Kissing How To?

[PinkLace5]

Hello all! I'm in need of any suggestions/advice. I need to find the most helpful, encouraging way to go about "teaching" (if such a thing can be done) my boyfriend how to make out. I know people have different styles of making out and different preferences, but I'm at a loss on any general pointers or helpful hints I could give. Everything else, sexually, is on the money. He just simply has not had many partners who were into making out and it's too enjoyable for me to not try and encourage him. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

 

[CWatson]

Oh boy. Umm. I gotta say, this is one advantage to dating someone who insists on waiting until marriage: you learn this stuff! (I mean, what choice do you have? )

Impose a challenge. Tell him he has to find ways to turn you on without taking any clothes off or going underneath them. Tell him he has to do it only via whatever amount of skin is uncovered normally. If he can't figure it out or feels reticent, demonstrate on him.

Other than that, I haven't got much to offer. The problem (as I see it) is that you can't make him good at this; you can only make him want to be good at this. And I'm not sure how you can do that if sex is already on the table. Cut him off and he'll resent it. In the meanwhile, all this stuff... he'll be like, "Well, it's fun, but, why don't we just have normal sex?"--and he'll have a point.

Or maybe he'll dig it and enjoy the hell out of it. I wouldn't know. The girl I was waiting until marriage for dumped me.

 

[kaycee217]

Why can't you just tell him to slow down, use less tongue, use more tongue, brush his teeth, etc? Basically, what does he do now that you do not like?

 

[RawHumor]

Why can't you just tell him to slow down, use less tongue, use more tongue, brush his teeth, etc? Basically, what does he do now that you do not like?

I have to support this statement.

And here's a gross generalization that I believe to be true overall - guys generally don't take hints. We appreciate you being straight forward with us.

If you want him to touch your breast, take his hand and put it there... don't send out thought waves willing him to move his hand (not every time, but until he gets to know himself around you).

If you want him to slow down or speed up, say it somehow...

So if you can somehow put into words what you'd like him to do differently, be as plain as possible with him.

 

[PinkLace5]

CWatson- You make a really valid point. I never thought of it that way. I guess I'm just used to having partners who always integrated making out before, during, and after sex. Sometimes I look too much into things and miss the obvious reasons.

In response to Raw and Kaycee, I have never had an issue being vocal or showing a man what I like. In fact showing is easier than vocalizing in my case, but I'll speak up if need be. I guess because my boyfriend seems so hesitant with the whole thing I'm unsure how to say things simply and directly without bruising his ego. How to put things like that in a constructive way without insulting the person (or worse turning them off to it)? Thanks again.

 

[silverwhisper]

rawhumor quoth:
and here's a gross generalization that i believe to be true overall - guys generally don't take hints. we appreciate you being straight forward with us.

quoted for truth. we tend to be fairly oblivious. :>

pinklace quoth:
i guess because my boyfriend seems so hesitant with the whole thing i'm unsure how to say things simply and directly without bruising his ego. how to put things like that in a constructive way without insulting the person (or worse turning them off to it)?

if the issue is that he's hesitant, that suggests a lack of comfort and/or confidence. i don't know anything about your boyfriend, so i can only go on the basis of what you say about him. is he shy, or otherwise not comfortable expressing himself? or is it just making out, due to a lack of experience?

cwatson's suggestion, esp the challenge, might be the best way for him to develop better a comfort level/better confidence with making out.

ed

 

[kaycee217]

CWatson- You make a really valid point. I never thought of it that way. I guess I'm just used to having partners who always integrated making out before, during, and after sex. Sometimes I look too much into things and miss the obvious reasons.

In response to Raw and Kaycee, I have never had an issue being vocal or showing a man what I like. In fact showing is easier than vocalizing in my case, but I'll speak up if need be. I guess because my boyfriend seems so hesitant with the whole thing I'm unsure how to say things simply and directly without bruising his ego. How to put things like that in a constructive way without insulting the person (or worse turning them off to it)? Thanks again.

My suggestion would be to ask him to try something different. Obviously, saying "hey, I don't like your kissing, so kiss like this..." isn't the best way. But you say something in the ballpark of, "You know, I really like it when you do..." or maybe "Hey, let's try something different when kissing..." Finally, you can ask him to follow your lead.

I'm sure others here can give some other ways (I hardly consider myself an expert in telling one's partner how to kiss better).

 

[subwannabe]

"Making out" I guess is kind of like foreplay to having sex. Some guys see the ultimate goal as kind of like hitting a home run but are thinking that if you hit the ball over the fence, why the hell should you have to waste your time running around the bases? Maybe his problem isn't really experience or lack of knowledge, but merely not wanting to run around those bases when he knows he's hit a home run. If this is the case then maybe he is not you soul mate.

 

[PinkLace5]

Silverwhisper pretty much hit the nail on the head. My boyfriend isn’t a very expressive person and on top of that he hasn’t had much experience with making out. He basically told me in all of his previous relationships the women were hardly sexual and making out was never done/asked for. I truly feel that their lack of interest in the bedroom hurt his confidence and explains the unusual situation. I’ve never really been with a guy who wasn’t up for a good make out (or didn’t really know how to go about it) so this is new for me too. When it comes to pleasing me otherwise I have absolutely no complaints. IMO kissing is really personal and a way to show how you feel (in a more romantic way compared to the other sexual possibilities). Subwannabe, you make a great point and I’ve questioned if this issue mirrored how important my needs were to him. Yet, he is so considerate in all other ways so I think the issue has more to do with the above reasons. Kaycee, thanks for a good advice.

 

[silverwhisper]

pinklace quoth:
i truly feel that their lack of interest in the bedroom hurt his confidence and explains the unusual situation. i’ve never really been with a guy who wasn’t up for a good make out (or didn’t really know how to go about it) so this is new for me too. when it comes to pleasing me otherwise i have absolutely no complaints. IMO kissing is really personal and a way to show how you feel (in a more romantic way compared to the other sexual possibilities).

truth be told, my diagnosis (such as it is) is grounded in once having been not unlike your boyfriend: shy, unsure of myself as a sexual creature, etc.

having said that: clearly, your boyfriend has an education before him, and what i really love about this thread is that your approach from the first post was "look, this isn't a criticism of my bf, but i really want to address this for both of us". i wish that more such threads arose from that place, pinklace. :>

btw: welcome to lit! :>

ed