LDRs and Pregnancy

[pplwatching]

Given the amount of emotional anguish that this is causing you, it seems like you need to ask yourself some important questions. What are your goals for this relationship? Can your needs for affaction, love, and intimacy be met in a long distance relationship? Can hers? What are hers? What do you bring to this relationship? What does she? You've written that she wants sex, and a lot of it. How are you going to meet that need in a long distance relationship? Is one of you expecting to move closer to the other, or is this one of those "we'll just need to figure it out as we go" topics? Do you expect monogamy and fidelity, or are you expecting her to date people in her local area?

LDRs are tricky for many reasons. One is that in the absence of face to face interaction, your mind fills in a lot of blanks. That can lead to some misperceptions about the other person. When the time comes to travel to see each other, sex can completely dominate the relationship. That can create a false sense of connection and intimacy.

If you are going to go ahead with her visit, then I'd suggest that you be completely honest with her. You wrote that it's too fast for you. You haven't sorted out birth control, much less safer sex. When you're in bed together and mad with lust is not the time to expect rational heads to prevail.

Given the nice things that you wrote about her, she should respect how you feel and be willing to find some middle ground. If you're both set on having her visit, then you should tell her about your concerns and find ways to make yourself more comfortable with her visit. If she's planning to come sleep in your bed, then perhaps you would be wise to consider that she get a hotel room instead. That will give you both time and space to yourselves at the end of the day to step back, keep some perspective, and evaluate your feelings. It also gives her a place to stay if things go bad.

Lastly, if you are trying to decide if there's enough of a relationship here to keep then it may help to insist that there won't be any sex at all on this visit. Instead focus on getting to know each other to decide if there's enough there without sex to continue. You can then take your time to come to some kind of agreement on safe sex and birh control, and arrange for a sex fest next time.

Good luck

 

[simplegirl]

Probably the best course of action at the moment is to take a hiatus of a few days from the computer and any communication with this woman. I'm not saying break up, I'm saying give yourself time to think without communication with her where she can influence you. You need a bit of time to yourself to clear your mind and think things through. If she can't give you that (or you can't give yourself that), you've got another serious red flag waving in your face. Remember, she can only manipulate you if you allow it. Your own personal health and wellbeing have to come first for you.

 

[Harold_Hill]

Haha Uhh you guys are severely overestimating my abilities to get women.

There are women everywhere, unless you are covered with warts. Maybe you need more confidence in yourself. Or maybe you're looking in the wrong places. Or the wrong women. I would bet you walk past someone every day that would be happy in a relationship with you, but you don't have enough confidence in yourself to even notice. If you want a relationship with a woman, open your eyes and have a realistic look at the world around you. The world is not a video game; it's just people trying to find a little human warmth in life.

 

[Bramblethorn]

There are quite a few ways to have extremely pleasurable sex without putting anybody's penis in anybody's vagina. But like others have said, (a) STIs and (b) it's a major red flag if she's not willing to listen to your eminently-reasonable concerns about becoming a daddy after just two months. More often it's the guy pressuring the girl to go bareback, but role-reversal doesn't make it any better.

Even if you're lucky enough to not catch anything/get her pregnant, being in a relationship with somebody who doesn't respect your comfort zone is a recipe for disaster. Sure there are times when people have to find a reasonable compromise between differing preferences, but this doesn't sound like she's doing much compromising.

 

[Doog_kuron]

Well I just broke up with her. I hate her for manipulating me. She's right. She had me broken. I can hardly stand on my own two feet and walk away. I thought she was genuine.

The sad thing is, I don't think this is over really. I have a feeling I'm about to go through a lot more pain.

I've actually been in the same situation, ironically with a Canadian girl too. She knew how to push my buttons and essentially pulled my strings like a puppet for literally years. I won't go into details but she went to extreme lengths including scaring off other women and getting in touch with my work place. And inspite of it all I still loved her. I sincerely hope you are able to do what I couldn't and move forward with your life. Meet someone who has your interests in mind first and hers second.

And birth control is a no brainer! Merry Christmas.

 

[desertslave]

An unwanted pregnancy can still be dealt with in a quick, safe, and permanent way, even if you have been played. However, many STI's aren't that quick and some may be permanent. The fact that she can be so casual about BOTH risks sends huge warnings up to me.

As someone else suggested, if you're certain you don't ever want kids then a visit to your friendly neighborhood urologist can remove most of those concerns. (It's not 100% but damn close.) STI's, though, should always remain a concern even if and when you're ready to settle down. You simply have no idea what someone else is bringing to the table. Please be safe.

 

[unregistered]

 

[SweetErika]

An unwanted pregnancy can still be dealt with in a quick, safe, and permanent way, even if you have been played.

For a woman who chooses to do so, yes, but men really have no recourse when there's an unwanted [risk of] pregnancy and their partner refuses to take Plan B or terminate a pregnancy. Chris wouldn't have a choice in that situation, and his ex's refusal to use other birth control options may give a big clue about what she would do if there was an unplanned pregnancy. I get your intent, but I think it's a topic worth looking at and discussing from every angle.

I refuse to have sex with anyone who doesn't share my views on STI prevention, pregnancy, abortion and children. Legally, I hold most of the cards as a woman, but I wouldn't be comfortable having sex without having those conversations first and ensuring my partner and I are on the same page. STIs and unintended pregnancies are already inherently stressful enough, even if one has a partner who's fully supportive. I can only imagine how hard, say, taking Plan B or having an abortion would be if my partner wasn't supportive.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I'm still getting played.

Wow... She's really got me tied around her finger. This fucking sucks.

Well that break-up lasted for 1 hr 27 minutes. This sucks because I still feel like I'm getting played but at the same time, I'm willing to accept it just for one moment of pain relief. The hurt is gone momentarily. I know this is going to suck. :/

More flashing red warning lights, sirens, horns, buzzers, and Mack trucks running your ass over!!! How much bigger hint do you need to get away from this woman?

Point one - She only has the power over you that you give her. Tell her to fuck off, mean it, and walk away. Put her on ignore, delete any emails she sends, defriend her from FB, do not answer her calls or listen to voice messages, and whatever else it takes to erase her from your life. She will eventually tire of harassing you if you do not rise to her bait.

Point two - It's up to you to recognize why YOU created her in your life. It isn't her, it isn't about her, she means nothing, other than the amplified message to yourself that YOU are recreating a pattern. Figure out that pattern and decide for yourself if this is something you wish to continue in your life or not. No judgment, just a decision. If you like this sort of thing, then shut the fuck up and just ride out the repeated pattern in all it's glory. If you DO NOT prefer this sort of thing, then make the decision not to repeat it and refer back to the first point I made.

Point three - You have come to us for advice many times, most of them revolving around your own insecurities and relationship issues. Either you are serious about correcting the patterns in your life that you, yourself, are saying you don't like, or you are not. Don't come trolling for attention, time and again, for the same problems, then wonder why it keeps happening. It keeps happening because YOU are drawn to this type of personality. It keeps happening because YOU allow it. Own it, it is the most powerful thing you will ever do! When you own it, you control it. Deny it and you are destined to repeat the pattern time and again.

 

[Cumference]

- 32
- no kids
- craves unprotected sex


My friend, she may like you, but she sees a a nice, big bag of genetic material.

If you do not want kids, it is your responsibility to guard your sperm.

 

[Cumference]

...... And having kids that you never see, but who will be draining your wallet for the next 18 years (+) is no fun.

 

[jomar]

Getting over a break up is the same as falling off a horse: get back in the saddle as quick as you can. Find a new girlfriend, (one that knows what BCP is), and do you best to fuck her brains out. You'll be surprised at how quick you will forget the last one. Nothing like a fresh steak to forget about last weeks stale hamburger!

Not so much. String enough of these together and you'll be crushed with grief one day when the milk runs out and you won't have a clue as to why.

OP, sounds like she's drawing an all or nothing line. If you're feeling pressured and played...some good advice here.