NeonSubtlety
I'm a guy. I promise.
- Joined
- May 16, 2010
- Posts
- 13,354
Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
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ga400us
Póg mo thóin
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 4,034
Voted The Best Joke In Ireland
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised me self. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years, Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised me self. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years, Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
ga400us
Póg mo thóin
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 4,034
Good one, thanks Starry for sharing.
ga400us
Póg mo thóin
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 4,034
ga400us
Póg mo thóin
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 4,034
That's funny!
ga400us
Póg mo thóin
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 4,034
Booked that site to my favorites!
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Posts
- 42,571
The young Scottish lad and lassie were seated on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
She looked at he and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, Margaret, I was thinkin' ...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee lil' kiss."
Margaret blushed, but leaned over and kissed Angus lightly on the cheek.
Angus blushed.
They again gazed out over the loch.
Soon enough, Margaret spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' ...perhaps it's aboot time for me to put me hand on your leg."
Margaret blushed and nodded demurely.
Angus blushed as he felt her comely leg.
Then they gazed out over the loch some more.
Soon Margaret said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time I felt your chest."
Margaret blushed and nodded again.
Angus blushed again.
Then they once again gazed over the loch.
Soon, Margaret quietly said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
He looked at her with furrowed brow. "Well, Margaret, this time me thoughts are more serious."
"Oh?" whispered Margaret, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said Angus, who continued, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me them first three pennies?"
She looked at he and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, Margaret, I was thinkin' ...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee lil' kiss."
Margaret blushed, but leaned over and kissed Angus lightly on the cheek.
Angus blushed.
They again gazed out over the loch.
Soon enough, Margaret spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' ...perhaps it's aboot time for me to put me hand on your leg."
Margaret blushed and nodded demurely.
Angus blushed as he felt her comely leg.
Then they gazed out over the loch some more.
Soon Margaret said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time I felt your chest."
Margaret blushed and nodded again.
Angus blushed again.
Then they once again gazed over the loch.
Soon, Margaret quietly said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
He looked at her with furrowed brow. "Well, Margaret, this time me thoughts are more serious."
"Oh?" whispered Margaret, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said Angus, who continued, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me them first three pennies?"
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Posts
- 42,571
My wife thinks I'm too nosy.
At least that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary.
At least that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary.
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Posts
- 42,571
I couldn't get my kite to fly today so I called the National Kite Flyers Association to get some advice.
They kept telling me to hold the line.
They kept telling me to hold the line.
ga400us
Póg mo thóin
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 4,034
Home Depot age test
Men's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house:
mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint. You have
your old work clothes on -- shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt
with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you
need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush
your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the
mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you
just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And
you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb
your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your
favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the
register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat.
Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you
don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the
mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing
running the register is your daughter's age, and you feel weird thinking she is
spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto
your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that
shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the
register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.. Then
you remember the hat you have on is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it
says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo off
your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You
hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants..
The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on
so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug
store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her
of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember you need to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around
trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think
someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who
greeted you at the front door.
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am
I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
Men's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house:
mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint. You have
your old work clothes on -- shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt
with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you
need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush
your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the
mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you
just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And
you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb
your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your
favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the
register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat.
Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you
don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the
mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing
running the register is your daughter's age, and you feel weird thinking she is
spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto
your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that
shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the
register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.. Then
you remember the hat you have on is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it
says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo off
your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You
hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants..
The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on
so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug
store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her
of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember you need to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around
trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think
someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who
greeted you at the front door.
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am
I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
ga400us
Póg mo thóin
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 4,034
A doctor in Duluth Minnesota wanted to get Off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.
'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns
The following day and asks: 'So, Ole,
How was your day?'
Ole told him that he took care of
Three patients. 'The first one had a
Headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'
'Bravo, mate, and the second one?'
Asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters.
Like a flame, she undresses herself,
Taking off everything including
Her panties and lies
Down on the table and shouts:
HELP ME - I haven't
Seen a man in over two years!!'
'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole,
What did you do?' asks the doctor.
'I put drops in her eyes!!
.
You thought I was posting a dirty joke!!
'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns
The following day and asks: 'So, Ole,
How was your day?'
Ole told him that he took care of
Three patients. 'The first one had a
Headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'
'Bravo, mate, and the second one?'
Asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters.
Like a flame, she undresses herself,
Taking off everything including
Her panties and lies
Down on the table and shouts:
HELP ME - I haven't
Seen a man in over two years!!'
'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole,
What did you do?' asks the doctor.
'I put drops in her eyes!!
.
You thought I was posting a dirty joke!!
chatman2
Two deaf and dumb men went on a hot double date and made motions to each other after awhile....."Did you pick up any rubbers?" The other motioned back,"No, better stop at Drug store before parking!"
Well one went in and after a good while he came out looking discussed and the other asked"Well where are they?"
He motioned again, " I went in and the male clerk at the counter couldn't understand what I was trying to say!" The other man motioned that he would go in and try, so when he came back looking discussed also and motioned that he tried all kinds of signs. Finally he motioned" Down to his pants, looked around and pulled out his dick laying it on the counter!" But the male clerk still looked puzzled!" "So I laid a $10 beside it, and he pulled his out and laid $10 down and then picked our money up and said, I won, anything else?"
Yes this is an old joke back when drug stores had them under the counter and you had to ask for them!
Two deaf and dumb men went on a hot double date and made motions to each other after awhile....."Did you pick up any rubbers?" The other motioned back,"No, better stop at Drug store before parking!"
Well one went in and after a good while he came out looking discussed and the other asked"Well where are they?"
He motioned again, " I went in and the male clerk at the counter couldn't understand what I was trying to say!" The other man motioned that he would go in and try, so when he came back looking discussed also and motioned that he tried all kinds of signs. Finally he motioned" Down to his pants, looked around and pulled out his dick laying it on the counter!" But the male clerk still looked puzzled!" "So I laid a $10 beside it, and he pulled his out and laid $10 down and then picked our money up and said, I won, anything else?"
Yes this is an old joke back when drug stores had them under the counter and you had to ask for them!
ga400us
Póg mo thóin
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 4,034
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation:
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in Her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, then a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, the funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and patiently explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in Her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, then a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, the funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and patiently explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
DarkSimian
RONIN
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2011
- Posts
- 29,487
My favorite dirty joke
One day, Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest, on her way to Grandma's house. Suddenly, the First Little Pig jumps from the bushes, and he say, "Little Red Riding Hood, Little Red Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf is looking for you, and he says when he finds you he's going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and he's going to fuck the shit out of you!" Little Red Riding Hood replies, "I'm not scared of him," and heads on her way.
Little Red Riding Hood is a little bit farther down the trail when suddenly, the Second Little Pig jumps from the bushes, and he say, "Little Red Riding Hood, Little Red Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf is looking for you, and he says when he finds you he's going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and he's going to fuck the shit out of you!" Little Red Riding Hood replies, "I can handle him," and heads on her way.
Little Red Riding Hood is a little bit farther down the trail when suddenly, the Third Little Pig jumps from the bushes, and he say, "Little Red Riding Hood, Little Red Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf is looking for you, and he says when he finds you he's going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and he's going to fuck the shit out of you!" Little Red Riding Hood replies, "Eh, no big deal," and heads on her way.
Little Red Riding Hood is almost to Grandma's house when suddenly, the Big Bad Wolf jumps from the bushes, and he say, "Little Red Riding Hood, Little Red Riding Hood, I've been looking for you, and now that I've found you I'm going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and I'm going to fuck the shit out of you!"
Little Red Riding Hood looks the Big Bad Wolf in the eye, lifts up her little red skirt, pulls down her little red panties and says, "No, you're gonna eat me like it says in the story!"
One day, Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest, on her way to Grandma's house. Suddenly, the First Little Pig jumps from the bushes, and he say, "Little Red Riding Hood, Little Red Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf is looking for you, and he says when he finds you he's going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and he's going to fuck the shit out of you!" Little Red Riding Hood replies, "I'm not scared of him," and heads on her way.
Little Red Riding Hood is a little bit farther down the trail when suddenly, the Second Little Pig jumps from the bushes, and he say, "Little Red Riding Hood, Little Red Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf is looking for you, and he says when he finds you he's going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and he's going to fuck the shit out of you!" Little Red Riding Hood replies, "I can handle him," and heads on her way.
Little Red Riding Hood is a little bit farther down the trail when suddenly, the Third Little Pig jumps from the bushes, and he say, "Little Red Riding Hood, Little Red Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf is looking for you, and he says when he finds you he's going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and he's going to fuck the shit out of you!" Little Red Riding Hood replies, "Eh, no big deal," and heads on her way.
Little Red Riding Hood is almost to Grandma's house when suddenly, the Big Bad Wolf jumps from the bushes, and he say, "Little Red Riding Hood, Little Red Riding Hood, I've been looking for you, and now that I've found you I'm going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and I'm going to fuck the shit out of you!"
Little Red Riding Hood looks the Big Bad Wolf in the eye, lifts up her little red skirt, pulls down her little red panties and says, "No, you're gonna eat me like it says in the story!"
DarkSimian
RONIN
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2011
- Posts
- 29,487
One day, John gets a job at the sex shop. The owner is showing him around, and behind the counter is a display case with dildos. "The small white ones are $10, the medium sized brown ones are $20, and the large black ones are $30,"explains the owner. "Everything else is priced. I need to run some errands; call me if you have any problems." The owner then leaves the store.
John gets his first customer, a little white woman. John asks her what she needs, and she tells him she needs a dildo. "Well, the small white ones are $10, the medium sized brown ones are $20, and the large black ones are $30." The woman chooses a large black one. John rings up her purchase, takes her money, then hands her her dildo. The woman then leaves.
John gets his second customer, a large black woman. John asks her what she needs, and she tells him she needs a dildo. "Well, the small white ones are $10, the medium sized brown ones are $20, and the large black ones are $30." The woman chooses a small white one. John rings up her purchase, takes her money, then hands her her dildo. The woman then leaves.
John gets his third customer, a blonde. John asks her what she needs, and she tells him she needs a dildo. "Well, the small white ones are $10, the medium sized brown ones are $20, and the large black ones are $30." The woman ask John how much for the plaid one. "Oh, I'm sorry, that's not for sale," John says. "I'll give you $50 for it," the blonde pleads. "I'm sorry, that's not for sale," John says again. "I'll give you $100 for it," the blonde begs. "Ok, fine," John finally says. John rings up her purchase, takes her money, then hands her her purchase. The blonde then leaves.
When the manager returns, he asks John how his day went. ""Well, I sold a small white dildo for $10, a large black dildo for $30, and your thermos for $100."
lol
John gets his first customer, a little white woman. John asks her what she needs, and she tells him she needs a dildo. "Well, the small white ones are $10, the medium sized brown ones are $20, and the large black ones are $30." The woman chooses a large black one. John rings up her purchase, takes her money, then hands her her dildo. The woman then leaves.
John gets his second customer, a large black woman. John asks her what she needs, and she tells him she needs a dildo. "Well, the small white ones are $10, the medium sized brown ones are $20, and the large black ones are $30." The woman chooses a small white one. John rings up her purchase, takes her money, then hands her her dildo. The woman then leaves.
John gets his third customer, a blonde. John asks her what she needs, and she tells him she needs a dildo. "Well, the small white ones are $10, the medium sized brown ones are $20, and the large black ones are $30." The woman ask John how much for the plaid one. "Oh, I'm sorry, that's not for sale," John says. "I'll give you $50 for it," the blonde pleads. "I'm sorry, that's not for sale," John says again. "I'll give you $100 for it," the blonde begs. "Ok, fine," John finally says. John rings up her purchase, takes her money, then hands her her purchase. The blonde then leaves.
When the manager returns, he asks John how his day went. ""Well, I sold a small white dildo for $10, a large black dildo for $30, and your thermos for $100."
lol
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Danger!
The factory shipping manager discovered a box on the loading dock labelled, "DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!"
Management was called in, all employees were ordered to stay clear of the box, and the bomb squad was summoned.
A bomb technician arrived, donned his heavy gloves, helmet, and safety gear, walked onto the loading dock and then very carefully opened the carton.
Inside were 250 signs reading, "DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!"
Fathers And Sons
A high school boy came from school and told his mom, "I had sex with my teacher today."
"Oh, God! Go to your room! And just wait until your father gets home!" said the boy's mother.
When dad did get home, mom could tell him the sordid story; instead she told him to ask the boy.
Dad head upstairs and asked his son why Mom was so mad.
"All I said was: I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy.
"Wow, son! That's my boy! Ya know, son, women don't think about these thing like men do. But I'm proud of you. Ya know what? I'm gonna take you out and buy that motorcycle you've been wanting!"
The did just that and, as they prepared to leave the Harley dealership, the dad turned to his son and said, "Do you want to ride it home, son?"
The boy replied, "Nah. May ass is till sore!
At The Pharmacy
A woman ask the pharmacist, "Do you sell extra large condoms?"
"Yes," he replied. "Do you want to buy some?"
"No," she responded, "but is okay if I wait here until some man does?"
The factory shipping manager discovered a box on the loading dock labelled, "DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!"
Management was called in, all employees were ordered to stay clear of the box, and the bomb squad was summoned.
A bomb technician arrived, donned his heavy gloves, helmet, and safety gear, walked onto the loading dock and then very carefully opened the carton.
Inside were 250 signs reading, "DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!"
Fathers And Sons
A high school boy came from school and told his mom, "I had sex with my teacher today."
"Oh, God! Go to your room! And just wait until your father gets home!" said the boy's mother.
When dad did get home, mom could tell him the sordid story; instead she told him to ask the boy.
Dad head upstairs and asked his son why Mom was so mad.
"All I said was: I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy.
"Wow, son! That's my boy! Ya know, son, women don't think about these thing like men do. But I'm proud of you. Ya know what? I'm gonna take you out and buy that motorcycle you've been wanting!"
The did just that and, as they prepared to leave the Harley dealership, the dad turned to his son and said, "Do you want to ride it home, son?"
The boy replied, "Nah. May ass is till sore!
At The Pharmacy
A woman ask the pharmacist, "Do you sell extra large condoms?"
"Yes," he replied. "Do you want to buy some?"
"No," she responded, "but is okay if I wait here until some man does?"
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
That's Neat Kayte.....
Hope that storm keeps away from you.
{{{{{Lloyd}}}}}}
What a delight to see you.
I'm happy you enjoyed those and I hope these give you a big grin too.I am nowhere near where the storm struck. I am in the middle of the US. And what may seem odd, my weather has been marvelous the last few days. That nasty hurricane held good weather over me.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Employee Selection Criteria
A woman called the manager of a factory that hired only married men and asked, "Why do you only hire married men? Do you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous, or what?"
The manager replied, "None of those, Ma'am. We want employees used to obeying orders, accustomed to being bossed around, who know how to keep their mouths shut, and don't pout when I yell at them!"
2. Passwords
During a recent password audit, it was discovered that a young woman in Essex, England, was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon"
When asked why she had a such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
3. Redneck Honeymoon
A redneck couple had just been married and went to an expensive hotel for their honeymoon.
The man went to the front desk and asked for a room, saying, "This is a very special 'casion. It's our weddin' night and we need your BEST room with a strong bed."
The clerk winked and asked, "Do you want the bridal?"
The redneck fellow thought about it for a minute and then replied, "No, I guess not. I'll just hold on to her ears 'til she gets used to it."
A woman called the manager of a factory that hired only married men and asked, "Why do you only hire married men? Do you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous, or what?"
The manager replied, "None of those, Ma'am. We want employees used to obeying orders, accustomed to being bossed around, who know how to keep their mouths shut, and don't pout when I yell at them!"
2. Passwords
During a recent password audit, it was discovered that a young woman in Essex, England, was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon"
When asked why she had a such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
3. Redneck Honeymoon
A redneck couple had just been married and went to an expensive hotel for their honeymoon.
The man went to the front desk and asked for a room, saying, "This is a very special 'casion. It's our weddin' night and we need your BEST room with a strong bed."
The clerk winked and asked, "Do you want the bridal?"
The redneck fellow thought about it for a minute and then replied, "No, I guess not. I'll just hold on to her ears 'til she gets used to it."
jeff_is_smiling
Mentally Controlling
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2002
- Posts
- 110,455
OK, occasionally I write silly stories about myself that are goofy...here is another one:
I was playing youth football in 8th grade (I think)...and we used the same field as the high school team. It was early in our season and we were at halftime. We were using the home team locker room as I remember, but there wasn't a lot of room due to equipment they had placed for the evening game that night.
We had to either stand or sit cross-legged in the room during the half. I chose sitting cross-legged.
As soon as the coach was done with his halftime stuff, we all got up...and that is when it happened to me.....never happened to me before or since...but extremely memorable.
Apparently, while seated, I hadn't noticed that insufficient blood had been flowoing to my COCK. So that when I stood up, I found my cock had fallen asleep!
Then came the "pins and needles" feeling on my COCK. Did I mention that it was my COCK that fell asleep?
I was in agony...and the other players were asking if I was OK....I finally told one of the guys as he ran out of the locker room....a moment or two later the feeling subsided and I could think again....and MAN was I greeted warmly by everyone once they found out...lol...
I was playing youth football in 8th grade (I think)...and we used the same field as the high school team. It was early in our season and we were at halftime. We were using the home team locker room as I remember, but there wasn't a lot of room due to equipment they had placed for the evening game that night.
We had to either stand or sit cross-legged in the room during the half. I chose sitting cross-legged.
As soon as the coach was done with his halftime stuff, we all got up...and that is when it happened to me.....never happened to me before or since...but extremely memorable.
Apparently, while seated, I hadn't noticed that insufficient blood had been flowoing to my COCK. So that when I stood up, I found my cock had fallen asleep!
Then came the "pins and needles" feeling on my COCK. Did I mention that it was my COCK that fell asleep?
I was in agony...and the other players were asking if I was OK....I finally told one of the guys as he ran out of the locker room....a moment or two later the feeling subsided and I could think again....and MAN was I greeted warmly by everyone once they found out...lol...
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Posts
- 42,571
- Status
