kindergarten

[Senna Jawa]

Spring time. Tarzan climbed the trees, played with the monkeys. He was hanging with them from branches, leaped from one to another. They shook the shoots, and petals like snowflakes went quietly down and formed a carpet. The Sun was making Tarzan and the monkeys lazy in a happy way, they slowed down.. Then he remembered the kindergarten.

A short walk and he entered a different world. Once inside, his nostrils were filled immediately with the smell of milk, urine and shit. Children played with and were beating on plastic monkeys. "Nice kids" Tarzan allowed. Children looked at him suspiciously. "Ok kids, I'll tell you a story about the monkeys out there..." Tarzan tried. The kindergarten citizens didn't hide their hostility anymore, it oozed from their orifices and protrusions. Kids pointed their smelly fingers at Tarzan and were pushing him outside. He looked at them and suddenly saw that these were no kids, they were midgets.



Senna Jawa ©
2002-08-29

 

[Rybka]

Before someone else does...

SJ, I just have to ask! How many kids have you parented?


Regards, Rybka

 

[Levelord]

someone was kicked outta finger painting - eh? lol

 

[TheDR4KE]

Your 'poeticer than thou' attitude is starting to get very old and worn. You say that you're not here for critical feedback, and talk down to anybody who does give it freely. Your own feedback is generally so unhelpful ("You could not have written anything worse." quoted from memory, and no that wasn't even followed with anything else.) as to indicate more of an indication of self-loathing than any care for other poets. Do you only want us to applaud when you post? To bask in your poetic achievements and seek enlightenment from your arrogant, cutting, snide and usually derogatory blurts?

Our little plastic poems aren't what you call poetry.

Go look in a mirror and take those rose coloured glasses off. All monkeys are the same. They are what we see in them, what we have put into them. Your poems are as plastic or as real as anyone else's.

And take your "I'll go and educate these children" fantasy and masturbate to it in the privacy of your work toilets, but don't think you'll get us to buy it or stroke your ego for it.

All the best,

the Drake

 

[beths-virtue]

you know, i find it extremely sad to think,
not only did you call this poetry,
but for some reason you felt obliged to copyright mark it and date it ... as if someone would honestly take this as a work worth plagarizing.


you are a sorry poet, and you have my pity...
even considering , objectively your work as a kind of modern rebel art type poetry. It falls short of what qualified a gathering of lines to be poetry.
At best, its merely an interesting mixture of words.
At worst, and please dont misinterpet my politeness to be endorsement it is a terribly written poem.
Other than the harsh feelings for you as a person seem to take pleasure in engendering among many of the poetry community, The poem evokes no response,and doesn't seem inclined to , even with major revision and an extremely talented editor, to show much in the way of talent.

While your attempts at poetry, are somewhat heartening, in the fact, that considering , you have put fingers to keyboard shows some hope for you.
Trust me that i mean this in the most constructive manner. At the very least, take a few writing courses, and not to mention literature courses. No prowling the literotica boards does not constitue a literary education.

I am a glad recipient of your scorn , in fact,I would personally consider it the highest of compliments were you to disparge my poetry. or to make one of your snide comments about this post.

I really think your attitude , as typed here, shows a basic lack of empathy for both your fellow poets, and humans.



Beth

 

[smithpeter]

proclivities

the one word that stuck out, to me.
sj has succeeded in something.
does anyone think he did not consider this thread would be controversial?
worthy of censorship and banishment?
it is strewn with HOT BUTTONS.
triggers.

 

[_Land]

Re: kindergarten(Readers Interpretation)

Spring time. Tarzan climbed the trees, played with the monkeys. (this is when Senna comes out to play)




He was hanging with them from branches, leaped from one to another. (what senna does in the threads)





They shook the shoots, and petals like snowflakes went quietly down and formed a carpet. (What she tries to do to anyone that threatens her view of "FORM")



The Sun was making Tarzan and the monkeys lazy in a happy way, they slowed down.. Then he remembered the kindergarten.
(monkeys are who she calls her peers, i havnt met one here yet, at least not from her remarks on every person here......I dont think i want to meet her monkeys not really)


A short walk and he entered a different world.
(realizing she is not even on the same playing level as the rest of us)

Once inside his nostrils were filled immediately with the smell of milk, urine and shit. (what happens when you dont have the clean air of the world outside the box, you smell yourself)




Children played with and were beating on plastic monkeys. "Nice kids" Tarzan allowed.
( What Senna Thinks as Long as We leave her alone)




Children looked at him suspiciously. "Ok kids, I'll tell you a story about the monkeys out there..." Tarzan tried.
(senna trying to force her very narrow minded view of the litterary world on the rest of us)



The kindergarten citizens didn't hide their hostility anymore, it oozed from their orifices and proclivities.
(What is happening in this thread)

Kids pointed their smelly fingers at Tarzan and were pushing him outside. He looked at them and suddenly saw that these were no kids, they were midgets.
( ya know thats the thing about Kids Senna they might buy your Bull shit, but even if we are midgets in your mind to the litterary world, We still have the ability to stand up for ourselves)



Senna Jawa ©
2002-08-29

Your Inteligence is waisted on our poor meager minds Senna, isnt there a place called litterary justice for the poetical grand, go join them, maybe they will validate you............. You wont find validation from those you treat with intrepindess, perhaps we dont write what you consider quality, but a lot of us write for the same reasons. It is an expression of who we are. just like this little piece of trash is an expression of who you are............ Well at least we see the real monkey out of her cage now....... thanks so much for your truest expression................... _Land

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Poetry Feedback & Discussion

Spring time. Tarzan climbed the trees, played with the monkeys. He was hanging with them from branches, leaped from one to another. They shook the shoots, and petals like snowflakes went quietly down and formed a carpet. The Sun was making Tarzan and the monkeys lazy in a happy way, they slowed down.. Then he remembered the kindergarten.

A short walk and he entered a different world. Once inside his nostrils were filled immediately with the smell of milk, urine and shit. Children played with and were beating on plastic monkeys. "Nice kids" Tarzan allowed. Children looked at him suspiciously. "Ok kids, I'll tell you a story about the monkeys out there..." Tarzan tried. The kindergarten citizens didn't hide their hostility anymore, it oozed from their orifices and proclivities. Kids pointed their smelly fingers at Tarzan and were pushing him outside. He looked at them and suddenly saw that these were no kids, they were midgets.



Senna Jawa ©
2002-08-29

Some weeks ago, Judo posted this at the "What does the poet community do for Lit?" thread:

«The poets at Lit offer improved similies and metaphors. We link thoughts with methods dissimilar from other types of writing, often openings new doors to creative wordplay. (...)

«As a Lit author who also authors poems, I find it incredibly stimulating to my prose.

«If you are a wordsmith, then you should dip your toes into poetry and watch your mind grow.»


SJ--

It really is a shame that, after months of being in the board, you've clearly let opportunities pass you by. Despite your alleged technical knowledge of poetry and its deep mysteries, your prose is far from being mildly interesting. Even ignoring the pure rudeness of it (which could actually contribute to make a good piece of artsy contemporary writing), there aren't a lot of positive things to say about your style: the flow is unjustifiably disconnected, the metaphores are so basic in nature it gets annoying before getting instructive and the whole phrasal structure's so trite. This work lacks the sophistication that would make it worth reading.

If I were in your shoes and trying to develop the quality of my prose, I'd start by reading more. There's an ocean of remarkable stories in this site by seriously not only tallented but commited authors. But don't limit yourself to this. If you want to, PM me and I'll recommend you a selection of quality literature.

You said more than once you have nothing to learn from this community and it might very well be true. Unfortunatelly (for you, at least) it might not be anybody's fault but your own.

 

[TheDR4KE]

Re: proclivities

the one word that stuck out, to me.
sj has succeeded in something.
does anyone think he did not consider this thread would be controversial?
worthy of censorship and banishment?
it is strewn with HOT BUTTONS.
triggers.

Of course.

The feeling I get is that SJ is taking his ball and bat and going home, but wanted to let us all know how unworthy we are to play with him.

The wonder is that he will look upon our responses and take away feelings of power ("My triggers caused their responses.") as well as of validation ("Even this last attempt to show them my wisdom they ridiculed and treated with scorn. They are beyond redemption.") rather than reflecting on the world of his making.

That said, he may now of course choose to stay so that my comments do not become true insights.

I personally really like _Land's interpretation and the closing statement of "seeing the monkey out of the cage".

Quack,

the D

 

[smithpeter]

hey there Senna Jawa

I don't think you and I have ever had an exchange.
I notice that you are being talked about in your own thread.
How are you doing?
What's up with the Kindergarten poem?
Are you ok?

 

[Angeline]

I'm Calling the ACLU

or the poets' union or the somethin. Senna Jawa, sometimes you like my poems and though they've never been the object of your apparently trademarked personal scorn, I bet you hate some of them. That's ok. I don't like some of your poems. A few I've read and really loved. That's ok, too.

Looks like you done pissed off everyone. I bet you either wanted to create some controversy cause you think it's good for poetry or you just wrote a poem to be critiqued and you really don't give a fuck. And then there's that third possibilty, that you are--gasp--showing yet again your contempt for everyone else's poetical ineptitude. Now don't all you angry people get mad at me, but I think that's ok, too.

It's good that most of us love the spirit of colleagiality that operates here. It does make us a community and there are some wonderful people giving a lot of time and effort to help us grow as writers. If someone doesn't agree or even wants to write a poem that appears to attack one or some of us, so be it. Isn't there room for dissention here, even if it's kind of personally mean?

Read Charles Bukowski's poems. He had some major contempt for other writers, and I'll bet he pissed people off like crazy when he was alive, but most people today agree that what he wrote was poetry. And prose poetry is a real genre. They even teach it in literature courses. I know. I got a degree.

If I decide that what Senna wrote isn't poetry--and I've certainly seen much more "experimental" stuff than that thought to be so--should I decide next that John Cage didn't write music? I dunno, but it seems to me (and get your flames ready, I'm goin for it), that line of thinking extrapolated to stuff like gender or religion, for example, gets dangerous. Just a thought...

Smithpeter, you're a prince. You really are.

I really really really like you people. Some of you, like ol Hynde over there, I even love. There's room for everybody here, right?

 

[TheDR4KE]

Re: I'm Calling the ACLU

Originally posted by Angeline

Looks like you done pissed off everyone. I bet you either wanted to create some controversy cause you think it's good for poetry or you just wrote a poem to be critiqued and you really don't give a fuck. And then there's that third possibilty, that you are--gasp--showing yet again your contempt for everyone else's poetical ineptitude. Now don't all you angry people get mad at me, but I think that's ok, too.


Of course that's okay. But by that logic it is also okay for us to express out opinion of his writing. The right to free speech implies the right to free reply.

Trolling is performance art. It works when the audience participate, and of course therefore we do so intentionally. The boards are a play that we are all writing.

Thanks for your lines added to the script.

Quack

the D

 

[_Land]

Re: I'm Calling the ACLU

or the poets' union or the somethin. Senna Jawa, sometimes you like my poems and though they've never been the object of your apparently trademarked personal scorn, I bet you hate some of them. That's ok. I don't like some of your poems. A few I've read and really loved. That's ok, too.
____________________________________________________
I think most of us can appreciate some of Senna's works, it her lack of appreciation/respect for anyone elses that peeves us off
its the Down right arrogance that I cant stand
____________________________________________________

Looks like you done pissed off everyone. I bet you either wanted to create some controversy cause you think it's good for poetry or you just wrote a poem to be critiqued and you really don't give a fuck. And then there's that third possibilty, that you are--gasp--showing yet again your contempt for everyone else's poetical ineptitude. Now don't all you angry people get mad at me, but I think that's ok, too.
__________________________________________________
The way you express your self leaves little room for anger miss angeline, one of the reasons I like reading your posts and poetry.
Somehow you could tell me that my poetry was worthless, and it would still sound nice...........Thats the point....... No one deserves to be belittled no matter their lack of talent....Everyone should be encouraged to express themselves, regardless of their understanding of form or lack thereof. A poet with no confidence could be destroyed by some stupid critisism, because the critic didnt take the time to look past the idiotic form to the feeling the writer was expressing. Not everyone has the fire to keep posting, after an assualt on their expression. I am just a stuborn ass that doesnt know how to quit, or i would have after a few of Sennas "Kind Critiques" . Yes there is rooom for controversy on the poetry board................. constructive controversy, wait what am I saying..........HMMMMMM well I might be getting soemthing out of this stoopid thread after all but Im to mad to admit it yet.
___________________________________________________

It's good that most of us love the spirit of colleagiality that operates here. It does make us a community and there are some wonderful people giving a lot of time and effort to help us grow as writers. If someone doesn't agree or even wants to write a poem that appears to attack one or some of us, so be it. Isn't there room for dissention here, even if it's kind of personally mean?
____________________________________________________

If SmithPeter is a prince, You must be a Princess



Smithpeter, you're a prince. You really are.
____________________________________________________

I really really really like you people. Some of you, like ol Hynde over there, I even love. There's room for everybody here, right?

____________________________________________________
Well if it wasnt for the size of Sennas head we wouldnt be so cramped. _Land

 

[WickedEve]

Actually, I can relate to what SJ did here - a little satire to get his point across. Though, I didn't find it to be quite that clever. In my opinion, it was a bit juvenile.

SJ, there are a few punctuation mistakes in your poem. I think the Tarzan/monkey theme wasn't particularly original. I did like: "They shook the shoots, and petals like snowflakes went quietly down and formed a carpet." Nice line. "Midgets" isn't PC, even though I know you're calling us mental midgets, I would still use "little people."

Last year when daughter and I were newbies around here, personal attacks were made on her character. This was on General Board where there are "oldies" and "newbies." I don't think any of us call ourselves oldies on this board. lol

Anyway, one lit poster didn't like all of daughter's "intrusive" questions and thought provoking threads. So he started a thread to let others know his feelings. In response, I came up with the little story below, which I think is a bit less juvenile than what SJ wrote. Though, I'm sure he'll disagree. lol

Below is the original (the thread starters name has been removed.)


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
many of the oldies dislike the intense and intrusive way the questions are posed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The oldies huddled together, fearful of the new thing that had landed in their midst. Finally, one of the braver ones ventured forth and poked at the strange creature, with a long stick. She jumped up in his face and sent him scurrying back to the other oldies. The oldies shrieked! They jabbered amongst themselves in a language only they understood. The strange thing watched them intently. This made the oldies suspicious. One oldie suggested naming the creature "daughter the newbie," then he suggested beating her with the stick. They all agreed. So he crept toward daughter the newbie, and managed to get his stick half way up when daughter the newbie spoke to him. She spoke their language which infuriated the oldies. She told them about other wondrous things that they could all do with the stick. They had never thought about doing this before, but they were not going to admit this to daughter the newbie, so they told her that they knew what to do with the stick. The oldies took their stick and left daughter the newbie standing alone. And as the moon replaced the sun, daughter the newbie could hear the cries of the oldies in the distance as they did with the stick what she suggested.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Precisely my point, Eve. Thank you for the wonderful illustration: that is one well thought, well written satire we can all learn from.

 

[karmadog]

Hey kids. Point your smelly fingers at the crotchety old guy all you want, but no pushing.

This thread is the funniest thing I've seen on the boards in a long, long time.

I just wish my finger was actually stinky.

 

[WickedEve]

Make a stinky kdog, and we're rubbing your nose in it!

Lauren, thank you. I was actually less dumb when I first arrived at lit. All the sex talk eventually fucked my brain cells down to the bare minimum. Sure it felt good, but... uhh... dildo... dildo... oops, there goes another cell!

 

[beths-virtue]

and now for something completely different

bows and nods to monty python and john cleese...
wicked eve, i love your AV!, so cute...

makes me think of a t shirt i used to have.. its still out there.. lemme see.....

 

[_Land]

Well as long as we are hijacking this Thread

bows and nods to monty python and john cleese...
wicked eve, i love your AV!, so cute...

makes me think of a t shirt i used to have.. its still out there.. lemme see.....

Laughter is the best medicine

 

[stargirl32]

Make a stinky kdog, and we're rubbing your nose in it!

Lauren, thank you. I was actually less dumb when I first arrived at lit. All the sex talk eventually fucked my brain cells down to the bare minimum. Sure it felt good, but... uhh... dildo... dildo... oops, there goes another cell!

my god WE you do relise that as a person owning more than two brain cells you are classed as a genuis here.... hee hee h aa.

 

[Angeline]

Ok this is all starting to make me giggle

Let's recap, shall we?

1. Senna wrote a prose poem that might be about how everyone but him is not only stupid, but stinky!

2. Lots of people got mad. Some were more restrained than others.

3. Rybka and Smithpeter asked salient questions.

4. I got all self-righteous.

5. Eve told a parable.

6. Karmadog pooped on the rug (I think).

7. Beths-Virtue has a cool t-shirt.

8. Eve had too much sex, with resulting brain- cell loss. (Was the sex with her ear?) [revised 3:01 EST]


Two things occur to me. (I must be thinking quantitatively today--a rare occurence.)

1. Everyone has weighed in on this except Senna, who is either hiding somewhere (I doubt it) or laughing his ass off somewhere (more likely).

2. I could be listening to jazz now or maybe even writing a poem. I'm gonna go listen to Bud Powell and work on the pretty please poetry thing (yes I got everyone's hints--off to do it now).

um Peace folks!
Angeline,
Opinionated Hussy and Pacifist

 

[Star At Sunrise]

Re: Re: I'm Calling the ACLU

Trolling is performance art. It works when the audience participate, and of course therefore we do so intentionally. The boards are a play that we are all writing.

Thanks for your lines added to the script.

Ahhh... don't you love that moment when the jumble of confusing images suddenly becomes a recognizable picture of something? Thanks, Drake! I am so pleased to find the real no bullshit answer to this thread. I found it fascinating though.

I got pissed off at SJ in another thread and it sucked. I hate getting pissed off at people in a place I like! But I know that button pushing is an art like any other, I've done some myself. It's bad for your karma though! Just ask Andy Kaufman!

Eve: that story about the oldies and newbies... really great!!!

 

[Star At Sunrise]

Re: Ok this is all starting to make me giggle

1. Senna wrote a prose poem that might be about how everyone but him is not only stupid, but stinky!

Ouch... Angeline... it is quite painful for one to do a spit take with laughter when one is not drinking anything.

Please refrain from making me laugh unless I am drinking something, and have my computer covered in plastic.

Thank you for your attention,

Star

PS: Is SJ a transexual?! He/She? It's Pat!

 

[WickedEve]

O.H. (opinionated hussy... lol) you forgot to add to your recap that Wicked Eve lost another brain cell while posting to this very thread!

 

[Angeline]

I thought about that, Eve

but then I forgot to edit and fix it. I see what you mean about this place and brain cells!

And by the way--even the initials are good: O.H. Will you be wanting royalties?


Damn, Star I would have liked to see that. And you should be thanking me: spit takes when you're drinking are messy.