It's difficult for men to make me orgasm.

[rainiebabie]

I'm 26, F, from the USA.
I love sex, and everything about it. The different kinks, communities, the fact it can be sentimental and emotional or quick and shameless.
I lost my virginity at 19 to my college boyfriend. It was OK. We had a very strange sex life for those three years which I probably do not need to get into specific details about but the only time he could ever make me orgasm was when I was flat on my back while he fingered my pussy and I rubbed my clit. Usually the fingering needed to be fast and deep and towards my back. I strictly did the clit rubbing.

After we broke up that continued to be the only position I could ever orgasm in with other partners. The fingering had to be in the same fashion as well. Fast, deep, towards the back.

I enjoy penetration, and in certain positions it feels amazing but if I were to orgasm I would definitely need the conjunction of my bullet vibrator now.

I'm just wondering...is this normal? Am I bound to only having an orgasm in this position for the rest of my life? When I masturbate I can orgasm in whatever position I please as long as I have my toys (specifically with the bullet vibe). But when it comes to men I have used that vibrator in doggy or missionary and it is just not the same.

And before anyone is curious, no I have not orgasmed from oral either. My college boyfriend was disgusted by it and never performed. I have since had head from various men and it is enjoyable but I can't get the thought out of my head that they are going to be disgusted by me. Along with that I just can't figure out how to 'tell them' what to do. They usually give up in ten or so minutes and we move on.

 

[Brains_N_Boobs]

Please post some spread pics so we may analyze your anatomy. TIA

 

[rainiebabie]

Please post some spread pics so we may analyze your anatomy.

Insane, LOL.

 

[Hank96]

I can’t believe he was disgusted by the thought of feasting on a delicious snatch! That should be a good time for him and an even better time for you, especially if you enjoy it! Definitely his loss and good riddance haha

 

[rainiebabie]

I can’t believe he was disgusted by the thought of feasting on a delicious snatch! That should be a good time for him and an even better time for you, especially if you enjoy it! Definitely his loss and good riddance haha

He's not the first man I've heard that is not into it, but he was also young. Years later we reconnected and he said he would try it but we never actually met up again (thankfully).

I now hate having hook ups with men as I never orgasm. Not only because they often don't care to make me but it's also just difficult to do so due to finding the correct fingering pattern. It's embarrassing and make me want to just masturbate instead.

 

[Hank96]

Nothing to be embarrassed about! Also maybe having a connection as a big part of it for you and being familiar with somebody. Don’t be embarrassed be yourself have fun and see if you can connect with somebody.

 

[LickableWallpaper]

Hey there, I know this is easier said than done, but take the notion out of your mind that you have to orgasm a certain way. It helped me immensely. Its ok to be need to be stimulated in any way that works for you. Real life isnt porn or a scene from a movie. Seriously.

Also take the notion away that anything is wrong with you or you will always be sexless. You already know how to please yourself and that you CAN orgasm. Communicating that is the next big hurdle. Men that are worth sleeping with WILL enjoy being instructed on how you like to be touched. Or hell to watch you get yourself off to learn.

I know in general people are given a lot of info on how sex is supposed to go. Have sex the way you enjoy it. You need to gain your confidence. Id honestly say find someone you are comfortable with and are attracted to, have sex with them more than once. If you cant articulate, move their hands or position them until they get the idea.

Also there is a shit ton of women online that talk about their own experiences and struggles with sex. Probs many on here.

Its hard to get out of your head sometimes. But I think you got this. Most of all know you Deserve good sex. Dont settle for anyone who makes you feel otherwise.

 

[nock]

He's not the first man I've heard that is not into it, but he was also young. Years later we reconnected and he said he would try it but we never actually met up again (thankfully).

I now hate having hook ups with men as I never orgasm. Not only because they often don't care to make me but it's also just difficult to do so due to finding the correct fingering pattern. It's embarrassing and make me want to just masturbate instead.

nothing to be embarrassed about... an I'm confident you know how to make yourself cum

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

Relax and don’t worry about it. Enjoy the moments and it might just “cum.”

 

[TheUKGent]

The only advice that I can offer is that if you can orgasm through penetration with toys, then that's no bad thing. your previous bf is a fool for not going down on you, his loss.

At 24, you have a long way to go sexually and rest assured that you will find a way to orgasm without toys in the longer term, I'm sure.

Don't let it stress you out.

 

[J_Bone]

I'm 26, F, from the USA.
I love sex, and everything about it. The different kinks, communities, the fact it can be sentimental and emotional or quick and shameless.
I lost my virginity at 19 to my college boyfriend. It was OK. We had a very strange sex life for those three years which I probably do not need to get into specific details about but the only time he could ever make me orgasm was when I was flat on my back while he fingered my pussy and I rubbed my clit. Usually the fingering needed to be fast and deep and towards my back. I strictly did the clit rubbing.

After we broke up that continued to be the only position I could ever orgasm in with other partners. The fingering had to be in the same fashion as well. Fast, deep, towards the back.

I enjoy penetration, and in certain positions it feels amazing but if I were to orgasm I would definitely need the conjunction of my bullet vibrator now.

I'm just wondering...is this normal? Am I bound to only having an orgasm in this position for the rest of my life? When I masturbate I can orgasm in whatever position I please as long as I have my toys (specifically with the bullet vibe). But when it comes to men I have used that vibrator in doggy or missionary and it is just not the same.

And before anyone is curious, no I have not orgasmed from oral either. My college boyfriend was disgusted by it and never performed. I have since had head from various men and it is enjoyable but I can't get the thought out of my head that they are going to be disgusted by me. Along with that I just can't figure out how to 'tell them' what to do. They usually give up in ten or so minutes and we move on.

Just a couple of hopefully fruitful suggestions.....

How many times have you tried cowgirl, i.e., woman on top? Reason I ask is I've been with women who primarily only orgasm in that position or at least that's the easiest and/or quickest way. Reasons can be they control the depth, pace, and angle as well as getting clitoral stimulation by grinding into his pubic bone. It's just easier for you to control what feels good and works for you since you're in more control. Plus he has access to your ass and you both have access to your breasts for additional stimulation if desired. For instance, my wife can orgasm in other positions, but this is the quickest and surest one to get her there.

Secondly, just because your first partner was disgusted with going down on you doesn't mean others are. I absolutely love eating pussy, but I know guys who don't. If a guy is willing to do it, chances are he's wanting to and is far from being disgusted. So hopefully you can get away from that idea. Additionally, please don't be afraid to let them know what works and what you want when it comes to oral. Most of us guys are well aware all women are different and what works for one may not work for the next and we absolutely welcome any directions we might be given and actually encourage it. It's actually a real turn-on for me anyway, especially when it's done in a dirty talking sort of way, if that makes any sense.

Best of luck and I hope things progress for you!!

 

[tristantrotsky]

I'm 26, F, from the USA.
I love sex, and everything about it. The different kinks, communities, the fact it can be sentimental and emotional or quick and shameless.
I lost my virginity at 19 to my college boyfriend. It was OK. We had a very strange sex life for those three years which I probably do not need to get into specific details about but the only time he could ever make me orgasm was when I was flat on my back while he fingered my pussy and I rubbed my clit. Usually the fingering needed to be fast and deep and towards my back. I strictly did the clit rubbing.

After we broke up that continued to be the only position I could ever orgasm in with other partners. The fingering had to be in the same fashion as well. Fast, deep, towards the back.

I enjoy penetration, and in certain positions it feels amazing but if I were to orgasm I would definitely need the conjunction of my bullet vibrator now.

I'm just wondering...is this normal? Am I bound to only having an orgasm in this position for the rest of my life? When I masturbate I can orgasm in whatever position I please as long as I have my toys (specifically with the bullet vibe). But when it comes to men I have used that vibrator in doggy or missionary and it is just not the same.

And before anyone is curious, no I have not orgasmed from oral either. My college boyfriend was disgusted by it and never performed. I have since had head from various men and it is enjoyable but I can't get the thought out of my head that they are going to be disgusted by me. Along with that I just can't figure out how to 'tell them' what to do. They usually give up in ten or so minutes and we move on.

Maybe you need to have that cute little clit of yours licked by a gentleman who absolutely adores the beauty and taste of pussy, and who takes the time to ensure that you cum... cunnilingus should be a mutual joy

 

[bmrtex7]

I'm 26, F, from the USA.
I love sex, and everything about it. The different kinks, communities, the fact it can be sentimental and emotional or quick and shameless.
I lost my virginity at 19 to my college boyfriend. It was OK. We had a very strange sex life for those three years which I probably do not need to get into specific details about but the only time he could ever make me orgasm was when I was flat on my back while he fingered my pussy and I rubbed my clit. Usually the fingering needed to be fast and deep and towards my back. I strictly did the clit rubbing.

After we broke up that continued to be the only position I could ever orgasm in with other partners. The fingering had to be in the same fashion as well. Fast, deep, towards the back.

I enjoy penetration, and in certain positions it feels amazing but if I were to orgasm I would definitely need the conjunction of my bullet vibrator now.

I'm just wondering...is this normal? Am I bound to only having an orgasm in this position for the rest of my life? When I masturbate I can orgasm in whatever position I please as long as I have my toys (specifically with the bullet vibe). But when it comes to men I have used that vibrator in doggy or missionary and it is just not the same.

And before anyone is curious, no I have not orgasmed from oral either. My college boyfriend was disgusted by it and never performed. I have since had head from various men and it is enjoyable but I can't get the thought out of my head that they are going to be disgusted by me. Along with that I just can't figure out how to 'tell them' what to do. They usually give up in ten or so minutes and we move on.

Disgusted by tasting pussy?! Wtf! You just had the wrong dude. You need someone that gets you so relaxed about having sex with them that you aren't thinking about anything else but feeling good.

 

[BrentJW]

I find it interesting that you came to this forum for a question about normal sexual response, and am happily surprised that most replies have been supportive and serious. I expected they would all be like the first one from Brains n Boobs. I’ll assume you are whom you purport to be, which is a 26 year old female, never a sure thing on here.
I’m certainly not a trained expert so can only offer advice from experience and what I’ve read over many years. There is a wide range in what is considered ‘normal’, everybody is slightly different in what their physical responses are and even more so in what their psychological response is given their history or experiences. The good thing here is, you know you can orgasm under specific circumstances. The bad news is you have been somewhat ‘injured’ by the experience of a previous bf in your formative sexual experience, by him being disgusted to give you oral. My guess is this is somehow deeply imprinted in your mind that your genitalia are shameful. His is an idiot! Many men love dining at the Y. Many women have body imagine problems that are totally wrong. Also, many young girls are given life long mental hangups regarding sex from their mothers or religious institutions.
Understand that many women never orgasm from penetrative sex alone, I’ve read statistics ranging from 40 to 80%. It makes sense if you know that majority of the nerve endings that are simulated during sex are in the clitoris of the female and the equivalent for males, the glans of the penis. My very, very long term partner has never had an orgasm from penetrative sex, yet goes off like a Roman candle from the proper, progressive stimulation of her clit by my tongue. This is as rewarding for me as it is for her. As years have gone by we’ve been able expand the climax for her, to just a couple of different positions, but it has taken time to get there. We approach sex with the philosophy that is each of our responsibility to give the other pleasure and an orgasm. Communication is essential, both reading each others body and initially you may have to literally tell or show your partner what winds your clock. Men are certainly not mind readers, and some of us need more than one clue.
From your question, you seem like an intelligent and open person. I’m sure you will explore and find more ways to expand your sexual satisfaction with a willing partner. Sex is life long learning, enjoy!

 

[Live4themoments]

Not saying this applies to you but this is something I picked up from an experience. A gf was against the idea of anal sex, not because it was "dirty" but because the previous attempts with prior guys wasn't pleasurable for her. As a result whenever someone tried it she was nervous, scared, not into it. After some time she agreed to give it a try with me, which I already knew her hesitation previously. It turned out to be a good experience for her and after that she wanted it frequently. She later told me she learned from me how to relax, to be comfortable, to trust me because we have been together for a long time, to let her body enjoy the experience, and as a result was able to orgasm. Perhaps in the back of your mind since the hookups were essentially new people, you couldn't relax and let your body react? You mentioned you can orgasm via masturbation with no problem in various positions. Might be difficult to do but if you just enjoy the moment, care less about what the guy may be thinking or even comparing. That time it's about you and what you need and want. Just from experience, the opportunity for a guy to be with you is his fantasy/dream come true.

 

[strongnsensual]

They usually give up in ten or so minutes and we move on.

That's just sad. On their part, not yours. Try finding guys with some patience, and let the other fools go catch their flight or whatever.

I think our habits train ourselves. The next chance you get, tell yourself you're worth this, it feels good and you should soak it up. Don't put pressure on them or yourself, just enjoy the moment. Put on an act - for yourself. While being licked. As others have said, women not orgasming from penetration isn't unusual at all. And don't take this as judgement, I talk myself out of a good time more often than I like to think about, but it sounds like you need to give yourself permission to let go and enjoy it all. Focus on savoring the process, not pressuring anyone about the 'goal.'