Kissing adverbs

[nosebone]

She kissed me **************

lustily
hungrily
passionately
with a fury
with need
like her life depended on it

and on and on.

Anyone have any other suggestions? I've been very fortunate to know a few ladies that took my breath away when they kissed me, but articulating that feeling is a little more difficult, being a scientifically minded individual like myself. Love to hear any suggestions.

 

[Athalia]

She kissed me **************
Love to hear any suggestions.

....tenderly?

...aggressively?

It depends on whether you're trying to speed the action up or slow it down, I suppose.

 

[lovecraft68]

 

[My I]

She kissed me **************

...softly, but with a mischievous look in her eye. She sucked my lower lip into her mouth and bit down just hard enough to keep me bound but not so as to draw blood. At least not much.

I could feel her grin as she slowly stepped back. Assured I was following her movement, she took another step. And another. Striding further and quicker with each step. I had no choice but to follow, after all...

Ummm... Nope. you can't have that one. It's going in MY story.

 

[NotWise]

I cut adverbs out of my most recent story over and over. I think they've been sneaking in on me. They were mostly a shortcut to telling the reader what happened, but in a low-rent sort of way.

You can say "She kissed me excitedly," or you can say something like, "She pressed herself against me when she offered her lips and her tongue. Her breath burned on my cheek. Her body was tense in my arms." Its longer but it gets more across.

 

[nosebone]

Ah the reception I could have imagined. Thank you all!!!

 

[Beatrix_B]

Common practice is to avoid the use of excessive adverbs by using stronger verbs.

Another tip, which can be wordier, is to use a metaphor or simile to paint a more vivid impression of the kiss you're trying to describe instead of relying on adverbs.

For example:

■ simile: She kissed as if she was a hungry carnivore and my lips and tongue were a Porterhouse.

■ stronger verb: Her mouth devoured mine.​

Hope this was helpful. Best of luck to you.

 

[SamScribble]

I'm with NotWise on this. Adverbs are best avoided. Let the other words do the work.

Good luck.

 

[nosebone]

Common practice is to avoid the use of excessive adverbs by using stronger verbs.

Another tip, which can be wordier, is to use a metaphor or simile to paint a more vivid impression of the kiss you're trying to describe instead of relying on adverbs.

For example:

■ simile: She kissed as if she was a hungry carnivore and my lips and tongue were a Porterhouse.

■ stronger verb: Her mouth devoured mine.​

Hope this was helpful. Best of luck to you.

Ms. Beatrix:

That was very useful. Thank you!!

 

[Voboy]

...breathlessly?
...uncontrollably?

But yeah. A stronger verb is preferable.

 

[Bramblethorn]

She kissed me **************

lustily
hungrily
passionately
with a fury
with need
like her life depended on it

and on and on.

"...hard enough to curl my toes".

Note that "with adverbs" in that advice is itself an adverbial phrase

 

[SimonDoom]

Number 1, there's no way to know the right word or modifying group of words to use without knowing exactly what the context is. There are all sorts of different ways to kiss, and the nature of the kiss -- and the proper way to describe it -- will depend on the situation.

I'm not an anti-adverb Nazi, but often there's a better way to describe an action than with an adverb.

Another way to describe a verb like "kiss" is with a prepositional phrase or with a metaphor or simile, such as

"She kissed me with the hunger of a caged animal too long deprived of food."

You can get carried away with this sort of thing, but it will give your kiss a more particular and memorable description than will the use of an adverb.

Or don't modify the word "kiss" itself. Instead, use more words to describe how the kiss happens -- lots of tongue, wet open mouths, that sort of thing.

 

[Charmolypi]

She kissed me until my thoughts crawled to a stop, until my very desire for an adverb evaporated away in the serpentine twists of her tongue.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Hmm....

She kissed me, my breath exploded from my lungs. I tried to recover breathing through my nose to no avail. I had to pull back and feed my starving lungs.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

I can't write flowery like this, I just can't, it always sounds so stupid.
And this is why I suck as a write.
Oh I wonder if it's an aspergers thing? I am very straight forward, so maybe that's why I can't write all flowery?

 

[KindofHere]

.............

 

[barefootgirl69]

I cut adverbs out of my most recent story over and over. I think they've been sneaking in on me. They were mostly a shortcut to telling the reader what happened, but in a low-rent sort of way.

You can say "She kissed me excitedly," or you can say something like, "She pressed herself against me when she offered her lips and her tongue. Her breath burned on my cheek. Her body was tense in my arms." Its longer but it gets more across.

I've heard the same thing about adjectives. The goal is to help the reader visualize, I think.

 

[NotWise]

You know, as just a reader, I never noticed adverbs were no good, but when I started writing and I was told they were no good, well, now their no good, so I try to live by that rule. Can't get rid of them all, but I can most. I wonder how many readers give a shit, because from what I've seen on Lit, I'd say the only people who care are 'in the know.'

I think from the readers point of view the adverbs are just there. Skip over them. They're meaningless.

From my point of view, that space where the adverb is should be worth more. With a few words I can turn "suddenly" into something breathtaking. Why wouldn't I do that?

 

[KindofHere]

....................

 

[Boxlicker101]

She kissed me in places I'd never been kissed before.

But there are two adverbs in that sentence.

 

[JasonClearwater]

You know, as just a reader, I never noticed adverbs were no good, but when I started writing and I was told they were no good, well, now their no good, so I try to live by that rule. Can't get rid of them all, but I can most. I wonder how many readers give a shit, because from what I've seen on Lit, I'd say the only people who care are 'in the know.'

I was always taught to avoid adverbs, but it's a stylistic choice, as of this point in time. Clearly, in the past, adverbs were all the rage. Now, they're the devil. And in the age of self publishing, some of the writing in the best-selling list is choked with modifiers, to the point of being indigestible [to me], but it doesn't seem to bother the readers.

Publishers, editors, writers... bugs us, because we've been taught the 'right' style for this decade. But the readers seem to want their story, and the more information you give them, the more they seem to enjoy it, judging by the scores.

Over time, writing specifically for Lit, I've been experimenting with putting adverbs back in, and readers seem to like them. So, given that, I'd say, while I'd keep them to a minimum in any other genre, in erotica, they seem to be a key part of what readers enjoy. Especially lists of key words that generate an erotic response.

I saw the thread about cliches, which is part of this to me... some of the cliches you see all the time on here are overused because they turn people on. Those words, in that sequence, do the job. So, if you're writing stroke, cliches are a shortcut to the happy ending. Providing they're not physically impossible or extremely uncomfortable, like all those coke-can sized cocks being shoved up men's arses without lube.

End of the day [heh], cliches and poetic language, adverb salads, or Spartan, functional language that leaves space, it's all a choice. There can't be a right or a wrong. It's an artform, innit?

 

[SimonDoom]

The "rule" against adverbs often is overstated. The reality is that if you pick up almost any piece of good writing you will find plenty of adverbs. But good authors tend to use them more sparingly than bad ones. The reason is that adverbs often are either superfluous, adding clutter rather than clarity, or they are a second best way to describe something. It's a good idea when you edit your story to look at every adverb and ask whether the word is needed or whether there's a more colorful or more specific way to say the same thing.

 

[someoneyouknow]

I was always taught to avoid adverbs, but it's a stylistic choice, as of this point in time. Clearly, in the past, adverbs were all the rage. Now, they're the devil. And in the age of self publishing, some of the writing in the best-selling list is choked with modifiers, to the point of being indigestible [to me], but it doesn't seem to bother the readers.

I started to write something similar yesterday but chucked it because I figured no one would care.

Go back and read Asimov's works. He literally (in the truest sense of the word) uses adverbs on a regular basis. I'm reading Foundation at the moment. Because more modern writers eschew adverbs when possible, his adverbs stick out like the proverbial sore thumb.

Times change.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Complete the following syllogism:

Stephen King is a crappy writer.
Stephen King doesn't like adverbs.

"Adverbs can be trite," Tio said pontificatedly, "but they can also be fun." I rather like the impact of something like:

"She kissed me disconcertingly."

A synedoche with an undefined referent always stimulates thought.

 

[NotWise]

The adverbs I sometimes find myself writing that irritate me the most are the ones that are completely unnecessary.

"Suddenly burst..."

Can something burst in any way other than suddenly?