Latest Story Feedback

[TooSmallDave]

Hi, apologies if this is a bit cheeky. I've written stories here with little expectation for some time now. But I'm really proud of the most recent one. Feedback tends to be vaguely negative without explanation, requests for more sexually explicit sequels or guys wanting to tell me about something that happened to them. I guess I'm more interested in hearing about whether the story works, whether it's engaging, funny, interesting, sexy, sensitive. My latest story is written with the voice of a female narrator and has five stories told by women and while I think I've done that with some integrity I'm aware that I'm writing from my own sexual interest; a specifically male kink, fetish, perspective. Also, does the fact that my username is explicit about my gender and interest have an impact on how you read the story? I'd appreciate your feedback. Content warning; the story contains incest, cuckoldry, sph and female domination themes so if you find those offensive or upsetting please move on.
https://www.literotica.com/s/wonderful-mothers

 

[AngstIgnored]

I'll confess, I started reading that shortly after it was posted, but trying to keep up with all the stuff happening at the same time, to so many different characters just ended up being a bit tedious and I threw in the towel on it, basically.

Names overloading, especially in a short story where the reader doesn't have much time to learn the differences in characters so you can stay immersed without having to look back upstream to figure out which is which can be a real drag, in my opinion.

 

[8letters]

It's an interesting fantasy - five women fucking their sons. SirSinn's The Trophy Wives Club is somewhat similar. That being said, you really need to have a lot more to the story for it to be erotic. In SirSinn's story, there's a mom meeting similar to yours, and then each of the moms decides to seduce their son. Each mom-son then gets a chapter. In your story, each mom doesn't get nearly enough time. Also, I think I/T readers want to read the scene where, for the first time, two family members have sex. Having Tina give a quick summary of how she had sex for the first time with her son to me wasn't exciting.

I hope that helps.

 

[lovecraft68]

I did something similar to this. Mother son confessions which featured 5 mothers who met online and all who for a variety of motivations slept with their sons. The story starts with them deciding to meet at one woman's summer cabin and meeting each "couple" as they prepare-and debate whether or not they should make-the trip

But I did it with each couple getting their own chapter to avoid the confusing back and forth and jumping around you're doing, its way too much crammed into one segment.

 

[Andrew1968]

Wonderful Mothers

I like the idea: a group of older female friends are sleeping with their sons. It is like an incestuous Desperate Housewives, which has a lot of potential. It is a sort of secret women’s club. It’s almost like a sort of “sex cult” with its own rituals and procedures.

I did encounter some problems when I was trying to read the story. I hope these comments are seen as constructive and helpful. I don’t normally comment on other peoples stories, so I hope these thought do not offend.

I was lost in a sea of voices and the story was very short. I noticed that every woman had a story, but the stories were so brief. I think it would take a lot of time to unpack these stories. There are, I think, 5 older women and 5 sons and then other family members? There are a lot of lives to write about. There is a lot of history there. There are a lot of thoughts and feelings. I don’t know what others think, but I reckon you are looking at a large multiple chapter work.

There was a female narrator. I would have been tempted to really set her up as a detailed character with a biography and a history. Introduce her son in lots of detail and then bring everyone else in and introduce them as well. The female narrator and her son’s sex can take place, and then you go from there I think. I reckon the female narrator and her son have to fuck first, be brave enough to tell the other female friends, and then those characters have to work through this knowledge and all fuck their own sons – it is a huge writing job…

I think it is also important to discuss in some detail why these people have decided to transcend the incest taboo. I think you have to start out by telling the story before any incest takes place. That implies one hell of a lot of writing because you have so any people eventually having sex. I mean I guess you can write about their lives after the incest has started, or even some years later, but will be a tricky I think.

The “dick size” fetish, or any cuckolding stuff, may lead to some criticism and unhappiness for the reader. It’s your story though and you should include stuff which you like.

 

[Saffyre]

What was the title? Who was the writer?

I started reading an I/T series about a year or more ago. Possibly nearer to two years.

Anyway, it started off (from what I can remember) with a son seducing his mother and then a friend of hers then working his way through the neighbourhood introducing his friends to the pleasures. I only got through the first three or four chapters and then couldn’t remember the title or the writer. What I liked about it was it wasn’t a ‘wham bang thank you ma’am’ story and there was a bit of humour as well.

If anyone can come up, from that meagre amount of information I’d be very grateful.