Laughter is Contagious

[ga400us]

LMFAO!!! You guys are awesome!!



hehe, oops!!!

***************
It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

Now, THAT'S an ice box! Too bad St. Peter didn't ask him what happens to the little light inside when the door is closed.

 

[talikat]

Now, THAT'S an ice box! Too bad St. Peter didn't ask him what happens to the little light inside when the door is closed.

Yup, or why there's a light in the fridge but not in the freezer.

 

[GauchoMan]

Here is anpother poor sod having a bad day -

A man walking past a closed door hears another man's desperate voice from inside saying ,

" SUCK babyyy Scukkkkk... BLOW is just a figure of Speech ! "


----------------

Never fails to raise a laugh when I imagine what is really going on side. A Dumb Blonde maybe ? ( and to be on the safe side - Many Apologies to all the Blondes here )

 

[talikat]

Here is anpother poor sod having a bad day -

A man walking past a closed door hears another man's desperate voice from inside saying ,

" SUCK babyyy Scukkkkk... BLOW is just a figure of Speech ! "


----------------

Never fails to raise a laugh when I imagine what is really going on side. A Dumb Blonde maybe ? ( and to be on the safe side - Many Apologies to all the Blondes here )

OMG, that's hilarious!!!

 

[smotherman]

The 12 Inch BIC

An American goes into a bar and sits down next to an English guy.

The American notices that the English guy has a huge BIC Lighter.

The American says, "Wow cool lighter, where did you get it?"

The english guy says, "A genie granted me one wish when I rubbed this bottle".

"Wow", says the American, "Can I have a go?"

"Sure", Says the Englishman.

The american rubs the bottle and the genie comes out, "You have one wish" Says the genie.

The American wishes for a million bucks, the genie grants the wish.

About 5 minutes later a load of ducks come into the bar, there are thousands of them.

The American says "I don't believe this I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks".

The englishman says "Well do you really think i wished for a 12 inch BIC?".

 

[talikat]

http://www.buddthompson.com/images/701c2dabe41055a656d22e85f651db37.jpg

 

[reachedme]

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
they don't have time

 

[RNJAG]

Computers and women are a lot alike. You don't appreciate either of them until they've gone down on you.

 

[talikat]

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
they don't have time

Ha!!

Computers and women are a lot alike. You don't appreciate either of them until they've gone down on you.

LOL!!!

http://www.buddthompson.com/images/b6533fb87f63d00c3cdbb8a8a2a830f4.jpg

 

[SexyNaomi]

I laugh when people start jumping around, because you see, they don't know I'm firing blanks.

 

[talikat]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

 

[HoneyBearFarms]

Senior Texting Code....

 

[talikat]

A mobile phone insurance website has uncovered its top 10 weirdest insurance claims of the past 12 months… including a farmer whose mobile ended up inside a cow.

Whilst many people break their phones by dropping the handset and smashing the screen, data released by MobileInsurance.co.uk has revealed the top ten weirdest mobile insurance claims.

1. A farmer in Devon claimed his phone had disappeared inside the back end of one of his cows when he’d been using the torch on his iPhone whilst assisting the cow during calving. The phone later made an appearance, but was damaged.

2. A lady in her early 40s from Nottingham claimed that she’d baked her Nokia 6303i into a Victoria Sponge she’d been making for her daughter’s birthday. It didn’t endure the heat of gas mark 5.
3. A lady in her 30s claimed she’d been walking her Cocker Spaniel on Barry Island beach, Wales, when a seagull swooped down and took her Samsung Galaxy from her hand.

4. A woman in her late 20s from Bristol claimed the vibration function on her BlackBerry Bold 9900 phone had stopped working whilst she was using it as an adult toy.

5. A 40 year old construction worker said his iPhone 4S had fallen out of his back pocket when he pulled his jeans down before sitting on the toilet. Not realising, he went about his business and flushed the chain. The phone didn’t flush, but underwent serious water damage.

6. A man in his 30s claimed he’d been filming monkeys from the car window in Longleat Safari Park with his HTC One X when a monkey climbed on the roof and snatched it.

7. A couple re-enacting the "I'm King of the World!" scene from Titanic lost their phone over the side of their cruise ship, whilst trying to take a photo of themselves.

8. A pyrotechnician was setting up a show for the National Fireworks Championships in Plymouth, and having left his iPhone 3GS within the "blast zone", it was nowhere to be found when he returned post-show, having been fired 3,000 feet into the air before exploding in a stunning display.

9. A lady in her 20s from Liverpool admitted she’d thrown her HTC Desire X at her boyfriend, whom she’d discovered was cheating, but it missed him and hit a wall; breaking the handset.

10. Rather than paying £60 for a ticket to see Blur at their sell-out Hyde Park shows, one customer tried to film the event on his iPhone from up a nearby tree - he got a little too excited as the band came on stage though, and dropped his phone onto the ground below.

The credibility of some of these claims was doubted by the team at MobileInsurance.co.uk, and all claims were investigated fully. Site data also revealed there had been precisely 64 claims from customers saying they’d walked into an object whilst preoccupied texting.

John Lamerton, Managing Director at MobileInsurance.co.uk, said: “I must say, we tend to see a lot of weird and wonderful claims coming in from customers, but these 10 had to be the most bizarre. I’m not sure how some of them even came about, particularly in the case of the farmer and the cow.

 

[ga400us]

And Then It Is Winter:

You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.

But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...its over. A new adventure will begin!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime.

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly.
So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!

 

[ga400us]

Good stuff...what did happen with the farmer and the cow I wonder?

Happy St. Patrick's Day

A mobile phone insurance website has uncovered its top 10 weirdest insurance claims of the past 12 months… including a farmer whose mobile ended up inside a cow.

Whilst many people break their phones by dropping the handset and smashing the screen, data released by MobileInsurance.co.uk has revealed the top ten weirdest mobile insurance claims.

1. A farmer in Devon claimed his phone had disappeared inside the back end of one of his cows when he’d been using the torch on his iPhone whilst assisting the cow during calving. The phone later made an appearance, but was damaged.

2. A lady in her early 40s from Nottingham claimed that she’d baked her Nokia 6303i into a Victoria Sponge she’d been making for her daughter’s birthday. It didn’t endure the heat of gas mark 5.
3. A lady in her 30s claimed she’d been walking her Cocker Spaniel on Barry Island beach, Wales, when a seagull swooped down and took her Samsung Galaxy from her hand.

4. A woman in her late 20s from Bristol claimed the vibration function on her BlackBerry Bold 9900 phone had stopped working whilst she was using it as an adult toy.

5. A 40 year old construction worker said his iPhone 4S had fallen out of his back pocket when he pulled his jeans down before sitting on the toilet. Not realising, he went about his business and flushed the chain. The phone didn’t flush, but underwent serious water damage.

6. A man in his 30s claimed he’d been filming monkeys from the car window in Longleat Safari Park with his HTC One X when a monkey climbed on the roof and snatched it.

7. A couple re-enacting the "I'm King of the World!" scene from Titanic lost their phone over the side of their cruise ship, whilst trying to take a photo of themselves.

8. A pyrotechnician was setting up a show for the National Fireworks Championships in Plymouth, and having left his iPhone 3GS within the "blast zone", it was nowhere to be found when he returned post-show, having been fired 3,000 feet into the air before exploding in a stunning display.

9. A lady in her 20s from Liverpool admitted she’d thrown her HTC Desire X at her boyfriend, whom she’d discovered was cheating, but it missed him and hit a wall; breaking the handset.

10. Rather than paying £60 for a ticket to see Blur at their sell-out Hyde Park shows, one customer tried to film the event on his iPhone from up a nearby tree - he got a little too excited as the band came on stage though, and dropped his phone onto the ground below.

The credibility of some of these claims was doubted by the team at MobileInsurance.co.uk, and all claims were investigated fully. Site data also revealed there had been precisely 64 claims from customers saying they’d walked into an object whilst preoccupied texting.

John Lamerton, Managing Director at MobileInsurance.co.uk, said: “I must say, we tend to see a lot of weird and wonderful claims coming in from customers, but these 10 had to be the most bizarre. I’m not sure how some of them even came about, particularly in the case of the farmer and the cow.

 

[SexyNaomi]

A white horse walks into a bar, the bar man says "Hey, I've got a whisky named after you"

The horse says "What, Ruby?"

 

[talikat]

You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.

But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...its over. A new adventure will begin!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime.

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly.
So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!

*nods* So true....

 

[talikat]

Some cute nuns in a glue commercial.

http://www.buddthompson.com/Great_Glue_Commercial.html

 

[smoothdevil]

Oh to be Irish

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"


"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"

 

[talikat]

The tour bus traveling through northern Nevada passed briefly by the Mustang Ranch, near Sparks. The guide noted: "We are now passing the largest house of prostitution in America." A male passenger shouted "WHY?!?"

 

[phantom4533]

You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.

But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...its over. A new adventure will begin!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime.

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly.
So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!

While poignant, this does not make me laugh. Instead, it causes a wry look to cross my face.

 

[ga400us]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his ill father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "But in just a few months my father will die
and I will inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

 

[curl4ever]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his ill father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "But in just a few months my father will die
and I will inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

BRILLIANT! Thanks for posting!
- curl

 

[talikat]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his ill father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "But in just a few months my father will die
and I will inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Ha!! Good one!!

 

[talikat]

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/599746_10151305665051332_2008700765_n.jpg