I've reached a milestone

[cmky]

I've reached a turning point with my slave.
Near the end of my shift Thursday nite I texted him that my feet & back were killing me and in need of some tlc. (8 hours in heels will do that!)
He met me at my house. He handed me a glass of red wine and guided me onto the sofa.
The point is, in a normal relationship, if my beau offered a foot rub after a long day at work I'd run shrieking into the bathroom. I'm always obsessive about how my body looks...and smells (eek!). Perfume is my best friend. But that nite, not only did I not care if me feet smelled, I didn't even think about it. My slave was there to perform a service, and social ettiquite doesn't apply. He's been tryin to get me to this point for months now (exactly who is training who here?).
So that's it. If anyone has had a similar experience, I'd like to hear about it.
Oh, to finish up the story, while me feet were soaking in warm water, he rubbed my shoulders. I sorta remember the foot rub, but honestly I was already drifting off. Not sure how I got there, but I woke the next morning safe n sound in my bed.
Is he great or what?

 

[Loverskitten]

Sounds lovely

 

[PaulBlart]

Your getting to the point of expecting the service, will, I can guarantee, push his submissive buttons. Telling him, directly, what you posted here will be even more of a thrill for him ("Normally, I'd feel like I needed to shower before allowing a guy to massage my feet, but you're here to serve me.") Just some thoughts from the other side

 

[anne22]

post edit

 

[cmky]

Thanks for the comments from the sub-types. This stuff is all new to me.
I don't know if I stepped on anyone's toes calling him a slave...but that's what he requested. He specifically doesn't like the term submissive.

Okay, I want to *reward* this guy for a job well-done. I've got the part down where I treat him like a piece of furniture (metaphorically - I haven't sat on him...yet), but now I'm trying to think of ways that will really push his buttons, as someone just commented.

I'm thinking about the orgasm denial thing mentioned on another thread. At this point, I'm not even sure if I'd give him a happy ending. I just need to brush up a little bit on my hand-job skills and I need someone to experiment on. I may include some tying-up and blindfolding.

What do you guys think?

 

[Stella_Omega]

You don't need to reward him. That's not what he signed on for, if I recall.

However, IF you wanted to do sex with him-- if you told him that you wanted to brush up on some skills and he was going to be your test subject-- That might be the best way, I think, to frame these sessions.

 

[switchbitch]

You don't need to reward him. That's not what he signed on for, if I recall.

However, IF you wanted to do sex with him-- if you told him that you wanted to brush up on some skills and he was going to be your test subject-- That might be the best way, I think, to frame these sessions.

perfectly put a guaranteed winner .

 

[Stella_Omega]

perfectly put a guaranteed winner .

It would push my buttons real good. I seem to have a "laboratory" type kink, which I had never really understood as such before last year...

hehehe

 

[PaulBlart]

cmky, I might suggest telling him you expect him to ask permission before cumming and, when the mood strikes, tell him "no". There of course have to be repercussions for cumming without the permission (being denied the opportunity to serve, for example). Or tell him one evening he is to give you a massage then go down on you until you tell him to stop, but he will not be cumming. For me, and I think for most submissive men, we are in to worshipping our domina's body and that, in itself, is an incredible pleasure. Our motivation level is higher if we are kept in a state of sexual frustration, not to mention how having our sexual pleasure controlled drives us deeply in to sub-space.

I do agree with Stella that you don't need to reward him. Expecting his service and allowing him to serve you IS the reward. Punishment would be NOT letting him massage your stinky feet. I know it sounds really crazy, but it's how our little subbie minds work.

 

[anne22]

post edit

 

[PaulBlart]

I don't know if I stepped on anyone's toes calling him a slave...but that's what he requested. He specifically doesn't like the term submissive.



I don't think you'd be stepping on anyone's toes by using the term "slave". But, I've always wondered if/how such a term works in most relationships long term. Most of us fantasize about being called slave or various other demeaning terms, but this is fantasy and I wonder if/how a couple can incorporate it in a real life relationship. Even in a d/s relationship, it seems mutual respect would still be a necessary element of maintaining a real life relationship and I wonder if using such terms work outside of play time. Does any of this make sense?

 

[cmky]

Stella -
I agree. I didn't mean reward in the sense that I'd tell him he was receiving a reward or whatever, just that I was in the mood to pay a little more than the usual attention to him...perhaps even in a sexual way.
Reward was a poor word choice. More like positive reinforcement I think.

Paul, you are a genius. I am *slowly* wrapping my mind around the concept that washing my dirty underwear and massaging my feet is a reward for good behavior, and not a punishment. I know I'm a youngin' and all, but this is a very new concept to me.

On the terminology, when we (me, the roomie, and the slave) discuss this, he says he favors the term slave just so there are no connotations of a mutually respectful relationship. I haven't pushed things into the realm of some of the really degrading stuff I've read about here and other places (and won't, that's just...ew), but so far as I've gone to treat him as a slave, he has loved it.

Last night, after a bit of prompting from a friendly IM, I had the slave come over. Me and the Roomie discussed it, and were waiting on him. Normally, we'd be in sweats and tees, but tonight we were dressed up in something approaching 'dom' gear.

I wanted to try the orgasm denial thing I've been reading about on the other thread. What I really wanted to do was use the opportunity to improve my hand-job skills, and maybe pick up a few new tricks. My Roomie wasn't really into it, besides the bit where he grovels and whatnot, which she loves.

So we tied him up, pants on but unzipped. I pulled it out, he was rock-hard. I oiled him up, said some dirty things, and went to work.

...he came almost immediately. So fast I didn't even realize it. I was very displeased. As soon as his body started to twitch, but before he actually started ejaculating, I pulled my hand away. He came anyway, but I understand this can be very frustrating to a guy.

So we left him there for awhile, still tied up, until I had a chance to relax. He was very upset by his performance. I told him I was very disappointed, but that this wasn't grounds for dismissal, so he didn't have that to worry about. Still, it would be some time before I let him serve us again.

It was hard, watching him leave all bummed out and everything, but I thought it was necessary to maintain control. I can't just have him cumming whenever he feels like it.

Or was I too harsh?

The plan is to keep him at arm's length for a few days, maybe over the weekend, and then let him back in. Let me know what you guys think. I'm just figuring this stuff out as I go.

 

[Loverskitten]

I'd love to hear more from male submissives/slaves and Dommes. I too am experimenting with topping. Although it's always been in my blood.
When I've been a pet, I enjoy a very loving, caring Dom but I feel male slaves are generally different. Don't know how to put it into words but I'm obviously more cat-like (I'll please you if you deserve it but I don't need you) and I see most male pets as more dog-like in their need to be commanded and to please.
If you know what I'm trying to say.
Keep the responses and experiences coming!

 

[PaulBlart]

As you can see from my posts, I'm not in a d/s relationship. I have had two before. I've visited a few professionals, but that doesn't really count in my mind. Of the two relationships I had, one was a very objectifying experience where she was commanding and cruel. It definitely met my submissive needs and was very exciting sexually, but in the end, the lack of caring domination just left me feeling pretty empty. The other was an older, professional woman when I was in college. Her approach was much more caring, practically mothering. She was still commanding, but much more confident that the other (who was much younger). I always felt she was trying to make me a better person and a better servant. I can't speak for others, but the commanding, "bitchy" approach is the thing of my fantasies. But, when we are talking real life, when you are immobilized by restraints and at her mercy, it's a far more intoxicating experience to endure for someone you care about and who you know cares for you. It becomes an expression of your love for her and her expression of love for you is the control and the pain she metes out.

I kind of like your "dog-like" reference. Men do tend to think in terms of power. We do happen to be very "pack-like" in our thinking. As a submissive, I completely surrender to my alpha female. In my present relationship, my wife is alpha. She doesn't embrace d/s and really won't acknowledge being "alpha", but it is clear to all who meet us that she is in charge. She controls the finances, makes all our major decisions. I cook and clean, and every night I'm on my knees lovingly massaging her feet. I sexualize the power that she possesses. She just sees it as part of who she is as a confident woman.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I sexualize the power that she possesses. She just sees it as part of who she is as a confident woman.

You're Anaiis Nin to her Henry Miller.

 

[PaulBlart]

O.K., that's an interesting comparison, but not sure I entirely get where you're coming from. Didn't Nin sexualize pretty much everything? I don't think I'm nearly so interesting as she.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I just like hearing about how other people do things, feel about certain situations etc

 

[cfuhrer]

I just like hearing about how other people do things, feel about certain situations etc

I find it very educational

 

[cmky]

Update time.

Wednesday night was then we had the premature 'incident'.
The idea was to punish him by denying him the pleasure of serving us until Monday. Okay, this idea of punishing by NOT serving is still difficult for me, but I'm going with it.

Turns out, I am spoiled rotten.
See, I'm used to having my laundry washed, folded and put away. I'm used to my shoes, which are cast off near the front door as soon as I walk in, being cleaned and put away. I'm used to my apartment being in order. I'm used to waking up to the smell of breakfast on Saturdays.

I've spent the past several months training him to do these things exactly how I want them done, and I thought I could just go without. Just like that.
Well, I lasted until Saturday morning.
Around noon, I called him. I tried to make it sound like I was doing him the favor. After all, I didn't say he was banished for the weekend, I just told him we'd call when his services were needed.
So I called, and he picked up almost immediately.
I told him he could come over and he said he'd be over right away.
I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. My roomie was there to back me up. She was in bitch mode, but kept it under control. She came off as slightly annoyed, I tried to come off as coolly indifferent.
When he got there, I still hadn't thought of what to say, so I just asked if he had anything to say for himself.
A lot of kneeling, foot-kissing and groveling followed. This was genuine. He was terribly afraid that we weren't going to keep him anymore. I felt bad. I shouldn't have been so hard on him earlier. I don't want him to associate having an orgasm with crushing failure. So I made a mental note to somehow change that in the future.
On the other hand, I got a taste of what it must feel like to be worshiped. That's about the only way I can think of to describe it. I gotta say, it is a heady feeling.

So, after the groveling and worship, I told him that Monday night we'd get together to talk about it, we'd have a 'time-out'. I know there's gotta be a better way to say it, but that's the phrase for suspending the master/slave relationship and talking about expectations and whatnot.
After that, I put him to work, which he was more than happy to do. It was sooo nice coming home to a clean house later that night. You have no idea the mess two girls can make of an apartment.

Monday, we talked. I found out that he has a real problem with premature ejaculation. It affected his previous relationships. After discussing it between ourselves, the roomie and I told him we wouldn't punish him again for something he couldn't control, but that we were going to find some way to help him with his problem.

Things settled back down pretty quickly after that. The last few days have been nice, the house is in order, and I'm back to getting my shoulder & foot rubs on a regular basis.

Now, on to the plan.
His problem and my roomie's evil plans are on the cusp of merging. I'm just not sure if what she wants to do is possible.
The idea is to use Pavlovian methodologies to make him get and lose and erection on command. We've used this before, trying to associate giving us massages with sexual arousal. Honestly though, that was pretty simple.
The basic idea is to arouse him, and associate that arousal with a sound. Eventually, he will associate arousal with the sound and when he hears it *whammo* erection.
The trickier part is associating a different sound with unarousal. Not sure how to do that, yet.
Or course, we'd make the sound something unique...so he's not getting a woody at random times.
Hopefully, in addition to amusing us, this will get in his mind the idea of getting an erection, but not having an orgasm. Not sure if this will help his PE or not, but it seems reasonable. After that, we're going to bump it up. Having him masturbate to the point of orgasm, but denying him the pleasure. Or doing it ourselves (I still need the practice).
The idea is to get him to where he will only orgasm if we give him permission.

What do you guys think?

 

[oneguy4fun]

I don't know how you could possibly make a guy immediately unaroused. I think he just needs practice. Keep bringing him to the edge and then stop. Some of it is you learning the right time to stop. You could also have him masturbate himself to the edge. Order him to do this everyday in the shower but not to orgasm. Accidents will happen but over time he will last longer. You can also try things like densensitizing cream, putting on two condoms, or using a cock ring to prolong orgasm. The great thing is that the more you tease and deny him the more his mind turns to mush which makes it easier to control him and get what you want from him.

He can also exercise his PC muscle (muscle that make his cock twitch). Order him to flex it 300 times a day. Supposedly this will create better self control for him.

 

[Jaded_One]

You also might check out Shadowsdream's threads or drop her a pm. This is one incredibly intelligent, thoughtful Mistress.

Her thread The Unexpected Rewards touches on some of what you asked in your op.

 

[cmky]

The first session of his training begins tomorrow night. I'll post the results after.