I've experimented with 3rd person

[Bazzle]

I've played with 3rd Person
As its smoking fetish base, I don't think anyone is particularly interested!

https://literotica.com/s/im-an-innocence-thief

But I've written this from the perspective of "addiction" as slightly different angle. Almost like Book Thief is narrated by "death".

Feedback and honest criticism is appreciated.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I've experimented with 3rd person​

FFM, FMF, MFF, MMF, MFM, FMM or MMM?

Em

 

[Bazzle]

Book boom @EmilyMiller

 

[EmilyMiller]

Book boom @EmilyMiller

Sorry - I can resist anything except temptation .

Em

 

[Bazzle]

Sorry - I can resist anything except temptation .

Em

I think your reply has got better feed back than the actual story!

 

[onehitwanda]

Sorry - I can resist anything except temptation .

Em

scribbles furiously, grins lasciviously, scribbles some more...

 

[EmilyMiller]

scribbles furiously, grins lasciviously, scribbles some more...

And there was me expecting a PM .

Em

 

[onehitwanda]

And there was me expecting a PM .

Em

furious typing intensifies

 

[EmilyMiller]

furious typing intensifies

Can you cum from just typing ?

Em

 

[onehitwanda]

Can you cum from just typing ?

Em

I deny everything, but I'm blushing.

 

[djrip]

I deny everything, but I'm blushing.

 

[lustychimera]

The biggest thing that turns me off of a short story is when it starts with an expositional history dump rather than jumping right into an engaging and plot relevant scene and sprinkling in whatever details are necessary--the former's kind of like giving a short story a prologue. I read through the first quarter of it and then skimmed through the rest, and the whole thing reads like that to me. Somehow, it was like it was almost entirely written in a past participle tense.

I looked at some of your other stories, so I don't think you're a bad writer. The therapist one starts out with immediacy. Just this particular story wasn't written with a very engaging stylistic choice, IMO.

 

[MillieDynamite]

When the young woman caught his eyes, he turned slowly, following behind. His footfalls were near too silent as he stealthily stocked her. The switchblade in his pocket gave him the courage to flirt with her. The type of flirtation he had in mind would take her breath away. Drawing the knife from his pocket, inching closer with each step, he waited for the perfect moment to pilfer a kiss. Yes, he'd steal her heart and add it to his growing collection. What a tasty little cunt she'd be.

Maybe that's a story start, definitely third person, without actually having a third person in the story yet.

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

When the young woman caught his eyes, he turned slowly, following behind. His footfalls were near too silent as he stealthily stocked her. The switchblade in his pocket gave him the courage to flirt with her. The type of flirtation he had in mind would take her breath away. Drawing the knife from his pocket, inching closer with each step, he waited for the perfect moment to pilfer a kiss. Yes, he'd steal her heart and add it to his growing collection. What a tasty little cunt she'd be.

Maybe that's a story start, definitely third person, without actually having a third person in the story yet.

Is this from the serial killer novella you're working on?

 

[MillieDynamite]

No, but I suppose it could be. However, this is more humorous than I am in Charlie's story.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I think that would extremely bad.

 

[Trionyx]

FFM, FMF, MFF, MMF, MFM, FMM or MMM?

Em

You forgot FFF, or do always need cock?

 

[Bazzle]

The biggest thing that turns me off of a short story is when it starts with an expositional history dump rather than jumping right into an engaging and plot relevant scene and sprinkling in whatever details are necessary--the former's kind of like giving a short story a prologue. I read through the first quarter of it and then skimmed through the rest, and the whole thing reads like that to me. Somehow, it was like it was almost entirely written in a past participle tense.

I looked at some of your other stories, so I don't think you're a bad writer. The therapist one starts out with immediacy. Just this particular story wasn't written with a very engaging stylistic choice, IMO.

Many thanks for your imput!

It was experimental, a thought that I continued with.

It is all in past tense, until the very end. When addiction is happy?

It's not my best, it might be my worst!

Thanks

 

[EmilyMiller]

You forgot FFF, or do always need cock?

I assumed @Bazzle is a guy. Law of large numbers round here means I’m probably right.

Em

 

[Trionyx]

You know what they say when you ‘assume’ something…it makes an ass out of u and me.

But you’re probably right anyway.

 

[Bazzle]

I identify as a Bazzle....


Which I guess last time I checked was male

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Emily also experimented with third person writing style.

Upon finding it suited the story they decided not to worry about it.

“It’s like the old saying, if it ain’t broke…er…shit in the woods? I’m sorry, I don’t know old phrases”.

 

[onehitwanda]

Emily also experimented with third person writing style.

Upon finding it suited the story they decided not to worry about it.

“It’s like the old saying, if it ain’t broke…er…shit in the woods? I’m sorry, I don’t know old phrases”.

If a tree falls in a forest,
when there's nobody around,
and it flattens a mime,
does anyone care?

 

[SimonDoom]

If a tree falls in a forest,
when there's nobody around,
and it flattens a mime,
does anyone care?

Schrodinger's mime.

 

[onehitwanda]

Schrodinger's mime.

both flat and not flat at the same time.

Like a tapeworm.