Joke of the day

[april-wine]

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science
>classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper.
>
>The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."
>
>What to write?
>
>He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping
>for the best:
>1. No need to boil......
>2. Never goes sour......
>3. Available whenever necessary......
>
>So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer.
>Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled,
>and then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen,
>and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:......
>
>
>
>4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes and colors.
>
>He received an A.

 

[YogiBare]

Thanks for the laugh, A-W!

 

[Dillinger]

Every morning the crowd on Coney Island beach was startled to see a jogger with the build of a pro football player but a head the size of a baseball. Finally, some brave young man got up the nerve to stop him and ask, "What happened to give you such a small head?"

The jogger sadly told the story of finding a magic lamp on the beach, which produced a beautiful geine when rubbed. The genie said, "I now give you one wish. Do you want a quick fuck or a little head?"

 

[sexy-girl]

hehe both funny

 

[Dillinger]

A man was trapped on a deserted island that was sinking into the sea. As the water lapped around his feet, a motor boat suddenly approached the island.

"Come on, man, get in!" said the boatman.

"No," said the guy on the island, "I have faith in Jesus. He will save me!"

The boat went off and the water continued to rise. When it was up to the guy's chest, another boat appeared.

"Get in the boat, or you're going to drown!" said the boatman.

Again, the guy said, "No, I have faith in Jesus. He will save me!"

The boat went off and the water continued to rise. When it was up to the guy's chin, a third boat appeared.

"Get in, this is your last chance!"

"No, Jesus will save me!"

So the boat went off, the water continued to rise and the guy drowned. He went up to heaven and was greeted by Jesus.

"Hey, Jesus," he said, "I trusted in you all my life and you let me drown! I don't believe it!"

"YOU don't believe it?" Jesus said, "I sent three fucking boats to save you!!"

 

[GuyJD]

THE RIGHT AGE FOR CURSING

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?", says the 6 year old, "I think it's about time we started cursing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues to explain, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm going to say HELL and you can say ASS." So the two agreed with enthusiasm. So the two went downstairs and sat at the kitchen table to await their breakfast.
Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast.
He replied, "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cherrios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying hysterically while his mother following him and continuously spanking his ass.
The mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out." She returns to the kitchen, looks at the 4 year old, and in a stern voice she asks, "What do you want for breakfast, lil man."
"I don't know, " he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cherrios."

 

[LukkyKnight]

hehe both funny

...and here's an image to go with yours!

 

[PowerOfOne]

For the pain in the ass

I have a growing list of people to use this on!!! Sorry the pic is so small. The fine print says, "For Law Enforcement Officials Only" and at the bottom the fine print says, "For those days when you have to deal with one inflammed asshole after another".

 

[lilminx]

Those jokes and pics were all funny- I definitely needed a good laugh- here's another one:

A man's four-year old son came home from Sunday school. When
he asked him what he'd learned that day, the boy was quiet for
a minute and then said, "Dad, have any of the men in our family
had their penises criticized?"

The father laughed and told him the term was 'circumcised',
but the answer was still yes.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Two good ol boys were haulin ass down the state highway one Friday evening, smoking cigarettes and drinking bottles of Miller. Unfortunately, as they crested a small hill they like to blew the doors off a state trooper idling on the shoulder - who immediately lit up his squad car and took off after them, sirens wailing.

"Quick Leroy peel the label off both our bottles..." said the driver.

"What, Bubba?"

"Shut up and do it, hand one to me and slap the other one on your shoulder." said Bubba as he took his time pulling over for the trooper. He pulled over and slapped the label Leroy handed to him on his own shoulder as the trooper ran the plates.

Finally the cop approaches the car, hand on his weapon, leans in, sniffs heavily, and says, "You boys were going a might fast back there. Have you been drinking this evening?"

"No sir, officer," says Bubba, "we're both on the patch."

 

[GuyJD]

PLEASE.....DO TRY THIS AT HOME!!!

With the Anthrax scare getting worser and worser, we'll soon be going to the restrooms like this.

 

[GuyJD]

DAMN, YOU GUYS GIVE UP SO EASY

Here's how to quit your job.............

 

[lilminx]

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came
down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest
town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker
in the Yukon," he said to the bartender.

"We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the
second room on the right."

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the
hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the
stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and
yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker
in the Yukon."

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "Well,
you found her." Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed
her ankles.

"How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.

"I don't," replied the hooker, "but I thought you might want to
open those beers first."

 

[april-wine]

here's another...........

 

[april-wine]

and another