Laughter is Contagious

[ga400us]

Letter from summer Camp...

Dear Mom,

Our Campmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Campmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Campmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Campmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.

Campmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Campmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Campmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid tests. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steve and I threw up, but Campmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our Campmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo.

Don't worry about anything.

We are fine...

 

[ga400us]

Barry and his teacher

Teacher asks the kids in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

BARRY: "I wanna be a billionaire, have a beautiful bitch on my arm, give her a Ferrari worth a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel the world, a 200-foot yacht, an Infinite Visa Card, and I want to make love to her three times a day."

The teacher, shocked with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and continues the lesson . . .

"And you, Nancy?"

"I wanna be Barry's bitch!"

 

[ga400us]

Buttercups And Golf Balls

Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups.

Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden? POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life... Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!"

Then POOF!.... She was gone!

After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Fred, where are you?"

Fred yells back "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

Dave shouts back,

"DON'T SWING, Fred! For the Love of God, DO NOT SWING!”

 

[ga400us]

Eve chats with God

Lord, I have a problem.

What is it, Eve?

I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, especially that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy.

And why is that Eve?

Lord, I'm lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples.

Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.

Man? What is that Lord?

A flawed creature with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain. All in all he'll give you a hard time, but he'll be bigger and faster and will love to hunt, fish and bring you good things to eat. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like playing cards and knocking a ball around."

He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly.

Sounds great, says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, but what's the catch?

Well,.. you can have him on one condition.

And what's that Lord?"

Well, since he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring, you will have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret...you know, woman to woman.

 

[smotherman]

"Confessional"


A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

 

[smotherman]

"Hospital Visit"


A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital. "How are you grandpa?" he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all...nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ...and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. "What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

 

[smotherman]

"A dark and stormy night"


A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.

The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door only to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.

Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn’t come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.

The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a bar and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn’t drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same bar, and one said to the other. “Look, that’s the character who climbed into our car while we were pushing!”

 

[smotherman]

"Worry"

Fresh out of business school, a young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”
“Excuse me?” the accountant said.
“I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”
“I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”
“I’ll start you at eighty thousand.”
“Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed.
“How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”
“That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”

 

[smotherman]

"Circus"

The girl said, “I’ll go first.” She walked past the chair, the whip, and the gun and stepped right into the lion’s cage. The lion started to snarl and pant and began to charge her. About half way there, she threw open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stopped dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawled up to her, and started licking her ankles. He continued to lick her calves, kissed them, and then rested his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s mouth was on the floor. He said, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turned to the young man and asked, “Can you top that?”

The young man replied, “No problem, just get that lion out of the way.”

 

[talikat]

^^^^^^^ LMFAO!!!!!! Good stuff!!!

 

[smotherman]

"Maybe one more"

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once? "The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"


"Only when he's been drinking."

 

[ga400us]

"Maybe one more"

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once? "The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"


"Only when he's been drinking."

To the moon Alice...

 

[smotherman]

"a bit lonely"

He picked up the phone book and found an ad for a girl calling herself Veronique, a lovely girl who was posed bent over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture!





He figured, what the heck, give her a call.

'Hello,' the woman said sexily.

Afraid he would lose his nerve if he hesitated he rushed right in.

'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me

one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what

I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now.

Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in

your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me

in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything!

Now, how does that sound?'



She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.’

 

[ga400us]

"a bit lonely"

He picked up the phone book and found an ad for a girl calling herself Veronique, a lovely girl who was posed bent over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture!





He figured, what the heck, give her a call.

'Hello,' the woman said sexily.

Afraid he would lose his nerve if he hesitated he rushed right in.

'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me

one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what

I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now.

Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in

your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me

in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything!

Now, how does that sound?'



She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.’

ROFLMAO! I'm in a hotel every week, I better be careful!!

 

[smotherman]

ROFLMAO! I'm in a hotel every week, I better be careful!!

Better be very careful! LOL



The Silent Treatment


A man and his wife were having some problems at thome and were giving each other the silent treatment.


Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5 a.m." He left it where he knew she would find it.


The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't woken him up when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.


The paper said: "It is 5 a.m. Wake up."



Looks like we are not equipped for these kinds of contests. lol

 

[smotherman]

"Out Of Jail"


Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail." So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday. So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did. ''I got 17 people to get off drugs,'' says the first guy. ''Wow, how'd you do that?'' asks the judge. ''I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.''

''Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.''

''Wow. How'd you do that?'' asked the judge.

''Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your asshole before prison...''

 

[ndoorfin]

Breaking Bad in Australia

Chemistry teacher diagnosed with cancer goes to the doctor and is cured for free under Medicare

 

[smotherman]

"Hospital Benefactor"



A wealthy hospital benefactor was visiting the hospital when, during her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my god!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor that was leading the tour explained, "I am very sorry but this man has a serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they'll explode and he'll die within minutes

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's ok," commented the woman.

In the very next room they could see that a female nurse was performing oral sex on a different male patient. Again the woman screamed "Oh my god! How can that be justified?"

The doctor replied......."Same illness, better health plan"

 

[smotherman]

"ventriloquist"


A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."

 

[talikat]

^^^^^^ Hahahahahahaha!!

**********************

Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

 

[smotherman]

To all of you:

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one either!

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...


Have a wonderful day....

--------------------------------------------------------------------

New Study

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late

 

[talikat]

A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, "Aw, look at the dead birdie." The blonde looks up and says, "Where?"

 

[smotherman]

"transplanting"


There was a guy who had been having chronic trouble in trying to get an erection. After weeks of frustration, he finally breaks down and and goes to the doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and finally makes the diagnosis.

"Well, there's good news and there's bad news," she says.

"The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deteriorating, and there is no cure."

The guy, on the verge of panic, finally regains his composure. "So what's the good news?" he asks.

The doctor says, "There is an experimental treatment available, but there are no guarantees. It involves transplanting the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk into your penis. Would you like to try it?"

The guy thinks about it and finally says, "Well, the thought of going through life without being able to have sex is just too much for me. What have I got to lose? Let's do it." So the doctor performs the operation.

A few weeks later, the guy takes his girlfriend out to a nice restaurant to celebrate his new equipment. While sitting at the table, he feels a stirring between his legs; it gets progressively worse until it reaches the point of being painful.

Seeking relief, he reaches down and unzips his fly to relieve some of the pressure.

Suddenly, his penis leaps free from his pants, slides over the tabletop and grabs a dinner roll, then returns to his pants again.

"Wow!" says his stunned girlfriend, "That was impressive! Can you do that again?"

Eyes watering and face flushed, he says, "Probably... but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"

 

[1sickbastard]

A guy and gal fall madly in love, so much so the guy has her name, Wendy, tattooed on his cock. Of course, one can only read her full name when he's erect, otherwise one only see's the letters W & y.
They get married and go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. On a nude beach, they encounter a local chap who also has a W and a y tattooed on his cock. Delighted that he had something in common with his new found acquaintance, the guy asked the local if he also had a wife named Wendy.
"Oh, no mon," the local answered cheerily. "I work for the Ministry of Tourism. It say, "Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day."

 

[smotherman]

"BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE"

SYMPTOM:
CAUSE:
CORRECTIVE ACTION:


Feet cold and wet

Glass Being held at incorrect angle.

Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling



Feet warm and wet

Improper Bladder Control

Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training



Beer unusually pale and tasteless

a. Glass empty.

b. You're holding a Coors Lite

Get someone to buy you another beer



Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights

You have fallen over backward.

Have yourself leashed to bar



Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes

You have fallen forward

See above



Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet

a. Mouth not open

b. Glass applied to wrong part of face

Retire to restroom, practice in mirror


Floor Blurred

You are looking through bottom of empty glass

Get someone to buy you another beer



Floor moving

You are being carried out

Find out if you are being taken to another bar



Room seems unusually dark

Bar has closed

Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to
go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run



Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures

Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations

Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside



Everyone looks up to you and smiles

You are dancing on the table

Fall on someone cushy-looking



Beer is crystal-clear

It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up

Punch him



People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup

You're in the ladies' room

Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the
hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)



Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear

You have been in a fight

Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them



Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in

You've wandered into the wrong party

See if they have free beer



Your bedroom is painted grey, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel
door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk

a. You're in jail

b. You're in the navy

Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new
roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach



You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing
leather chaps

You're in a gay bar

Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept
offers for back rubs



Your singing sounds distorted

The beer is too weak

Have more beer until your voice improves



Don't remember the words to the song

Beer is just right

Play air guitar