Iud

[Cruel2BKind]

Just curious if there are any women here who use a Paragard IUD? Or men who know women who use Paragard?

I know with every bone in my body that I do not want to have kids. EVER. I've talked to a couple of doctors, and apparently the earliest that any ethical doctor would perform a tubal ligation is in the mid- to late-thirties.

I want to get the Paragard because the statistics say that it is the best at blocking pregnancies (99.2-99.4%) and that the only pregnancies that happen occur because it slides out. It also is the most cost-effective, as it costs about 500$ to get inserted and doesn't need to be replaced for ten years.

Is there anything else I should know about? I really want to make sure that I'm going into this prepared. Will insurance most likely cover it? Are the side effects common? Is it worth it?

Thanks for any answers.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Never say never. One of my sisters changed her mind after her tubes were tied. Met Mister Right. One of my daughters did the same mind change, didnt want any kids ever, now has 3.

 

[Cruel2BKind]

Never say never. One of my sisters changed her mind after her tubes were tied. Met Mister Right. One of my daughters did the same mind change, didnt want any kids ever, now has 3.

I hate children. I see a baby, I go into silent paroxysms of disgust. I respect people who have them, but I do not want one.

I do not want to have a kid if I cannot have reasonable maternity leave. If I leave my job to raise my kid right, I wont further my career. If I hire a babysitter, I lose the experience, and twice the money.

I do not want to have a child in this world. We are only making it worse.

I want to have autonomy and freedom and a retirement fund.

The idea of having a baby is so frightening to me that I have nightmares about it. Nightmares where I get postpartum depression and kill it.

I would be a horrible mother.

People have this assumption that if you are a good parent, you will have a good kid. The only reason that people are shitty is because they are raised wrong. My aunt Michelle, who is the most wonderful and loving person I have ever known, managed to raise a self-absorbed brat who BROKE HER FUCKING CHEEKBONE during a christmas argument.

I don't trust myself with a child. I don't want a child. It is my responsibility to my potential offspring not to have them. I am one-hundred percent sure of this.

 

[PennLady]

I hate children. I see a baby, I go into silent paroxysms of disgust. I respect people who have them, but I do not want one.

I do not want to have a kid if I cannot have reasonable maternity leave. If I leave my job to raise my kid right, I wont further my career. If I hire a babysitter, I lose the experience, and twice the money.

I do not want to have a child in this world. We are only making it worse.

I want to have autonomy and freedom and a retirement fund.

The idea of having a baby is so frightening to me that I have nightmares about it. Nightmares where I get postpartum depression and kill it.

I would be a horrible mother.

People have this assumption that if you are a good parent, you will have a good kid. The only reason that people are shitty is because they are raised wrong. My aunt Michelle, who is the most wonderful and loving person I have ever known, managed to raise a self-absorbed brat who BROKE HER FUCKING CHEEKBONE during a christmas argument.

I don't trust myself with a child. I don't want a child. It is my responsibility to my potential offspring not to have them. I am one-hundred percent sure of this.

From what I have read, you could probably find a doctor who would do this while you are in your 20s. It may take some searching, but it can be done.

You are not getting post partum depression about it; you might be getting otherwise depressed, but if you haven't had a kid, you can't have PPD.

You may be sure about this -- and I know I probably sound like the average fuddy-duddy here -- but you are only 19. Your feelings could change, and this is why doctors hesitate to sterilize both men and women at young ages. They may find they want the procedure reversed, and it may not happen, and lawsuits occur, etc. I can't blame the doctors for advising waiting on this, and there are other methods of birth control, as you noted.

As for "making it worse," well, people have always thought the world was getting worse probably from the time they had the chance to think and philosophize about it, but people keep having kids. Even during the Cold War, people had kids.

And don't make it sound like you can't have a job and raise children, because millions of people do. It involves balance, trade-offs and sacrifice, no question. My son went to day care at the age of four months, and I don't think he's suffered for it. He knows that his father and I are his parents, and we enforce our rules and discipline; no one else "raised" him, although surely our friends and his teachers have helped in the raising in different ways.

As for babysitters, well, that's up to you. I've never hired one. We've either left our kids with family, or friends, or we just don't go out. That's part of the trade-off. However, kids don't stay little forever. At some point, they'll be more independent and Mr Penn and I can attend hockey games and movies again. Or we'll take the kids with us and enjoy the experience that way.

The issue is not so black and white. If you don't want to have kids right now -- which sounds like a smart idea if only b/c you're still in college -- then don't. Get yourself on some kind of birth control, and insist on condom use. To make really sure you don't get pregnant, don't have sex -- but that's not a realistic thing, I get that. But not every thought we have at 19 stays fixed that way, and you should keep that in mind.

I don't know what to say about your cousin who hit your aunt. That's terrible but there are way too many factors there. Your aunt could have done a great job, but your cousin rejected it; or you cousin could have anger issues or some form of depression, etc. There are no guarantees about anything. And for every kid like your cousin, there are examples of kids who do love and respect their parents. But if you want a guarantee, well, that's not happening.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I hate children. I see a baby, I go into silent paroxysms of disgust. I respect people who have them, but I do not want one.

I do not want to have a kid if I cannot have reasonable maternity leave. If I leave my job to raise my kid right, I wont further my career. If I hire a babysitter, I lose the experience, and twice the money.

I do not want to have a child in this world. We are only making it worse.

I want to have autonomy and freedom and a retirement fund.

The idea of having a baby is so frightening to me that I have nightmares about it. Nightmares where I get postpartum depression and kill it.

I would be a horrible mother.

People have this assumption that if you are a good parent, you will have a good kid. The only reason that people are shitty is because they are raised wrong. My aunt Michelle, who is the most wonderful and loving person I have ever known, managed to raise a self-absorbed brat who BROKE HER FUCKING CHEEKBONE during a christmas argument.

I don't trust myself with a child. I don't want a child. It is my responsibility to my potential offspring not to have them. I am one-hundred percent sure of this.

Hey! I aint trying to sell you the lifestyle! I'm pointing out that women change their minds, or their wombs change their minds. File the info somewhere

 

[Cruel2BKind]

You are not getting post partum depression about it; you might be getting otherwise depressed, but if you haven't had a kid, you can't have PPD.
.

I was talking about my dreams. I keep having dreams where I get pregnant, have a kid, and kill it.



I'm still getting my tubes tied. If I get delusional, I can always get an in-vitro fertilization. Tubal ligation only scars the lining of the fallopian tubes, or ties them off. Most of the operations are reversible, and even if they aren't, in-vitro is an option.

I've felt this way about kids as long as I can remember. It would be a horrible thing for everyone, and most of all this kid, if I got pregnant.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You know what they say, NEVER LET A 19 YEAR OLD PLAN YOUR LIFE FOR YOU IT'll be all sex, drugs, and rock n roll.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Jimmy, you have so much important advice to give women!

Please share your experience with the Paragard IUD that you used. How was it for you?



Speaking as a woman-- I used the old Copper7 IUD for about ten years, and never had any ill effects from it.

I too asked about tubal ligation when I was young, and back then doctors were even more patronising than now-- I was turned down four times.

I did have two kids later in life, but you know what? I have regrets about being a mother, too. That's the truth. There are plusses and minuses to every choice we make in life. Nobody gets to tell us which choices are the best ones for us.

 

[PennLady]

I was talking about my dreams. I keep having dreams where I get pregnant, have a kid, and kill it.

Sorry, then, I misread that.

I'm still getting my tubes tied. If I get delusional, I can always get an in-vitro fertilization. Tubal ligation only scars the lining of the fallopian tubes, or ties them off. Most of the operations are reversible, and even if they aren't, in-vitro is an option.

What you say is true but not necessarily easily true. You cannot always successfully reverse a tubal ligation (or a vasectomy, for the guys). And in-vitro is time-consuming, expensive, not always covered by insurance, not always successful and stressful. The first ones do not always take. Many people end up with multiples; when I was in the hospital before my son was born, my roommate had done IVF, become pregnant with twins, and lost one of the twins at 21 weeks (she was actually something of a medical marvel, as the boys had been in individual amniotic sacs and the second one was all right. Lots of med students read her case).

I'm not saying that to increase your fears or aversions to having kids, just that "reversing" this is not always easy or successful, which is another reason doctors are reluctant to do these procedures on men and women who are coming up on or in the middle of the best physical time of their lives for having kids. You can't just say "Well, I'll put it back the way it was."

I've felt this way about kids as long as I can remember. It would be a horrible thing for everyone, and most of all this kid, if I got pregnant.

I have to say that your aversion to it all strikes me as pretty extreme, to be honest, but I'm not saying it isn't genuine. I would bet that any doctor, even when you're older, will advise you to get some counseling before you do the procedure. I suppose some may not do it without counseling anyway.

I'm also not saying you should have kids. I'm just saying that at 19, with a lot of life in front of you, you shouldn't necessarily permanently make this particular change.

 

[PennLady]

I'm sorry I went off-topic almost immediately although I'm sure it was bound to happen at some point.

Anyway, I've never used an IUD, although I was on the Pill a few times. If I'd wanted something more, I'd have investigated IUDs, Mirena, etc. Something where I didn't have to take something every day; I took pills more to regulate my cycle. So good luck on the research.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Jimmy, you have so much important advice to give women!

Please share your experience with the Paragard IUD that you used. How was it for you?



Speaking as a woman-- I used the old Copper7 IUD for about ten years, and never had any ill effects from it.

I too asked about tubal ligation when I was young, and back then doctors were even more patronising than now-- I was turned down four times.

I did have two kids later in life, but you know what? I have regrets about being a mother, too. That's the truth. There are plusses and minuses to every choice we make in life. Nobody gets to tell us which choices are the best ones for us.

And you stick your control issues up your ass.

 

[chocolatecookie3]

I did the Mirena IUD and it was ok, except my husband swore he could feel the strings when he went in deep. It's definitely good for a "set it and forget it" birth control method, except the risks of it migrating out of your uterus and all. You can also consider the Nexplanon/Implanon, an insert that lasts three years.

Thanks to Obamacare, birth control is covered 100% by your health insurance! And since you're young, you're probably still on your parent's insurance. Don't worry about the cost.

As far as being a parent, I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I also would have waited a lot longer if I had known what it involved. And Jesus, you're 19! You have no idea what will happen in your future--who you'll fall in love with, what choices you'll make for that person, and how your body will or will not work. Your brain is still growing and chemistry will change how you think about babies.

One day you may think, "the only good thing I can leave in this world is a child with my values and intelligence." That's what made me want to have a baby. I wish there wasn't so much poop involved, but you get the bad with the good!

 

[Safe_Bet]

Why IUD?

I take the Seasonale pill strictly for the menstruation control and I'm telling you having a period every three months is the freak'in BOMB!

 

[Handley_Page]

I know with every bone in my body that I do not want to have kids. EVER. I've talked to a couple of doctors, and apparently the earliest that any ethical doctor would perform a tubal ligation is in the mid- to late-thirties.
Is there anything else I should know about? I really want to make sure that I'm going into this prepared. Will insurance most likely cover it? Are the side effects common? Is it worth it?

Thanks for any answers.

You have my sympathy.
If you do have the tubes tied off, it might be worth checking to see if you can have a few of your eggs frozen against the day they might be needed.
Just a thought.

 

[lovecraft68]

Interesting when you say "ethical" doctor. I understand their POV that you're quite young and could change your mind.

End of the day its your body and stick to your guns. The procedure can be reversed.

My ex and I had our kids young. She was 23 when we had daughter #2 and wanted her tubes tied. They tried to tell her they wouldn't and this was with her having two kids already, but she got her way.

When I was 31 I was remarried and my wife, who like you, never wanted kids, and I decided I was going to go get clipped.

The doctor actually made me have her come in and wanted her "sign off" she was okay with me not wanting to get her pregnant. Keep in mind I am 9 years older than her so she was 22 and he kept badgering her as if she were having the operation.

I ended up leaving and the next guy did it no questions asked.

If you do not want kids it is none of their damn business. Ethics my ass, their job is to do what you want.

and honestly, if you're that sure then if they do it they are saving a potential abortion down the line and lord knows what that topic gets going, so why not avoid that.

I also am aware, although many men and women seem oblivious to the fact, that there are women out there who do not live and die to be mothers or fathers for that matter. Some people want to enjoy their lives as their own.

Bottom line go find a doctor who is a doctor and not your "family councilor" and get it done.

 

[3113]

Don't Panic. Don't be afraid. Be sure and be patient.

I'm going to go against all these others saying "You're only 19! You'll change your mind."

I didn't. I knew at that age I didn't want to have kids and I never changed my mind on that score. I have no regrets--I know very well I wouldn't have been a good mom, and I know, as well, that kids would have interfered with me doing and being what I wanted to be. I also know that too many people have kids because they think they should have them--or because pregnancy just happened, rather than because they were ready, or wanted kids, or would be good parents. It angers me that people see my decision, well considered and thought out, a mistake. Would they rather I have had kids just for the hell of it and found out afterwards that it was a wrong decision? You don't get to return a kid. And ruining a life for the sake of experiment isn't my idea of a good decision.

I have a friend who wanted to have kids more than anything. He married the wrong woman and now he has kids--but she's a terrible mom and those kids are being raised with parents who yell and scream at each other all the time and have come to blows. I wish he'd wanted kids a little less urgently and so was willing to wait for the right woman, rather than diving in with the wrong woman and urging her to be a mom.

There will be those who will pressure you, object to your feelings, argue with you, insist that you'll change your mind, etc. And maybe you will--who knows? But no one has any right to tell you that you *WILL* change your mind. Or that what you're feeling now is wrong, or that you're making any kind of mistake not wanting kids or thinking that you never will want kids. Tell them that "no-kids" is your current position, and as it's your womb, your life, and your future, you don't feel any need to defend it. And don't. Don't argue, don't explain, don't defend. I speak from experience here--most especially if you meet "you must have kids!" bullies--just stare at them and remain silent. You never, ever have to defend this decision.

There are good methods of birth control out there covered by insurance right now--and IUD's have come a long way from their more iffy days. Pick the best BC for yourself. Don't panic about not being able to get a tubal ligation right now. As said, doctors have to cover their bases. Wait it out and keep looking. If you feel as strongly in your mid-twenties as you do now, you'll probably be able to find a doctor then to do it.

 

[lovecraft68]

I'm going to go against all these others saying "You're only 19! You'll change your mind."

I didn't. I knew at that age I didn't want to have kids and I never changed my mind on that score. I have no regrets--I know very well I wouldn't have been a good mom, and I know, as well, that kids would have interfered with me doing and being what I wanted to be. I also know that too many people have kids because they think they should have them--or because pregnancy just happened, rather than because they were ready, or wanted kids, or would be good parents. It angers me that people see my decision, well considered and thought out, a mistake. Would they rather I have had kids just for the hell of it and found out afterwards that it was a wrong decision? You don't get to return a kid. And ruining a life for the sake of experiment isn't my idea of a good decision.

I have a friend who wanted to have kids more than anything. He married the wrong woman and now he has kids--but she's a terrible mom and those kids are being raised with parents who yell and scream at each other all the time and have come to blows. I wish he'd wanted kids a little less urgently and so was willing to wait for the right woman, rather than diving in with the wrong woman and urging her to be a mom.

There will be those who will pressure you, object to your feelings, argue with you, insist that you'll change your mind, etc. And maybe you will--who knows? But no one has any right to tell you that you *WILL* change your mind. Or that what you're feeling now is wrong, or that you're making any kind of mistake not wanting kids or thinking that you never will want kids. Tell them that "no-kids" is your current position, and as it's your womb, your life, and your future, you don't feel any need to defend it. And don't. Don't argue, don't explain, don't defend. I speak from experience here--most especially if you meet "you must have kids!" bullies--just stare at them and remain silent. You never, ever have to defend this decision.

There are good methods of birth control out there covered by insurance right now--and IUD's have come a long way from their more iffy days. Pick the best BC for yourself. Don't panic about not being able to get a tubal ligation right now. As said, doctors have to cover their bases. Wait it out and keep looking. If you feel as strongly in your mid-twenties as you do now, you'll probably be able to find a doctor then to do it.

MY wife is Sicilian and to this day her mother tries to make her feel guilty as does a couple of her aunts that she chose not to have kids. They truly believe she is somehow less of a woman because she is not a mother.

Now granted she has had the pleasure of being a step mother to my kids who are very close to her and when she refers to them as "her daughters' her mother says they don;t count.

Italian guilt, gotta love it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Whatever she does she has to live with her decision.

 

[lovecraft68]

Whatever she does she has to live with her decision.

True. But end of the day if she has a procedure now and changes her mind it can be reversed.

If she waits and ends up pregnant she either has an abortion that she may well feel guilty about at some point (or plenty around her will try to do that to her) or she now raises a child she did not truly want and harbors resentment the rest of her days.

This is a decision best erred on the side of affecting only one life not two.

 

[PennLady]

End of the day its your body and stick to your guns. The procedure can be reversed.

It is her body, and she should not let anyone talk her out of this, but it's a big decision and further thought and consideration wouldn't be a bad thing. As for reversing the procedure, yes it can be done, but it isn't always successful, so it's not that easy. Not to mention that any surgery carries risk, and even in the course of reversing it something could happen that would render a woman unable to get pregnant.

If you do not want kids it is none of their damn business. Ethics my ass, their job is to do what you want.

That's not true. A doctor's job, it seems to me, would be to listen to the patient, then go over the pros and cons of what the patient wants and take action to enhance that patient's life, making sure that patient understands what's at stake, at least as best they can.

 

[lovecraft68]

It is her body, and she should not let anyone talk her out of this, but it's a big decision and further thought and consideration wouldn't be a bad thing. As for reversing the procedure, yes it can be done, but it isn't always successful, so it's not that easy. Not to mention that any surgery carries risk, and even in the course of reversing it something could happen that would render a woman unable to get pregnant.



That's not true. A doctor's job, it seems to me, would be to listen to the patient, then go over the pros and cons of what the patient wants and take action to enhance that patient's life, making sure that patient understands what's at stake, at least as best they can.

But that doctor will not face a life or death decision for an unwanted child if she waits and something happens.

My oldest is looking at this right now. She is only twenty three, but has no desire for kids at all.

Now she has had a few cysts on her ovaries and is tired of the procedures and wants one removed. The doctor is giving her a hassle because it could affect her having children.

She is tired of going through dealing with recurring cysts that at some point could turn cancerous and she is sure she wants no kids.

This is his decision how? She should keep going through this and risk worse because he lives in the 50's and every girl should be a mommy?

And that is what this really boils down to in many cases including my wife's with her old fashioned family.

On the other hand my youngest daughter loves kids and wants to have a family when she feels she's ready. Neither is right or wrong in my eyes, its about what they want.

Not what I want or an asshat doctor wants.

 

[Cruel2BKind]

Speaking as a woman-- I used the old Copper7 IUD for about ten years, and never had any ill effects from it.

I too asked about tubal ligation when I was young, and back then doctors were even more patronising than now-- I was turned down four times.

I did have two kids later in life, but you know what? I have regrets about being a mother, too. That's the truth. There are plusses and minuses to every choice we make in life. Nobody gets to tell us which choices are the best ones for us.

Anyway, I've never used an IUD, although I was on the Pill a few times. If I'd wanted something more, I'd have investigated IUDs, Mirena, etc. Something where I didn't have to take something every day; I took pills more to regulate my cycle. So good luck on the research.

I did the Mirena IUD and it was ok, except my husband swore he could feel the strings when he went in deep. It's definitely good for a "set it and forget it" birth control method, except the risks of it migrating out of your uterus and all. You can also consider the Nexplanon/Implanon, an insert that lasts three years.

Thanks to Obamacare, birth control is covered 100% by your health insurance! And since you're young, you're probably still on your parent's insurance. Don't worry about the cost.

You have my sympathy.
If you do have the tubes tied off, it might be worth checking to see if you can have a few of your eggs frozen against the day they might be needed.
Just a thought.

Interesting when you say "ethical" doctor. I understand their POV that you're quite young and could change your mind.

End of the day its your body and stick to your guns. The procedure can be reversed.

I also am aware, although many men and women seem oblivious to the fact, that there are women out there who do not live and die to be mothers or fathers for that matter. Some people want to enjoy their lives as their own.

Bottom line go find a doctor who is a doctor and not your "family councilor" and get it done.

I'm going to go against all these others saying "You're only 19! You'll change your mind."

I didn't. I knew at that age I didn't want to have kids and I never changed my mind on that score. I have no regrets--I know very well I wouldn't have been a good mom, and I know, as well, that kids would have interfered with me doing and being what I wanted to be. I also know that too many people have kids because they think they should have them--or because pregnancy just happened, rather than because they were ready, or wanted kids, or would be good parents. It angers me that people see my decision, well considered and thought out, a mistake. Would they rather I have had kids just for the hell of it and found out afterwards that it was a wrong decision? You don't get to return a kid. And ruining a life for the sake of experiment isn't my idea of a good decision.

I have a friend who wanted to have kids more than anything. He married the wrong woman and now he has kids--but she's a terrible mom and those kids are being raised with parents who yell and scream at each other all the time and have come to blows. I wish he'd wanted kids a little less urgently and so was willing to wait for the right woman, rather than diving in with the wrong woman and urging her to be a mom.

There will be those who will pressure you, object to your feelings, argue with you, insist that you'll change your mind, etc. And maybe you will--who knows? But no one has any right to tell you that you *WILL* change your mind. Or that what you're feeling now is wrong, or that you're making any kind of mistake not wanting kids or thinking that you never will want kids. Tell them that "no-kids" is your current position, and as it's your womb, your life, and your future, you don't feel any need to defend it. And don't. Don't argue, don't explain, don't defend. I speak from experience here--most especially if you meet "you must have kids!" bullies--just stare at them and remain silent. You never, ever have to defend this decision.

There are good methods of birth control out there covered by insurance right now--and IUD's have come a long way from their more iffy days. Pick the best BC for yourself. Don't panic about not being able to get a tubal ligation right now. As said, doctors have to cover their bases. Wait it out and keep looking. If you feel as strongly in your mid-twenties as you do now, you'll probably be able to find a doctor then to do it.

Thanks for your answers everyone. I just want to be ready to go through with Paragard. It is the closest thing to a tubal ligation I can get at my age. Maybe after ten years they'll believe me.

Whatever she does she has to live with her decision.

Yes. *I* want to live with my decision. A friend of my family got a vasectomy when he was twenty-six. When I asked him about it, he said that the doctors went through with it very quickly. They didn't hold him back and say "What if you change your mind? You're body chemistry will change and you'll want kids someday!"

I hate that it's even an issue. I am a legal adult. I should be able to tie my own goddamn tubes. And live with the decision. Even if I regret it. I don't have that autonomy.

 

[PennLady]

But that doctor will not face a life or death decision for an unwanted child if she waits and something happens.

There are risks either way, no question. As I've said before, the only surefire way not to get pregnant is to not have sex. Since that's not going to happen, then the best you can do is minimize unless you go as far as having tubes tied or whatever. I'm not saying she shouldn't do it at all, just that she should thoroughly investigate it and research it, and I'd advise that to a guy, too, if he was looking at a vasectomy.

People toss around 'reversal' and IVF like it's easy, and it's not, that's just another thing to consider. When my son was born -- and I got pregnant naturally -- he spent six days in the NICU. We got a tour a couple of days after I was in the hospital (I was there a month) and many of the children there had been conceived via IVF, and many of those were twins (which are frequently born prematurely anyway). The woman I shared my room with also had ovarian problems -- I think she'd lost one -- and so they went IVF, as I said, and she became pregnant with twins and lost one.

Some people also go several rounds with IVF (or other methods) and it doesn't take. So there are a couple of ways to look at it. A woman can take steps to minimize the chance (IUD, Pill, Seasonale, guy uses condoms) of pregnancy, which are not invasive (or less invasive than surgery) and easy to reverse.

But this all hinges on a lot of things, and if a woman desires NOT to have children, then her doctor should -- presuming it doesn't endanger her health -- respect her wishes and perform that operation. But I also think the woman -- or the man who's getting a vasectomy -- needs to think long and hard about it beforehand.

My oldest is looking at this right now. She is only twenty three, but has no desire for kids at all.

Now she has had a few cysts on her ovaries and is tired of the procedures and wants one removed. The doctor is giving her a hassle because it could affect her having children.

This is a different situation and I can see your daughter's frustration. I hope she finds someone -- would a female doctor be more sympathetic? -- who helps her on this, I really do. Sounds like her doctor is wrong and she should try, if she can, to go to someone else. That's always easier said than done, though.

 

[Stella_Omega]

And you stick your control issues up your ass.

Naww... I stick your control issues up your ass.

Thanks for your answers everyone. I just want to be ready to go through with Paragard. It is the closest thing to a tubal ligation I can get at my age. Maybe after ten years they'll believe me.






Yes. *I* want to live with my decision. A friend of my family got a vasectomy when he was twenty-six. When I asked him about it, he said that the doctors went through with it very quickly. They didn't hold him back and say "What if you change your mind? You're body chemistry will change and you'll want kids someday!"

I hate that it's even an issue. I am a legal adult. I should be able to tie my own goddamn tubes. And live with the decision. Even if I regret it. I don't have that autonomy.

Sometimes I wonder if that kind of thing is the male doctors trying to reduce reproductive competition from other males.

Then I remember that evopsych is total bullshit.

 

[lovecraft68]

There are risks either way, no question. As I've said before, the only surefire way not to get pregnant is to not have sex. Since that's not going to happen, then the best you can do is minimize unless you go as far as having tubes tied or whatever. I'm not saying she shouldn't do it at all, just that she should thoroughly investigate it and research it, and I'd advise that to a guy, too, if he was looking at a vasectomy.

People toss around 'reversal' and IVF like it's easy, and it's not, that's just another thing to consider. When my son was born -- and I got pregnant naturally -- he spent six days in the NICU. We got a tour a couple of days after I was in the hospital (I was there a month) and many of the children there had been conceived via IVF, and many of those were twins (which are frequently born prematurely anyway). The woman I shared my room with also had ovarian problems -- I think she'd lost one -- and so they went IVF, as I said, and she became pregnant with twins and lost one.

Some people also go several rounds with IVF (or other methods) and it doesn't take. So there are a couple of ways to look at it. A woman can take steps to minimize the chance (IUD, Pill, Seasonale, guy uses condoms) of pregnancy, which are not invasive (or less invasive than surgery) and easy to reverse.

But this all hinges on a lot of things, and if a woman desires NOT to have children, then her doctor should -- presuming it doesn't endanger her health -- respect her wishes and perform that operation. But I also think the woman -- or the man who's getting a vasectomy -- needs to think long and hard about it beforehand.




This is a different situation and I can see your daughter's frustration. I hope she finds someone -- would a female doctor be more sympathetic? -- who helps her on this, I really do. Sounds like her doctor is wrong and she should try, if she can, to go to someone else. That's always easier said than done, though.

Thank you for your well wishes. She is going to see another doctor early next month.

When the conversation was simply about her not wanting kids(and she has said this for as long as I can remember) I stayed out of it. My ex and my wife and sister all talked to her and she was still pretty sure.

Now that the health issues have come into play she is more sure than ever and we would all rather her be happy and healthy so I feel she will get the procedure done and sooner than later, but I was pretty ticked off at the doctor I think he needs some reprogramming.