It's done, looking for feedback

[HLD]

Hi, everyone,

The last section of my series, "Spring Break", posted today.

I am looking for constructive feedback and some pointers. The response I have received has been very positive (a few troll votes notwithstanding), but I would still like to hear what some of the old hands around here have to say about my stories.

If you are so inclined, please read through the series and let me know what you think.

Thanks in advance.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

 

[powerpenguin]

Love the series. Great story and I love the charictor developement.

 

[Mercurius]

I really enjoyed the series. I discovered it when it was about halfway posted and I kept coming back to Lit to see if the rest were up yet. I looked forward to them eagerly.

A few constructively critical comments:

I felt that as the series went on, you started rushing through the sex scenes. Most of them were really hot, but in the last few chapters it felt like you were just trying to get through them to finish the plot. The example that sticks out is when Katie got double-teamed. I'd been looking forward to that a lot (I almost wrote to you to request it). Now that could have been really hot, with a lot of descriptions of this cute, formerly reserved redhead getting doubled up by two guys, but it seemed that it was over in a sentence or two.

My only other complaint was the wrap-up, which was a bit overly idyllic. You had captured a great sense of verisimilitude with the descriptions of Disney and the emotions and reactions of the characters, but my suspension of disbelief was somewhat ruined by the Ultimate Perfect Male Fantasy ending. "We all got really rich and I spent the rest of my life in love with and screwing three hot girls." ;-) The Epilogue could have used a sex scene too, a good example of the hot foursomes they had after being together for a few years. Yes, we all want to find out what happens to the characters, but we want to be turned on too!

My criticisms are kind of nitpicky, though, and more matters of opinion than anything else. Overall, the series was very well done. You're an excellent writer, and I look forward to more.

 

[powerpenguin]

Those are some good points, however I'm one of those people who could care a little less about the sex. I liked the fact that the plot was caried out. Too many storys only focus on the sex aspect of erotica. I like to know what happens to the charictors after everything is said and done. Although I agree that the 3 some could have had more detail to it, I don't think it nessasarly needed more detail into it. The stories are told through the viewpoint of the main charictor and his fealings and thoughts effected the way the story was told. If he wasn't feeling particularly randy that night, or maybe wasn't into that affair at that time, then it would make sence that less detail was given to that particular part.

As for the follow up chapter, I can see why discription on the sex wasn't put into it. It was not ment to be sex ridden. It told you what happened to the charictors afterward and that was what compleated the story for me. Although I wouldn't complain if a spin off was written to add a little more, a side series parhaps?

 

[HLD]

Thanks for your comments, folks.

I like stories that end "and they lived happily after", even though real life doesn't usually turn out that way, and I felt that the story needed some sort of closure, so that's why I ended it the way I did.

Given a second chance to wrap things up, I probably would have picked a different ending because I've received a few comments and emails asking for a sequel story or two.

I've got a couple of ideas bouncing around for a continuation of the series, but I don't know if/when it will see the light of day. There are a couple of other things I'm working on right now, so the "Spring Break" characters may go on a hiatus for a little while.

Thanks again for the feedback and if you have other comments, please feel free to post them here or send me an email/PM.