Keeping passion in a relationship?

[CelticKnotted]

How do you keep passion in a long term relationship? I think this question boils down to two questions:

1) Do you need to be paired with the right person (someone who makes you passionate), or can you just be paired with another person who really cares about making the relationship work and be exciting?

2) Even if you need to be paired with the right person, what do you need to do to keep the passion alive?

 

[silverwhisper]

IMO:

1. yes, it has to be the right person. correction: it has to be the right two people, at the right places in their lives, IMHO. if you meet the right person at the wrong time, it may not work. when i was younger, i wouldn't have been able to appreciate my wife when we first met. i'm very fortunate my growth led me in this direction.

2. relationships--even with the right person at the right time--take work. that's the simple truth, and anyone who tells you differently is either selling something or extremelyl unusual. i like to think i have a good relationship with my wife and we do communicate--usually. but you have to continue making the effort to keep the fire going. add some kindling periodically as well as the periodic larger branches, like with a literal fire. by this i mean don't forget the big things by any stretch, but also do the little things for one another as well, like make the time to be together when you'll both be inclined to be romantic.

i've been with my wife of 10+ years now for over 2 decades. that's what's worked for us so far.

ed

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

When you find the answer to this, please market it. I'll be one of the first in line to purchase the product.

 

[myorangelily]

How do you keep passion in a long term relationship? I think this question boils down to two questions:

1) Do you need to be paired with the right person (someone who makes you passionate), or can you just be paired with another person who really cares about making the relationship work and be exciting?

2) Even if you need to be paired with the right person, what do you need to do to keep the passion alive?

1. I am 42 & have been married to my husband for 14 years. We had the passion at first, could make out in the car, have sex on the front lawn, etc. Things changed after I had our daughter. He is rarely interested & I want it more than ever. For me right now I would leave if I could & find my passion.

2. I wish I knew how to get hubby interested again. We almost live separate lives & I don't know how to fix it. We've had weekends w/o our child & even then not much happens. He is only 44 and I know he loves me, but I need the physical side to be there too. The touching, hand holding, kissing all that fun stuff that makes the actual love making even more exciting.

 

[amofiga]

When you find the answer to this, please market it. I'll be one of the first in line to purchase the product.

Not of I get to the store first and buy the whole case. This is an age old question and I've been around on this planet for ages. I really don't have a good answer. I've been married for over 40 years. It's been up and down and all around. There have been good periods, bad periods, and just plain blah periods.

Each of us has tried from time to time to kick things back into gear, but one of the problems is that what is a turn on for one person is maybe not so hot for another, or even worse, a bit of a turn off. There is a basic foundation for the two of us, but we tend to differ on some things. For me, the hardest thing to face is virtual rejection of an idea or non-validation of my feelings if I suggest something a little off the wall. It seems that it's women that are always talking about their feelings, but men have them too. When a woman invalidates a man's attempt at something he feels is a turn on, it makes him feel like an idiot, or maybe even a scumbag pervert.

People have tried a lot of things to renew/revitaliaze romance and passion ranging from trips to exotic places where you can run around on the beach naked, to candlelight dinners, to porno movies, to trying your hand at swinging. Some of it can work, a lot of it falls flat. Many times, things just keep on keeping on and you just make the best of it.

As far as I'm concerned, and I wish this had always been true in our case, is being willing to accept each other's overtures for something different. Sometimes it can help to actually sit down and talk about what might work and hopefully find something that each agrees is the way to go. Unfortunately, a lot of the little tricks or new things to try like blindfolds and handcuffs are short lived because they end up feeling artificial. Probably the thing that keeps most people together and interested is acceptance of each other for who each is, and letting each other know that your physical/erotic interests aren't dead no matter how it seems. Make sure that your partner always knows that you are still interested in anything to make it better. Then follow up by being willing to listen to what the other says without negative comments or judgement. Maybe something will hit to make you feel like a kid again. I have something I've been planing to offer up around Christmas. If it falls flat, I'll just feel stupid again and keep on truckin'.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

We've been married 18 years, the last 7 the hardest, I'm here still and I keep going through each day with acceptance. Right now I'm spent, worn out and tired. I will stay put because that's my choice at this time in my life, but I know if I do leave, then it will be because I no longer am able to put the needs of others before my own. I am a mom first and foremost, my time will come, and if it is with him, then he'll celebrate it with me, if it is not, then I'll find the person that wishes to listen to me as an equal, not give me a little hope, and then return to the old ways.