...just what do I do...?

[pinkpepper]

I was a very late bloomer.
I knew I was straight around the time puberty hit but sex drive just wasn't high. For some time I even thought I was asexaul, but attracted to the idea of love.
When I was 21 I realized that I am, in fact, completely straight.
My first kiss and first sexual experience was just a few months after my 21st birthday, though I was still a virgin.

Now, I'm 22 and my sister's boyfriend introduced me to one of his friends. I wasn't even sure if he was attracted to me. I was just minding my own at a concert, dancing to the music, when he came up to me and just kissed me. I mean you can't get any more forward than that but he was also very drunk.

Anyways, skipping some non important details, the two of us were both crashing on the couch. Since we had been making out all night, when my sister and her boyfriend went to their room, things really got hot. I know I don't have the body of a model, but I've got relatively healthy self esteem. I wasn't uncomfortable taking my clothes off in front of him or anything, I even tried giving him a blow job. But he just wasn't getting hard enough for penetration. It seemed like he was enjoying touching me and enjoying me touching him and even though he was saying he wanted to fuck me, things just weren't going that way.

It got to the point where we were just laying next do each other naked. I shrugged it off and tried to go to sleep. Around maybe 3:30 or 4am, he got up, went to the bathroom and when he returned he started touching me again. This time, I didn't give him a blow job, just rubbed his cock a bit and he was hard. (And I was not one of those lucky girls that don't feel much pain the first time).

People have told me not to expect much my first time having sex, but I didn't orgasm and I'm pretty sure he didn't either. I want to see him again, I want to be with him again. I just don't want a repeat of this first time with him.

Considering my very limited experience, how does foreplay actually play out in real life (not erotica or porn)? Is there anything I can do to turn a guy on well enough for intercourse? I mean, I really don't know what turns a guy on. I thought a blow job would get him hard but apparently it wasn't enough...he was moaning and thrusting his hips while I was sucking on him but still...

 

[emap]

Being drunk is a major downer on actually having enjoyable sex. Well perhaps I didn't say that right, want orgasms, don't drink. Tipsy is about the limit on your enjoying his stiff cock. Guys can get it up later than tipsy but actually reaching orgasm is iffy.

That said, the rest of it you shouldn't worry about. I'm not kidding, guys only want to get your legs spread and fuck you. If you want to try something, just do it before he gets on top. Since guys tend to be vocal on feeling good or not just do what you want and listen to him.

Now keep in mind you want to be vocal as well. Not all guys will care if you are enjoying him, but you might as well see if the one between your legs does. Orgasms are not the end of the road, they are the happy bumps in it. As in don't focus on the orgasms, focus on the hot guy doing you.

Course if he isn't hot, what the hell are you doing? Drink less next time or work on saying no.

 

[SweetErika]

You said he had been drinking a bunch and this was after a concert, right? Plus, your sister's bf may have told him you were inexperienced, or maybe even a virgin.

There's a 99.9% chance his erectile issues had everything to do with those factors, and little to nothing to do with you or your sexual skills. Sometimes men--and women,too--just have off days sexually.

Do figure out what type of relationship you'd like going forward and see if he's on the same page. If you want more than a fuckbuddy/bootycall or FWB, take care with giving your "milk" away for free. Also, some-many younger guys especially have fucked up ideas about having sex too soon; if he's one of them, understand that it has nothing to do with you personally and move onto better prospects. Exploring is wonderful, but if you might want a relationship with a guy, save the sexual exploration until you two have established connections in other areas.

As for sexual techniques, there's tons of info online. and off. At the very least, I'd suggest sticking around here to soak up knowledge. Lit in general, and How To in particular, have so much to offer novices and experts alike!

 

[Mike4fun]

As a guy, I'm chiming in.

I agree with post posts above.

He may have felt guilty, he may have been too drunk, he may have been very tired. The more we want to get hard, and it doesn't happen, the more pressure we put ourselves under and it wont happen. This may have been the case. A flaccid cycle ;-)

It probably has nothing todo with your appearance or skills. Us males are dogs, we don't need a sex goddess, we just need sex (although sex goddesses are good!). We're not fussy (that certainly is not intended to offend).

Based on what you've written it sounds like a clear case of it's him and not you.

Sex gets better the more you do it. Looking back at my sexual experiences, I enjoy it much more now than i did.

Take it easy and enjoy. Remember to play safe.

Mike

 

[Bramblethorn]

There's a 99.9% chance his erectile issues had everything to do with those factors, and little to nothing to do with you or your sexual skills. Sometimes men--and women,too--just have off days sexually.

Quite a good video on this topic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs1zz4zZhdM

 

[LadyVer]

Sex is like most any other skills you learn. The more you practice, with the right attitude of playfulness, fun and creativity, the better it gets. I don't think too many girls or women enjoy their first time. How could they? It hurts like hell. And a guy who's been drinking just isn't going to get it up or keep up. As far as orgasms go, to expect to have an orgasm when losing one's virginity, especially with a guy who's been drinking, is completely unrealistic, even though Cosmo or other magazines may state otherwise. To truly know what an orgasm is going to feel like takes practice with masturbation. Just don't add performance pressure on yourself. Take the time to learn about sex from some of the resources others mentioned. And sex is not something to just jump into unless you feel prepared and are at least somewhat comfortable with your partner. You want a partner you can trust who isn't going to brag to his friends the intimate details of your relationship with him. Good luck!

 

[amofiga]

Try not to read too much into this initial experience. You had a lot stacked against you to start with and first times are generally not as "romantic and blissful" as a lot of romance novels and teen movies would like you to believe, even for guys. My first time was a fumbling, awkward, pre-ejaculation nightmare that I'd like to forget about but it still sometimes rumbles around in the back of my brain 50 years later. I sometimes wish I could have a do-over with that girl knowing what I know now. I really did like her but it was the first time for both of us and at least we got a little better at it over the next year before going to separate colleges and breaking up.

However, the best thing for you is to find a guy you really like and feel comfortable with to continue your "learning experiences". skip excess booze, and find a place a little more comfortable and private than your sister's couch.

 

[Lord Pmann]

If I'm really tired, the odds of me cumming from sex aren't going to be high. I don't drink, but I imagine alcohol only makes matters worse.

But Erika is right... You better have a clear understanding of what you want from this "relationship". Sex brings on a set of emotions that you're not used to. You'll get attached much quicker than he will. So be sure you know what you are getting into and what the expectations are.

 

[maxshela]

I was a very late bloomer.

Now, I'm 22 and my sister's boyfriend introduced me to one of his friends. I wasn't even sure if he was attracted to me. I was just minding my own at a concert, dancing to the music, when he came up to me and just kissed me. I mean you can't get any more forward than that but he was also very drunk.

Considering my very limited experience, how does foreplay actually play out in real life (not erotica or porn)? Is there anything I can do to turn a guy on well enough for intercourse? I mean, I really don't know what turns a guy on. I thought a blow job would get him hard but apparently it wasn't enough...he was moaning and thrusting his hips while I was sucking on him but still...

He was DRUNK and couldn't get it up. It's called brewers droop. Nothing it do with you, or if if he was attracted to you. Alcohol increases desire and decreases performance. Giving head is easy, take it in your mouth suck it in and out. I never has any complaints.

Late bloomer at 22 I talked to a girl who was 26 and still a virgin.

 

[MadWriter]

Everybody else is right ... you didn't do anything wrong that kept him soft and squishy. He was drunk and sleepy. And he was probably trying to get hard, and the ~moment~ you ~try~ to get hard, you can't. That's just a cruel rule of the male condition. The fact that he got hard and fucked you later means you did something very right!

Not every sexual experience is like porn. There are starts and stops, things accidentally going into the wrong hole, someone getting ticklish, someone losing control a little too much and ripping a massive fart. It happens, you laugh, then you make each other scream.

There is ~nothing~ wrong with talking, either. Ask ... "how does that feel? Where do you want me to kiss? Do you want me to suck you?" All that. And tell ~him~ how you want him to kiss and lick and touch you.

Good luck and have fun! And let us know how it goes!

 

[Paul_Chance]

Have sex BEFORE you party

When I was young (about the time we wrested control of the earth from the dinosaurs) I loved to party (and drink). My girlfriend at the time came up with the greatest sexual secret everyone who loves a good party should know. I doubt she invented it, but it was a stroke of genius to me...

Have sex BEFORE you go out - when you're rested, sober, clean, and smell nice. Then party your butt off, stagger home, and sleep deeply. Repeat as needed.

So, if you want to have a good sexual relationship with him, call him up, invite him over, strip naked and have fun.

 

[Thefamiliar]

Ok, real sex the first time with anyone drunk or sober virgin or not it a bit awkward. Ive honestly only orgasmed with with three guys, and yes I have been with plenty more.

The pain detracts from mindblowing and if the guy isnt willing to cross the ocean to distract from it, most women I know didnt orgasm their first time.

Yes we call it whiskey dick around here. I dont try til the next morning with a drunk guy, unless I am prepared to not be blown away...time and communication can make sex great. Be sure he wants to persue more before you start doubting yourself, or even put yourself fully out there.

 

[njlauren]

Guys who get drunk and expect to perform are morons, quite honestly, alcohol does a number on the circulatory system and old John Henry. Put it this way, tales of "I was drunk" tales of cheating work better with women because they generally can perform when drunk, at the very least better than men can.

Plus it was with yourself who was nervous, the guy is probably no don juan at that age, add that up and being tired and it isn't the recipe for good sex. If you like the guy, try another date where you don't drink heavily or do drugs, come back at a reasonable hour and give yourself a chance to build up, and you might find you do just fine. Don't sweat it, you aren't defective, I can almost promise that, you are no different them I would suspect almost anyone on here when we started out. I remember my first time (well first times for different things I should say), and they all were awkward

 

[pinkpepper]

Thank you all for the advice. I was seriously looking in the mirror wondering if I should be doubting my self confidence. Load off of my shoulders. I wasn't drunk though. I may not have learned about sex in college, but I did learn how to drink (better said, I learned when to stop drinking).
The next time I go out with him, I won't have try to have sex with him if he's drunk. I don't want to tell him not to drink or get drunk because I am not his girlfriend or don't have any intentions of being his girlfriend. It is just physical attraction to this guy and I'm not interested in starting a relationship with him.

 

[Thefamiliar]

Thank you all for the advice. I was seriously looking in the mirror wondering if I should be doubting my self confidence. Load off of my shoulders. I wasn't drunk though. I may not have learned about sex in college, but I did learn how to drink (better said, I learned when to stop drinking).
The next time I go out with him, I won't have try to have sex with him if he's drunk. I don't want to tell him not to drink or get drunk because I am not his girlfriend or don't have any intentions of being his girlfriend. It is just physical attraction to this guy and I'm not interested in starting a relationship with him.

As a mother, with a daughter to be 18 soon, I say this with sincerity.

Wait for a guy worth getting into a relationship with. The sex will be ten times better. Your only missing out on more of what you had the other night.

A guy that cares will take the time to find out what makes you tick. A guy that doesnt is prone to be more selfish, and is in it for him. If nothing else at least pick a good friend for your next encounter, virginity is not going to be an excuse for one to say no now.

Sex does create an emotional bond moreso in women than men, you are likely to "fall" if the sex is even moderately good. (us women tend to voice emotions more, hence the moreso in women, guys pretend it doesnt exist )

I also tell my own daughters, make sure you want to be bound to the guys you choose, because sometimes no matter how safe you play it, the universe has other ideas.

Friends with benifits can be good, just make sure they are really a friend. (good looking guys have always been the worst in the sack for me btw, they are the more self absorbed)

Im not preaching celebacy, just giving a perception about picking sexual partners. Go with what feels right in your gut. The guy really should have apologized, and reassured you it wasnt you. Yes, they actually do that if their worth a lick. Chamces are he wasnt man enough to admit to his part of the poorly executed attempt.

Anyway, hope you really do feel a bit better about it. Stay confident and you will get what you want eventually.

 

[njlauren]

I also tell my own daughters, make sure you want to be bound to the guys you choose, because sometimes no matter how safe you play it, the universe has other ideas"

I read that, and all I could hear in my head was the lyrics to 'paradise by the dashboard light', where they promise to be together forever, have sex then can't stand each other......

I tend to agree, it is much better with someone you care about and it may be worth waiting. If not, find someone who is into sharing the joy, lot of guys quite frankly tend to be self centered IME.

 

[royalwolf]

Cockring help

You may find that a cockring will work for you. Do whatever you do best and he loves you to do the most. After you are able to get his erection up, quickly put a cockring on him. Maybe this will help him maintain an erection for you to be satisfied. Let me know how it works for you.