Jealousy

[TigerClaw]

A while back there was a topic on jealousy. Many different views were given on it.

When I experienced jealousy it was based on the fear of knowledge that something that was supposed to be reserved for me was being shared. It was a warning because it actually was being shared. I didnt want to believe it. I couldnt believe it.

I learned something from a recent experience. Had I known what was going on would I have been jealous? Forgetting about anger the logical step would be to ask the person what was going on and seeing and listening to the response for truth or lie.

If you know what is going on I dont think you would be jealous. Youd end it, fight for the relationship, or ignore it. Ignoring the event might be a scenario where you know they are just really friends. Fighting for the relationship might be telling the person that you dont like them spending that much time with them or talking about your private matters with them. If they dont care about your feelings you have an answer right there about respect and caring for you.

I do believe jealousy has a purpose but I now wonder how often or deep that feeling would be if you knew yourself and knew the person you were with. Are you being decieved or not, etc? It is not only a matter of knowing you. You have to be sure of the other persons intent one way or the other. If you are unsure you probably shouldnt be there.

That is my opinion, whats yours?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Jealousy is a human emotion which at any given time can pollute the clearness in a relationship. Shakespeare wrote a masterful play Othello which to me depicts what can happen when the green monster starts whispering into our ears. Othello marries the beautiful Desdemona and in the end kills his beloved and self out of misplaced feeling. Yes I know very short and not totally accurate

Every person who has to deal with jealousy should read Othello, not only is it one of the very best plays ever written it is also a classical depiction of what jealousy can do to a relationship.

In my opinion jealousy has to be swiftly dealt with. Talking is very important as is trust, in my book jealousy often implies distrust and if not handled can slowly poison the relationship. This to me is not restricted to BDSM relationships but to relationships in general.

Openness and honesty is the key to dealing with the distrust, I do not believe however in ignoring jealous feelings. The first thing that needs to be figured out is if those feelings are based on anything else but insecurity and distrust. The fact that you are paranoid does not necessarily mean the world is not out to get you.

In BDSM relationships boundaries have to be set and negotiated, jealousy can become a part of it especially when others become involved in the relationship. If discussion is there and all parties involve can talk about it then it is my belief and experience that jealousy can be dealt with and change into a more positive feeling. The worst thing that can happen is when it is ignored because the PYL or pyl just have to deal with it because the trigger of those feelings is something that they just have to accept as part of the relationship.

Francisco.
I kiss’d thee ere I kill’d thee. No way but this-
Killing my self, to die upon a kiss.

 

[TigerClaw]

I have to come back to comment on your post. I loved the paranoid comment.

I didnt mean ignore in that fashion. For example I had something happen in a relationship a while back. I asked her about it and she answered me. It sounded reasonable although I had that questioning. It was not worth ruining us over it or letting it fester. I was patient and waited. About 2 Months later something happened which explained the whole thing. I laughed.

Of course she was wondering why. I told her about the initial incident and my concern and the simple but funny thing she did and had just done. We both had a good laugh and it brought us a little closer.

That and other things probably are why we are still good friends even though we broke up.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Just a nudge so this doesn't get lost

Catalina

 

[TigerClaw]

Openness and honesty is the key to dealing with the distrust, I do not believe however in ignoring jealous feelings. The first thing that needs to be figured out is if those feelings are based on anything else but insecurity and distrust. The fact that you are paranoid does not necessarily mean the world is not out to get you.


Francisco.
I kiss’d thee ere I kill’d thee. No way but this-
Killing my self, to die upon a kiss.

So true. Jealousy does have a place in the emotional chain otherwise we would not have it. It is a very good warning signal.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I seem to recall that I was jealous once.


LOL

 

[Raeth]

For me it has always had more to do with my self image than anything that was going on. My wife has helped me greatly with how I see myself... since then I notice I really only get jealous if I am feeling depressed in some way. I never had a good reason to feel that way, just me being paranoid over my own perceived faults.

-Travis

 

[James G 5]

I seem to recall that I was jealous once.


LOL

You?
Nooooo

 

[TigerClaw]

I seem to recall that I was jealous once.


LOL

Once, only once? <teasing, johnny dangerously>

 

[TigerClaw]

For me it has always had more to do with my self image than anything that was going on. My wife has helped me greatly with how I see myself... since then I notice I really only get jealous if I am feeling depressed in some way. I never had a good reason to feel that way, just me being paranoid over my own perceived faults.

-Travis

I have talked to many ppl who have said similar.

 

[TigerClaw]

You?
Nooooo

Ok, what is the scoop here?