I've discovered something weird

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Not counting the group that I got into BDSM with initially (groups makes them sound formal, but it was really just a bunch who knew each other) I've only encountered three other femdoms outside of Lit online. And two of those were incredibly arrogant, totallly unedurable bitches. But all the dommes here I've met are great. What's up with that?

 

[crimsonlace]

I have found that to be true across the board, not just with femdoms. Perhaps the fact that many of the posters are also writers (and thus thinkers) contributes to the dynamic, but I do find it to be a very distinct trait of this board that it draws those posters from whom I would like to learn.

 

[SweetDommes]

My experience is that - in general - a lot of dominants who claim the title claim it for the soul purpose of making their being an asshole "ok" ... whether it's a man-hater who wants an excuse to mistreat guys, or a guy who wants every female he runs across to pay for the one who turned him down ....

 

[Netzach]

RANT ON:
if you are in my locale and read this, oh well, now you know my dirty secrets that I need to vent:

I share your experience, totally.

Although I have to say I've met more competant charming and genuine FemDoms who are my professional competition in a sphere that's supposedly littered with fakes and scammers than I have in "lifestyle" spheres. I have a co-worker I'll bottom to any day for a voyeuristic client. I can't name one lifestyler locally (other than some slightly switchy bottoms!) who I can say the same thing about.

They are largely with a few notable exceptions that I can count off on one hand, arrogant, over-reaching wingnuts with issues, exactly the kind of women who legitimize negative stereotyples. Those I have trusted with those I love have done physical and mental harm through a lack of humility that rivals the most inanely blustering maledom stereotype.

I have come to the point of referring newbie msubs to go to pros. I tell them whether they choose to see me or someone else I don't really even care, just that they will be assured of basic safety and discretion in almost all cases to a degree that I can't assure them of with many of my lifestyle peers.

FemDom is kind of a mess, I don't know what it is or why. I've been told by too many lifestylers that it's because of all us venal evil professionals who see this as a way to make a quick buck. Well I waited 7 years to make my "quick buck" and I personally do not think my bottoms should leave a scene with a bad taste for SM or a new un-negotiated scar. I really think it's time for us supreme females to be accountable for our skills, comportment, and conduct in the scene, not hang around like the spoiled stepdaughter in its wings.

[RANT OFF...MAYBE]

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

I think you're both right. It would be great if these dom/mes could ever see themselves from the viewpoint of others.

I have to say there is one board I frequent where the femdoms seem nice. I can't count them yet though, as I haven't been there enough.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

RANT ON:
if you are in my locale and read this, oh well, now you know my dirty secrets that I need to vent:

I share your experience, totally.

Although I have to say I've met more competant charming and genuine FemDoms who are my professional competition in a sphere that's supposedly littered with fakes and scammers than I have in "lifestyle" spheres. I have a co-worker I'll bottom to any day for a voyeuristic client. I can't name one lifestyler locally (other than some slightly switchy bottoms!) who I can say the same thing about.

They are largely with a few notable exceptions that I can count off on one hand, arrogant, over-reaching wingnuts with issues, exactly the kind of women who legitimize negative stereotyples. Those I have trusted with those I love have done physical and mental harm through a lack of humility that rivals the most inanely blustering maledom stereotype.

I have come to the point of referring newbie msubs to go to pros. I tell them whether they choose to see me or someone else I don't really even care, just that they will be assured of basic safety and discretion in almost all cases to a degree that I can't assure them of with many of my lifestyle peers.

FemDom is kind of a mess, I don't know what it is or why. I've been told by too many lifestylers that it's because of all us venal evil professionals who see this as a way to make a quick buck. Well I waited 7 years to make my "quick buck" and I personally do not think my bottoms should leave a scene with a bad taste for SM or a new un-negotiated scar. I really think it's time for us supreme females to be accountable for our skills, comportment, and conduct in the scene, not hang around like the spoiled stepdaughter in its wings.

[RANT OFF...MAYBE]

Lol, there's quick bucks to made in the scene? Where? 'Course, I'm in redneck country and just starting out to boot.

Those who say things like that have no idea what being a pro is about, and the "dommes" who think that either learn better or become very bad ones. Which tells you something that even I know that as, again, I'm just starting out.

Bottom line: dom/me doesn't need to equal bitch at all times. Even if you have sub(s) who appreciate that kind of treatment, no one else will.

 

[SweetDommes]

Lol, there's quick bucks to made in the scene? Where? 'Course, I'm in redneck country and just starting out to boot.

Those who say things like that have no idea what being a pro is about, and the "dommes" who think that either learn better or become very bad ones. Which tells you something that even I know that as, again, I'm just starting out.

Bottom line: dom/me doesn't need to equal bitch at all times. Even if you have sub(s) who appreciate that kind of treatment, no one else will.

We've been told that we should go Pro - that we could make a bundle, since we are confident in our Dominance and have brains behind it as well ... but I doubt that we will ever do it, no matter how poor we are. And we aren't so silly as to think that it's "easy money" no matter how new to the lifestyle we are.

But I do agree with your 'bottom line' there Raven - although I know more than a few who don't *sigh* maybe they will eventually learn??

 

[James G 5]

a lack of humility that rivals the most inanely blustering maledom stereotype.

Hey, how did I get thrown in here?
And I always thought I was more of a caricature than a stereotype...

 

[A Desert Rose]

Oh thank God... I thought you'd been rifling through my fridge.

 

[Netzach]

Lol, there's quick bucks to made in the scene? Where? 'Course, I'm in redneck country and just starting out to boot.

Those who say things like that have no idea what being a pro is about, and the "dommes" who think that either learn better or become very bad ones. Which tells you something that even I know that as, again, I'm just starting out.

Bottom line: dom/me doesn't need to equal bitch at all times. Even if you have sub(s) who appreciate that kind of treatment, no one else will.

Good point. There's no killing to be made here. Frankly your fans will only accept a "bitch" persona to a point too. Why not just be a charming and gracious person no one will ever forget meeting, God, I try to make that my calling card and people don't know what to make of it.

Diva doesn't play well with everyone and a lot of people can see right through it. I don't think either of us are in danger of buying our own hype yet.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Re: Re: I've discovered something weird

Oh thank God... I thought you'd been rifling through my fridge.

LOL!

 

[cellis]

Stalking a lot of my fav people in this thread....

 

[Kajira Callista]

just following cellis around

 

[cellis]

just following cellis around

 

[FungiUg]

From the FemDoms I have met... there are a couple I could happily avoid for the rest of my life. Nosy, rude, pushy and arrogant. Blah. On the other hand, I have meet some genuine sweeties. In fact, at the slave auction I went to last year, I was almost tempted to bid for a couple who I know -- not to bottom to (for some reason, a smirk doesn't go too well with most tops) but simply to have some great conversation with!

Similarly there are some other great FemDoms on here I would love to catch in person. But yes, I have met some true bitches online, and that just doesn't do it for me.

My lover/partner is a dominant woman, but not a Domme. I love her to bits. I don't see that being dominant and a woman automatically means one has to be a nasty bitch. Life's too short to put up with nasty people.

I guess one of the things I've pondered is whether it's all about motivation. If the motivation is control and kinky stuff or even inflicting pain (sadism), then that still seems to leave room for someone being an interesting person worth knowing. It's when I run into women who I rate as having gone from "victim" to "reverse-victim" (inficting the same shit on other people as some sort of revenge for their own past victimhood) that I find they tend to be nasty.

Of course, I don't have much time for life's "victims" either. I'm not into doormats.

So... for me, it's all about motivation.