Ladies I need advice(please)

[millman96]

I don't quite know how to say this, so I will start at the begining. My wife and I have been married for 24 years come August.

(This is when it started). A month ago we went on a little get away with friends of ours(another couple) for a long weekend. On that Sat. morning I was awoken to the most wonderful sinsation, she had my throbbing hard on in her mouth(which hardly ever happens). She has always been more outgoing when we are away from the house and kids. Anyways, I'll get to the point, so this doesn't turn into a book....lol.

The next thing I know she's in tears. I ask here what in the world is wrong?? That's when she lowers the bomb on me!! She tells me that she no longer has any feelings when we make love. Of coarse I had to find out what she ment by that. It seems that, she doesn't have any feelings in her vagina any more.

Yesterday, we were home alone and I wanted to try Mr. G's technique on her.(thinking it might give her more stimulation) We talked about it and I let her read the thread and she agreed to try it.(by the way, all she felt from rubbing her G spot was heat and she said it was getting a little sore after a while).

That brought up the discusion again. Here's what she told me. "I feel full when you're inside me and I can feel you hit the top of my pussy, but that's about it". She says that she's too wet to feel any motion or friction.

She still gets very wet from foreplay,(which I like a lot of). And she still climaxes from oral as well as clitoral stimulation while love making. She tells me there is no longer any long build up to it like it used to be though. It's more of an all of a sudden type of release and she's there. Her nipples used to very sincitive, but now she tells me there is no feeling there either. At least not untill after she cums. Then I can't touch them for a while. I used to be able to make her climax just by sucking on them.

Does menopause have this effect on the body?? Some women go through it earlier than others.....right? Can you have sex too often?? I meen, the first 20 years, we didn't miss too many days. I want her to enjoy our sexlife as much as I do, and she did untill just resently. I just don't want to loose what we had.

I had her make an appointment with her doctor to find out what's going on. She is due for a check up any way. I'm hoping he can help. Her meeting with him isn't until the end of the month though.

I was hoping that maybe some of the folks here at lit. could shed some light on the subject for me. I would really like to have some passion back in our lives.

Maybe she's just tired of the same ole dick.....ya reckon??? In all fairness to her, I am the only man she's ever been with, and I feel like I haven't been a very good teacher. We were both very young when we married. I guess that I figured we would grow together, sexualy, as well as in age. My appetite has grown a lot, her's hasn't.

I know what nice folks all of you are and thought you might be able to help.

Thanks......Millman

 

[SweetErika]

Millman, I can't give you answers, but I can give you a suggestion. She can go to the doctor for her regular checkup and bring it up, but he may tell her there's nothing wrong. Just to be safe, have her visit a specialist like a female urologist. Do some research to find a specialist who deals mainly with women's sexual problems. If the specialist does a reasonable amount of tests and doesn't find anything, you might want to try a sex therapist and counselling.
You sound like a great, understanding, supportive spouse. Don't start doubting yourself. Good luck!

 

[Jezebelle1458]

SweetE is right.have her talk to her doctor about it.you just hang in there,continue to be supportive and understanding of her. HELP HER THROUGH THIS!

 

[SmilinAngel]

Millman, I can't give you answers, but I can give you a suggestion. She can go to the doctor for her regular checkup and bring it up, but he may tell her there's nothing wrong. Just to be safe, have her visit a specialist like a female urologist. Do some research to find a specialist who deals mainly with women's sexual problems. If the specialist does a reasonable amount of tests and doesn't find anything, you might want to try a sex therapist and counselling.
You sound like a great, understanding, supportive spouse. Don't start doubting yourself. Good luck!

As usual, SE is right. Only a doctor would know if this is "normal." If she can't feel anything because she is too wet, try less foreplay. I'm sure your understanding, support, and love is what she needs more than anything right now. Keep us updated and I hope things work out.

 

[grrrlieone]

I have never been in that situation personally. But as a woman, I can tell you that the best thing you can do is be patient. Try to be understanding. If you can still pleasure her, do so in the ways you know best. Make her feel that she is still desirable. Bring out the woman in her...even if she doesn't feel that way. Have her dress up and take her out. Treat her like a lady. Be loving and supportive. After being together for so many years,you will endure. Hope this helps.


-Grrr

 

[sheath]

Maybe she's just tired of the same ole dick.....ya reckon??? In all fairness to her, I am the only man she's ever been with, and I feel like I haven't been a very good teacher. We were both very young when we married. I guess that I figured we would grow together, sexualy, as well as in age. My appetite has grown a lot, her's hasn't.

No...no, no, no, no, I seriously doubt she's tired of you! It sounds like there is perhaps a serious nerve problem, something physical going on here. Just a guess...but has she been in an accident in the last few years, even something as simple as a fall on a hard floor?

I think a doctor should rule out any physical problems first, including affects of menopause...then you can start to think along the lines of psychological and other reasons.

Good luck.

S.

 

[Metal_Monkey]

It's not you!

It's not you! After 24 years of marriage you two know how to live with each other. You've got a great relationship and this sexual snafu is not the result of sudden bedroom boredom!

It's possible that the sudden loss of feeling is psychological. It's also possible that it will resolve itself without you ever knowing what caused it.

Here's why I think this: I read an article a couple years ago about a woman who, for no apparent reason, stopped feeling any sensation in her vagina. Furthermore, sex eventually caused pain. Her sex drive plummeted and her boyfriend (an insensitive prick - not like you!) pressured her to have sex anyway. She kicked him out and went to a psychologist who made her look at her pussy and give it a name. (This is where I rolled my eyes.) She stopped seeing the therapist, carried on her life as usual, and one day jumped the bones of some guy who suddely struck her fancy. The machinery was fixed! When she was ready to have sex her body told her so by pumping up the libido.

She wrote a book about it: The Camera My Mother Gave Me by Susanna Kaysen

 

[marge_w]

Hi sweetie

From what you've said I really dont think that your wife has got bored of you, she wouldnt have been as upset with this sudden change in her responses if she was, although I can understand that your ego may have taken a bit of a bashing over this.

You mentioned the menopause and it is quite possible that the cause of this is hormonal. I was given a temporary chemical menopause and my responses and physical reactions changed whilst on the medication. A blood test may identify this however if her hormone levels have only just started to dip they may not do so.

I also noticed that I had similar feelings to your wife's whilst on painkillers especially whilst on co-codamol and similar where although I would get aroused the physical sensations were virtually nil.

Good luck and be patient

Marge

 

[Noor]

sounds like a nerve problem to me. does she ride bikes? any new injuries? even in her neck. fibroids? I would go to her ob/gyn and a urologist. I have found that my urologist (and ortho) care a lot more about sexual feeling than my ob/gyn.

 

[millman96]

Thank You

I want to thank everyone for your responces. All though I have talked with my wife about all this many times, it's very hard to put into words that others can understand.

You all are the greatest. Thank You for being so understanding. It's really good to know that there is a place out there where people still care about one another.

I'm trying to keep my chin up. Your words of encouragement have helped more than you will ever know!!!!

You all have a great day and thanks again.
Millman

 

[millman96]

injuries

She's had no injuries that I know of. She's not what you would call athletic. Her job can be strenuous at times, but it's mostly mental strain.

Lots of good advice, thanks for the feed back.

Millman

 

[bobsgirl]

Millman, I too have been married for a long time (almost 27 years), and take it from a dame who knows where your wife is coming from. Peri-menopause can do weird things to your body. And it can start as early as late thirties. The past few years my body really has been doing a number on me.

I would urge her to see a doctor, but I think I would go so far as to suggest a female doc for these questions. Men are wondrous creatures, but they don't have ovaries and they don't go through female menopause. There is also a book called The Wisdom of Menopause by Christiane Northrup. Excellent resource for women and the men who love them.

I went through a phase where nothing I or my husband did could help me to climax. It was very frustrating for both of us. Thankfully that is past, but I still experience a lot of the things you mentioned.

Try to relax and be loving and patient with her. Sounds like you are one of the good guys.

 

[sheath]

Re: injuries

She's had no injuries that I know of. She's not what you would call athletic. Her job can be strenuous at times, but it's mostly mental strain.

Lots of good advice, thanks for the feed back.

Millman

This post set off a warning bell in my head...

When I am very stressed, dealing with a dozen things at once, it becomes impossible for me to orgasm. If I do orgasm, it takes SERIOUS stimulation...we're talking serious along the lines of DP with toys while he is going down on me, and even that is not a guarantee.

And yes, emotional stress on a grand scale can make me almost immune to sensation.

Has her job changed? Handed her more responsibility? A new boss? Problems with a coworker?

It's just an off-the-wall idea, but when you said 'mental strain', that set the wheels in my head turning.

S.

 

[millman96]

Re: Re: injuries

This post set off a warning bell in my head...

When I am very stressed, dealing with a dozen things at once, it becomes impossible for me to orgasm. If I do orgasm, it takes SERIOUS stimulation...we're talking serious along the lines of DP with toys while he is going down on me, and even that is not a guarantee.

And yes, emotional stress on a grand scale can make me almost immune to sensation.

Has her job changed? Handed her more responsibility? A new boss? Problems with a coworker?

It's just an off-the-wall idea, but when you said 'mental strain', that set the wheels in my head turning.

S.

Good point Sheath,,

She has changed jobs here in the last couple of months. She has a much heavier work load than she used to. There are only two in her dept., her and her boss. He's a really nice guy and they get along very well. Her job is to keep the rest of this small factory stocked with parts. She's like a purchasing agents helper. When he is not avalible, she assumes his duties too.

Now that you mention it, that's about the time all this started. Sounds like maybe she needs some r & r to get her mind off work for a while. She has never let on like it is stressing her out, but she hides things like that really well too. I guess sometimes it's easier to see things from the outside looking in......huh??

Thanks sweety, that could very well be the culprit. If we can find the problem we can fix it.....right??

Thanks bunches,
Millman

 

[cecelia]

hormonal changes?

I had a similar problem that was resolved with a 2-3% testosterone cream. It needs to be prepared at a compounding pharmacy.
It took me a damn year to get a prescription from the local doctors but perhaps she sees one who is more...umm...enightened?
There are some potential side effects but I have had only one which was some enlargement of the clitoris. I haven't found this to be a problem, lol. I was told that this cream works about 50% of the time. I can't begin to tell you the difference it's made.