LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Laughter is Contagious

Status
Not open for further replies.
A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed". She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked,......

"Wow that is really sad, how many is a Brazilian?"
 
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, giving them the rules of campus. "The female dorm will be out-of-bounds for all male students, as will the male dorm for female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 for the first offence, $60 for the second offense, and $180 if you're caught a third time." A male student in the crowd yelled out, "How much for a season pass?"
 
Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.

Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million."

"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.
 
wally2450 said:
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.

Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million."

"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.
Click to expand...
ROTFLMAO
 
A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO, I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN $200?"
 
A blond, a brunette and a red head go to a party. The cops come to raid the party, so the three girls jump into potato sacks.

The cops come to the potatoe sack with the brunette, they kick it and she says "woof" so, they say, oh it's just a dog.

They go to the one with the red head in it, they kick it and she says "meow" they say, oh it's just a cat.

They go to the blonde and kick it she says "potato"
 
Can't remember if this has been posted...

THE BOX UNDER BILL & HILLARY'S BED

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box
under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the
afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and
she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans
and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that
she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there
even was such a box with such contents. That evening, they were out for a
special anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she
confessed, saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept
my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today
the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know - why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you
deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an
empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it
again."
Hillary was shocked , but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I
am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you
are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that
bad considering your problem."
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made
their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have
all that money in the box?"
Bill answered: "Well, whenever the box
filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."
 
pleaz_me said:
THE BOX UNDER BILL & HILLARY'S BED

...
Bill answered: "Well, whenever the box
filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."
Click to expand...
ROTFLMAO
ROTFLMAO
 
Evening Techsan.....

Had to send this one tonight!

A man appeared before St Peter at the Pearly Gate:
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter
asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman.

I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I
approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. "I yelled, "Now, back off! Or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed: "When did this happen?"

"A couple minutes ago."

:D
 
copperbutterfly said:
Evening Techsan.....

...

St. Peter was impressed: "When did this happen?"

"A couple minutes ago."

:D
Click to expand...
LMAO....Hi, Copper. Thanks for the laugh...what you didn't say was that the bikers were all female!!!
 
copperbutterfly said:
Evening Techsan.....

Had to send this one tonight!

A man appeared before St Peter at the Pearly Gate:
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter
asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman.

I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I
approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. "I yelled, "Now, back off! Or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed: "When did this happen?"

"A couple minutes ago."

:D
Click to expand...


I've been subscribed to this thread for quite a while, and it really brightens my afternoon in the office, but I have got to say that is just the funniest thing I have heard in ages!!

Thankyou so much, and thanks to all the other contributors to this great thread!!
 
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines whether a patient should be institutionalized or not.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub with water, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the water out of the tub."

Okay, here's your test:

1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket since it is larger than the teacup or spoon."

"No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull out the stopper."
 
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."
 
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.

"Magic Beer", he says.

She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,
"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"

"Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window.

The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."

He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.

The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk!"
 
vfrman said:
I've been subscribed to this thread for quite a while, and it really brightens my afternoon in the office, but I have got to say that is just the funniest thing I have heard in ages!!

Thankyou so much, and thanks to all the other contributors to this great thread!!
Click to expand...


Thanks...It took me 15 minutes to compose myself enough to get it copied and saved....glad you enjoyed it as I did! :D
 
Good evening everybody....tonight is weird stuff! Enjoy! :D


HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT THESE ARE ALL TRUE STORIES FROM EMERGENCY ROOMS AROUND THE COUNTRY:

FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a
hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her
armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control
was found lodged between the folds of her vulva. eeewwwww.....

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with
lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in
her privates..." which bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I
would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it
was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony
mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling
around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the
mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!. The
concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock!), causing constipation and
pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's
rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy - we live sheltered
lives!)

BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of
severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to
help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor
examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in
at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea. (Oh my
gosh!!!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his
hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They
eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for
a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the
table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the
act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the
man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation,
the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!!! I'm still laughing!!!!

Friendship is like peeing your pants.......
Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's true warmth
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Tossawayalt
What are you drinking?
7 8 9
Replies
201
Views
2K
ericalauren
ericalauren
MrPimms
Mr. P.‘s Laundry thread
Replies
16
Views
319
Darty20
Darty20
clapper25
Have you ever gotten a random sex call
2
Replies
42
Views
983
Dudeqwe
Dudeqwe
O
Looking for Weight Loss Partner/Gym Daddy
Replies
1
Views
176
amigayorbi
amigayorbi
F
Erotic Fortunes Told
2 3 4
Replies
96
Views
2K
forestpoet
F
Back
Top