~Law of the Present Moment~

[theeoppositeman]

To all succubus and goddess wanna-be's....


Movement of my body and mind has strengthened my soul....as the
Law of the Present Moment has turned in to a powerful goddess
where lust seems to be a worthy opponent....I'm not ashamed to say
that I'm scared, but eerily excited for this destined showdown
between my heart and it's fearful beats of desire and orgasmic
expression....


It should be quite the trip for not only my MBS (mind,body,soul) but
also for the chosen beauty who will certainly be the bravest and
most deserved for this experience....as she dances her most erotic
dance and sings her most enchanting songs, all to claim victory in
toppling one of the greatest male archetypes to ever cry out for
true Love....


So if your ready to step into the next chapter of my book, you must
promise to lend your own truthful and meaningful piece of the
puzzle....and will I promise that from the first word to the last
honest detail read or felt, that your life will redefine the word
excitement, and help you re-discover unfulfilled desires....and
most certainly will aid you in getting in touch with your healthy
anger, by teaching you how to get off and explode on life through a
direct and honest experience....an experience to be entrusted
with a stranger who is just a fellow human being that is on the
same mysterious search for a purer and more divine expression of
your every need and desire becoming one....


So open my door and come on in and see for yourself not only what
I can do for your eyes but most excitedly what I will do for your
moments in time and space, as we look beyond the face and all that
is physical and truly discover that there really are no ordinary
moments for seekers of the truth pertaining to self and all that is
selfish within us....


So if you wish to be touched....then believe you are touchable and so I
will touch you to your most fearful place in the light....a place where warmth
has no opposite and the sun never sets....and where darkness fell for all time....as time headed back to fetch the age of gold....

And it was so....

~I~

 

[UnderYourSpell]

You talk too much try a little more action .....

 

[champagne1982]

<snip> ....


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~I~

Embrace the period and line breaks.

p.s. If you can do the repeat post thing, so can I dude. Reposting doesn't disguise the flaws in your poem. This of course is purely my opinion and comes from the simple fact that I didn't get past the title. Were I a succubus "wanna be," I'd be hangin' with the devil and a few of his minions and not reading (or not avoiding reading) poetry at Lit.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Your poem, or poetic prose as it is now, looks similar to what I write in my journal- freewriting. If I am exploring an idea, recording a dream, or playing with words, I may write several paragraphs without concern about form. I just want to get my thoughts down. Then, usually after a few days so that I have fresh eyes, I go over what I have written and decide if I feel passionately enough about it to use it to make a poem. If I don't, I skip it for the moment. Later, I may come back to it. I may have gained a new insight or perspective which when added to the freewriting makes it worthwhile or meaningful.

When I decide I want to turn it into a poem, I read through the freewriting and carefully select the key phrases that express my thoughts. I add, delete, and change phrases - for this is only the raw material of the poem and not poetry. I also make note of what is missing or what needs further explanation.

Just looking it over briefly, I believe each of your stanzas could be concentrated into 2 or 3 strong lines. See, when you edit, taking out any unneccessary words and focusing only on the strongest phrases, you end up with a much stronger poem.

I hope you will edit this and repost.

-Sheila