Joke thread

[Bob_Bytchin]

There are these two friends, a white guy and a black guy. One
evening, they`re in a bar arguing over which of them can have
sex the most times in one night. They decide to settle the issue
by going to the local whorehouse and gathering experimental
evidence, as it were.

So they get to the whorehouse, pair off with a couple of the
ladies, and go to their respective rooms. The white guy
energetically balls his whore and, reaching up with a pencil,
makes a "| " mark on the wall. Then he falls asleep.

He wakes up in a couple of hours and screws the whore again,
albeit a little less enthusiastically this time. Again, he
reaches back and marks a " | " on the wall. Again, he falls
asleep.

He wakes up again in a couple of hours and lethargically humps
the hooker again. He drowsily marks another " | " on the wall
and falls asleep for the rest of the night.

The next morning, the black guy barges into the white guy`s
room to see how he did. He takes one look at the wall and
exclaims, "A hundred and eleven?! Damn! You beat me by three."

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

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[Guest]

Women's Guide to Male English

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry

"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy

"I'm tired" = I'm tired

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you" = Let's have sex now

"I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look any different!

"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys

"I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Talk about frustrated.....


http://www.susanshumor.20m.com/Frustrated.wmv

 

[bknight2602]

Too funny guys, find some others!

 

[Eumenides]

I thought your av was the best joke of the bunch, Bob!

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

For the women.....wait til you see how he plays the piano

Put some tips in this piano man's jar

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

An oldie, but a goodie

1. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have
film.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
6. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
7. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
8. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
9. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most if it.
10. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who
don't.
11.He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically
challenged.
12. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say
will be misquoted, then used against you.
13. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without
sponges.
14. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
15. Pardon my driving, I am reloading.
16. Despite the cost of living , have you noticed how it
remains so popular?
17. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
18. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its
burial cost and
blamed it on the cost of living.
19. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall
off.
20. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance
of getting something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
21. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world
end to end,
someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
22. You can't have everything--where would you put it?
23. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75%
of the world's population.
24. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
25. The things that come to those that wait may be the
things left by those
who got there first.
26. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a
man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
27. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
28. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public
schools.
29. When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites
your cheek, that's a
moray!
30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for
doing well.
31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer
in rats.
32 Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody
listens.
33. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the
hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

 

[Monazwx]

Ouch . . .

This was funny when I first saw it, but now . . . .

Guess one can never have enough fixodent.