I've learned...

[Lucifer_Carroll]

I've learned that when skydiving pack a parchute not a parakeet.
I have learned that 2+2=4 but people will call you a traitor to whatever country you're residing in for not saying 5 like a good plebe.
I've learned that even though you score 100% on introversion on a myers-briggs test, you can still find a way to be a bit of a social butterfly (thank you online).
I've learned that rabid wolverines do not make good pets.
I've learned that pants can be rebelled against.
I've learned that whenever I enter a political thread I am automatically a "traitor", "communist", "a child", and oddly enough, one of the girls.
I've learned that life really is better when you're crazy out of your skull.

And most importantly I have learned that when life gets you down, start to dance like a cartoon character going: "And I wanna singa about the moona and the springa and the juna".

 

[Guest]

Things I've learned....

Fish don't like Jello.

Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is---- it's you.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."


Things I'd like to know

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole damn box to start a barbecue?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If you spin a chinese person in circles do they become disoriented?

 

[SeaCat]

Re: Re: Re: I've learned...

Yup,

You've obviously heard of it before.

Aren't you from the northeast originally?

One of the original and only Cape Cod RedNecks. Dodged more than a few flying car parts at the speedway down your way.
Has the water temp up there gne above 40° yet? (I'm also a diver.)

Cat

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

I've learned to never stick my dick in a nuclear reactor.

Poor poor Chernobyl.

 

[Honey123]

I've learned that:

You can't be liked by everyone

Never say too much too soon

Smile, even when you want to cry your heart out

There are lots of people with big hearts who care

The people who don't really know you, actually know everything about you

I've also learned that not everyone kicks you when you are down

That a kind word from someone can change your mood instantly

 

[Lord DragonsWing]

Things I've learned....

Fish don't like Jello.

Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Damn, I don't think I've laughed that hard in years!!!!!!!!!!!! lmfao

 

[Lisa Denton]

Damn, I don't think I've laughed that hard in years!!!!!!!!!!!! lmfao

How do you know if fish don't like jello, I mean, was this a serious and reliable taste testing thingie. Most important, did they let the fishies try the green color jello, its great with water sex, well uh, thats what I heard.

 

[Guest]

How do you know if fish don't like jello, I mean, was this a serious and reliable taste testing thingie. Most important, did they let the fishies try the green color jello, its great with water sex, well uh, thats what I heard.

Well my conclusion after some experimentation as a young boy, was; it's difficult for fish to breathe properly in jello. It took days to reach this conclusion, however, as the fish don't float to the surface once the have suffocated.

 

[BlackSnake]

I've learned that it's ok to say no sometimes. F***ing kitten is going to be de-clawed.

 

[Guest]

I've also learned that:

A bathtub full of otters is damn fine entertainment, for the money.

A croisant may taste better than a caraway biscuit, but it isn't any smarter.

Never goose a bull. No matter how much fun it looks.

A goat with three legs is a rare sight indeed.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can make him float on his back THEN you've got something.