asked.

 

[artful]

cym

To me, in my life: no.
No, LDR's are not really worth the pain.

In my experience they've been unbelievably frustrating and fraught with tensions, problems, worries and agonies that have always outweighed the far more transitory joys i found in such arrangements. They've left me feeling more lonely than i would have felt were i not in that "relationship".

To me, in my life, there is nothing anyone could possibly give me in an IM conversation or over the phone that could make up for my going to the movies alone, week after week, or never drinking wine while smiling into my dominant's eyes. There is something basically essential to my well-being in being able to touch my dominant on a really frequent basis. In my intimate relationships, i cannot be happy without that physicality, without the sheer animal comfort of touch.

This is just for me...and you asked.

Yet you are involved in an LDR, expecting to progress toward a,....what? It is painful for us ALL,...or at least it SHOULD be, and if it is not worth the PAIN,...then why do you do it?

 

[cymbidia]

~puzzled~
No, Artful, i'm not involved in an LDR.

Tex is away on business at the moment, and the trip is of a few weeks duration, but he lives less than an hour from me and he and i have spent many nights and days in each other's company in our shared geographical area. I recently went to visit him in the place he's working for these few weeks but it was just a visit to his temporary work site. He doesn't live there.

In the past, i have been in a couple LDR's, though.
They've hurt.
They've been too hard for me to handle.
They made me cry more than they made me smile.
Maybe i'm just not strong enough to find my way through the problems and worries of an LDR and into the joy beyond. Maybe i was never in an LDR with the "right" dominant.

I know what i need and want, though, giving and getting. I've been pretty steadfast and adamant about not beginning anything at all with anyone who was more than about 100 miles from me. One man in Colorado slipped past last spring but that which was between us was relatively short-lived and, as a result of my first visit to see him, i found that we were most assuredly not compatible in the flesh.

Flesh-to-flesh is where it's grounded for me in my D/s relationships. The blooming riot of sensation that trails over my body in the wake of his fingers on my skin is the crucible from which comes our strength. The indefinable rush i feel on waking next to him is the spider silk that weaves our lives together.

I would find the relationship more painful then pleasureable without those sensations. I would find it difficult to be centered and strong. I offer my admiration to those of you accomplish that centering, who find that stength, who locate a clear and welcoming river of sweetness in the murky tides of the LDR.

But for me, in my life, LDR's are not worth the pain.

 

[A Desert Rose]

My point is Art, that IF I met someone online again, and we found we had a certain chemistry and we wanted to pursue a dialoge with each other and IF we got to be closer, it would follow that we would WANT to meet. And at that point, the LDR "stigma" that some harbor, would no longer exist. Just like it no longer exists for you and dream doll.

Of course, lots of big IF's there for me lol......

 

[artful]

cym

~puzzled~
No, Artful, i'm not involved in an LDR.

Tex is away on business at the moment, and the trip is of a few weeks duration, but he lives less than an hour from me and he and i have spent many nights and days in each other's company in our shared geographical area. I recently went to visit him in the place he's working for these few weeks but it was just a visit to his temporary work site. He doesn't live there.

Gee,...I apologise,...I thought it WAS an LDR, and THAT trip was one of many that you and He had to suffer through. Thanks for straightening my tie,...I feel better NOW.

 

[artful]

ADR

My point is Art, that IF I met someone online again, and we found we had a certain chemistry and we wanted to pursue a dialoge with each other and IF we got to be closer, it would follow that we would WANT to meet. And at that point, the LDR "stigma" that some harbor, would no longer exist. Just like it no longer exists for you and dream doll.

Of course, lots of big IF's there for me lol......

I understand where you are coming from, but Dream and I are STILL in an LDR,...and we WILL be until she relocates to Arkansas.

There is not a *stigma* attached to it, for most folks, and certainly not by our friends. Some however do SEE it that way,...and that is their POV.

LDR=A Long Distance Relationship,...and that is certainly where Dream and I are at. Even in peacetime,...there are MANY Military LDR's. Not all are BDSM related, nor are they all vanilla, but they are still LONG DISTANCE.

 

[cymbidia]

No need at all for apology, Artful.

I should apologize for disturbing the flow of your thread. Reading the thread title, i really thought that people's honest opinions were being sought on this most important and personal matter. I didn't know it was more a thread for the support of LDR's, yours and dreams specifically, until after i read the whole thread--which was after you posted in response to my original post. Subsequently, it was made clearer that i erred in voicing my opinion on this apparently stigmatized matter. For that error, i most sincerely apologize.

Perhaps the titles of future threads could more closely match the info being sought so there is no confusion as to which personal opinions are most definitely not welcome in the thread.

 

[artful]

cym,...and ALL

Perhaps the titles of future threads could more closely match the info being sought so there is no confusion as to which personal opinions are most definitely not welcome in the thread.

No apology is needed, (I,...Uh,...heard that somewhere), but to be perfectly honest,...Dream nor I care TOO much about the content of what one may post on ANY of our threads.

We like well thought out responses, little gems of humor, and frankly,...I myself fall short often on posting my TRUE intentions when making the initial OPENING post.

(it's kinda like a "Goat Trails" thingy to us)

We like the surprises. If one of our threads gets what most call,..."Hi Jacked",...so what? No biggie, if it was important to me, I would just open up another thread on the subject matter.

Mostly,...if a post is not a *FLAMING* post,...I welcome ALL the insights. You are MOST welcome, as are ALL others, to post your opinion on ANY matter in any of our threads.

 

[Shadowsdream]

All of life comes with a certain degree of pain whether it consists of LDR..*******...RT...TPE...24/7 or 'nilla.

There is no escaping it nor should anyone try to void pain. In pain W/we grow....

BUT

If pain takes up a substantial amount of the time in ANY relationship no matter its format how can it truly be justified when it is a freedom of choice? Since it is a freedom of choice.

Each individual must decide if they think *pain* in the relationship is worth the possible outcome. What is too much for one might be anothers ambrosia. Some subs or Dom/mes will have a low threshold for this type of pain. To some 20% is to much and to others 70% is not enough. It is so incredibly personal that one cannot truly advise another.

Personally 10% of LDR *pain* as I understand it of submission and Dominations conflicts of agreement would be My maximum. This quote would probably make many blanche at its narrowness. But it is My honesty and should not be the yard stick of another.