Itta Binky Pooder! The stupid-things-we-say-to-pets confession thread

[cloudy]

I have an Akita. They are the most dignified of dogs. They don't spin, they don't get excited, and you're extremely lucky if you get the faintest of tail wags.

 

[MissBri]

 

[cloudy]

But I bet you get some good puppy cuddles...

He can be coaxed into giving a kiss occasionally, but he looks really embarassed afterward.

 

[rgraham666]

He can be coaxed into giving a kiss occasionally, but he looks really embarassed afterward.

Which explains the 'guy' pronoun.

 

[cloudy]

Which explains the 'guy' pronoun.

well....he is a he.

 

[SeaCat]

I was outside the last time one of our cats decided it was time to rid herself of a hairball. My wife was the lucky one to find it. All I heard coming through the windows was:

"If this shit doesn't stop I'm going to shave you and you'll be one bald kitty."

Now it wouldn't have been so funny if my landlord and his very conservative wife hadn't been standing there talking to me.

Cat

 

[MissBri]

 

[BlackShanglan]

"Puppy drum! Puppy drum! Who's a big old puppy drum?! Who's a puppadom?"

Said happily while thumping puppy's resonating big chest. (Puppy, I should point out, is about 95 pounds). She lays there grinning her fool head off.

"I don't knooooow. Don't think this 'uns quite eatin' size yet ..." (While measuring up Big Girl.)

"Big Boo! Baby Boo! Boo babies!" (I blame Carson for this. Truly.)

Shanglan

 

[shereads]

I was outside the last time one of our cats decided it was time to rid herself of a hairball. My wife was the lucky one to find it. All I heard coming through the windows was:

"If this shit doesn't stop I'm going to shave you and you'll be one bald kitty."

Now it wouldn't have been so funny if my landlord and his very conservative wife hadn't been standing there talking to me.

Cat

My future ex-husband was once given a chemical by a friend who swore it made a great weed killer. It was leftover from the manufacturing process for Massingil Douche. (Nice to know that women are being told to, um, freshen up with weed-killer.)

So early one Saturday morning, as I sat having coffee on the patio, future-ex started sprinkling this powder around the yard. Just as our neighbors came out onto their patio, he yelled,

"If this douche works, I'm going to buy a barrel of it!"



[/threadjack]

 

[shereads]

"Puppy drum! Puppy drum! Who's a big old puppy drum?! Who's a puppadom?"

Said happily while thumping puppy's resonating big chest. (Puppy, I should point out, is about 95 pounds). She lays there grinning her fool head off.

"I don't knooooow. Don't think this 'uns quite eatin' size yet ..." (While measuring up Big Girl.)

"Big Boo! Baby Boo! Boo babies!" (I blame Carson for this. Truly.)

Shanglan

That's just sick. At least "Speckle-Count!" and "Whose belly has more speckles than any other dog belly?" leaves the animal with its dignity.

We also play (I play; she puts up with) a traditional German folk-culture game called "Flippen Zee Pooder."

 

[Guest]

I was outside the last time one of our cats decided it was time to rid herself of a hairball. My wife was the lucky one to find it. All I heard coming through the windows was:

"If this shit doesn't stop I'm going to shave you and you'll be one bald kitty."

Now it wouldn't have been so funny if my landlord and his very conservative wife hadn't been standing there talking to me.

Cat

Hey. Just be happy she didn't say "you'll be one bald pussy."

Entirely different picture, that.

 

[carsonshepherd]

That's just sick. At least "Speckle-Count!" and "Whose belly has more speckles than any other dog belly?" leaves the animal with its dignity.

We also play (I play; she puts up with) a traditional German folk-culture game called "Flippen Zee Pooder."

okay, i wasn't gonna admit this, but....

*high pitched happy voice*

Whooza wiggly tail? Wiggly butt? wigglywiggly tail? Baby Girl that's who!

I am sooooo ashamed.

 

[carsonshepherd]

"Puppy drum! Puppy drum! Who's a big old puppy drum?! Who's a puppadom?"

Said happily while thumping puppy's resonating big chest. (Puppy, I should point out, is about 95 pounds). She lays there grinning her fool head off.

"I don't knooooow. Don't think this 'uns quite eatin' size yet ..." (While measuring up Big Girl.)

"Big Boo! Baby Boo! Boo babies!" (I blame Carson for this. Truly.)

Shanglan

I get blamed for everything. *ahem*

 

[BlackShanglan]

I get blamed for everything. *ahem*

I note that you don't deny the allegation.

I confess to singing "Baby Got Back" to the Big Girl. The SO does it too. Often it has modified lyrics from the dog's POV: "I've got a big fuzzy BUTT and I cannot lie!" (etc.) Tragically, she loves it. Never fails to get a big smile from her.

As for she-who-was-once-"Peehead"-but-has-now-outgrown-her-"little-problem," we discovered in obediance class the other day that she actually responds more quickly to "Boo Boo" than to her actual name.

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

As for she-who-was-once-"Peehead"-but-has-now-outgrown-her-"little-problem," we discovered in obediance class the other day that she actually responds more quickly to "Boo Boo" than to her actual name.

Shanglan

that's better than what I call my other dog... "Bitch."

 

[minsue]

that's better than what I call my other dog... "Bitch."

Bitchess.

 

[Kassiana]

Mmm, yummy birdie! I'm going to eat the birdie! (gently kiss bird's breast, while bird permits it, an odd look on its face) Oh, such a good birdie.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

*high pitched happy voice*

Whooza wiggly tail? Wiggly butt? wigglywiggly tail? Baby Girl that's who!

You remind me of my ex.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

okay, i wasn't gonna admit this, but....

*high pitched happy voice*

Whooza wiggly tail? Wiggly butt? wigglywiggly tail? Baby Girl that's who!

I am sooooo ashamed.

Oh, I don't know, carson.

I'd wiggle my butt if you talked to me like that.

 

[CharleyH]

You go first.

Which pets? Human?

 

[carsonshepherd]

You remind me of my ex.

...