Kasha
Slayer In Training
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2001
- Posts
- 1,204
Hello everyone. I have been gone quite some time. I am now back in Texas.
I moved away to come back here to take care of my Grandpa, he and my Grandma raised me so it was my turn to return the favor. I had let ya'll know that he had prostate cancer. It ended up spreading throughout his whole body. I came home in the middle of June. I was astonished at the difference in the man I had grown up with. In my whole life I hadn't seen him sick. To see him so thin and pale nearly did me in. His beautiful straight silverish-white hair had gone curly on him. Apparently from the Chemo...along with the curls a little of the dark hair he had in youth reappeared.
I can't tell you all how hard it was to hold up in front of him and not break down crying. This was a man that had worked all his life. I have seen him pouring sweat working out back in the garden he loved. He used to walk for exercise...but when I saw him he had finally had to get a walker. He had been so virile and full of life. You could just see it pouring out of him. He was so special. He had beautiful blue eyes that were so kind and loving...full of mischief and a world of knowledge.
My Grandpa and I have always been extremely close..like peas and carrots. Even while I lived away from home we spoke on the phone sometimes 6 days a week. While I was taking care of him, we became even closer. He told me finally that he was dying and he really was trying to make it easy on me. A true heroe to the bitter end.
On Tuesday August 13th I woke up extremely early... somehow knowing a change was coming. Grandpa had gone from eating the biscuits and gravy I had so lovingly made for his breakfast every morning since I got home...to eating oatmeal, then cream of wheat...to thinner cream of wheat ..to broth to nothing. The last few days he couldn't leave his bed and I bathed him there..held his hand..watched The Price Is Right with him. He asked me if it would be easier for me to put him in a hospital...of course I said no. No one could take care of him like me.
He told me all the time how much he loved me and I did the same. I never left his side with out saying those cherished words.
My Grandpa died holding my hand later that night. It was actually August 14th at 1:30. I held one of his hands to my heart and he held the other of my hands to his slower beating one. He locked eyes with me and his breath became shallower..and he barely smiled..Opened his eyes wide, looked up to the right then closed his eyes forever.
One of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. I can't express how much I loved him. I still am in shock.
I came home to tell my beloved Grandma that her husband of 55 years had gone on ahead of her. Yet another incredibly difficult thing to do. Surprisingly she didn't have a meltdown. I guess she was just as shocked and lost if not more so than I.
My Grandma hadn't been in good health for about 4 years. She had had a triple bypass back in 98 that she never really got over. I guess that's because she had gotten a staph infection. She had been on high level oxygen ever since. She had shrunken down from her motherly frame to that of an aging sickly person. She and I were just as close and Grandpa and I but just in another way. She was more a mother to me than my own biological one. She raised me with Grandpa since I was about 3 weeks old.
She was spit fire and damnation when she was healthy. She was the kinda gal that if she liked you, you had the most loyal friend in the world. But God and all his angels help you if she didn't. She was very plain spoken and FUNNY....Goddamn she was funny. One of her favorite expressions when she was shocked or ruffled..."I'll be a suck egg mule" Hell if I even know what that means..but funny al the same.
About a month or so after Grandpa passed I noticed Grandma not acting the same..sicker. I thought maybe Alztheimers(forgive the mis spelling.). I started to need my husband's help taking care of her. She started falling out of bed. Things just got reqally bad, really quick. I had a lady come out to evaluate her to see if I could get some sort of help. Just someone to sit with her if we had to get a break. She flat told me I needed hospice.
Hospice came out and said yep we are who you need. I just thought they were wrong. She was going to be fine.. I mean look at all she had been through and survived... She would get past all this. In the midst of all tis don't you know I have a fuckwad father that came and screamed and yelled at his own mother the day she buried her husband, his father, MY grandfather. Well, he had been carrying on so much since I had come home...I just couldn't take anymore so I called the cops to nip this shit in the bud.
He is such a miserable fucker. My poor Grandpa had been sleeping with a COCKED and LOADED 380. He told me he would kill him if he didn't stop all his bullshit. After Grandpa had passed I thought that fucktard would go away. Which he did. He left the day after his big outburst...We didn't hear from him for a month and a half after Grandpa's passing.
When he called again it was to ask his dying mother for money. She said no, so he told her, she was dead to him. Before thsat he had told her she was going to hell...again the day we buried my Grandpa.
Well, he called again and I told him she was on hospice. I told him she was dying...(Although like I said..I didn't believe t.)
I told him a week before she passed away. He never came.
I had been with her through out her day.. The health aid came and we bathed and Grandma told me she loved me, like she did everyday. She had started having what they called Terminal Restlessness...so she would cry out..things like that. I was starting to worry since she hadn't eaten in 10 days ....only a little baby food.
I went to Wal-Mart to get some at 12:30 in the morning.. Thinking I would just ply her with this Dutch Apple baby food...Get her up and going again. I heard her snoring when I got home so I didn't wake her. I let her rest. I sat in the living room til 3:30 in the morning. I kept wondering if I should go in and wake her to eat. I decided I would check and change her undergarment.
There she lay and I knew.. I just knew she was gone.
I lost my amazing wonderful mama..the one that loved me just as much as any mother could....loved me just as unconditionally as my Grandpa... I lost her 2 months and 3 days after my Grandpa.
We laid her to rest, next to her husband of 55 years on what would have been his 79th birthday, October 19th 2002.
(Sorry for the long post.... just felt like getting it out...)
I moved away to come back here to take care of my Grandpa, he and my Grandma raised me so it was my turn to return the favor. I had let ya'll know that he had prostate cancer. It ended up spreading throughout his whole body. I came home in the middle of June. I was astonished at the difference in the man I had grown up with. In my whole life I hadn't seen him sick. To see him so thin and pale nearly did me in. His beautiful straight silverish-white hair had gone curly on him. Apparently from the Chemo...along with the curls a little of the dark hair he had in youth reappeared.
I can't tell you all how hard it was to hold up in front of him and not break down crying. This was a man that had worked all his life. I have seen him pouring sweat working out back in the garden he loved. He used to walk for exercise...but when I saw him he had finally had to get a walker. He had been so virile and full of life. You could just see it pouring out of him. He was so special. He had beautiful blue eyes that were so kind and loving...full of mischief and a world of knowledge.
My Grandpa and I have always been extremely close..like peas and carrots. Even while I lived away from home we spoke on the phone sometimes 6 days a week. While I was taking care of him, we became even closer. He told me finally that he was dying and he really was trying to make it easy on me. A true heroe to the bitter end.
On Tuesday August 13th I woke up extremely early... somehow knowing a change was coming. Grandpa had gone from eating the biscuits and gravy I had so lovingly made for his breakfast every morning since I got home...to eating oatmeal, then cream of wheat...to thinner cream of wheat ..to broth to nothing. The last few days he couldn't leave his bed and I bathed him there..held his hand..watched The Price Is Right with him. He asked me if it would be easier for me to put him in a hospital...of course I said no. No one could take care of him like me.
He told me all the time how much he loved me and I did the same. I never left his side with out saying those cherished words.
My Grandpa died holding my hand later that night. It was actually August 14th at 1:30. I held one of his hands to my heart and he held the other of my hands to his slower beating one. He locked eyes with me and his breath became shallower..and he barely smiled..Opened his eyes wide, looked up to the right then closed his eyes forever.
One of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. I can't express how much I loved him. I still am in shock.
I came home to tell my beloved Grandma that her husband of 55 years had gone on ahead of her. Yet another incredibly difficult thing to do. Surprisingly she didn't have a meltdown. I guess she was just as shocked and lost if not more so than I.
My Grandma hadn't been in good health for about 4 years. She had had a triple bypass back in 98 that she never really got over. I guess that's because she had gotten a staph infection. She had been on high level oxygen ever since. She had shrunken down from her motherly frame to that of an aging sickly person. She and I were just as close and Grandpa and I but just in another way. She was more a mother to me than my own biological one. She raised me with Grandpa since I was about 3 weeks old.
She was spit fire and damnation when she was healthy. She was the kinda gal that if she liked you, you had the most loyal friend in the world. But God and all his angels help you if she didn't. She was very plain spoken and FUNNY....Goddamn she was funny. One of her favorite expressions when she was shocked or ruffled..."I'll be a suck egg mule" Hell if I even know what that means..but funny al the same.
About a month or so after Grandpa passed I noticed Grandma not acting the same..sicker. I thought maybe Alztheimers(forgive the mis spelling.). I started to need my husband's help taking care of her. She started falling out of bed. Things just got reqally bad, really quick. I had a lady come out to evaluate her to see if I could get some sort of help. Just someone to sit with her if we had to get a break. She flat told me I needed hospice.
Hospice came out and said yep we are who you need. I just thought they were wrong. She was going to be fine.. I mean look at all she had been through and survived... She would get past all this. In the midst of all tis don't you know I have a fuckwad father that came and screamed and yelled at his own mother the day she buried her husband, his father, MY grandfather. Well, he had been carrying on so much since I had come home...I just couldn't take anymore so I called the cops to nip this shit in the bud.
He is such a miserable fucker. My poor Grandpa had been sleeping with a COCKED and LOADED 380. He told me he would kill him if he didn't stop all his bullshit. After Grandpa had passed I thought that fucktard would go away. Which he did. He left the day after his big outburst...We didn't hear from him for a month and a half after Grandpa's passing.
When he called again it was to ask his dying mother for money. She said no, so he told her, she was dead to him. Before thsat he had told her she was going to hell...again the day we buried my Grandpa.
Well, he called again and I told him she was on hospice. I told him she was dying...(Although like I said..I didn't believe t.)
I told him a week before she passed away. He never came.
I had been with her through out her day.. The health aid came and we bathed and Grandma told me she loved me, like she did everyday. She had started having what they called Terminal Restlessness...so she would cry out..things like that. I was starting to worry since she hadn't eaten in 10 days ....only a little baby food.
I went to Wal-Mart to get some at 12:30 in the morning.. Thinking I would just ply her with this Dutch Apple baby food...Get her up and going again. I heard her snoring when I got home so I didn't wake her. I let her rest. I sat in the living room til 3:30 in the morning. I kept wondering if I should go in and wake her to eat. I decided I would check and change her undergarment.
There she lay and I knew.. I just knew she was gone.
I lost my amazing wonderful mama..the one that loved me just as much as any mother could....loved me just as unconditionally as my Grandpa... I lost her 2 months and 3 days after my Grandpa.
We laid her to rest, next to her husband of 55 years on what would have been his 79th birthday, October 19th 2002.
(Sorry for the long post.... just felt like getting it out...)
