Just Wondering

[autymn]

okay so I'm talking to a friend ......he comes at me with a problem ....He has been married 5 years and finds the marriage bed cold ....so I start asking why ....he claims she is not as sexually active as he is in bed .....so he is and I quote this ..." Forced to look for extra marital affairs" ....okay so now my next question is why did you get married ?....He tells me in his society, sex is not a common practice before marriage so he didn't know she was like this ...So heres my thinking two virgins on the marriage night ...when asked he confirmed it... now trying to be as understanding as I possibly can ...I suggest all the normal ...buy a porn movie/mag/ect....also suggested toys and playful interactions things that I like to do .....He still is claiming its her fault ...trying to be reasonable about this I expressed that if they were both virgins on the wedding night its really nobodys fault just neither of them have experience ....then he got mad at me and told me He was going to find a lover ...okay well at this point I told him good luck with it .....

now here's where I need Your opinion ....Do all Men think like this ??.....is it not each partners responsibility to express to the other what they want what they enjoy ?....or am I totally off base here ?

 

[TWB]

No, all men do not think like that. You are not off base.

 

[autymn]

No, all men do not think like that. You are not off base.

okay twb so what would you suggest to this guy ?

 

[Moridin187]

You gotta tell him that everyone has a different level of sexual appetite. If he found a wife who wanted sex everytime he did, he would be truly blessed. But most men aren't blessed that way. So really he has two choices, he can fuck around on her and lose anything that might be good about the marriage, or he can do like most guys with committed relationships or marriages do and fucking jerk off when he's got a hard on and wifey doesn't wanna play.


He can satisfy the urges himself, I guess you just have to pose to him the question of whether finding a new piece is worth putting what's good about his marriage in jeopardy, or if he can live with the tennis elbow.

 

[Gord]

It is an age old problem with relationships over a certain no of years .

and I dont think that porn or magazines is necessary the right answer to people having sexual difficulties. - I think that aids people who are sexualy in tune ......anyway

Sex tends to be wrapped in with all the other little things that tend to go wrong -

like communication , partnership, love , togertheness, etc.

If they are both serious about their lives together ( he doesnt if he is really considering going for an affair straight away )

Then they should go and see a professional counsellor - who will help sort out the shit flying around in their heads. They can then begin to really see what is at the root of their problems.

They could even go for specialist sex counselling - if nothing else works.


If all that fails then........ get down to these singles bars

 

[LadyG]

Hmmm has he even tried talking to her about it?

 

[zantac666]

Well he should sit down and talk to her abut it.

Knowing how men are he just powed his way since they were virgins she had a bad experence and she is scared.

 

[April]

From what you've said, and his reactions, it sounds like he'll justify his affair seeking any way he can. I think that's at the heart of it. He wants to cheat, and nothing will stop him. Best to step away from this guy. Bad times ahead.

 

[Mad_Jack_Rabbit]

okay twb so what would you suggest to this guy ?

Talk to her about it. Discuss it.

Get her into reading slash fan-fiction.

It'll open her eyes up to whole new possibilites.

 

[funspirit]

He must not be a very good lover......

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I wonder about stuff like this too. If you 'have' to cheat on your wife, then you need to divorce your wife. You knew what you were signing up for before you got married, so you should deal with that as an adult, instead of acting childish and putting your desires first.

 

[Gord]

I wonder about stuff like this too. If you 'have' to cheat on your wife, then you need to divorce your wife. You knew what you were signing up for before you got married, so you should deal with that as an adult, instead of acting childish and putting your desires first.

Fuck I think 90% of us probably had no idea what we were " signing " up for

I certainly didnt - Thats the whole thing about it all - its one great big mystery sometimes

 

[Guest]

 

[Gord]

how did gord get to b so wise?

Look and learn , look and learn

 

[Cheyenne]

From what you've said, and his reactions, it sounds like he'll justify his affair seeking any way he can. I think that's at the heart of it. He wants to cheat, and nothing will stop him. Best to step away from this guy. Bad times ahead.

That's the way I read it, too. Sounds like he was fishing for a partner to cheat with, not any advice on how to fix what is wrong in his home sex life.

 

[autymn]

He must not be a very good lover......

Those were my thoughts as well I mean come on how many of us knew what we were doing the first time right ?.....But He is hell bent on blaming her ....Good Morning Lit !

 

[autymn]

That's the way I read it, too. Sounds like he was fishing for a partner to cheat with, not any advice on how to fix what is wrong in his home sex life.

~L~ I thought so as well but since his wife is my friend as well He kinda chose the wrong person to whine to I ripped his ass and told him to quit using excuses to justify it cause it wasn't working with me ....

 

[James MacGregor]

I can't speak for all guys on this one. But, just from what I read there...I would say his problem is...He knows what He likes but doesn't have a clue...or cares, what she likes. It's guys like that, that tend to get the rest of Us slapped in bars *chuckle*