Jamie's Turn.

[caligula215]

Five girls experiment with lesbian sex.

Chapter one:

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=187813

Chapter two:

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=203854


Any feed back? Suggestions? Ideas for three? Should I bother with three?

 

[caligula215]

Okay, I guess that says it all haha

 

[bobsmith1966]

great story

i really enjoyed reading this.. thank yo ufor sharing this,
Bob

 

[HornyHenry]

Patience

This is sometimes a slow moving forum with few visitors. I come here when I have time to read stories and people want someone to read their story.
Good match, huh?

Hot, but...
a couple of problem imho:
Jamie had never been with a boy (Virgin?), but had no trouble or pain taking a big vibrator fully into her pussy.

Did that girl really squirt into Mellisa? And no more description of what happened to her? It must have been her first, and a big surprise too.

And, the first part seemed too short, with a quick ending.
But the seeming afterthought in the very last line, to say something to effect of, "OBTW, good thing we're all 18 now", that turned me off.

I believe the two parts could be one, but you probably didn't write it all at once, so that's not a big problem.
I think you could have used more story, like saying why they were there having a party. Maybe use this to tell that they are 18, if you need to, like it was a graduation celebration or something. And tell some more about the characters.
The premise was hot and the sex was hot though, so keep it up!

I liked your other story, "A Very Talented Girl" as much or more than these. Kobe can only dream that it had happened this way for him.
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=174405

 

[caligula215]

Thanks for the feed back. I agree that I could have spent more time on this and put in a lot more details, but I'm kind of new at this. I'll keep that in mind...

And the last line was pretty much the, "I know it sounds like they're young, but I'm not a pedophile, so leave me the hell alone" disclaimer. haha But I could have just made it a graduation/birthday party or something....

 

[sexy_kitten24]

i enjoyed this as well