Laughter is Contagious

[kayte]

Seven Degrees of Blondes

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were sleeping when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."


SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"


THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"


FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."


FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"


SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."


SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my ossessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

Good afternoon {{{{{{{{{{techsan}}}}}}}}}

Thank you so much for the funny post!!! I don't know which I like the best!

 

[kayte]

Redneck SUV....

Oh my! And it looks like it is parked where people may actually be using it!

Redneck SUV

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

Seven Degrees of Blondes



SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"






."

LMAO!

 

[kayte]

Redneck tattoo...

That one has me LMAO!!

What a tattoo!!!

 

[kayte]

Redneck weather forecast...

Scary it looks pretty accurate!

 

[kayte]

Redneck wind chime...

The perfect sound!

 

[kayte]

Redneck woman...

Such a cutie!

 

[kayte]

...and finally, the last one, Redneck yacht...

And how long will it float?

 

[seohdwm46]

Such a cutie!

I actually saw that very woman at an Easy Rider Rodeo a couple of years ago

 

[techsan]

And how long will it float?

Right up until he gets his first conquest in bed...LMAO!

 

[seohdwm46]

Right up until he gets his first conquest in bed...LMAO!

I was looking for Ohio registration numbers on the boat tee hee

 

[kayte]

Right up until he gets his first conquest in bed...LMAO!

Bingo! You've got it {{{{{{{{{techsan}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[Luck7lady]

HI {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{techsan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hey darlin thought I'd pop in and say hi, sitting here watching the Oscars and reading a few posts during commercials. lol Multitasking..one of my favorite things to do.

Hope ya had a wonderful weekend.

 

[techsan]

Life is like a roll of toilet paper

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

3. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

4. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

5. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

6. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

7. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

8. Wouldn't you know it. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

9. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

10. Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher - and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

Remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

 

[copperbutterfly]

Life is like a roll of toilet paper

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

3. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

4. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."




10. Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher - and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

Remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

LMAO...so true...so true! Morning sweetie!

 

[pink]

Remembering the techie asked me to stop by a long time ago. i apologize for being so long. Computer problems for the last few weeks have kept me off Lit much of the time. i have had a week of dentist appts last week and i am under the weather with having a wisdom and another back tooth pulled on friday.



i hope you are doing good, sweetie.

 

[pleaz_me]

>>LETTER FROM A FARM KID (now at Camp Pendleton, San Diego,
>>Marine Corps Recruit Training)
>>
>>Dear Ma and Pa:
>>
>>I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother
>>Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch
>>by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the
>>places are filled.
>>
>>I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till
>>nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late.
>>Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth
>>your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to
>>pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay...
>>practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad...
>>there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like
>>fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on
>>chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other
>>regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by
>>the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours
>>holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder
>>these city boys can't walk much.
>>
>>We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says
>>are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my
>>place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far
>>as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet
>>and we all ride back in trucks.
>>
>>The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a
>>school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the
>>school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and
>>frown. They don't bother you none.
>>
>>This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep
>>getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye
>>is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it
>>ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you
>>got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't
>>even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
>>
>>Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training.
>>You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real
>>careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting
>>with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in
>>this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I
>>only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but
>>I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300
>>pounds dry.
>>
>>Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before
>>other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.
>>
>>Your loving daughter,
>>Alice

 

[techsan]

LMAO...so true...so true! Morning sweetie!

Good morning, delightful lady! So good to hear from you this morning. Hope you have a fun day today!

 

[pleaz_me]

A photographer from National Geographic magazine was
assigned to cover Southern California's wildfires. The magazine wanted
pictures of the heroic work the fire fighters were doing as they battled
the blazes.

When the photographer arrived on the scene he realized that the smoke
was so thick that it would seriously impede, or even make impossible,
his obtaining good photographs from ground-level.

He requested permission from his boss to rent a plane and take photos
from the air. His request was approved, and via a cell phone call to the
local county airport, necessary arrangements were made. He was told a
single-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

He arrived at the airfield and spotted a plane warming up outside a
hangar. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted,
"Let's go!"

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind, and roared down the
runway. Within just a minute or two of his arrival they were in the air.

The photographer requested the pilot to, "Fly over the valley and make
two or three low passes so I can take some pictures of the fires on the
hillsides."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm a photographer for National Geographic," he responded, "and
I need to get some close-up shots."

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "So,
you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"

 

[techsan]

Remembering the techie asked me to stop by a long time ago. i apologize for being so long. Computer problems for the last few weeks have kept me off Lit much of the time. i have had a week of dentist appts last week and i am under the weather with having a wisdom and another back tooth pulled on friday.



i hope you are doing good, sweetie.

Good afternoon, lovely lady! I had begun to wonder what happened to you. Glad you are back ... hope the dental work goes without too much pain and you will be feeling good again really soon. Maybe when it seems really dark, you can come here and find something to brighten your day, I hope ... ?!?

 

[techsan]

>>LETTER FROM A FARM KID (now at Camp Pendleton, San Diego,
>>Marine Corps Recruit Training)
>>
>>Dear Ma and Pa:
>>...
>>>>Your loving daughter,
>>Alice

ROTFLMAO
ROTFLMAO
I was laughing out loud until I got to the closing and then I hit the floor laughing so hard ... I didn't expect that. Great one, p_m!

 

[techsan]

A photographer from National Geographic magazine was
assigned to cover Southern California's wildfires. The magazine wanted
pictures of the heroic work the fire fighters were doing as they battled
the blazes.

...

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "So,
you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"

ROTFLMAO
again!

 

[Machiavellix]

A photographer from National Geographic magazine was
assigned to cover Southern California's wildfires. The magazine wanted
pictures of the heroic work the fire fighters were doing as they battled
the blazes.

When the photographer arrived on the scene he realized that the smoke
was so thick that it would seriously impede, or even make impossible,
his obtaining good photographs from ground-level.

He requested permission from his boss to rent a plane and take photos
from the air. His request was approved, and via a cell phone call to the
local county airport, necessary arrangements were made. He was told a
single-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

He arrived at the airfield and spotted a plane warming up outside a
hangar. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted,
"Let's go!"

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind, and roared down the
runway. Within just a minute or two of his arrival they were in the air.

The photographer requested the pilot to, "Fly over the valley and make
two or three low passes so I can take some pictures of the fires on the
hillsides."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm a photographer for National Geographic," he responded, "and
I need to get some close-up shots."

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "So,
you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"

LMAO very nice.

Two burglars staked out a rich families house one night waiting for them to leave. When the time came, they made their way through a window into the dark house.
After shuffling around for several minutes a voice called out in the darkness. It said "Jesus is watching you."
Freaking out, the first burglar swung his flashlight in the direction of the sound. It was a parrot.
When the second burglar realized what had happened he laughed at the first burglar, "it's just a stupid parrot. Next you'll be afraid of your own shadow."
Once again, the parrot repeated, "Jesus is watching you."
After hearing it said several more times, the first burglar responded by saying, "Good for him. Now he can watch from above while we walk off with your families money and possessions."

To that the bird squawked and said, "No, not that Jesus. I'm talking about Jesus, the families pet doberman."

 

[techsan]

View on Aging...

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

 

[techsan]

Women over 40

In case you missed it on 60 minutes. This is for all you girls 40 years and over.... and for those who are turning 40, and for those who are scared of moving into their 40's...AND for guys who are scared of girls over 40!!!!..This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.

Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why........

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.