JBJ's ATTENTION WHORE THREAD.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Broccoli & Spinach I Sent To My Daughter. I grew the broccoli in maggot shit. The Black Soldier Fly makes premium manure, and I used 500 pounds of the maggot manure to test it. No aroma, either!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm told my broccoli and spinach got compliments at my daughters house. They were served at a birthday dinner last night.

But no one revealed that I grew them in maggot manure. Not to worry, the flies I use are vegetarians.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Ordered Raymond Chandlers Complete Collection of Short Stories. 1300 pages. Includes his 2 horror stories, and 1 romance story. Out of work and alcoholic, he thought he could write better stories than Dashiell Hammett if he tried, and did!

My newest tale, WHAT DOES IT MATTER! Took a different path than I intended, and is now a rather savage erotic mystery. An MD is attacked by unknowns while leaving work, and loses an eye, a testicle, and most of his teeth. The female detectives and female prosecutor know who did it but wont move off the dime.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

The first part of LANDSCAPE OF A DREAM is written. Its one of my Old Florida Tales. The first installment is ONE LIT page or 12 printed pages, an old man's ramble along a Tallahassee country road, 1895, to see and old companion, to talk about the old days when they were robust young men, one white, one black.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I considered editing the first installment but decided to write the 2nd installment. Two old men, at the end of life, spend a lazy afternoon sharing memories of a war sixty years earlier, and gunfights that punctuated the general violence. Its graphic.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

EMOTIONS

JOY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hl5p59ym0sw

MORIBUND http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nioBUUHEDtE

ANXIOUS http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=byDbbCPfLec

SERENITY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01P6u0OYMx8

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

So I spent the day writing, and tossed away most of it cuz it failed to work.

Then I was thinking of Tergenev's MUMU, a story of a peasant, his faithful dog/and only friend in the world, and their evil mistress. Its heart-breaking.

Then an idea popped into my head for a dreadful story end, and a perfect story for the LW category. A Civil War love story. You know, where Melanie is on the porch, talking to Scarlett and Mammie, when Ashley turns off the road onto the drive to the house?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Decided to suspend all my stories in progress to work out a Halloween story in my noodle. The story germ is interesting but I need to create the end first.

OK! I have my surprise ending, now I can go forward or backward or however it happens.

If youre familiar with Julian Jaynes' book, THE ORIGIN OF CONSCIOUSNESS IN THE BREAKDOWN OF THE BICAMERAL MIND, its a good platform for a frightening Halloween story. That is, before the Golden Age of Greece people were functionally psychotic with no sense of self; they were unconscious without volition. Gods commanded people to say and do whatever the god desired. About 500 BC all of that changed when Adam and Eve became aware of themselves.

 

[colddiesel]

You know, I've never thought of planting peanuts. Mind you, I don't like them very much. Peanut butter is OK from time to time, but that's about it. But I love broccoli. I shall have to stop throwing away the leaves. Thanks, JBJ.

Peanut butter is the best bait if you want to trap or shoot squirrels, they can't resist it. Of course that presents the philosophical dilemma as to whether you would be better off eating the peanuts rather than the squirrel. Ah decisions, decisions.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I hatched an excellent title for my Halloween story: BOTTLE BABY.

I like the beginning: A woman awakes atop a marble slab in a cemetery somewhere, its raining and cold, her panties are hanging from her neck, her skirt is hiked up around her waist, and 3 scruffy bums are passed out atop a pile of cardboard, close by, beneath a cheap plastic sheet. Her hand bag is missing in action, and she hasn't a clue where her car is.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

The story is writing itself. I prolly wont wait till October to submit it.

The plot is simple, an anthropology perfesser attends a fair presented by a group of Roman Empire Era re-enactors. Afterwards weird shit happens, like waking up atop a marble slab in a cemetery with no recollection of how she got there.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Spring Garden: Blueberry, Peach, Lemon, Lettuce, Potatoes

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I heard a rumor OUR MUTUAL FRIEND by Dickens features macabre material relevant to the Halloween story I'm writing; it does. An old taxidermist named Mr. Venus preserves all kinds of things in his shop.

Next I need to learn more about the Phoenician god, Baal Hammon.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Blue Berries

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Reading BERLIN DIARY by William Shirer. Its really non-fiction horror, and I'm collecting plenty of bits & pieces of horrible stuff to use in stories; stuff I'm too tame to even imagine (I'm a Dodge City at high noon villain). Shirer, an American, and his wife, an Austrian, got plenty of gooseflesh from the Gestapo, SS, and SD after they went to Berlin from Paris. The Jews, of course, got much worse, and they weren't even to the fun part in 1934.

The scariest of it was how old friends, once rabid anti-Nazis, came outta their closets for Hitler and the Holocaust. Mencken would say, THEY SMACKED THEIR LIPS, RUBBED THEIR BELLIES, AND ROLLED THEIR EYES IN DEMENTED GUSTO. Scarier still was how Churchill egged Hitler to kick sand on Chamberlain and expose the man as a coward.

I knew it. Poland showed up at Munich demanding a few morsels of Czechoslovakia from Chamberlain, and got them. They always treated the Danzig Germans like shit.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm writing plenty of words that aren't cohesive, and thinking I need to create an enduring series with enough quills to prick everyone. So I'm thinking of a government villain infested with queers, nigga parasites, and old maid nazis vs real people.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Spring Garden 3/6

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Hooray! The Raymond Chandler COLLECTED STORIES arrived. He wrote a romance story few know of. This completes my Chandler set. Its like 900 pages.

Still playing with my Halloween story, its 2000 words so far; I changed the title to A DOOR MARKED NEVER MORE.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think I'll pass on the romance story, but Chandler wrote 2 horror stories that aren't bad: THE BRONZE DOOR and PROFESSOR BINGO's SNUFF. The snuff makes you invisible, and more...or less...depending on how you look at it. They aren't Stephen King quality, but theyre close.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Read the very first Raymond Chandler story last night (1933) and its bland as communion wafers, for the most part. I mean, one character outta the whole crew is drawn well, and the scenery isn't what it will be by 1940.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

The Raymond Chandler story is so bad I spent the afternoon studying it to learn why.

Its Chandler's first-ever story, and the principal character is a prototype for Philip Marlowe, who comes along 6 years later in THE BIG SLEEP. The prototype, named Mallory, is wooden, virtuous, and laconic. Philip Marlowe is alcoholic and a smart ass and talks too much....and virtuous. Old Maid reviewers used PM's virtues to paint Raymond Chandler homosexual. which he wasn't. Female characters threw themselves at PM but he only boinked one, and married her in the last book Chandler wrote.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Finished the first story of a new series. No title yet...maybe ALICE DOESNT.

Plot: Alice is released from state prison after 10 years, on the bus she meets a pimp who rides the bus to recruit women to work for him. All Alice has in the world is one hundred bucks, a few references to church shelters, and a coupon for some used clothes from a thrift shop.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I edited the new story and sent it on its way. 1500 words. Its the 1st installment of a serial. I changed the title to FRIEND-FINDER. Filed in LW with incest, lesbian, and interracial flavors. It has potential as serialized debauchery with chronic animosity and conflicts.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Read 3 Raymond Chandler stories: BLACKMAILERS DONT SHOOT (1933), TROUBLE IS MY BUSINESS (1950), and THE PENCIL (1959).

Chandler didn't really write short stories, 4 of his stories fill one book. He said himself that he wasn't a short story writer, and he didn't lie.

His first story (1933) is standard Chandler fare, a femme fatale is in distress and needs a rescue by a smart, brave private eye. Its dull and bland and meh. Its still better reading than his competitors in 1933. TROUBLE IS MY BUSINESS is Chandler at his peak. Philip Marlowe is a cynic, sarcastic, and a fool for a beautiful femme fatale. Its a fun read. THE PENCIL is his last story before he died. His heart isn't in it, and the edge is gone; its a great story, the mafia manipulates Philip Marlowe into helping them with a hit on a wayward wise guy. His cast of wonderful characters make cameo appearances, and the story ends like a bad blind date.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Veggies And Fruits