Just a bit of help needed please.

[Brandii]

I've decided to stop my eternal procrastination about trying BDSM for real and I've joined an adult online dating agency, zeroing in on men who live within an acceptable distance from the Gold Coast and who say in their profiles that they are into Domination and Submission, among other things.
I'll try to work out if they are actually Doms or not by comparing them to B and the Domly things he did and said.
I was just wondering though, can anyone think of a question I can ask in the interview stage, that will separate the real Doms from the thrill seekers who probably have absolutely no idea of what really is involved in being a Dom, something that only a true practising Dom would be able to answer. Help me sort the wheat from the chaff.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I found a lot of wankers in the Gold Coast region, some of the most highly indicative signs being;

* demands to call them Sir, Master etc., from the first contact;

* demands to put everything else aside in my life to prove I was submissive;

* demands to come the minute they called me for a first meeting;

* not ask questions and not to question their realism under any circumstances;

* bragging of how many subs they had or had been through;

* telling me if I were really submissive I would not need limits;

* pushing for a meeting straight away;

* pushing for a commitment straight away;

* strong attraction to naturist resorts (nothing wrong with them, they just seemed to promote them as part of D/s);

* heavily into swinging scene;

* personal problems which they saw as a need for a sub to relieve their stress;

* lol, a few who were in 30's and 40's and were back home living with mum after divorce;

* bragging about the size of their appendage.

So that is just for starters. I hope you have more luck.

Catalina

 

[Kailey_86]

i also noticed that a lot of wankers wanted me to send nude pictures or get on my webcam and that's all that seemed to really matter to them at the time.....besides demanding me to call them Sir and kneel at the computer. They also like to play that game called "If you were really a sub, you would_________."

 

[Chicklet]

"What does BDSM mean to you?"



good luck sorting through the fakes. There're a LOT of them. But the thing I always forget is that there are a lot of fakes on the other side, as well. When I finally found a guy who had a head on his shoulders, he shared some of the stories about the crazy women he'd talked to.

 

[Kailey_86]

"What does BDSM mean to you?"



good luck sorting through the fakes. There're a LOT of them. But the thing I always forget is that there are a lot of fakes on the other side, as well. When I finally found a guy who had a head on his shoulders, he shared some of the stories about the crazy women he'd talked to.

Now i am really curious to hear some of the stories. i always love hearing about others' experiences whether they are good or bad.

 

[FurryFury]

For me it's important to find out what they want and hope to get from the relationship. That helps me to know if I can give that to them. If I can't it probably isn't going to work out well. Or if what they want varies a great deal from what I feel I can do.

Anyone who demands anything from the first communication isn't getting anywhere with me. I don't do pictures. I don't do cam. I don't do phone.

IMO, you need to get to know one another first before embarking on an actual D/s sort of relationship. Trust and connection need to be built.

Fury

 

[Brandii]

To Cat, Furry fury, Kailey and Chicklet

Thanks for the advice.
I absolutely agree with Furry's last statement about trust and connection. I've only known one real Dom, but he never pushed me to do anything or tried to extend my boundaries until he thought I was ready: about 6 weeks later. He spent time with me in conversation getting to know me, letting me get to know him. Then over 6 months he slowly brought me out of myself and then began to bring out 'the woman in me.'
However, he always pushed for me to experience in-person sex too. He said, "I needed to find someone local to bond with." He believed that intercontinental relationships would be impossible to maintain, trans continental were hard enough as it was.
I'm trying to find a Dom locally for 4 reasons:

1. because this is what B thought was most 'healthy' for me emotionally

2. because I still have unmet needs and now I have no one to meet them

3. because if he is a true Dom, he will have my best interests at heart as B always did.

4. the thought of some of the antics of BDSM still turn me on.

I just hope I choose wisely.

 

[Sprinkles22]

Hi Brandii

I met my Dom here at Lit, but when we met I wasn't looking for a Dom. I was in the beginning of my openess and embracing of my subbie nature. I was born with a submissives heart, but #1 was unaware there was an actual lifestyle that people embraced, and #2 was ashamed of my passion for spanking and domination.

I first began reading BDSM stories on Lit, then progressed to posting in the General Board and Playground before taking the plunge into the BDSM threads. When I met Him we became friends first. He never *made* me be his sub; I didn't make him my Dom. It was only after the first 6 weeks or so that we kinda realized "Hey, we're perfect for each other."

I guess the advice I'm trying to give is to look for a friend before looking for a Master. Hopefully no one would marry a stranger off the street ... so why should a sub embrace a Master she doesn't know simply because He claims to be a Dom?

 

[Brandii]

Good God, I think I just talked with one of those wankers you were talking about earlier Cat. He kept posting explicit little photos on the page as we talked and, having had just about enough, I said to him, "Why do you keep doing that?" He said, "...just testing you my lovely. I like reactions." I said, "Well, your getting a reaction and I assure you, it's not a good one." He then said, "If you don't like it, leave." So I did. I shut my MSN down... and he said he was a Dom. Yeah, right.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Good God, I think I just talked with one of those wankers you were talking about earlier Cat. He kept posting explicit little photos on the page as we talked and, having had just about enough, I said to him, "Why do you keep doing that?" He said, "...just testing you my lovely. I like reactions." I said, "Well, your getting a reaction and I assure you, it's not a good one." He then said, "If you don't like it, leave." So I did. I shut my MSN down... and he said he was a Dom. Yeah, right.

LOL, they certainly take the cake!!

Catalina