Language in a romantic story

[DarkrSide]

I am writing a very different story then I normally write and I guess I need some help.

It's a romantic story. It's sweet, it's tender. It's actually pretty long too. I'm on page 7 and the physical part has just started for the two main characters.

My question is.... how should I address certain body parts? Not so much in dialogue but as far as action. I know some words take readers right out of the story so if I mention "She reaches for his cock" would that be bad? I don't want to turn this into a medical term story with penis and vagina.

I guess I am just looking for some advice. What do you think?

 

[PureRomance]

shaft,manhood,erection,purple headed,hose


also arrow n: The penis.

bag n: The scrotum.

baloney n: A large penis.

balls n: The testicles.

beaver cleaver n: The penis.

beef bayonet n: The penis.

basket n:
1. Male genitals. Refers to the bulging shape of the male gentials when clothed in a jockstrap or athletic supporter.
2. Scrotum.

bishop n: The penis. Refers to the glans of the penis, which is said to resemble a bishop's miter in shape.

boner n: An erection of the penis.

choad n: A penis.

cobblers n:
Testicles. From th rhyming slang cobblers awls, meaning balls.

cock n: A penis.

dick n: A penis.

dong n: A penis.

dork n: The penis.

eggs n: Testicles.

gism also gizm n : Semen.

goolies n: The testicles.

hard-on n: An erect penis.

hose n: A penis.

jizz also jizm n : Semen.
v.
jizzed, jizzing, jizzes
v. tr.
To eject semen in orgasm.

Johnson, John Thomas n: A penis.

knob n: The glans of the penis.

lap taffy n: A penis.

meat n: The genitals.

nuts n: Testicles.

pecker n: A penis.

peter n: A penis.

pipe n: A penis.

pork sword n: The penis.

prick n: A penis.

pud n: A penis.

schlong or shlong n: A penis.

shaft n: The penis.

spooge or splooge
v. To eject semen in orgasm.
n. Semen.

stiffy n: An erect penis.

tackle n: The male genitals.

tallywacker n: A penis.

tool n: A person used to carry out the designs of another; a dupe.

trouser snake n: A penis.

wedding tackle n: The male genitals.

wood or woody n: An erection of the penis.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I am writing a very different story then I normally write and I guess I need some help.

It's a romantic story. It's sweet, it's tender. It's actually pretty long too. I'm on page 7 and the physical part has just started for the two main characters.

My question is.... how should I address certain body parts? Not so much in dialogue but as far as action. I know some words take readers right out of the story so if I mention "She reaches for his cock" would that be bad? I don't want to turn this into a medical term story with penis and vagina.

I guess I am just looking for some advice. What do you think?

I'd say your task is to make sure your sex scenes don't interrupt the story-- you want them to be inevitable and in context. Your story is set in one period or another-- there are current words for every time frame.
Depending on how much passion is happening, you can start a scene with gentler references; "His naked body" and then as she gets more involved and focussed, "his penis," "his cock," and then "his prick--" or whatever signifies, to you, a progression of lust and need.

It seems also that you are fighting the assmuption that "if it's romantic, it's in Good Taste." But if you're writing an erotic romance, you want to make sure that the romance and the eroticism are running in harness together, and make sure that your romance serves the erotic needs of the story as much as the other way around.

And so says I.

 

[tickledkitty]

My stuff is usually pretty romantic, and I use cock and pussy and even balls occasionally.

You might want to avoid cunt or pecker or asshole, and words like that because they sound crude. Just try to be a little bit more sensitive about it. (Although I have used cunt on occasion. I guess it depends on the context.)

I don't use cum though, generally. I'll say come, as the action. Don't generally mention the stuff though. If I do, I might call it semen or something else entirely.

I hope this is helpful. It seems sort of fragmented to me, reading it back. You're right though, you don't want it to sound clinical.

Wait...someone wrote a how-to...I'll be back.

 

[tickledkitty]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=312264

Alright, here's the link to the how-to. Some joker named Marsh Alien wrote it a while back. I don't think it will be very helpful, but there might be some other articles of this type in the Writer's Resources section.

 

[Tricialen]

I've read thousands of romance stories....just make the loving seem as a natural continuation of the couples relationship...

Some words that might help:

For Her

Beautiful
Lovely
Lusty
Sexy
Angelic
Dazzling
Divine
Scrumptious
Jaw dropping
Voluptuous
Luscious
Gorgeous
Curvaceous

For Him

handsome
strong
big
muscled
rippling

For a penis:

Long
Hard
Pulsing
Swollen
Throbbing
Engorged

Female sex

Cunny
tight sheath
velvet walls
silky
hot honey
cream

 

[Selena_Kitt]

It's pretty standard today, even in erotic romance, to use cock and pussy. "Cunt", not so much still in romance. Purple prose ("his swollen manhood" ... "her velvet sheath") is pretty much "out." Even in historical erotic romance.

 

[princessjennie]

...I'm on page 7 and the physical part has just started

Word page 7 or Lit page 7? If it is a word page 7, then no problems whatsoever, or even take more to build up the story. If it is a Lit page 7, I would suggest a lot of sexual tension. Obviously we can't lose site that this is an erotica site, but don't feel under pressure to force a sex scene because you think you'll lose readers otherwise.

It's great you are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to try something new

 

[sr71plt]

If I were reviewing a Romance story (especially a period piece or one that used rich language) by another author, the use of both "cunt" and "pussy" would throw me right out of the story. (I actually noted this on two edited stories recently.) "Cunt" is crude and "pussy" is juvenile. Don't have a list of good replacements, though. "Dick" would be jarring; "cock" not so much so--that's been used in literary works for centuries. If the language was really, really flowery, though, there might be instances with "cock" would be jarring too.

 

[tickledkitty]

If I were reviewing a Romance story (especially a period piece or one that used rich language) by another author, the use of both "cunt" and "pussy" would throw me right out of the story. (I actually noted this on two edited stories recently.) "Cunt" is crude and "pussy" is juvenile. Don't have a list of good replacements, though. "Dick" would be jarring; "cock" not so much so--that's been used in literary works for centuries. If the language was really, really flowery, though, there might be instances with "cock" would be jarring too.

That's the problem. There are no replacements for some words. I had a discussion once about using "asshole." I don't like it, but what's the alternative? Some people think anus is too clinical. Anything else sounds idiotic. What do you do?

 

[princessjennie]

That's the problem. There are no replacements for some words. I had a discussion once about using "asshole." I don't like it, but what's the alternative? Some people think anus is too clinical. Anything else sounds idiotic. What do you do?

Something flowery like "forbidden entrance"? "mysterious nether mouth" (although admittedly out of context that would crack me up)

I have problems with describing bums in historical romance - don't like buttocks (very harsh word) or arse, so I end up using bottom.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I am writing a very different story then I normally write and I guess I need some help.

It's a romantic story. It's sweet, it's tender. It's actually pretty long too. I'm on page 7 and the physical part has just started for the two main characters.

My question is.... how should I address certain body parts? Not so much in dialogue but as far as action. I know some words take readers right out of the story so if I mention "She reaches for his cock" would that be bad? I don't want to turn this into a medical term story with penis and vagina.

I guess I am just looking for some advice. What do you think?

Page 7 on your HD isn't all that long. It's not short, about 4,000 pages, but it's not too long, especially for Romance.

Cock and pussy are alright, but not cunt. Don't say fuck. Making love, or thrusting or moving together on the bed or other terms, but try to avoid being too euphemistic.

 

[xssve]

Why use signifers at all? You can't avoid them entirely, but you can be descriptive without being graphic or hackneyed: "he slipped his fingers into the wetness between her legs" - forget the language for a minute and imagine your readers reaction - what does this suggest in your head? "Wetness" is vague, but it has the charm of being descriptive, "slickness" might be pushing it, and "slimy" is right out.

Likewise, "she moaned like a whore as he pawed and probed her twat, and she responded by grasping his meat popsicle like a drowning woman clutches a rope, desiring nothing more than to feel it stuffing her like a Christmas goose" could read, "a groan escaped her at the sudden invasion, the firm, confident touch of his strong fingers (suggestion: phallic symbolism, dominance), and she reached down to grasp his rigid flesh, desiring nothing but to feel him penetrate her, deep into her aching depths.

Again, bordering more on the hackneyed, but you're allowing the reader do the work of imagining physical sensation without making them work too hard at it: it's graphic without being too insipid.

So, you can use those hackneyed phrases, but try to avoid using them euphemistically, i.e., to avoid being descriptive, and instead use them to enhance the description in a way that they'll have to work at to find offensive or juvenile. "Velvety darkness" is for example a hackneyed phrase, "velvety" is tactile, and it's just a confusing mixed metaphor in descriptive terms - it mighta worked the first time out, but it's past it's freshness date - use your metaphors strategically, in a more directly descriptive way.

'Course, I don't write romance either, so go figure, but I think I'd take that approach - you are dealing with adults, presumably, they don't need to be coddled, they just don't want crude.

 

[michchick98]

Likewise, "she moaned like a whore as he pawed and probed her twat, and she responded by grasping his meat popsicle like a drowning woman clutches a rope, desiring nothing more than to feel it stuffing her like a Christmas goose" could read, "a groan escaped her at the sudden invasion, the firm, confident touch of his strong fingers (suggestion: phallic symbolism, dominance), and she reached down to grasp his rigid flesh, desiring nothing but to feel him penetrate her, deep into her aching depths.

Very poetic, at least to me, without being too overly 'flowery' or descriptive.

'Course, I don't write romance either, so go figure, but I think I'd take that approach - you are dealing with adults, presumably, they don't need to be coddled, they just don't want crude.

You must have read a few in your day though because you gave a perfect translation of the more crude terms or phrasing used.

Although as others have said, it's erotica, the terms cock and pussy are accepted pretty openly. I will admit, however, I see more variations on pussy than I do on cock, especially from female writers.

My best advice to DarkrSide or anyone wanting to tone down the 'crude' words in a Romance, read some of the stories in the Romance category here on Lit or go to a book store that sells erotica and read a few of those. You might get ideas for alternatives to the 'standard' words.

 

[poppy_cock]

I am writing a very different story then I normally write and I guess I need some help.

It's a romantic story. It's sweet, it's tender. It's actually pretty long too. I'm on page 7 and the physical part has just started for the two main characters.

My question is.... how should I address certain body parts? Not so much in dialogue but as far as action. I know some words take readers right out of the story so if I mention "She reaches for his cock" would that be bad? I don't want to turn this into a medical term story with penis and vagina.

I guess I am just looking for some advice. What do you think?

I just took a look through your other submissions to see how you usually write. I guess it depends on how 'sweet' this story turns out to be. I've written sweet romance that uses the words 'cock' and 'pussy' and it can work, no doubt about it. But the story needs to be a fairly contemporary one.

If it's really sweet, I'd tend to agree with Xssve said about not using the words at all. It's perfectly possible to write a sex scene that doesn't actually name genitalia at all. But then you have to focus in on the emotion more, build the sexual tension.

Speaking as a woman, I've never been entirely comfortable with the word 'pussy' to be honest, but I don't think there's anything any better. 'Silken sheaths' and 'velvet channels' make me wince even more than the word 'pussy' does.

 

[DarkrSide]

Thank you all for your advice. Right now, I am just working on the foreplay part of the story. They are both topless. And she reaches out and starts to stroke his..... *blank* And I am trying to fill in that blank. LOL.

I definitely won't use words like fuck or cunt (I have never used cunt in a story, to the best of my knowledge and I don't forsee the day that I use it).

Right now, the story is 3,200 words and like I said the sex hasn't even occurred. This is definitely the longest single story I have ever written.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you all for your advice. Right now, I am just working on the foreplay part of the story. They are both topless. And she reaches out and starts to stroke his..... *blank* And I am trying to fill in that blank. LOL.

I definitely won't use words like fuck or cunt (I have never used cunt in a story, to the best of my knowledge and I don't forsee the day that I use it).

Right now, the story is 3,200 words and like I said the sex hasn't even occurred. This is definitely the longest single story I have ever written.

he still has his pants on?

She reaches out to touch the evidence of his passion, held in check by the tight fabric of his jeans (or breeches or whatever)...

 

[xssve]

Thank you all for your advice. Right now, I am just working on the foreplay part of the story. They are both topless. And she reaches out and starts to stroke his..... *blank* And I am trying to fill in that blank. LOL.

I definitely won't use words like fuck or cunt (I have never used cunt in a story, to the best of my knowledge and I don't forsee the day that I use it).

Right now, the story is 3,200 words and like I said the sex hasn't even occurred. This is definitely the longest single story I have ever written.

I guess it depends on the audience; cunt isn't a crude word to me, it's earthy, twat, which I used above, is just silly and thrown in for humorous effect. Vagina works, everybody knows what you're talking about, and it isn't a hugely loaded word, mainly because it's a clinical term, which is probably why people avoid it - it simply means "sheath" in Latin.

But getting back to your problem, again, I recommend the descriptive approach, she reaches where? Between his legs of course, she strokes his what? His pants probably; the reader can easily guess what's underneath them, you really don't need to spell that out if you don't think it's important. And, you can save the direct references until you really need them.

Repetition is, unfortunately, a big part of erotic/pornographic fiction, 120 days of Sodom is could have been cut down to one day, and it's almost hypnotic in it's monotony. I think sex scenes are probably the bane of all writers, there are just so many words for human body parts, none of them are particularly descriptive, particularly for the female, many of them unflattering, and the more descriptive they are the cruder they get - hole - which doesn't even begin to describe it except in the most reductionist way.

These words do have shock value, which is occasionally useful if you don't run it into the ground, though you might get mixed receptions to that in romance.

But, we all know where it is (belly, thighs, hips, etc., are all suggestive), we all know what it feels like (the crinkly hair, the bony mound, the puffy flesh of the outer labia, the moist slit, the lump of the clitoris, the corrugated passage), how it smells like, (musky, earthy), etc., and so on, and the same with the penis, you only need the reader to be able to guess what it is you're talking about, and you can do that without actually mentioning a specific body part by describing the sensations themselves, the context, etc. - i.e., indirectly, providing the reader with cues and clues rather than spelling it out.

Romance is about foreplay, it is foreplay, and foreplay is exploratory - which it seems you already know since you're already at novella length and they haven't even gotten busy, I'll be interested to see how it turns out.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

You can try to avoid the words altogether. "She slid him inside of her." Everyone knows what you mean.

 

[xssve]

Just forcing myself to reread De Sade's 120 Days, and I note that in the beginning, he uses details to whet the readers appetite, then claiming modesty, omits details in favor of a general description, leaving the reader to fill in the blanks with their own fantasies - a deliberate use of the power of suggestion, the tease, by a writer otherwise without compunction and unsparing in lurid detail.

 

[CharleyH]

My question is.... how should I address certain body parts? Not so much in dialogue but as far as action. I know some words take readers right out of the story so if I mention "She reaches for his cock" would that be bad? I don't want to turn this into a medical term story with penis and vagina.

I dunno what to tell you. It's your story and your vision. I have always enjoyed the word cock. There are many other words for it. My theory is forget about the terms for what body parts do and describe the feel, smell, taste of them for starters.

Luck babe.

 

[CharleyH]

Just forcing myself to reread De Sade's 120 Days, and I note that in the beginning, he uses details to whet the readers appetite, then claiming modesty, omits details in favor of a general description, leaving the reader to fill in the blanks with their own fantasies - a deliberate use of the power of suggestion, the tease, by a writer otherwise without compunction and unsparing in lurid detail.

120 days? Seen Pasolini's interpretation?

 

[xssve]

120 days? Seen Pasolini's interpretation?

No, such things would not be found in my part of the country.

 

[past_perfect]

Romance is about foreplay, it is foreplay, and foreplay is exploratory.

Well, not necessarily so. Classic romance would of course be that, people falling in love and sex being the inevitable result. If you go for contemporary realism though (pre-emptive apology for my next story) people might be fucking although they don't really feel more than a little attraction, or a need or whatever - following my theory that nowadays a lot of people find it easier to open their pants before their hearts (call me a cynic or hopeless romantic) - which doesn't exclude a romantic development thereafter.

The language should be in line with the mood of the story and the narrative voice - if you have a plain spoken farmer telling your story, references like "velvet sheath" might come off a little awkward, whereas references to ploughing her enchanted field might sound only half as silly as it does standing alone.

 

[xssve]

Well, not necessarily so. Classic romance would of course be that, people falling in love and sex being the inevitable result. If you go for contemporary realism though (pre-emptive apology for my next story) people might be fucking although they don't really feel more than a little attraction, or a need or whatever - following my theory that nowadays a lot of people find it easier to open their pants before their hearts (call me a cynic or hopeless romantic) - which doesn't exclude a romantic development thereafter.

The language should be in line with the mood of the story and the narrative voice - if you have a plain spoken farmer telling your story, references like "velvet sheath" might come off a little awkward, whereas references to ploughing her enchanted field might sound only half as silly as it does standing alone.

Well, it's foreplay in most romantic fiction, where ongoing relationships are assumed, in the old fashioned way, where you aren't working 60 hours a week, or getting transferred to the pacific rim next week, and romance is stripped down to it's fundamental ritual essentials as a matter of necessity (flowers, dinner, call you next week).

Romance a psychological escape to a slower paced life where there is more time for emotional as opposed to schedule conflict, and there is time for extended seduction and playing coy, where two people can focus their attention on each other and aren't just the first person who was free on Friday night.