Laughter is Contagious

[techsan]

TEXAS HOSPITALITY

Dallas Air Traffic Control (ATC):

"Tower to Saudi Air 911--You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on runway 9R. Allah be Praised!"

Dallas ATC: "Tower to Egypt Air 711-- You are cleared to land westbound on
runway 9R."

Egypt Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on runway 9R.
Allah is Great."

Pause: Static..............

Saudi Air: "DALLAS ATC!!! DALLAS ATC!!!"

Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911"

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OF OUR AIR CRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY!!! WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE!!! INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!

Dallas ATC: "Well bless your hearts... Y'all be careful

 

[techsan]

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,
which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,
" why they don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

 

[pleaz_me]

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,
which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,
" why they don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! I choked on my dinner!

 

[techsan]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! I choked on my dinner!

You don't live with any old people, do you?

 

[techsan]

Go to work!

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When
I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

 

[pleaz_me]

You don't live with any old people, do you?

Nope, not even here on Lit

 

[kayte]

From my email! L.M.A.O.

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.


Instead of characteristically telling me they are not, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."


Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask.


"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.


I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make them larger over the years?"


Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"



He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.


Stupid, stupid man.

 

[pleaz_me]

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.


Instead of characteristically telling me they are not, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."


Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask.


"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.


I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make them larger over the years?"


Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"



He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.


Stupid, stupid man.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!​

 

[techsan]

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

...


Stupid, stupid man.

ROTFLMAO!

Thanks, kayte! That's rich. What kind of guy would be idiot enough to voice that, even if he thought it...???

 

[kayte]

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!​

Good evening pm ~ I am so glad you like it!!

 

[kayte]

ROTFLMAO!

Thanks, kayte! That's rich. What kind of guy would be idiot enough to voice that, even if he thought it...???

Good evening {{{{{{{{techsan}}}}}

I guess he isn't the brightest chimp in the space program.......

 

[techsan]

Nope, not even here on Lit

You're a sweet liar, sugar...but I like the way you think...

 

[techsan]

Good evening {{{{{{{{techsan}}}}}

I guess he isn't the brightest chimp in the space program.......

kayte, I forgot to tell you ... I LOVE your new av...can I kiss it?

 

[techsan]

Evolution of Math (1950 - 2005)

Last week I purchased a burger and fries at McDonalds for $3.58.

The counter girl took my $4.00 and I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies. While looking at the screen on her register, I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:


Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?


Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?


Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?


Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20.


Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)


Teaching Math In 2005

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar?

 

[kayte]

kayte, I forgot to tell you ... I LOVE your new av...can I kiss it?

Thank you for the compliment {{{{{techsan}}}}} Well, there isn't any way I can stop you sweetie.

 

[pleaz_me]

Evolution of Math (1950 - 2005)

Last week I purchased a burger and fries at McDonalds for $3.58.

.......................
Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar?

Lol................this is soooooooooo true! Sad! But true!

 

[pleaz_me]

You're a sweet liar, sugar...but I like the way you think...

 

[kayte]

Snip

Evolution of Math (1950 - 2005)

Last week I purchased a burger and fries at McDonalds for $3.58.


Teaching Math In 2005

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar?

Snip

Oh my LMAO and then crying when I realize how true it all is.

 

[techsan]

Remember when long hair freaked parents out?

For all you parents out there!

(This includes all "wanna-be"and "could-have-been-but-chose-not-to-be parents".)

Repeat after me:

I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY! kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...

 

[kayte]

Remember when long hair freaked parents out?

For all you parents out there!

(This includes all "wanna-be"and "could-have-been-but-chose-not-to-be parents".)

Repeat after me:

I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY! kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...

THUD!!!

 

[pleaz_me]

Remember when long hair freaked parents out?

For all you parents out there!

(This includes all "wanna-be"and "could-have-been-but-chose-not-to-be parents".)
........
I will never complain about MY! kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again ...[/B][/COLOR]

OMG........I got this in e-mail a few weeks back and about had heart failure thinking my son WILL want to do this one day!

 

[techsan]

OMG........I got this in e-mail a few weeks back and about had heart failure thinking my son WILL want to do this one day!

Maybe ... if you keep him interested enough in some girls...he wont want to do this...?!? Could a desire to get laid prevent self-mutilation?

 

[techsan]

THUD!!!

That's kinda what I thought, kayte! What a strange place to carry your beer!

 

[pleaz_me]

Maybe ... if you keep him interested enough in some girls...he wont want to do this...?!? Could a desire to get laid prevent self-mutilation?

Lol......let's not rush him any more than he's already rushing!

 

[techsan]

Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?