Just some thought

[Shaetiano]

First thread, woot I am breaking in.

Ok, in a somewhat recent thread I had said that I had told a friend about what I was into as far as relationships go. This person knows me well enough to know what I do for as far as my jobs go. Before hand, I was manger for a fast food for almost 8 years. However, once the certain events in my life happened and had to move I stepped back down to the assistant and also work as a part time assistant manger for another place.

Ok, there is the background for you.

So, this friend of mine that had stopped talking to me after I had told him what I was into as far as relationships go, decided to come talk to me some more. During the talk he argued with me about being submissive. Pretty much saying along the lines that I'm to aggressive and head strong, dominate for that type of thing.

I think this is silly. Because in my own opinion I believe it doesn't matter what type of job that a sub holds outside of their personal life. But that is just my thinking.

*laughs* So we got into a somewhat small heated discussion about it all. Just curious what everyone else on these forums think about that. And seeing if there is anything else I could use to help explain this just a little bit better, because I don't think I did the greatest of jobs. haha.

Thanx.

 

[talismania]

Whatever your sexual flavor, it's not for someone else to force you to fit into their definitions.

The fact this person first stops talking to you, then comes around looking for you just to tell you your shortcomings means *they* are the one with the problem. Not you.

So don't fall into the trap and start trying to argue your case. Don't feed the monkey.

For what it's worth, many of the submissives and bottoms I know are powerful individuals in the work place: attorneys, politicians, executives. And many are not. There may be a few statistics out there, but no rules.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<Snippage>.... During the talk he argued with me about being submissive. Pretty much saying along the lines that I'm to aggressive and head strong, dominate for that type of thing.

I think this is silly. Because in my own opinion I believe it doesn't matter what type of job that a sub holds outside of their personal life. But that is just my thinking. <more snippage>

The fact is that a reasonably high - surprisingly high to *some* folks - percentage of pyls are aggressive, headstrong, dominant people in their "everyday" lives. I won't put a number on it, but I will admit that when I re-entered the "public" scene 10 years or so ago, I was surprised at the number of pyls I met who were strong, confident professional people in their public lives. For many of them, discussion revealed to me that submission (or other forms of bottoming) was a release from the tensions and pressures of those public lives, and they often said that they felt "pyl-ship" recharged them and allowed them to continue on in their professions.

IMNSHO, though, what matters most is how *YOU* feel about your role in the spectrum of BDSM.

 

[SimonBrooke]

So, this friend of mine that had stopped talking to me after I had told him what I was into as far as relationships go, decided to come talk to me some more. During the talk he argued with me about being submissive. Pretty much saying along the lines that I'm to aggressive and head strong, dominate for that type of thing.

I think this is silly. Because in my own opinion I believe it doesn't matter what type of job that a sub holds outside of their personal life. But that is just my thinking.

Lots of subs are - outside of their special relationship - strong, self confident, independent people. And to my taste, they are the most interesting and exciting (and challenging) subs to play with. If this is you, you are likely to find yourself much in demand by discerning Doms.

 

[Shaetiano]

Whatever your sexual flavor, it's not for someone else to force you to fit into their definitions.

This I know, I learned that one the hard way when I first entered into the world of bdsm some nine years ago. *snickers* Was one heck of an experience, but an eye opener none the less. Though you are right, I probably shouldn’t have argued my case but, the things I want now I am sadly not getting it. So I thought I would try finding someone I see face to face about talking about it. *laughs* A learning experience, but some people are just so set in their ways that looking back or trying to see something else is just never going to happen. Though trying to find someone near me, is a much harder task than I realize. *laughs* Or maybe I am looking in the wrong place.. *shrugs* I dunno.

But thank you for the response.

IMNSHO, though, what matters most is how *YOU* feel about your role in the spectrum of BDSM.

This I know. For through everything I know what I like, what I can handle and when things start pushing those boundaries.


Though now I am going to have to admit that, even though its been… 10 months.. I really would love it right now. Yep, that’s all I have to say about that.

Thanx for responding.

 

[Shaetiano]

Lots of subs are - outside of their special relationship - strong, self confident, independent people. And to my taste, they are the most interesting and exciting (and challenging) subs to play with. If this is you, you are likely to find yourself much in demand by discerning Doms.

*snickers* That in itself is somewhat exciting to hear. I think I've gotten lucky finding people around me that are into the whole thing. *laughs* Though I have been into for nine years in a lot of ways I feel like I’ve been kept under a rock. Some of the terms have caught me off guard and I have to go search for the meaning. But it’s a learning process that never ends, I believe.

I sometimes think that being active in this forum is a good and yet a bad thing. Good, cause I can’t just sit down with someone I know in real life and have this conversation without eyes popping out and a lot “What? Really? Are you sure?” *shrugs*

Bad, cause while I was at work last night I realized what I was going to do. See if I had any responses and than to my knowledge it all clicked, that I am just.. Ready for it all again.

 

[ownedsubgal]

hi Shaetiano, welcome to the board. *waves*

of course you don't need to explain yourself to anyone, and most especially not anyone small-minded. but if you do want to help someone understand your submissive nature, you could start by making it clear to them that there are different types of submission. there are those who are naturally sexually submissive, those who are naturally submissive within the context of a romantic relationship, those who are socially submissive, etc. there are those who consciously choose to submit to others, and there are those who submit almost reflexively. it can be a description of your overall personality, or simply one facet of it. if someone is confused by your submissive label because it does not match your personality or demeanor in certain contexts (such as work or socially), then simply explain to them that you're not that kind of submissive.

 

[Shaetiano]

hi Shaetiano, welcome to the board. *waves*

of course you don't need to explain yourself to anyone, and most especially not anyone small-minded. but if you do want to help someone understand your submissive nature, you could start by making it clear to them that there are different types of submission. there are those who are naturally sexually submissive, those who are naturally submissive within the context of a romantic relationship, those who are socially submissive, etc. there are those who consciously choose to submit to others, and there are those who submit almost reflexively. it can be a description of your overall personality, or simply one facet of it. if someone is confused by your submissive label because it does not match your personality or demeanor in certain contexts (such as work or socially), then simply explain to them that you're not that kind of submissive.

*waves* Thanx ownedsubgal

No, I don’t need to explain myself to anyone, but having someone close that I see a little more than two days out of the month that understands that this is something I love, enjoy and now want/need, I believe would help me out a little bit more. Suppose that is my quirk, though I never wanted the interaction as badly now as I did before. Hmm, *snickers* Gotta love the changes.

I must say I tried this approach first, it was the first thing that popped into my head. Because, in the darkest of my moments I’ve realized I can be as independent as I need to be. At work, well I do my job well. My supervisor once said through one of those revals “If I could just clone you” I giggled at that.

Though it’s me, and like I knew once the words had came out of his mouth that we were probably not going to be on speaking terms (my friend that is). I put up with a lot for the people I love and care about. Though I feel I need to say I don’t put up with any abuse, that crosses a line and from there I will just walk away. I can be a private person and this side of me I’ve kept from those who are close to me that I know, don’t quite seem to look at things like that.

So, in all, no matter what happens from here no one can’t say I didn’t try. Thanx again for the responses.