Kyberley...you Want Gross Baby, I'll Give You Gross

[GuyJD]

Kymberley...you Want Gross Baby, I'll Give You Gross

A man walks into his favorite cafe, sat at the diner counter, and ordered a bowl of chilly. The cook points to the guy next to him and tells him, "Sorry, he got the last bowl." Noticing that the bowl of chilly looks like it's never been touched, he asks the guy next to him if he could buy the chilly from him. The other guy agrees and the man begans eating the chilli. Five minutes later, he gets half way to the bottom of the bowl when he suddenly find a dead mouse in his chilli. Instantly, he threw up and most of it landed back into the bowl. The other guy tells him, "You too, huh? That was my reaction too after I finished the chilli."

 

[SweetCherry]

Ewwwww!! Just ewwww!!

 

[Simply Me]

* Putting my pizza down slowly * Thats gross, just, gross.

 

[Expertise]

No.... this is gross

A leper walks in to a restaurant during the breakfast rush. Unfortunately all the tables are occupied. He is absolutely famished but knowing the effect his appearance has on people he is about to resign himself to going without when he sees a priest beckoning him over to his table. The priest then asks him to join him.

"Father, it is a very kind offer but are you sure my appearance wont interfere with the enjoyment of your meal"?

"Oh no me son", he said in a kindly brogue "We are all gods creatures"

The leper sits down and orders, no sooner has he done so when the good Father retches.

"Oh Father, I am sorry, i'm too disgusting i'll leave".

"Oh no me son, 'tis fine.... sit, sit"

Only a few moments later the preist spews his hash again.

"You see Father I am just too repulsive, i'll leave".

Gasping the priest insists "No my son it'll be fine".

He no more has these words out of his mouth when he projectile vomits all over the table.

"THATS IT FATHER I'M LEAVING. I'M HIDEOUS AND I'M RUINING YOUR BREAKFAST, I APPRECIATE YOUR KINDNESS BUT ITS JUST TOO MUCH....."

"No me son, what is too much is that rotten son of a whore behind you who insists on dipping his toast in your neck....."




Please return to your eggs coffee and kibble now....

 

[Shylady]

ewwwww

Wondering why I opened this thread

 

[GuyJD]

***EXPERTISE***

ROTF & LMFAO

 

[Kymberley]

Kyberley?

Damn leave the board for a few hours and someone steals the "m" from my name.

GRRR

Good joke though, but I already heard that one.

Want more? lol

 

[indyweasel]

*walks out of the thread*

I know better.. I really do.. What was I thinking??

 

[GuyJD]

Kyberley?

Damn leave the board for a few hours and someone steals the "m" from my name. lol

THOSE BASTARDS!!! That's okay, Kym. I'm on the case. I'll find the trolls who stole your "M".

 

[Kymberley]

Whew what a relief, I was so afraid I was going to have to hijack the sesame street bus and steal one of their 'M's.

And when you catch that slimy little troll, make sure you chain him to the whipping pole out front as an example to all other little letter stealing trolls. They have to go out and find their own 'm's just like everyone else does.

 

[HARDKOREBJ]

gross here you go

this guy at work saved his used tobacco and put in back in the can.he gave it to a guy who he hates.he didn`t even know that it has been used.that was funny cause everybody knew but him

 

[RudeNastyAssBitch]

Where The Hell Is Vanna Whe Ya Need Her!

I Heard That You Liked Gross, Kymberly I Have A GROSS One For Ya!

It's The Only Joke I Can Ever Remember When It's Joke Telling Time

Dude gets off the ship he's been on for almost a year and heads straight for The WhoreHouse. Once there he practically runs up to the chick at the front desk and requests an hour of any whore's time.

*I'm Sorry Sir* She Says, *There Are No Girl's Free Right Now*

The look on his face must have tipped the chick off that he was in dire need of pussy, cuz she handed him room key # 7 and said that It was free.

* It's On The House Sir!* She Said With A Strange Grin.

Dude runs down the hall, to room number 7 and knocks on the door. From inside the room he hears a woman say Come right In. He opens the door to quite the sight!
Understanding now, WHY it had been free. They probably had to pay the johns to fuck this woman! She had to be 80 years old. Gray Hair, loose skin, NO teeth and strange looking marks all over her breast's. ICK!

*So, Sonny. Are We Gonna Fuck Or What?*

It had been soo long! But this old woman was so gross. He decided it would be tolerable if he turned the lights out and thought of some big breasted amazon or something. He quickly crossed the room and flipped off the light.

Climbing ontop of the woman, he pushed his deprived cock into her pussy. It was DRY AS A BONE!

* Look Lady, I Really Need A Good Fuck, But You're Just Too Dry To Get My Dick Into!*

* Ahhh* She Said, * I Can Fix That For Ya Son*

She jumped up and slipped into the bathroom for a moment and came back to him. and lay down.
He, Once again, climbed ontop of her and stuck his cock inside her. Effortlessly this time!

* OOOh! What Did You Do? Your So Fucking Wet Now!*

* Young Man* She Said In An Oddly Sexy Voice, * All I Had To Do Was Pick Off The Scabs!*


YUCKEEROO!

 

[HARDKOREBJ]

ewe

now that is sick but kind of funny.

 

[Kymberley]

omg RANB that was great lol

 

[doctor_insanus]

Used this one in another thread, but so what...

A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "Hey, I was in here last night, and I want to know just what in the hell it was that you served me?"

The bartender frowns. "I don't know," he says, "just what in the hell did you order?"

"I don't know. But whatever it was, it had me blowing chunks all night!"

"Big deal," the bartender says. "A lot of guys blow chunks around here!"

"No, no. You don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

 

[GuyJD]

Doctor, you've earned your name well...........LMAO

 

[doctor_insanus]

 

[gleam]

Oldie but goodie...

A man walks into a bar...Ouch!!!

 

[Kymberley]

LMAO Gleam that was a good one!! and thanks for the random PM too


My 12 yr old son told me this one this morning...


A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die and get to the pearly gates of heaven at the same time.

St. Peter meets them there and tells him he only has room for two so he will ask each a question and anyone that gets it right will be the ones he allows in.

To the teacher he asks the name of the ocean liner that sank in the early 1900's and was later made into a movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

Teacher laughs, "too easy, Titanic of course." he says.

He is right so he can enter Heaven St. Peter says.

To the thief he asks roughly how many people lost their lives on that ship.

Thief laughs, "too easy, a little over 1500."

He is right so he can enter Heaven St. Peter says.

St. Peter turns to the lawyer and is about to ask his question, when the lawyer asks, "what is the point since the other two have already answered correctly?"

"True, but it is only right to ask you yours, and if you get it right we will just have to find room for you." St. Peter answers.

"Now for your question," St. Peter continues. "What are the names of those who perished on the ship?"

The gates close.


1

 

[GuyJD]

NO FARE, KYMBERLEY

I heard that one before......LOL

 

[Kymberley]

Damn JD...I said it was from my son.

lol got more though!!

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said,"This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.. he couldn't get back in.


"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

 

[Kymberley]

The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" "A horsey," one child answers. "And this?" the teacher asks. "A piggy." replies another youngster.

"And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total silence.

"Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint. What
does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"

I know!!" exclaims one little girl. "It's a horny bastard!"

 

[Kymberley]

Q : What must a woman do when a man is running around in circles?
A : Reload and carry on shooting.

Q : Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?
A : Because it only attacks the brain.

Q : What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A : A rumor.

Q : A couple are lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
A : The woman says : "I will surely miss you"

Q : What takes longer to make - a snowman or snowwoman?
A : The snowman, because you have to hollow out the head first.

 

[Kymberley]

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in a pouring rain is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband -- "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was it?" asks his wife. "Just a drunken stranger asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks. "NO, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining cats and dogs out there!"

"Well, you've got a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on our vacation and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello -- are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the answer. "Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," the drunk replies.