kjtatts....
- Thread starter kjtatts
- Start date
darkelf9
Pie Man
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2004
- Posts
- 4,305
kjtatts said:Mmmm.... eating and shooting.......
There you go again..misconstruddling...who me, I would never lead you down a garden path
Funny I never took you for a hunter. So are you a "big game" hunter or do you prefer the prey to stand still?
jmsazjms
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 5, 2006
- Posts
- 563
kjtatts said:hehehe.. mmmmm how I love balls.
I have BALLS I HAVE BALLS!!!
my contest
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=433238
some inspiration, get into my contest and I promise more!
https://forum.literotica.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=634634
darkelf9 said:There you go again..misconstruddling...who me, I would never lead you down a garden path
Funny I never took you for a hunter. So are you a "big game" hunter or do you prefer the prey to stand still?
lol. I take it any way I can get it, these days.
David Lockley
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2005
- Posts
- 1,194
A little chuckle for ya...
Have been suffering major computer issues for monthes... very little Lit activity..
One of my niece's, Some of them are grandmothers now..., told me this story and I laughed so hard I peed my self...
Her mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When she was a little girl, she'd take her into the stall, and show her how to wad up toilet paper
and wipe the seat. Then she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover
the seat. Finally, she would instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet
seat.
Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the
toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat.
That was a long time ago. Now, in my "mature" years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain. When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."
In this position, your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"
Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse.
That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.
Oh Fuck.......Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of
your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of
the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the planet that was on the seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehouse that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At that point, you give up.
You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're exhausted.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here Honey, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to, bless your heart, and women everywhere who deal with a public restroom...
(Rest??? you have got to be kidding!!).
And this will finally explain to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door.
Now,if your like me, it's probably time to go change your britches .. Public Restrooms ... What a bummer..... ( no pun intended )
Well send you a new E-mail address... the old one sux farts out of dead dogs...
Love and Kisses, Dave
kjtatts said:Missed you too.
Have been suffering major computer issues for monthes... very little Lit activity..
One of my niece's, Some of them are grandmothers now...,
told me this story and I laughed so hard I peed my self...Her mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When she was a little girl, she'd take her into the stall, and show her how to wad up toilet paper
and wipe the seat. Then she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover
the seat. Finally, she would instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet
seat.
Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the
toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat.
That was a long time ago. Now, in my "mature" years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain. When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."
In this position, your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"
Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse.
That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.
Oh Fuck.......Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of
your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of
the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the planet that was on the seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehouse that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At that point, you give up.
You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're exhausted.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here Honey, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to, bless your heart, and women everywhere who deal with a public restroom...
(Rest??? you have got to be kidding!!).
And this will finally explain to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door.
Now,if your like me, it's probably time to go change your britches .. Public Restrooms ... What a bummer..... ( no pun intended )
Well send you a new E-mail address... the old one sux farts out of dead dogs...
Love and Kisses, Dave
naxalite0906
Ice Dom...
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2005
- Posts
- 4,419
kjtatts said:I have a question....
Should I start reposting some early pics so as we all remember that this is a slightly naughty and kinky thread, rather than a preggy thread? lol.
You know we all love being naughty
Hope all is well kj
David Lockley
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2005
- Posts
- 1,194
Do dogs bark at the moon...
kjtatts said:I have a question....
Should I start reposting some early pics so as we all remember that this is a slightly naughty and kinky thread, rather than a preggy thread? lol.
Do most women squirt?
Of Course..
Hot Stuff
Of Course..
Hot Stuff
Kain__Thornn
____
- Joined
- May 23, 2006
- Posts
- 15,402
Very nice pics and tats!
