IVF and Egg Donors...

[jomar]

A couple I know has tried a range of fertility trials with no success. Now they are thinking of asking her 19 year old niece to be an egg donor.

So I've been reading about the procedure, especially on the donating side given the niece's age. There are considerable risks and unknowns in the field at this time.

Has anybody here been a donor or knows of someone who has? I'm interested in hearing about the experience on a personal level - positives, negatives, short-term and long-term side effects of the procedure and drugs, etc...

 

[starrkers]

Damn, that's a big ask of the niece.
(can't help at all on the experience level - just offering a friendly bump).

 

[jomar]

That's what I thought too, for a lot of reasons.

And thanks for the bump. I was resigned to batting zero on this thread.

 

[Vermilion]

That's what I thought too, for a lot of reasons.

And thanks for the bump. I was resigned to batting zero on this thread.

OK, know nothing about this from any angle, but my take on it would be to use eggs from a woman who has had at least one or two children of her own...
x
V

because I hate to see a thread die

 

[jomar]

You two are very kind.

And V, that's one of the preferences. A woman having a child proves her fertility, so harvesting has a higher probability and such.

 

[neonlyte]

A couple I know has tried a range of fertility trials with no success. Now they are thinking of asking her 19 year old niece to be an egg donor.

So I've been reading about the procedure, especially on the donating side given the niece's age. There are considerable risks and unknowns in the field at this time.

Has anybody here been a donor or knows of someone who has? I'm interested in hearing about the experience on a personal level - positives, negatives, short-term and long-term side effects of the procedure and drugs, etc...

As starrkers said, it is a big ask of the niece, I'd add that it's a big ask of a nineteen year-old. My instinct would be to look for someone older, prefereably with her own children, not so much to prove fertility but to reduce any psychological attachment, though it is hard to imagine the medics allowing the proceedure without a minimum of psychological screening. Wish I'd seen this earlier, I was with a highly respected psychologist for most of today, this is just the kind of subject she worries over. I'm seeing her again next weekend at my daughters wedding, I'll ask if I a) remember, and b) there is a lull in proceedings.

 

[Ness73]

Physically, the 19 year olds eggs would be best - younger, fresher and all that. Mentally is the challenge that she would have to overcome - I guess it depends on the relationship between the niece and the couple.
As for the procedure - it would be the same as the egg harvesting for IVF. It differs from woman to woman and also doctor to doctor. In my case, it is a nasal spray from day 21 which levels out the hormone levels so the doctors can control them. Tastes like shit, but otherwise not too bad. Then blood tests on day 1 or 2, then start injecting Puregon (or similar) daily, which tricks your body into preparing more eggs for release than the usual one. Then another blood test on about day 14, an ultrasound and then a trigger injection to release the eggs. 36 hours after the trigger injection they collect the eggs. I have twilight anaesthetic for this, they use a needle vaginally and punch through the uterus to pick the eggs up. The fewest eggs I have had taken is 12, some people get up to about 20. There is a bit of discomfort before they take the eggs - feels like my ovaries have been pumped up. A little bit of discomfort afterwards and that would also depend on the woman I would suspect. Once they have the eggs they would fertilise them, implant one or two and freeze the rest for subsequent tries.
I think the worst bit would have to be injecting yourself, especially if you don't like needles. But the needle is tiny - you can hardly feel it.
But the bottom line is that it is a big ask for a 19 year old. Lot of things have to be taken into consideration, but it's also a wonderful gift to give to someone.

 

[fifty5]

What Ness said...

Mechanistically, the younger the donor the better...

Psychologically, it depends on the maturity of the niece.

Whatever, the niece deserves all the support we, or anyone can offer.

Way to go kid!

 

[Guest]

I know this is a delicate subject, but it seems to me completely selfish exploitation.

I don't usually judge, but I still remember myself as a 19-year old. If someone had asked me then, from my family, it would have been emotionally impossible for me to refuse. I'd only imagine the couple's misery, I'd not have the maturity to understand the risks.

It is a selfish manipulative thing to ask. The hormones used are very strong and very damaging, and there is the small but existing probability that the girl's own fertility could be damaged. This is not like asking someone for a kidney, it is not a lifesaving act.

It is imposing the couple's reality on a child. All of a sudden motherhood for this girl will become needles, procedures, operating rooms, an emotional roller coaster of uncertainty, instead of the life giving act she could still experience as natural. This is also a reason why one asks this of a mother with kids, and not a child.

And there is the very real possiblity that the girl would think the baby is hers. And guess what? A court might too.

Maharat

 

[jomar]

...Wish I'd seen this earlier, I was with a highly respected psychologist for most of today, this is just the kind of subject she worries over. I'm seeing her again next weekend at my daughters wedding, I'll ask if I a) remember, and b) there is a lull in proceedings.

It is a big ask and I do think they screen, but still. And it would be an interesting question to pose to a psychologist, though I suspect you'd get answers similar to here (e.g., depends on the niece, maturity, stability relationship, etc). If it comes up, spend a second on it. Thanks neon.

In my case, it is a nasal spray from day 21 which levels out the hormone levels...I think the worst bit would have to be injecting yourself, especially if you don't like needles. But the needle is tiny - you can hardly feel it.
But the bottom line is that it is a big ask for a 19 year old. Lot of things have to be taken into consideration, but it's also a wonderful gift to give to someone.

I haven't read anything about the nasal spray. The procedures I've found online talk about suppressing then stimulating production with the shots. I would be a wonderful gift, but for someone with no children yet, there are just so many unknowns in terms of future effects (no long-term studies). Any mood swings with the hormones? I'm glad it went well for you.

I know this is a delicate subject, but it seems to me completely selfish exploitation.

I don't usually judge, but I still remember myself as a 19-year old. If someone had asked me then, from my family, it would have been emotionally impossible for me to refuse. I'd only imagine the couple's misery, I'd not have the maturity to understand the risks.

It is a selfish manipulative thing to ask. The hormones used are very strong and very damaging, and there is the small but existing probability that the girl's own fertility could be damaged. This is not like asking someone for a kidney, it is not a lifesaving act.

I tend to agree. Though I don't think the couple is being overtly selfish and manipulative, but their view is a bit clouded by their desire for another child (this would be the second - which does add another dimension to the issue). They are probably just exploring options and are steered by the fertility clinic. Fortunately, the couple plans to approach the niece's parents first, then if they agree, talk with the niece. But I think you're right, how could the niece not agree, even if she's unsure, because of the relationships. Besides the lack of long-term studies, current and future risks, a huge issue is that the niece had an episode of major depression several years back and I'd be worried that the hormones might trigger another depression. All around, seems way too risky to me. I just hope the girl's parents due their homework if they get asked and do the right thing by their daughter.

 

[angela146]

From the perspective of an infertile couple...

My husband has a zero sperm count. We (briefly) considered asking one or more of his brothers to donate sperm.

By doing so, we would have a child who looked a lot like his "adoptive" father. The genealogy would remain pretty much intact. There would be no question of the child "really" being a part of the family.

We decided against it for two reasons:

1. The question of parentage still gets sticky. If your uncle is also your biological father, it gives him more "gravitas" than a normal biological father. Issues of "who's my 'real' dad" can be pretty intense for a kid.

2. Do we ask just one brother or all of them? If we ask all of them, what if some want to but others not? Does it create bad feelings now and/or in the future? What about wives (or other partners), current and future?

My concerns here are not about the decision making of the individual brothers. I think we could ask in such a way that they would not feel pressured.

Rather, I'm concerned about the family as a whole.

The "best case" would have been if all of the brothers would have donated and I were inseminated with a random one of them (re-randomized on each attempt). That way we would not know which of them ended up being the biological father.

All of the doctors and psychologist-types that we talked to suggested an anonymous sperm donor for these and other reasons.

I'm not sure I want to have children with *any* biological father other than my husband, but I'm really uncomfortable with an anonymous donor. Yes, I know that many couples feel otherwise.

Anyway, there are a lot of family issues to be considered no matter what you do. And, of course, we have it easier since there is no real biological risk to the sperm donor.

Being on this side of the question, I can empathise with the infertile couple. As long as the couple and the niece are all aware of the issues involved (and there are others in addition to those above) I would have to say that it would be a wonderful and very thoughtful gift from the niece to the aunt/uncle.

Now let's go to the donor side of things...

I don't think 19 year old adults need to be "protected" from themselves in making an egg donation decision. 19 year olds make life altering decisions on a regular basis (career, marriage, college, military etc.)

That being said, if my favorite aunt (or any of my aunts, for that matter) had made such a request of me at that age, I would have discussed it with my fiance and probably said "no" - most likely on the basis of "my fiance and I come first".

At that age, I was a college sophomore in the midst of wedding plans. Issues of when and if to have children were certainly on my mind.

 

[jomar]

From the perspective of an infertile couple...

My husband has a zero sperm count. We (briefly) considered asking one or more of his brothers to donate sperm.

By doing so, we would have a child who looked a lot like his "adoptive" father. The genealogy would remain pretty much intact. There would be no question of the child "really" being a part of the family.

Yes. This is probably a big factor in thinking of asking the niece.

All of the doctors and psychologist-types that we talked to suggested an anonymous sperm donor for these and other reasons.

Hmm. If the pros are recommending this...

I don't think 19 year old adults need to be "protected" from themselves in making an egg donation decision. 19 year olds make life altering decisions on a regular basis (career, marriage, college, military etc.)

I have to think the issue here is consideration. They don't want to bypass the niece's parents on such an important issue. Also, they would want the parent's blessing. But as mentioned above, it would be extremely difficult for the girl to say no, despite any misgivings. True, 19 year olds make life altering decisions, but they still have 19 year old brains and I could see in a situation like this the niece may not be fully able to weigh the potential near/long-term consequences adequately given the (unintended) emotional pressure. Thank you for sharing Angela.

 

[R. Richard]

I used to live in NYC. At that time, there was what amounted to a cottage industry in human egg donation. The effort was aimed at college students. If you were a tall, blue eyed, blonde girl with a high IQ, you could sell your eggs for quite a lot of money. From what I was told, the 'counselling' consisted of a quick, 'Miss Universe' scan and then the key question, "Do you need money?" [This may come as a shock to you, but there are only about a dozen college students in the whole world who don't need money.]

The girl [who needed money] was given a kit and directions. Once she had had her eggs harvested, she was given money. There was very little concern for the long term effects on the girl.

 

[kajira311]

Hormones

If the young woman agreed to donate her eggs, wouldn't she have to inject various hormones to stimulate egg production? My concern is for a young person (or any woman, actually) shooting herself full of extremely powerful hormones in this pursuit.

I realize medicine has come a long way since then, but there's conjecture that Gilda Radner's cancer was triggered by her fertility treatment.

And I agree with the general consensus that it's an awful lot to ask of a 19-year-old.

My husband was told he had extremely few and low-motility sperm. His first marriage lasted 18 years, during which his wife only got pregnant twice; sadly, she miscarried both. But today I have the 14-year-old product of his lonely slow swimmers.