Just another CD's Tale / Tail...

[ShyLisa]

(whispering sheepishly) Hi.

As you can see, I'm a brand new poster. This being my first post, and "coming out" in a public forum such as this, I should probably tell you a bit about myself, right? Life story in a nutshell, maybe?

I've been into wearing pretty things since I was young. I've never been athletic or outgoing- I had no interest in sports growing up. I liked girls, and yet, I was jealous of them. I was always uncomfortable in the locker room dressing out for gym. My father told me often that he'd beat me silly if I turned gay, and I knew he would have. Sad, huh?

Anyway, I snuck porn, and envied the girls in the magazines. Guys wanted to see them naked, exposed. I often imagined being one of those girls, so sexy and sultry, knowing I was the object of fantasy for so many men. I found myself more at ease with women as I grew older, and spent lots of time on the phone. I was one of those "nice guys" that girls liked to talk to.

Eventually, I went off to college, got my own apartment, and went shopping after enough beers. Soon, I had a box full of pretty things I could tuck away and pretend wasn't there. One night, I got drunk, shaved head to toe (arms, too!), packed an overnight bag, went to a gay bar, and almost ended up in a threesome, but I was pretty scared about what could happen to me going home with two complete strangers. I didn't think that was a smart move for my first time. Looking back, I fantasize about what could have happened, but in all, I think it was good not to have taken that kind of risk.

Fast-forward to today (I'm skipping over quite a bit). I often fantasize about being with a man (every day!), and have come to realize, I'm not getting any younger (I'm in my early 30's). I have not yet been with a man. I can't help but think that if I don't make the most of the here and now, I may wake up one day and have a host of regrets. Besides, I'm past the point of worrying about whether I'm gay or not. I realize that up to now, I haven't explored because I was afraid of how my life might change. Stupid, huh?

I am married to a very understanding woman who loves me and accepts who I am. She knows everything about me, and is supportive in my desire to be with a man.

Why am I posting here? Oh, several reasons. If you all don't mind, I'd like to keep posting to this thread as a sort of ongoing "confession", sharing my thoughts and fantasies. I'm not some maniac, I'm a decent person- I just happen to have lots of wild thoughts I feel like I should be sharing. Maybe I've got some issues, but hey, who doesn't?

I like to type, but typically, I don't have a whole lot of time to be online. If it takes a couple of days for me to reply, please don't be offended. I don't intend to post just this once and disappear!

I'm a very sexual person. I often masturbate twice before I go to work. I often wear panties to work (almost all the time). In the past, I've spent entire weekends teasing myself and masturbating. I have lots of fantasies and kinky thoughts. I do some things that, well, I hope at the least, might be interesting to read about. I'll try to be less formal from here on out. OK?

How about something a little bit more fun?

One of my masturbation methods:

I have sort of claimed one of my wife's toys. It's one of those "Eager Beaver" toys, a vibrator with a clitoral stimulator (the beaver) on top. I'll set it across my waist line as I sit in my chair at my desk indian-style, and wedge my head between the shaft and the beaver, with the beaver's "tongue" just below the head on the underside. I'll turn it on for a while, then turn it off. The part I like most is that my hands are free to play with my VERY sensitive nipples. Orgasms I've had this way tend to be very drawn out.

Too clinical? Ok, more interesting...

One time, several years ago, after a night of heavy drinking with a friend, I decided to walk home (several miles) around 4 in the morning. I happened to be wearing panties at the time. I was walking down a residential side-street that ran parallel to the main road. The sun was just rising, and the air was cool. I got this urge to take off my pants to feel the morning air on my legs. So, I did just that. I stopped in the middle of the road, and took my pants off, tucked them under my arm, and walked a couple of blocks. I know my panties were plainly visible, peeking from under my shirt. I wanted someone to see me! With the first few steps, I didn't quite realize what I had done- I was still drunk from the night before. As I took a few more steps, I started to realize what I was doing. Oh, what a thrill! And the air sweeping up my legs, it felt SOOO nice, too! Yes, there are like a thousand reasons why I SHOULDN'T have done that, but I was caught up in the moment (and still drunk!). Anyhow, as I walked, I hoped I could have a chance encounter with that guy leaving for work that would know just what to do with me. I hoped, and hoped. I looked at the houses, hoping to see someone, hoping to be seen. After a few blocks (and almost home), I stopped again, and put on my pants. Sad, but happy- I did something at the time I thought was very bold, but nobody saw me. Not a soul. Nobody at all.

Now, if I HAD been stopped by an officer, if someone had called the cops, what would have happened? See, then I start fantasizing about the officer! LOL! What's the worst? Not jailed, I wasn't showing any bits I shouldn't have been. Even if I was put in a cell to sober up, would it have been so bad? Maybe the officer would have questioned me- that would have flushed my face a rosy red for sure. Handcuffed and put in his cruiser? WITHOUT pants? Oh, that's exciting, too! I would be 100% compliant, scared and nervous- an officer easily could've had me do just about anything he asked. Damn...

Thanks for letting me share, hope to write again really soon! Tomorrow, I hope! And yes, it will not be as wordy!

Lisa (cozy in her soft black robe this morning)

 

[Tymeless]

hello how are you. something that strikes me from your descriptions above you sound like you could be gender dysphoric. have you thought maybe you really are a woman? if you've ever had thoughts about it i suggest you see a therapist specializing in gender dysphoria and other sexual type area's. even if your not a woman the therapist will help u with ways to deal with it and give you a better understanding of yourself.


thanks for listening
Tiffany
trans-woman to be

 

[ShyLisa]

Hi Tiffany,

I'm OK, I think!

I've done a lot of online reading about sexuality, gender dysphoria, SRS, hormones, implants, electrolysis, etc. I still don't know where I fit in, but I think it's safe to say that if I had a supportive family when I was younger, I might have ended up a very different person today. And yes, I have, many times, daydreamed / fantasized about being a woman, since I was young. If I had won the lotto earlier in life, I probably would've changed a few things.

I have made some decisions and commitments that I wouldn't be comfortable changing. When I can, I enjoy what I can, so I guess I'm still "in the closet".

I've never been comfortable being in control, and all of my fantasies reflect that. I have been told that I'm a "pleaser", and it's true. In a physical situation, I'm not concerned about my own satisfaction- I just want to do everything I can to please my partner- whether it's something I like or not (but, admittedly, there isn't much I wouldn't try! LOL). The part that excites me is in satisfying my partner, particularly in my fantasies. I'm not really into bondage or pain. But, if a man wanted to degrade or humiliate me to prove he's in charge, who am I to say no?

Thanks,
Lisa

 

[Tymeless]

well as long as your happy in your situation thats all that matters but don't rule out a therapist they can help you better understand everything about yourself.

 

[ShyLisa]

Hmmm... What am I up to? I shaved my legs last night. I've been trying to stay "smooth" for a few weeks now. I really hate my body hair, but my skin likes to revolt against hair removal. Does your skin get used to it over time? I hope it does.

I got some new hose this weekend- black and suntan thigh highs, and off white and suntan control top pantyhose. I'm debating on which to wear today- thigh highs, or pantyhose, which color? I'm thinking off-white pantyhose, but if anyone wants to make a suggestion before I go this morning, by all means!

A while back, I got some panties I absolutely love- several cartoon-themed panties, including Tinkerbell, Care Bears, and a few others. The girl in me absolutely loves them. They're so cute! I fantasize a lot about showing them off to a Daddy type. Where would that lead? Mmmm, I can only imagine! Have I been a bad girl? With a short flirty night gown, it would be a perfect sleep-over outfit, too. I wear them to work quite a bit. If they only knew what was on underneath...

Meanwhile, I keep thinking, where can I find a good, clean, D&D-free older man to satisfy?

 

[naughtyinsilk]

SHyLisa, well if ther is an easy way, after 10 years of continous shaving I have nt found it.

All I can reccomend is run a razor over your legs, chest etc, every time you bathe, which only takes a few seconds.

I find backs are a much bigger problem, so I get my wife to Immac mine every couple of weeks.

 

[ShyLisa]

Well, I guess I'll just have to get used to it, huh? Thanks for the reply. I'll just do what I can, and deal with it like a "big girl"... hehehe

Something funny / interesting happened the other day at work. I was introduced to someone at a meeting who said "Nice to meet you..." and my name in a feminine form. How the heck did THAT happen? I was a bit surprised, for sure. I mean, I don't TRY to look feminine. I wasn't wearing makeup or pretty ear rings, nor a blouse, nor heels. Nothing that would suggest anything. I didn't exactly mind it, but it wasn't the right time or place. I couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking anything sexual about me. Surely he realized his mistake at some point. There was some chatter going on at the time, and I didn't correct him. He smiled and talked to me quite a bit, but I don't know what that means. Or if any of it meant anything... Who knows...

I have a little craft project I've been working on, something I have found fun and enjoyable- panty graphics using iron-on t-shirt transfers. I'm still working on the graphics, having a hard time settling on what I want to do. One will definately have a "bad girl" theme, with dirty and degrading words / phrases I'd like to hear (I may ask for help on this in the near future!), maybe a naughty poem on the back, who knows. Another will be "faked crotchless"- I think you can guess what that would look like. I have a few other ideas, but nothing specific. I'm so indecisive sometimes!

 

[naughtyinsilk]

ShyLisa, well if you think his behaviour was inappropriate for the time and place, I think you should tell him. If its someone you may have an interest in, then invite him as one work colleague to another out for a drink and a chat. Personally I would steer well clear, because I think keeping work and pleasure at arms length from each other is preferable, especially if you have a problem with him him a few months down the line shouting his mouth off. If you are happy for your work colleagues to know about your feminine persona then obviously this is not an issue.


As for the panties idea, I love it, but would like to say I have tried the tshirt transfer thing myself, and was disappointed in the WHSmith ones in how badly they deteriated in the wash. Though I would love a silky pair with my forum name on, and so may other people. If you want some ideas, just stamp your heels in my direction and ask

 

[ShyLisa]

I'm going to try these iron-on's and see how they do. Will definately ask!

I think he was a little out of line. But since I didn't say anything, I guess I'll just let it go. I think the time to correct him was right then. I don't want to mix business and pleasure (other than what I wear underneath). I think that would be a BAD idea since where I work, I would probably be fired about 2 seconds after someone knew.

But, that doesn't stop me from fantasizing about one of the higher up's. He'd walk by me in the bathroom, and notice bright pink reflecting off the chrome of the urinal. He wouldn't say a word. A few days later, he'd have me meet in his office after work, to discuss some business issues. Privately, since these issues are not something the regular folks need to know about.

Once in his office, he'd close and lock the door, "for privacy". Then, he'd start out, "You know, what we're about to discuss can not be mentioned outside of this office. You understand.". I'd nod. "I understand there are some things going on around here that I have not been made aware of. I need you to be completely honest with me. You're not in trouble, and what you say will not leave this room. Do you understand?". I'd nod again.

"Well, let's get to it. Do you wear panties?". I sit there in shock, not knowing what to say, feeling my face flush. He then says sternly, "Did you hear me? I asked you a QUESTION. DO YOU wear PANTIES AT WORK?". I look around the office, in shock, not knowing what to say. "Are you wearing panties right now?". Again, I'm in shock, feeling very scared, not sure what to do.

"Ok, stand up." he says, getting up from his chair and moving toward me. I sit still, not knowing what to do, quite overwhelmed. He comes over next to me, grabs my jaw, and turns my face to look him in the eye. "Stand UP!" he says, using my chin to pull me off my chair. I slowly stand up. He pulls me away from the chair. I'm nearly stumbling, not knowing what to do.

He moves in front of me, saying, "Let's see what we have here.", undoing my pants. With one fell swoop, he pulls down my pants, dropping them to the floor. He lifts my shirt to see better. "You should have just told me the truth.". He looks down, and says, "Care Bears? Girls' panties, huh?". I manage a nod, figuring my cover's pretty well blown by now.

"Why these panties?" he says, putting a hand on my ass, rubbing my butt through the panties, pulling me close. Feeling like I just surrendered, I say sheepishly, "They make me feel cute and sweet.". "They do, huh?". I nod. "Well, show them to me." he says. Not knowing what he means, I look up at him, puzzled. "Turn around and bend over my desk so I can see your cute and sweet panties.".

I do as I'm told, putting my hands on the desk, bending over. He notices my pants, still around my ankles, lifts each leg, and slides off my shoes, followed by the pants. He then pulls my shirt up my back. He then starts rubbing my ass. I ask, "What are you...". He interrupts "Shhhh. Keep that little mouth shut for now.". He gently pulls my panties down a little, and rubs my bare ass. I hear his zipper go down, and hear him rustling clothes. He's taking off his PANTS! Oh my. I feel him rubbing my ass again. Then, he stops, walks around to my face, and says, "Open your mouth.".

To be continued tomorrow!

 

[ShyLisa]

(Continuing!)

I look up, and see his erect dick inches from my nose. Nervous and scared, I don't dare say a word. Am I ready for this? I'm not ready for this. Noticing I'm not doing a thing, he moves closer and touches the head of his dick to my lips. He puts his hand on my head, and gently grabs my hair, positioning my head, and my mouth. I want to, but I'm scared and intimidated.

"I SAID, Open Your MOUTH!", he says, as he pushes into my lips. What choice do I have? I slowly open my mouth, and he takes every opportunity to shove that thing in. It's not too big, not too small... Salty, smooth. I move my tongue, tasting him, feeling overwhelmed.

I realize, the sooner I get him off, the sooner I can go. Do I want to go? I think I want to go. Am I enjoying this? Maybe I am, I just haven't realized it yet. I start slowly sucking and massaging his member with my tongue. He starts moving in and out, slowly at first, then picking up the pace.

He's not shoving too far, almost being a gentleman. The more I suck, the more I start enjoying it. Then, he says, "Yeah, that's it. Suck it. God, that's good. Yeah, baby. Suck it.". Ohhhh yeah, that's what I like, dirty talk. Let me KNOW I'm doing a good job. "Suck my dick. I'm getting close, baby. Work that hot little mouth of yours. I'm gonna' cum. Oh yeah. Here it comes, baby.". He slows his thrusts, and pauses with his head where I can tongue it good. I tongue his head, waiting. Then, I feel it. I feel his head swell in my mouth. Do I get my present now? Then, I feel him start spurting in my mouth. I want to savor him, but I just keep tonguing his head. He spurts several times, then I slow down my pace. Not so much cum that I'm gagging, but I start taking little swallows.

I start to realize what I've just done, and I'm so proud of myself. I made him happy. I satisfied him. I swallow some more, as he slowly pulls out of my mouth. Sad for it to leave, happy to have helped. Much more happy than sad, though. I have a little smile. He walks around me, pulls up his pants, and zips them shut. Still trying to do as I'm told, I don't move a muscle.

He rubs my butt briefly, then says, "Pull up your panties and have a seat. Leave your pants where they are.". I pull up my panties, and pick myself up off the hard desk. I glance over, and he's watching me. I readjust my panties, and sit in the chair. Wow. What did I just do? I know what I just did, but Wow. Not a very smart thing to be doing. Did I ever have a choice? I don't think I did. Did I?

He starts out, "I knew you'd give good head.". Not knowing what to say, I just grin a little and look at the floor, noticing my pants a few feet away. "Now we know, don't we?" he says. Not sure what he means, I look up at him. "You're my new office slut.". I look shocked, and he can tell. "You just sucked my dick. You even swallowed. Not once did you say no or tell me to stop. You've been promoted, so to speak.

"You're the new office slut.". I'm confused, I thought I was HIS office slut. "I don't think you'll say a word to anyone, will you? Not if you want more. Moving forward, a few things will change. When I want your services, I'll let you know. You will be on call. There's a plus, you'll get bonuses from time to time. Now, put your pants on, and get out.".

He goes back to his computer, practically ignoring me while I put on my pants. I turn and look at him as I walk out of the door. He doesn't even look at me. I can taste his cum in my mouth as I quietly shut his door. I hear him call someone, and being nosy, I listen. "Everything's taken care of. No problems at all. You were right. Yep, Talk to you later.". What the hell? Feeling a little hurt and a lot confused, I leave and head home.

My wife asks, "How was your day?"... I say, "You have no idea.". She says, "I just might. Did you have a late meeting?". I nod. "How was it?". I stumble at first, and say, "Not quite sure.". She says, "Not sure? Was it FUN?". I look a little puzzled, and say "Well....". She interrupts, "Did you like it?", with a coy grin. Shocked and stunned, I say nothing.

"I ran into him at the store. He tried to come on to me, and I told him that I knew someone that WOULD be interested. We got to talking, and you came up. Did you have fun?". "I'm in shock. You set this UP? Why didn't you SAY something? I was so nervous and scared!". She says, "I knew you would be. Was it FUN?". Pausing for a moment, I say, "Yeah, it was, but it would've been MORE fun if I had KNOWN!".

She says, "Did he tell you about the bonuses?". I nod. She says, "Not a bad deal at all, huh? And no, I don't mind, as long as you come home to me at the end of the day. So what do you think?". I just shrug my shoulders. "I just pimped you out, Sweetie. And yes, I want my cut!" she says, smiling big.

Would it be so bad?

 

[naughtyinsilk]

Shylisa the greatest thing about fantasy, is that we can do what we desire with whom we desire, hurting none, and not forgetting to take our socks off.