Just one Line.

[lovecraft68]

“You know, men will always talk about how tough it is to have daughters. They start to date, and they know what the boys want, and that their little girls are going to do all the dirty nasty things they want their girlfriends and wives to do. But it’s the same for women. We have sons, they reach that age, and we know what they want, and there are girls giving it to them. But for us, it's not so much about sex, it's about the fact someday one of those girls is going to take our baby away from us.”

 

[StillStunned]

A sound outside made them both turn to the door. A woman’s gasping voice, pleading for help, for someone to open their door and let her in. They waited until she passed, then Helle reached into her pocket and drew out a small flask. “Do were-rats drink honeywine?”

- From a new sword & sorcery story set in what I'm provisionally calling "the City of Scum".

 

[Kumquatqueen]

From Letter to an Absent Valentine:

'Stock up on lube, sweetheart, I'll be back on Friday for breakfast.'

Don't think anyone noticed the similarity to a Red Dwarf quote.

 

[Publius68]

She looked at me so sheepishly she might as well have been New Zealand

I did not write that line; it just appeared on my screen as I was typing. I almost erased it because I was unsure whether it worked. I've now gotten three comments on just that joke.

 

[StillStunned]

From Letter to an Absent Valentine:

'Stock up on lube, sweetheart, I'll be back on Friday for breakfast.'

Don't think anyone noticed the similarity to a Red Dwarf quote.

"Smoke a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast." - Ace Rimmer (what a guy!)

Or alternatively: "Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas." - Arnold J. Rimmer, BSC SSC

 

[Erozetta]

Your screams make for such pleasant dreams. Wicked Allure - 750 Erotic Horror

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I did not write that line; it just appeared on my screen as I was typing. I almost erased it because I was unsure whether it worked. I've now gotten three comments on just that joke.

In a similar vein, "Then Mum decided to emigrate to New Zealand. With Brian. Brian had as much personality as the average sheep, so I guessed she'd be happy there."

(Only One Bed, Again!)

 

[yowser]

I crave your lust-provoked attention.

 

[TwystedDzyre]

"In the center of the large chamber Cathy sat astride Garret with her body undulating while he gripped her waist and shoved his cock deeper into her pussy. They were perched atop a big, grey sacrificial slab that rose about four feet up from the floor of the chamber."

 

[Actingup]

I did not write that line; it just appeared on my screen as I was typing. I almost erased it because I was unsure whether it worked. I've now gotten three comments on just that joke.

“Perhaps a New Zealand education is worth something after all,” she said, deadpan. “I thought it was mostly about relations with sheep.”
It was still a barb, riffing on the endless bestiality jokes suffered by Kiwis at the hands of other nationalities, but it wasn’t bad for a backhanded compliment.

from "Peace on Earth"

 

[Publius68]

“Perhaps a New Zealand education is worth something after all,” she said, deadpan. “I thought it was mostly about relations with sheep.”
It was still a barb, riffing on the endless bestiality jokes suffered by Kiwis at the hands of other nationalities, but it wasn’t bad for a backhanded compliment.

from "Peace on Earth"

AFACT, all the world makes sheep jokes about Kiwis. But there is the rest of the world, which tries to be clever, and then there is Aussie sheep jokes about NZ. Every Aussie I've ever known pretty much just goes, "Kiwis? Har! Sheep fuckers," and bursts into laughter...
Since LOTR came out, they got cleverer, adding, "And they have furry feet."

 

[WCSGarland]

AFACT, all the world makes sheep jokes about Kiwis. But there is the rest of the world, which tries to be clever, and then there is Aussie sheep jokes about NZ. Every Aussie I've ever known pretty much just goes, "Kiwis? Har! Sheep fuckers," and bursts into laughter...
Since LOTR came out, they got cleverer, adding, "And they have furry feet."

Before it was the Kiwis, it was the Irish, and before that, it was the Greeks. You know, back when men were men, and sheep were afraid.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Before it was the Kiwis, it was the Irish, and before that, it was the Greeks. You know, back when men were men, and sheep were afraid.

I always heard those type of jokes about the Scottish.

 

[Publius68]

Before it was the Kiwis, it was the Irish, and before that, it was the Greeks. You know, back when men were men, and sheep were afraid.

[Wales quietly exits the chat]

 

[Actingup]

AFACT, all the world makes sheep jokes about Kiwis. But there is the rest of the world, which tries to be clever, and then there is Aussie sheep jokes about NZ. Every Aussie I've ever known pretty much just goes, "Kiwis? Har! Sheep fuckers," and bursts into laughter...
Since LOTR came out, they got cleverer, adding, "And they have furry feet."

Yes, but it's said with affection and a secret guilt. Australia has three times as many sheep as New Zealand

In the story that I quoted this from, I took delight in having the Australian character as the guy who was so chill and relaxed that he was asleep during the group sex, sidelined during the intense diplomacy with NZ, China, US and Japan, and didn't get to hook up with the NZ lead. A naked attempt to build my very small NZ fan base.

 

[Belegon]

When time still seemed like it would last forever, I only wanted to spend forever with her.


from "Goodbye, My Love"

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I always heard those type of jokes about the Scottish.

Nah, Scots are the ones shagging haggises, the wee tartan-furred beasties with legs longer on one side to help them graze on hillsides.

Wales has the stories of Flossie and ovine romance.

Australia is where "men are men and the sheep are nervous".

NZers are presumably either less scary to the sheep, or not men. Insert hobbit reference...

 

[StillStunned]

NZers are presumably either less scary to the sheep, or not men. Insert hobbit reference...

Years ago I read a news story about two kids in New Zealand who were arrested for breaking into a sex shop and stealing an inflatable sheep. Just imagine: all those real sheep around, and they still couldn't get laid!

 

[StillStunned]

She carries a bundle in her hand, long and thin and wrapped in a grey blanket. Almost one might suspect it held a sword, for it is the right length and it has the right curve to it, and the end that faces forward seems to betray a protruding guard.

But that would of course be impossible. In Arrakh, only the Prince’s soldiers may carry arms.

- From "The Storyteller of Arrakh", a WIP I'm going to hammer into submission

 

[Erozetta]

There was redness on my palm and thumb. He kept his hand beneath the water with mine, caressing away from the minor burns...

(There's other stuff between, I just like these line.)

...I liked how his hand felt on mine and was a little disappointed when he pulled it away to grab a paper towel.

(From an expansion I'm working on for Cookies, Commands, and Subroutines - 750 words which is going to be a BDSM romance.)

 

[NuclearFairy]

Once she had calmed into a panting heap he huskily whispered, “Sing for me.”

Before she could even fully process his demand he’d already started guiding her hips back into rapid motion. Gripping his shoulder bruisingly tight with her little taloned hand she stammered and stuttered her way through a drinking song where everyone fucks or dies.

From an unpublished chapter in Neptune's Blessings.

 

[Unblemished]

The girl would have liked to do this later in the year, on a night in the lonesome October when the moon shone full on Halloween. But you couldn’t really trust the autumn weather, even in these days of global warming, and besides there’s not going to be another Halloween full moon until 2039 and she wasn’t gonna wait that long.

Quite sensible of her, really. Human civilisation is predicted to have started collapsing by then, so if she’s still alive in ‘39 she’ll probably be busy.

- from my as-yet unpublished story in which a succubus narrates a goth girl getting laid in a cemetery, The Graveyard Shift.

 

[glynndah]

Oh, I am so sorry, ma'am. If you could just stop screaming for a minute. I'm sure that's not good for your blood pressure. No. He's not a pervert, I promise.

"Shopping for Sex Toys at Walmart"

 

[yowser]

I found it hard to believe that fucking a college classmate's friend would be considered to be any sort of good deed for any religion, and said so.

 

[StillStunned]

She certainly seemed to be enjoying the sight. The fingers of one hand had found their way back up to her mound and were rubbing softly. A little more pressure brought a sudden squelch, and she gave a muffled snort. “Oops.”

I choked back a laugh of my own. “Don’t worry. It’s a happy sound.”