Jokes
- Thread starter sterculius
- Start date
32aa
Naked Little Pixie
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2019
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- 2,723
And that's when the fight started.
showzeroff
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2006
- Posts
- 227
What's the difference between a tribe of Pygmies and a girl's track team?
The Pygmies are a bunch of cunning little runts.
The Pygmies are a bunch of cunning little runts.
showzeroff
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2006
- Posts
- 227
What's the difference between a Nun and a woman taking a bath?
The Nun has hope in her soul.
The Nun has hope in her soul.
that’s true. .
12oclocktales
dishing dirt
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2022
- Posts
- 660
Sounds good as far as it goes, but you forgot the self-lubricating oral cavity with the permanent smoke-ring shaped sucking cherry lips and the 42 FF tits with the 3-inch nipples and the 7-inch spiked-heel stilettos on her feet. What kind of milquetoast pervert you talkin’ about there?
SoCalAshley
Wine, don't whine
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2021
- Posts
- 353
SoCalAshley
Wine, don't whine
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2021
- Posts
- 353
Monday was President’s Day, and being a teacher, I had the day off. But old habits are hard to break. So I let my coffee go cold, didn’t pee for seven hours, and stood in my living room repeating myself.
12oclocktales
dishing dirt
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- Dec 19, 2022
- Posts
- 660
'Scuse me, Teach. Can I use the bathroom? You might want to check out that spitball on the wall behind you, too.
SmokingFap
Gentlemanly pervert
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2022
- Posts
- 11,941
Just ran across this thread. I've got a long one, so I apologize in advance.
A class of fourth graders was presented a project in which they would take an event in their life and what they learned from it through a common folk saying. Little Susie gets up in front of the class and says, "Last week, my dad and I loaded up all of the eggs from our chickens and put them in a basket to take to market. But on the way, we hit a terrible pothole and half of the eggs broke."
The teacher nodded and asked, "And what did that teach you?" The girl looked solemn and replied, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
"Very good!" her teacher encouraged her. "Now Billy, how about you?"
"Well, we raise chickens, too, and we sell them at market. We've been saving up for a new truck for my dad. So last week, we counted up all the eggs we had, and my dad figured we'd make enough money for his new truck. But a bunch of the eggs never hatched, so now we're gonna have to wait to get Dad his truck. So, don't count your chickens before they hatch!"
"Excellent, Billy! Now, Tommy, your turn."
Tommy stands in front of class and looks very somber. "Well, my granddad was a paratrooper in Vietnam. He was also a complete drunk. One time, he was dropped into the middle of a hot zone. All he had was his machine gun, a pistol, a knife, and a 12-pack of beer. A whole bunch of Viet Cong saw his men jump out of the plane, and they started shooting as they were all coming down. By the time he was 100 ft off the ground, my granddad was the only one alive, and he'd already had six beers. So he used his machine gun to mow down about a hundred Vietnamese from the air. When he ran out of ammunition for that, he drank another five beers and used his handgun to kill another dozen or so. When he hit the ground, he drank his last beer and then used his knife to kill the only three Viet Cong left."
His teacher stood, her mouth wide open, horrified at the young boy's story. "My god, Tommy! What lesson could you possibly have learned from that?!?"
Tommy shrugged his shoulders and said, "Don't fuck with my grandpa when he's been drinking."
A class of fourth graders was presented a project in which they would take an event in their life and what they learned from it through a common folk saying. Little Susie gets up in front of the class and says, "Last week, my dad and I loaded up all of the eggs from our chickens and put them in a basket to take to market. But on the way, we hit a terrible pothole and half of the eggs broke."
The teacher nodded and asked, "And what did that teach you?" The girl looked solemn and replied, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
"Very good!" her teacher encouraged her. "Now Billy, how about you?"
"Well, we raise chickens, too, and we sell them at market. We've been saving up for a new truck for my dad. So last week, we counted up all the eggs we had, and my dad figured we'd make enough money for his new truck. But a bunch of the eggs never hatched, so now we're gonna have to wait to get Dad his truck. So, don't count your chickens before they hatch!"
"Excellent, Billy! Now, Tommy, your turn."
Tommy stands in front of class and looks very somber. "Well, my granddad was a paratrooper in Vietnam. He was also a complete drunk. One time, he was dropped into the middle of a hot zone. All he had was his machine gun, a pistol, a knife, and a 12-pack of beer. A whole bunch of Viet Cong saw his men jump out of the plane, and they started shooting as they were all coming down. By the time he was 100 ft off the ground, my granddad was the only one alive, and he'd already had six beers. So he used his machine gun to mow down about a hundred Vietnamese from the air. When he ran out of ammunition for that, he drank another five beers and used his handgun to kill another dozen or so. When he hit the ground, he drank his last beer and then used his knife to kill the only three Viet Cong left."
His teacher stood, her mouth wide open, horrified at the young boy's story. "My god, Tommy! What lesson could you possibly have learned from that?!?"
Tommy shrugged his shoulders and said, "Don't fuck with my grandpa when he's been drinking."
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12oclocktales
dishing dirt
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2022
- Posts
- 660
A young woman who is soon to give birth for the first time asks her doctor what position she will have to lie in when the time for her delivery arrives.
“The same position you were in when you conceived,” the doctor tells her.
“My God,” she exclaims, “do you mean I have to drive all around Central Park in a taxi for two hours with my feet hanging out the window?”
“The same position you were in when you conceived,” the doctor tells her.
“My God,” she exclaims, “do you mean I have to drive all around Central Park in a taxi for two hours with my feet hanging out the window?”
SmokingFap
Gentlemanly pervert
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2022
- Posts
- 11,941
Really old one.
Three female friends were having lunch together, as they had all found out that they had recently become pregnant. The brunette said, "I'm just so excited that we're going to have a little girl, because my husband was on top when we conceived."
Her friends congratulated her, then the redhead said, "Well, I'm just thrilled to have a little boy, since **I** was on top when we conceived."
Suddenly, the blonde bursts out in tears, sobbing inconsolably Her two friends hop up and wrap their arms around her, trying to comfort her. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" the brunette asked.
The blonde fought back more tears and wiped her eyes. "I think I'm having puppies!"
Three female friends were having lunch together, as they had all found out that they had recently become pregnant. The brunette said, "I'm just so excited that we're going to have a little girl, because my husband was on top when we conceived."
Her friends congratulated her, then the redhead said, "Well, I'm just thrilled to have a little boy, since **I** was on top when we conceived."
Suddenly, the blonde bursts out in tears, sobbing inconsolably Her two friends hop up and wrap their arms around her, trying to comfort her. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" the brunette asked.
The blonde fought back more tears and wiped her eyes. "I think I'm having puppies!"
SmokingFap
Gentlemanly pervert
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- Oct 6, 2022
- Posts
- 11,941
If corn oil comes from squeezing corn, and olive oil comes from squeezing olives, where does baby oil come from?
SmokingFap
Gentlemanly pervert
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2022
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- 11,941
A psychology professor is taking his class on a tour of the local mental asylum, where he also practices. He takes them from room to room, where they can look in at the patients, and he explains their particular illnesses. After the short tour, they go to the cafeteria. The professor sees one of his own patients and brings this group over to him and another man. The professor introduces the man to his group, then explains to his students that his patient believes that he is Napoleon. Then he turns to his patient and says, "Edward, why do you believe your Napoleon again?"
Edward looks at the doctor and his students and says, "Because Jesus told me so."
The man next to him says, "I did not."
Edward looks at the doctor and his students and says, "Because Jesus told me so."
The man next to him says, "I did not."
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lovecraft68
Bad Doggie
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2009
- Posts
- 46,560
You know why Jesus couldn't have walked on water?
Why?
Because of the dam.
What dam?
The damn holes in his feet!
I'll see my way out.
Why?
Because of the dam.
What dam?
The damn holes in his feet!
I'll see my way out.
SmokingFap
Gentlemanly pervert
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- Oct 6, 2022
- Posts
- 11,941
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "So, why the long face?"
lovecraft68
Bad Doggie
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2009
- Posts
- 46,560
Woman throws a Halloween party with the theme to dress as emotions.
One guy is in green body paint and says he's green with envy
A woman dressed head to toe in blue "has the blues"
A guy walks in completely naked with a pie stuck to his dick, and she asks what he's supposed to be
"I'm fucking discustard"
One guy is in green body paint and says he's green with envy
A woman dressed head to toe in blue "has the blues"
A guy walks in completely naked with a pie stuck to his dick, and she asks what he's supposed to be
"I'm fucking discustard"
