Just One More Thing

[Star At Sunrise]

Ahh! The 100 Post Dash is done!

To celebrate my 100th post, here's a new poem I wrote!

Thank you to all the readers, poets, posters, mods, pervs, and lurkers!

Star At Sunrise


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JUST ONE MORE THING

Huh?
Yeah.

Uh-huh.
Great.

You too.
Uh-huh.

Oh,… jeez, I almost forgot!

Hey, before I let you go,…
there’s just one more thing that I wanted you to know:

I want to write a million love poems for you.
I want to bring you sunshine.
I want every dream that you ever had to come true,
and exceed your wildest expectations.
I want to stroke your face,
and tell you that I love you.
I want us to stand at the top of the tallest building.
I want us to conquer the world.
I want to paint a masterpiece portrait of you.
I want to fly to Paris for a morning omelet with you, and then to London for fish and chips lunch, and then to New York for a candlelit dinner in Little Italy.
I want to dedicate every love song ever written to you.
I want to reach up into the night sky and give you a bouquet of stars.
I want to memorize every love poem ever written and recite you each one.
I want to stand on the biggest stage in the world and sing you the loveliest aria.
I want to give you the loudest shout out in history.
I want to change the name of the country to your name, and pledge allegiance to the United States of You.
I want to turn you into air and put you in a pressurized oxygen tank and connect it to a scuba mask and breathe you.
I want to go to Buddy Hackett’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and have his name torn out and yours typeset in 12 Karat gold.
I want a picture of your face tattooed over my face, and then I want to look in the mirror all day.
I want to snowboard off a mountain while drinking a can of Mountain Dew: Code You.
I want to reach up into the night sky and give you a bouquet of stars
I want to change my name to Romeo, and I want you to change your name to Juliet, and I want our romance to be more passionate than theirs, but without the dying young part.
I want to go into a hotel and say, "I’m looking for my wife." And then see you, and then say "That’s okay, I’ve found her."
I want to give you a thousand roses.
I want to be there when you get good news.
I want to hear your laugh.
I want to grow old with you.
If you die, I want to know, so that I can go and visit your grave every day.
I want you to know that I will love you even after I die.

That’s all I wanted you to know.

Later.

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[Riles]

Congrats, Star.

~smiles~

 

[Star At Sunrise]

Thanks

Thanks Riles.

 

[Guest]

l33r

yah this sux. It donesnt even rhime

boo

 

[HomerPindar]

Another thread here had just posted thier first poem with a similar form, in that it took the lead line and repeated it. Judo offered some fine advice, which I am shamelessly stealing and offering to you



First off though, I did like the lead in, for I've become aware of how often conversations, my own in particular, fail to actually convey substantial meaning. As a way of pointing that out, I liked the beginning. But once you get to the "I want to..." you could have strung together many of those lines, perhaps accenting a desire to get all this out real quick in the middle of an otherwise unassuming conversation. I got the idea of the "I want to..," and I don't think (IMnsHO) that it was needed throughout....

Anyways, congrats on the 100.



HomerPindar

 

[Star At Sunrise]

Thanks Homer!

Thanks Homer! Your comments were right on the money, and thanks for reading my poem, too!

There's just so many ways to approach a poem, that's the brilliant thing about them.

Thanks again Homer! (Okay, okay... I'm a huge "Simpsons" fan and I get off my talking to someone named Homer! Hee hee! Playing pretend is fun!)

 

[HomerPindar]

A pleasure, glad you found the advice helpful...

HomerPindar