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Just one Line.

Well, the beats go on. I can't full credit for this line as my wife and I were going back in forth on whether or not to include a unnecessary scene where the MC returns home. If was I going to torpedo the pacing I decided to swing for the fences with a line that I hope justifies it.

"Just another tired girl in a city that never stopped rushing past its own heartbeats."
 
I can be yours. Bend myself to your view of perfection. Or, I can be who I think you want me to be. The fantasy you're afraid to tell anyone else about. The one that is all about power and dominance. The fantasy where I'm so good for your needs. And I'm very good at being good, Sir. Very good at pretending I'm someone I'm not. For you, I could be the perfect wife. Sweet as pie. Obedient and kind.

All it would cost you is knowing you've broken me. I'm sure that's not a heavy price for you to pay. At least, not until you know what you've lost.

What would you lose in that scenario?

Well, not much really-- only me. The very makeup of my being: a whimsical curiosity of everything around me, my passion, my eagerness to please. You'd lose my utter devotion and desire to worship you in a way that would set your heart and body aflame with passion each and every day. Oh, but that last one is so fun--you'll see.
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From Collars and Cravings
 
His hand was firmly on her throat, and his only hesitation was coming from an indecision on how much frustration he should use to squeeze.
 
I speak into the space between our locked gaze, ā€˜You let me hold all of you in my hands and that trust.. it undoes me.ā€™
 
The only living thing besides her and Mom was a lone raptor maybe two hilltops away, lolling in flapless figure eights, waiting to spot its next meal hidden somewhere in all that 'there' out there.
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Back To Normal Ch. 16's score at time of posting this: 3.6

(Chapter features M/M bisexual incest right out of the gate, so of course the day one scores c/o of Anon are :poop:.)
 
Yeah I know you're supposed to avoid alliterations, but sometimes I just wanna use em.

ā€œOh yeah?ā€ intrigued Tito inquired, ā€œHowā€™d that go?ā€

From the latest unpublished chapter of Neptune's Blessings.
 
A little more than just one line, from my story that drops tomorrow's first paragraph.
My name is Oliver, but most people call me Ollie. Iā€™ve been married to Linda for almost five years. Sheā€™s 26 and Iā€™m 28. My parents, and Lindaā€™s parents, are wealthyā€”filthy rich, Linda would say, when she didnā€™t care that I could hear. But what she shouldā€™ve said was they were filthy from getting rich. All white wealth is nasty and was obtained by terrible means.
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Flirting with the BNWO by Serena Steele Monroe
 
NuclearFairy said:
Yeah I know you're supposed to avoid alliterations, but sometimes I just wanna use em.

ā€œOh yeah?ā€ intrigued Tito inquired, ā€œHowā€™d that go?ā€

From the latest unpublished chapter of Neptune's Blessings.
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I like the alliteration. I'd suggest a comma after intrigued though. Otherwise it reads as a if 'Intrigued Tito' is the character speaking, not, as I believe you meant, that Tito was intrigued. I guess he could be talking to his twin brother 'Bored Tito' or something. :)

Just a hopefully helpful hint... (I was imagining a group of different Tito's, each described with a conflicting adjective; intrigued, bored excited, apathetic, etc., about something completely banal.)
 
I hated depending on people. People left, people let you grow to depend on them and then disappeared without trace from your life. Other people were not safe for me; I'd learned that so many times over the years.
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ShelbyDawn57 said:
I like the alliteration. I'd suggest a comma after intrigued though. Otherwise it reads as a if 'Intrigued Tito' is the character speaking, not, as I believe you meant, that Tito was intrigued. I guess he could be talking to his twin brother 'Bored Tito' or something. :)

Just a hopefully helpful hint... (I was imagining a group of different Tito's, each described with a conflicting adjective; intrigued, bored excited, apathetic, etc., about something completely banal.)
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That would be hilarious, but not what I'm going for so yeah inserting the comma now.
 
ShelbyDawn57 said:
There's a whole nother thread that could happen with this one: "I'm not here for romance, Trish. I just wanna get folded in half, <and/or/like> ..." šŸ˜œ
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I tried a few versions where there's a funny simile at the end, but I think the shorter, straightforward version is funnier. Punchier.

"I just wanna get folded in half like a slice of pizza."

"I just wanna get folded up like cardboard."

I'm also thinking of moving the line to a different place in the story. Where it is now, she's talking to her friend at the beginning of the story about dressing slutty to go out, and says this by way of explanation.

But the boy she picks up keeps trying to connect emotionally while she just wants sex. She'd say this in frustration to him. "I don't want romance, Johnny. I just want you to fold me in half."

Or I could put this in my back pocket for a future story. I love the line, I'd hate to use it if it doesn't fit perfectly.
 
33RPMVinylPants said:
I tried a few versions where there's a funny simile at the end, but I think the shorter, straightforward version is funnier. Punchier.

"I just wanna get folded in half like a slice of pizza."

"I just wanna get folded up like cardboard."

I'm also thinking of moving the line to a different place in the story. Where it is now, she's talking to her friend at the beginning of the story about dressing slutty to go out, and says this by way of explanation.

But the boy she picks up keeps trying to connect emotionally while she just wants sex. She'd say this in frustration to him. "I don't want romance, Johnny. I just want you to fold me in half."

Or I could put this in my back pocket for a future story. I love the line, I'd hate to use it if it doesn't fit perfectly.
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I think it's a wonderful line, and open to so many interpretations. Like I said, it could be it's own thread, and who knows what the, um, diverse, minds in the forum would cone up with to complete it.. :)
 
33RPMVinylPants said:
I tried a few versions where there's a funny simile at the end, but I think the shorter, straightforward version is funnier. Punchier.

"I just wanna get folded in half like a slice of pizza."

"I just wanna get folded up like cardboard."

I'm also thinking of moving the line to a different place in the story. Where it is now, she's talking to her friend at the beginning of the story about dressing slutty to go out, and says this by way of explanation.

But the boy she picks up keeps trying to connect emotionally while she just wants sex. She'd say this in frustration to him. "I don't want romance, Johnny. I just want you to fold me in half."

Or I could put this in my back pocket for a future story. I love the line, I'd hate to use it if it doesn't fit perfectly.
Click to expand...
"I wanna get folded like a fitted sheet: messily, with lots of cursing, and numerous attempts."
 
33RPMVinylPants said:
I tried a few versions where there's a funny simile at the end, but I think the shorter, straightforward version is funnier. Punchier.

"I just wanna get folded in half like a slice of pizza."

"I just wanna get folded up like cardboard."

I'm also thinking of moving the line to a different place in the story. Where it is now, she's talking to her friend at the beginning of the story about dressing slutty to go out, and says this by way of explanation.

But the boy she picks up keeps trying to connect emotionally while she just wants sex. She'd say this in frustration to him. "I don't want romance, Johnny. I just want you to fold me in half."

Or I could put this in my back pocket for a future story. I love the line, I'd hate to use it if it doesn't fit perfectly.
Click to expand...
My first thought was, 'I just want to get folded in half and made into a big messy sandwich."
 
NoTalentHack said:
"I wanna get folded like a fitted sheet: messily, with lots of cursing, and numerous attempts."
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I think that versatility is not in how she would be folded in half. I think the power of this is wider than that.

ā€œIā€™m not here for romance Tish. I'm here for nutritious snacks."

ā€œIā€™m not here for romance Tish. I'm here to drive a stick-shift for a change."
 
From a WIP one of my confession series. "Bet on it."

That was her half of this fucked up equation, the other half was on him. Why did he want her in the first place? More than that, just like her, Vince would tell himself the next time it would be different. That he should want no part of this cheating gold digging slut who couldnā€™t stop losing her shirt when she wasnā€™t losing her skirt.
 
A bit more than just one line, but here goes:

ā€œThank God! You had me quite worried here,ā€ came back from behind the wall, somewhat later followed by ā€œI think I know whatā€™s going on in your head right now. You really should not be blaming yourself for this mess. We got into it together by both handling certain things a bit carelessly and we will get through it even closer together.ā€ After another pause, Eddy then added ā€œI love you, my twin brother. I really do. In fact, I think I love you even more than real twin brothers ever do.ā€

This is from a story titled Dedication (that I cannot put on Lit).
 
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