I've had it!

[beautiful_lacy]

Kind of an update from my thread yesterday.

My fiancee wanted sex today (could've gotten some yesterday if he hadn't been an ass). Well my time of the month came early, but I told him it was his choice (blood makes him sick to his stomach). He didn't care because he was horny. Since we hadn't had sex in a week, he asked if I could get him off and then we would make out until he was ready again, so that he could last longer. Fine by me. I get him off, and when he doesn't want to make out, I told him he promised me, and now he's acting all "I'm tired." OMFG! I just got your fucking ass off and you don't even have the decency to return the favor?! I have a vibrator, so it isn't like I was asking for oral sex or even his hand, not that we ever do oral sex. If we don't go to counseling, I'm done. I don't care if he gets pissed off or not by the counseling idea. I am sick and tired of him getting his needs fulfilled and me being left high and dry.

 

[duppy_conqueror]

Kind of an update from my thread yesterday.

My fiancee wanted sex today (could've gotten some yesterday if he hadn't been an ass). Well my time of the month came early, but I told him it was his choice (blood makes him sick to his stomach). He didn't care because he was horny. Since we hadn't had sex in a week, he asked if I could get him off and then we would make out until he was ready again, so that he could last longer. Fine by me. I get him off, and when he doesn't want to make out, I told him he promised me, and now he's acting all "I'm tired." OMFG! I just got your fucking ass off and you don't even have the decency to return the favor?! I have a vibrator, so it isn't like I was asking for oral sex or even his hand, not that we ever do oral sex. If we don't go to counseling, I'm done. I don't care if he gets pissed off or not by the counseling idea. I am sick and tired of him getting his needs fulfilled and me being left high and dry.

That's just pure laziness... He should enjoy getting you off just as much as receiving. I feel guilty or annoyed with myself if I don't give my SO a few orgasms and shes given me one.

 

[SweetErika]

How old is this guy? 15?

He sounds like an immature ass. After reading your other thread though, I'm wondering if you've communicated your hurt and anger at his actions in a clear, calm manner.

That is, have you said something like, "It really hurt my feelings and turned me off when you said my hair was disgusting [or whatever he said] today/yesterday," and, "I'm extremely disappointed, hurt and angered by your reneging on our agreement to make out and please me after you got off today. We need to figure this out and get some counseling before we consider marriage?"

Or, are you more stewing about his actions and communicating your dissatisfaction to us, instead of to him?

If it's the latter, it's only fair for you to figure out how to assert yourself and communicate in a clear, firm, nonconfrontational manner. He's a jerk with issues, but he's not a mind-reader, and he should probably know why your relationship is going down the tubes from your perspective so he has a shot at changing his behavior. Now he's probably not actually going to change his thoughts or behaviors long-term, but it sounds like YOU might be disappointed if you don't give him an opportunity to do so before you call it quits. IOW, give yourself the gift of communicating clearly, being assertive and getting therapy now so you don't chance regretting not doing so down the line (whether the relationship sticks or not). While it might be new to you and difficult, it'll be a cakewalk compared to being in a shitty relationship or marriage. Marriage is tough enough without really hurtful comments, emotional abuse and selfishness.

 

[infinity706]

I don't really think oral during a woman's period is a big deal. Of course, I'm probably in the minority on that one. I have to say it's not looking good for salvaging your relationship, though.

 

[Hoardingenergy]

He just hasn't figured out that when your happy and satisfied he will be. We are all asses at one time or another. If this is the first time perhaps you might let it slide. You don't seem very happy with him from your post. Let your heart lead you. If you are on your period it shouldn't be a big deal to have sex. All you need is a red towel.

 

[Bandit58]

He just hasn't figured out that when your happy and satisfied he will be. We are all asses at one time or another. If this is the first time perhaps you might let it slide. You don't seem very happy with him from your post. Let your heart lead you. If you are on your period it shouldn't be a big deal to have sex. All you need is a red towel.

She said that blood makes him feel sick. How's he going to react when he sees blood all over himself despite using a red towel?

My ex husband wouldn't touch me if I had my period so it was a big deal to him. I was surprised when I left him to find that not all men were like that, but the emotional damage has been done (for me) and I'm not keen on having sex when I have my period....however since I started HRT I haven't had a period at all so it's not a problem now

Lacy your man sounds very selfish and immature. My advice - run like hell in the opposite direction because he sounds just like my first husband and I made the mistake of marrying him and staying for over 20 years too long.....

 

[TypicalDeviant]

It sounds like the two of you may have some communications issues. You definitely want to address these now. If you can't discover a way to communicate openly with each other, you may want to reconsider your wedding plans.

 

[Carnevil9]

I don't think you two are ready for marriage. You both sound extremely self centered. And I don't mean that as an insult; just that you both seem too focused on your own needs at this point in your lives to make a marriage work. Take some time off, and revisit the idea in a couple of years.

 

[NHPictureguy]

Take a good look, honey.
This is going to be your life.
If you want him, you had better get used to it and have rechargeable batteries.

 

[Ginger41]

Take a good look, honey.
This is going to be your life.
If you want him, you had better get used to it and have rechargeable batteries.

Excellent advice.

 

[joehmpsd]

Period or not - just plain self centered and not interested in your needs at all and the chances of him changing for the better are slim and none.

 

[Georgexnxx]

Take a good look, honey.
This is going to be your life.
If you want him, you had better get used to it and have rechargeable batteries.

I think the key word here is YOUR NOT MARRIED!!!...

and don't get married expecting that "it'll get better." It won't... More than likely, he's pushing limits to see what he can get away with, and take it right up to there.. .do you you really want to spend your life with someone that pushes you to the edge just so he can find out where the edge is?

I'm just sayin... and if you're venting this hard about this, it's sounding to me like this isn't the only issue...

 

[IrisAlthea]

One more vote for getting this sorted before you get married, especially since you said that divorce is not an option for you.

Make sure he understands that this is a real problem for you and try to discuss the reasons with him. If you can´t get it sorted try to get counseling.

 

[NightL]

I've just read your two recent threads... in the first you mention that you have trouble communicating due to past issues... but you are open here and express yourself well.

Save yourself time and money, don't go to counseling... just ask him to read these two threads. If he responds with a genuine "Oh, I'm so sorry can we talk about this" then maybe there is a chance for your relationship to improve. Somehow I suspect he will react just as SweetErika called it "He sounds like an immature ass".

Go with your gut instinct over this... life is a way too short to inflict years of self imposed misery upon yourself. One way of thinking about this is that he is not the one making you feel unfulfilled, disappointed or indeed angry. You bring these emotions upon yourself by remaining in a situation where things may not ever change.

There are many men who would cherish to have a partner as open as you are and would adore you shaved, unshaven, menstruating or not every minute of everyday.

"He sounds like an immature ass"... very true... but you will be even a bigger ass if you stay in an unsatisfying, unfulfilling non-communicative relationship. You are not married yet and only just engaged... you appear to be young in age yourself... you have the right to say "this is what I want from life... no compromises!". You don't need counselling... he does...

For how you describe the situation... he is nowhere ready for marriage or indeed a serious loving and mutually respectful relationship...

From your other thread

he told me that once they were engaged, his fiancée just went crazy (she was bipolar)

...think about this carefully... who dumped who... and why... maybe she just had the courage to express herself and get the hell out of there.

Bottom line... talk to him as you have expressed yourself here... tell him "this is what I need out of a relationship... etc". If he responds negatively then show him the door.

 

[Berwyn]

Take a good look, honey.
This is going to be your life.

I just want to quote this one again.
Without some serous help (and maybe not even then) IT WILL NOT GET BETTER. It sounds like he has some serious control issues as well, always insisting on sex on his terms and never yours.
NightL also had a good suggestion. Let him read what is here. His reaction will probably tell you all you need to know.

 

[Blackbich]

Been a few days, I wonder how things are going?

 

[Noor]

Kind of an update from my thread yesterday.

My fiancee wanted sex today (could've gotten some yesterday if he hadn't been an ass). Well my time of the month came early, but I told him it was his choice (blood makes him sick to his stomach). He didn't care because he was horny. Since we hadn't had sex in a week, he asked if I could get him off and then we would make out until he was ready again, so that he could last longer. Fine by me. I get him off, and when he doesn't want to make out, I told him he promised me, and now he's acting all "I'm tired." OMFG! I just got your fucking ass off and you don't even have the decency to return the favor?! I have a vibrator, so it isn't like I was asking for oral sex or even his hand, not that we ever do oral sex. If we don't go to counseling, I'm done. I don't care if he gets pissed off or not by the counseling idea. I am sick and tired of him getting his needs fulfilled and me being left high and dry.

My rule is women come first. I have heard the above before, if a man can not keep his word he is not worth your time, and he certainly isn't worth the sex. This is the stuff bad lovers and husbands are made of.

 

[human_male]

I think the fact that he won't even kiss you speaks volumes.

 

[NHPictureguy]

Like many here on this thread, I was hoping there would be an update to the situation. Hopefully one that treats you with respect and courtesy. Here are a few thoughts I would like to impart on you...

Is he a gentleman? Does he open the door for you or let it close in your face? Does he call you just to say hello? If you call him, is his attitude: "What do you want?"

Ladies come first and yes, ladies should also "cum" first as well. A play on words yes, but it is also true in so many respects.

Does he do little things for you out of thoughtfulness?

All these things are benchmarks and you should never lower them just to get a guy. It sounds to me like this "guy" is the most selfish and self-centered person on the planet. One who goes around singing "It's all about meeeeeeeee..." in his head AND he believes it, too.

Just do yourself a favor, if he does not do a complete about-face in his attitude (and I mean starting this very moment), cut your losses and get out NOW. Otherwise you will be wasting the best years of your life with an asshole who does not deserve you.

Time is precious. Time is short. And it is not something you can get back either.

Keep us posted.

 

[fuckmeat]

I think the fact that he won't even kiss you speaks volumes.

I completely agree.

Also, he may be being selfish but you're enabling that. When you got him off, did you really truly believe he was going to make out with you and lavish you with affection? My guess is that you were kidding yourself. If you don't want to be giving and not receiving, don't give until you receive. The more you allow him to get away with stuff like that, the less he will respect you. Love without respect is fraudulent and valueless.

You say you're thinking about walking and if so, the first step should be calling off the engagement. If he doesn't make an effort to win back your love, you're better off without him.

 

[Sea-man]

Kind of an update from my thread yesterday.

My fiancee wanted sex today (could've gotten some yesterday if he hadn't been an ass). Well my time of the month came early, but I told him it was his choice (blood makes him sick to his stomach). He didn't care because he was horny. Since we hadn't had sex in a week, he asked if I could get him off and then we would make out until he was ready again, so that he could last longer. Fine by me. I get him off, and when he doesn't want to make out, I told him he promised me, and now he's acting all "I'm tired." OMFG! I just got your fucking ass off and you don't even have the decency to return the favor?! I have a vibrator, so it isn't like I was asking for oral sex or even his hand, not that we ever do oral sex. If we don't go to counseling, I'm done. I don't care if he gets pissed off or not by the counseling idea. I am sick and tired of him getting his needs fulfilled and me being left high and dry.

Your fiance seems to have the same problem I had before wrecking my first marriage: A bad case of "Selfishness and Stupidity". You can't make him grow up. Maturity comes to most men after they've suffered the consequences of their own actions. I speak from personal experience.

We have an expression in the News Biz ... "Most people don't learn till their teeth hit the concrete." Of course that does not mean literally. However, you may have a long, frustrating wait for his teeth to figuratively make painful contact with the concrete.

I wish you luck.

Cheers!

 

[shhhshhh]

FWIW, women don't appreciate the fact that after a guy ejaculates he loses ALL interest in sex for at least a copule minutes.

I used to always want to do marathon sessions with the ex (the PE didn't help) but I'd lose interest and it would never happen more than twice.


I can't tell you how many times I've planned on jacking off multiple times only to have the same thing happen.


-----------------------


As for your relationship, break up before you guys get married and have to PAY for a divorce (Not to mention the wedding too).

 

[Kitkat103]

Heya Lacy how is it going? Thats really messed up I hope you left his immature ass.

 

[subwannabe]

Communication and counseling can sometimes be overated. Your relationship is hopeless and I personally believe it is both of your faults, not just his. If you stay in this relationship I think it just proves you would rather just bitch about the situation as opposed to finding someone where things will click better.

 

[hidden_self]

I have been putting off replying to this thread because it's way too close to my own situation for me to have any real perspective on it.

I would just like to say that I think sexual differences are a fine reason to end a relationship. Not an easy reason, since it might seem like something very shallow. But sex is important.

Someone I know observes that when sex is going well, it's 10% of what makes up the relationship, but when it's going badly it's 60% of the relationship. Point is, bad or insufficient sex will become more and more important over time until the hurt and resentment and even contempt poisons the good things about the relationship.

There is another thing I'd like to share-- a piece of advice my father gave me many years ago. I sort of dismissed it at the time, but the longer I live the more true I find it.

He said, "A relationship is like a three-legged stool. The three legs are friendship, common goals, and sexual compatibility. If you've got all three, it will work. If you've only got two, you can sooooort of make it work but you'll always be struggling. Only one, forget about it."

Hope some of that is helpful.